This book was absolutely not what I expected. It had a very strong, comedic voice that was deeply introspective. However, that kind of writing just isn't my genre. I didn't find the protagonist very likable, and the meandering narrative didn't grab my attention. I think this largely was just an issue of different tastes, but it still impacted my reading experience.

OMG a gay novel with non-stop LOLs and a complex and imperfect protagonist I care about? Finally! I loved everything about this, especially the main character Elliot's hilarious and acerbic voice....the conundrum he finds himself in with his boyfriend and a sex worker....the candid look at being a disabled gay man in an ableist/superficial/condescending community....the pain of working for a soulless entertainment machine unworthy of your talent...the substances we drown ourselves in just to feel normal...and maybe finding a path out of the darkness toward a more fulfilling life.

Rude, fearless, consistently funny and engaging - I will recommend to everyone <3

A prospective reader will know from the first sentence of Just by Looking at Him whether or not this will be a read for them - I honestly can't say I've read another book that begins the same way, and it was enough to have me laughing from the start.

Elliott, our narrator, is a gay man in his thirties with cerebral palsy. When we meet him, his current relationship is unfulfilling, and he starts seeking out sex from others: namely, sex workers that his boyfriend Gus doesn't know about. The novel follows Elliott through this journey of self-discovery and the ripple effects it causes.

There is so much to talk about with this book - Elliott's narrative voice, the jokes, the genuineness of being disabled. Some chapters exist just to give us Elliott's thoughts, to sit in a moment and allow him the space to breathe and think. O'Connell has a talent for character and a real sense of what makes people who they are, and it absolutely shines here.

This is by far the best book I've read so far in 2022, and I've read some pretty great stuff already. I know this will be a read I come back to and find more every time I read it, and I'm excited to get to do so.

A very big thank you to Atria and NetGalley for providing a copy for review.

Oh boy! I loved this debut! It was so raw and true. It opens your eyes to what it is like for a disabled person in the LGBTQIA+ community. There are some similarities to the author’s show on Netflix, but I highly suggest you pick this up when it releases!

Just by Looking at Him by Ryan O’Connell releases June 7, 2022!

Thank you NetGalley and Atria Books for an eARC in exchange for an honest review.

One of my favorite reads so far this year. Just By Looking At Him is a beautiful narrative, as well as heartbreaking and funny. Ryan O'Connell has penned a masterpiece.

Just as in the movie special I was happy to see people with cereabal palsy being represented. Each case though similar are different. It is hard dealing with a disablity and even harder in a harsh word when you are gay. I do not like reading or watching shows about cheating at all but in this case it was an interesting look at a complicated issue. It had some funny parts with some bitter sweet parts as well. In all i found it interested and it kept me engaged.

Just by Looking at Him explores topics often not seen in literature. Elliott, a gay man, lives with his long-term boyfriend, Gus and has what is on the surface a relatively charmed life. He is a writer on a successful TV show, Gus dotes on him, and he spends his money freely, drinking and spending time with a large friend group. In reality, Elliott is a semi-functioning alcoholic, which Gus enables. He is unhappy with the lack of growth and recognition in his position at work. He feels like he is in a relationship rut, especially sexually with Gus. He both enjoys the doting that Gus does, but also resents that he needs the help. As an undercurrent with all of this is Elliott's relationship with his disability- he has cerebral palsy (though is relatively high functioning), which provides a lens in which he interprets how others view him, and is an excuse for actions he takes. He embarks on a run of encounters with male sex workers, which he rationalizes.

I knew of Ryan O'Connell from his lovely show Special on Netflix which also highlights a man with CP and his relationship struggles (also includes sex work). I appreciated this book because it highlights disability in a nuanced way- Elliott is a complicated character in that one understands why he makes certain decisions, even if you may get frustrated with him. He can be quite funny and I chuckled multiple times while reading. O'Connell is quite frank about Elliott's sexual encounters. Elliott's relationship with his father was odd, and I didn't fully buy into how some of his relationships evolved/resolved, but I appreciated a book about a gay disabled main character.

Thanks to Atria Books via NetGalley for the advance reader copy in exchange for honest review.

In JUST BY LOOKING AT HIM we meet Elliott, a guy who's living the dream, has a great paying job, has a loving boyfriend (even though he never believed he would because of his disability) and a great group of friends but something is missing.. As he begins to let his desires drive his logic he begins to understand that perhaps his life was not where he wanted it to be; in fact, he might of been stuck for years. After leaving his relationship and making friends with a guy who's also disabled his journey to self discovery begins to unravel leading him towards a better understanding of life, love, sex and self.

I really enjoyed reading this and finished it in a few hours. It was grossly entertaining and had me laughing and high-liting memorable lines. I gave it a four star rating because it kept me reading and entertained.

My one Con: this was SO similar to SPECIAL (the show on NETFLIX by the same writer) the trope, the character arc, even some of the racy scenes) that there were several points in the story where i thought, "wait, haven't I seen this before?" There seemed to be characters replaced with a new twist but it was almost an extension of the already existing story, not a brand new one. Either way, if you enjoyed the show, you'll definitely enjoy this book. There are a lot of little nuances that were super relatable and kept me turning the pages which in the end is what storytelling is all about.

Thanks Netgalley and the publisher for the ARC.

Just By Looking at Him is messy, queer, sexy, and entertaining. The writing is easy and effortless, I read this in one sitting. I loved how messy Elliot is and how flawed he was as a character, I found him to be relatable and frustrating at the same time. I loved the intersectionality of Elliot's queer and disabled identity and how refreshing it was to have a character like Elliot in queer fiction.

The dialogue is hilarious and chalk full of pop culture references without being too forced. The plot got to be a little one note after awhile but I liked that the chapters were short and this helped with the pacing of the book. The book is a character study of Elliot and is more narrative driven then plot driven. Just By Looking at Him is a must read during Pride month this year!

This is a story about honesty, with yourself and those in your life.  Eliot is living his dreams -- he is a successful television writer with an attractive and attentive boyfriend.  But underneath the surface, he is feeling fundamentally adrift.  He, and his boyfriend, can only seem to get through their days with increasingly heavy drinking.  He finds himself frustrated with his "perfect relationship," and starts frequenting various sex workers.  And, whether in his workplace, in his relationship, or navigating LA, he often feels awkward as people alternatively overcompensate or under acknowledge his cerebral palsy.  In the face of a life that by all accounts should make him happy, Eliot can’t help but wonder whether he needs something more — especially from himself.

I really enjoyed this book.  The author has such a strong voice and has created in Eliot a character that I will not soon forget.  The book addresses several important issues -- the way that society is ableist in obvious and subtle ways, the nature and dimensions of intimacy, body image pressures, and the challenges of a creative career -- all with a raw honesty and humor.  I found myself laughing out loud at several points while reading it.  Even while Eliot is engaging in destructive, often self-destructive, behavior, you cannot help but root for Eliot and hope he finds happiness.  

Strongly recommended!

OK so I resisted requesting this title, because I have been a little blasé blasé about most books forthcoming these days. But I got the Free Read go ahead email and went for it. Somehow this book was surprisingly excellent, but why would I even be surprised? I remember Ryan O’Connell very fondly from those Thought Catalog days. I would be giddy every time he put up a new post.

At one point, I thought it would be the funniest thing to buy the domain name ThotCatalog.com but I felt like the shelf life on that joke was a week, tops.

I highlighted more passages in this book than I have in any book since Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. The jokes are ultra specific stiletto knives and the slashes are right in my bleak ass Myspaced heart. For instance- the reflecting on Rilo Kiley as both an example of how music hit different when you were young and how it feels so dirty organismic to live out a Rilo Kiley song on accident in yr thirties is something I’ve at the very least Thot about, not to mention my slideways tweet on the same Portions for Foxes.

Thank you for the ARC, thanks for giving it to me without my requesting it, like the publisher knew I was out here jerking off to Morcheeba when my boyfriend ain’t around for the night. You were right!

This was one of my most anticipated reads of the year and it fully delivered! I adored Ryan O'Connell's work on Special so I had a good inclination that I would like this as well, but even so I was taken with how much I immediately started liking this book. I was actually laughing out loud, which is not something I often do with books. But, O'Connell manages to land so many searing one liners in here. It's just so gay and so unfiltered, I don't think I've really read much else like it. I was slowly reading it in chunks because I wanted to savor it. I do feel like it starts to lose steam about halfway through, and gets a little repetitive which will bug some readers. But I enjoyed the arc of the character and where the book finds its ending.

I was so excited to read this book as I was a big fan of Ryan O’Connell’s Netflix show Special. Ryan’s voice is so singular, and that absolutely comes across in this novel. It’s funny like out loud haha, poignant but real, heartfelt but not cheesy. It is a window into the psyche of someone with a disability navigating adulthood, sex and relationships. Like Sex and the City, but Carrie is a gay man with cerebral palsy. What a fun ride!
There are nuggets of pop culture history interwoven into the story in a sort of if-you-know-you-know fashion. And as someone who famously knows, I was obsessed.
Cannot wait to read more from Ryan O’Connell!

Thank you to Atria Books for this ARC!

Just by Looking at Him is a fast paced, humorous, thought provoking story about a gay man in his mid-30’s living cerebral palsy and working in the television industry in L.A. As the narrator discovers that he would like to explore sex outside of his monogamous relationship, we get an explicit, honest account of how this character deals with alcohol abuse, insecurities and desires. Filled with interesting, I thought this was an entertaining quick read.

An absolutely joyous book! It’s been awhile since a book made me laugh this hard, then cry from being seen, and then feel the warm butterflies of love. Truly an amazing time, a story of the modern gay and trying to find oneself in their thirties
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/4714424493

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
Genre: Literary Fiction + Contemporary + LGBTQIA

Elliot is a disabled gay man in his 30s suffering from cerebral palsy and living together with his boyfriend, Gus. Elliot is a writer for a television show about a robot called “Sammy Says”. The show is popular and doing really well for the network. And this is also reflected in the writers of the show financially. The story is told from the main character’s perspective (own voice) and it is about Elliot’s relationship with his boyfriend, colleagues, boss, dad, and everybody else in his life.

I enjoyed reading the book a lot. It reads more like a memoir or a slice of life story. It is funny, and at times sarcastic. The story tackles the gay lifestyle and questions the monogamy in gay relationships whether it is the right choice for everybody or not. It does not force any ideas on you but lets all the events unfold before your eyes for you to make the judgment. I appreciate how the author maintained the complexity of relationships. The characters felt very real to me. Their issues are genuine and their questions are understandable.

“Lately I’d been feeling more and more that monogamy, like capitalism or keto, wasn’t sustainable, but I couldn’t be sure Gus was on the same page.”

The book has many trigger warnings like alcoholism, cheating, explicit sex, etc. Yet all these subjects are handled very well by the author. The characters reacted differently to these sensitive subjects including the disability. And each one of them had his own view or way to deal with them. I think this made the book more interesting as there are different and multiple views on the same subject. The disability subject plays a big part in this novel. Readers will get an idea and more of how the disabled feel when treated in a special way. I feel disabled readers will feel the writing is very relatable.

The author of this book, Ryan O’Connell is an actor too. He appeared on the Netflix series Special which was the TV adaptation of his book “I’m Special”. Currently, he is working on the revival of the TV show “Queer As Folk”. I haven’t watched any of his work yet but all I can say right now is that he is a fabulous writer and a great storyteller. I will check out his other books for sure.

Many thanks to the publisher Atria Books, and NetGalley for providing me with an advance reader copy of this book.

I've been a fan of Ryan O'Connell's work since the early 2010s when he wrote for the site Thought Catalog. I was immediately drawn to his conversational writing style, and a tone that felt more like I was getting advise from a close friend. His first novel Just by Looking at Him maintains such a tone by putting us in the shoes of Elliott, a thirty-something with cerebral palsy who is aimlessly moving through his (pretty cushy) life in LA. He has a high-paying job and a boyfriend who loves him, but he is seeking something more. Elliott takes us inside his world with brutal, hilarious honesty while justifying some objectively bad decisions. As he struggles with multiple vices and finding meaning in his life, Elliott's journey is ultimately a heartfelt and important story for anyone who has ever felt like they can't find their place in a world that caters to anyone but them.

Just by Looking at Him traded a lot of potentially tender moments for a punch lines to jokes that never fully landed. It was evident from the beginning that this novel was going to be very humorous to the author, but not always the reader. The writing is done in such a way that if you don't find the author's sense of humor enjoyable, you aren't going to like this book. It doesn't feel welcoming, almost like meeting someone you don't jive with and having to spend an entire day with them.
One of the biggest let downs for me was that the main character didn't seem to have much emotional depth. Literally within the first 10% of the book he is hiring a sex worker despite being in a committed relationship with his boyfriend of several years. instead of diving into the psychological battle this could have put the character through, we are instead given little jokes and witty commentary that deflects any real connection to the character.

I loved this! It was a super honest, really great story of a man who really just needs to get his life together. I specifically like the way it approached cheating: I felt so connected to Elliot, and while I still wouldn't want to cheat on a partner myself, I understood the ways in which Elliot's low self-esteem contributed to his sex worker addiction. I also love the disability rep! We need more of it in the publishing industry, and I really think this book is going to crack through the status quo.

What a lyrical and quotable book, full of life and perspective. There is almost a tone of memoir to the writing but it was really enjoyable how real the dialogue was. There’s so many saved lines in this book for me, areas I’ve questioned my own experience, and just perspective on how I carry myself. Ryan has created a memorable book of an often unlikeable character who you still root for and want to be friends with.