This book was both an informative and enjoyable read, especially as someone currently studying for the medical field. While most people in the field acknowledge that sex and gender are different, and that gender expression is nuanced, there is a distinct lack of effort to view these things intersectionally. This books seeks to directly explore how gender roles and experiences in the world are shaped by biology, rather than separating the two into distinct topics of conversation. It was interesting to read about these ideas, which are usually discussed in terms of sociology, rather than biology, by a primatologist. I would definitely read more publications by Frans de Waal, and am interested in what ideas he will explore next.

<i>Different</i> by Frans de Waal is an accessible, lay-oriented primer on what the study of primates can tell us about the realities of sex and gender in humans and human society. This is another entry in the sex and gender wars, and de Waal, an eminent primatologist, is able to deftly parry the ideological thrusts of radical social constructionists and simplistic biological determinists. Subsequently, de Waal appears as an insightful and reasonable defender of the lofty ideals of science and truth instead of motivated ideologue. This is exactly the type of sanity and clarity that is needed in this discourse.

As the title suggests, de Waal's thesis is that the sexes differ morphologically and behaviorally for reasons ultimately rooted in biology, yet there are other important variables that shape sexual dimorphism and gender expression too. He clearly and persuasively details the scientific findings concerning these issues, noting when he introduces his own theories or idiosyncratic perspective. While relying heavily on the context of evolution theory without discussing it in much detail, he covers gendered play, the phenomenon of gender, prior misrepresentation of primate patriarchy, the neglected study of bonobos, sexual signaling, the mating game, violence, female ape hierarchies, parenting, and same-sex sex. On several of these topics, including the extension of ape patriarchy and mating strategies to human society, de Waal is often much more generous than necessary to critics of biological explanations of gender. He definitely selects from the empirical findings so as to provide a softer perspective that may be more persuasive to those with progressive political commitments. Nonetheless he convincingly illustrates the existence of the sex binary in primates (this includes humans) and how significant portions of the "learned overlays" of sex, i.e. gender, are adaptive or inherited behavioral patterns that are also present in our nearest extant ancestors, chimps and bonobos. This suggests that these aspects of sexual dimorphism are conserved across all primates.

Despite the implications of the substantial biological influence over gendered behavior, de Waal's regular refrain is that he is providing <i>description</i> not <i>prescription</i>. He cautions readers to not let these findings discourage them from the pursuit of social equality and argues that activism done without an appropriate understanding of biology will do more harm than good ultimately. Intriguingly, de Waal also takes time to make a strong case against mind-body dualism to finish of the book, which he correctly identifies as the philosophical foundation of a lot of radical social constructionist/environmentalist thought concerning sex and gender.

Despite some of the repetitive portions of the work, I strongly recommend this book, especially to young people in secondary school or college and avowed social constructionists. Moreover, it is a great accompaniment to Carole Hooven's <i>T: The Story of Testosterone</i>, which covers the behavioral endocrinology underlying gendered behavior.

It may be a surprise that in this era of political correctness someone dares to point out that men and women are different. Worse still if this someone is an older white male. But Frans de Waal is used to confronting the popular illusions and he has his lifetime achievements in tow.

And despite the premise, this book isn’t even as controversial. De Waal approaches the subject as a scientist - a biologist and a primatologist, not as an ideologist, and thanks to his experience with other ape species he has the necessary degree of detachment.

The book is very well written and engaging. De Waal blends the theoretical arguments with recollections of his colorful career and dives into the history of science and changing attitudes about sex and gender. Recommended to everyone interested in nature and psychology.

Thanks to the publisher, W. W. Norton and Company, and NetGalley for an advanced copy of this book.

As a primatologist who's focused his career on the nearest living relatives of humans, this author brings a unique perspective on sex and gender. He takes the reader on a magical journey, debunking old assumptions and helping us see the world anew. Simple, straightforward explanations don't work the way some early researchers wanted them to. The fact is, it's complicated. Dichotomies like male and female, dominant and submissive, don't work. Humans and apes are too complex to fit into neat boxes. This beautiful, compassionate, and thorough account is a must-read for anyone who cares about gender, primatology, or human evolution.

Thanks, NetGalley, for the ARC I received. This is my honest and voluntary review.

Fascinating and provocative deep dive into observations of sex and gender in animals. Offers insights that spark a more nuanced appreciation of the science of gender and sex.

It is always a pleasure to read Frans de Waal. He is ever entertaining while being rigorous, thorough and neutral. If there is any ulterior motive or bias, it is to be fair. So with the timely Different, his new book on the differences between the sexes. Neurologically, biologically, and culturally, there are differences in the sexes that explain a lot and also nothing, but that should give humans guidance in the ever more difficult battle of the ever more numerous sexes. The primates show the sexes to be different and equal, with direct lines to Man. De Waal says: "While our species is equipped with language and a few other intellectual advantages, socio-emotionally we are primates through and through."

De Waal is a primatologist. He has spent his life working with colonies of apes, monkeys - and humans. In addition to his own studies, he is constantly visiting other primatologists and learning what they have discovered in their lifelong examinations of various colonies around the world. He has built personal relationships with all kinds of primates, earned their respect, merited their love, and discovered their personalities, capabilities, activities, weaknesses, and cultures. They are not so different from humans, he says, and people can learn a lot by studying them - or just reading this book. De Waal says primatology suffers from misinformation and fake news, just like so much else. He is here to display some truths.

The first thing to learn is that nature, as in evolution, is not wrong. The way things are are the way things are. Humans have to accept that animals adapt to their environs and their colonies according to their current abilities and gifts. Criticizing them for their differences is pointless. (Scientists love to come down hard on chimps and scoff at bonobos, for example). This also applies to humans.

There is no doubt in his mind that nature assigns differences according to sex. "These tendencies manifest themselves early in life, such as in the high energy level and roughhousing of young males, and in the attraction to dolls, infants, and baby-sitting of young females. This archetypal sex difference marks most mammals, from rats to dogs and from elephants to whales...Yet not even this pronounced sex difference is absolute."

Gender is a kind of cultural overlay to sex, at least among humans: "Gender identity in general and sexual orientation in general are inalienable, inalterable aspects of every person," he says. Gender roles are culturally assigned, while sex is bi-modal. They are not choices, they are not irrational, and they cannot be undone by therapy. Coming to grips with discovering that the real you is in the wrong body is difficult enough, without all the external pressure to overcome it or be subjected to meds and surgery. About six-tenths of one percent of the population goes through this trauma. In the USA, that means 1-2 million people. But it is not predictable: "A person's genome cannot tell us their sexual orientation."

He spends a lot of time on experiments with toys, and how male infants always go for the wheeled toys they can shove and drag, while females go for the doll shapes they can carry, cuddle and care for, even if it is just a baby-sized piece of wood. He also has seen young apes invent and play with invisible toys when so moved. It is not aberrant behavior for them or for humans.

He wants to make it clear that human babies are not blank slates that can be molded into whatever sex the parents desire. That does not work, despite constant training, deprogramming and hormone therapies, and he has proof from cases of those who believed otherwise. He says forcing children into gender-specific toys, and cross-gender toys "is arrogant". He would like to see the gendered sectioning of toy stores disappear, and that adults respect the choices made by their children themselves.

Apes are no less instinctive than humans. But instincts need to be learned. Primates have the same long learning processes, the same need to evaluate others, make assumptions about personalities, and to manipulate others as needed. They are as calculating and political as humans.

All the complex and difficult aspects of motherhood aren't innate; they are learned. Females train the young to be competent mothers. The community helps one and all. De Waal has examples of chimps that had been isolated and were not automatically competent caregivers. Even the process of giving birth needs instruction, and it is willingly shared.

As for father chimps, the birth of a child increases their levels oxytocin and decreases testosterone, making them more amenable to dealing with infants. Experiments show that when a female is in the room, males will leave caregiving to them, but alone with an infant, males take over nurturing duties automatically. "It is part and parcel of our species' biology," De Waal says.

The chimpanzee is Man's closest relative, and it is striking to follow their daily machinations. There is daily drama: jealousies, power plays, training, nurturing, positioning, and sex. Not necessarily in that order. Their cousins the bonobos, basically across the river in DR Congo, have managed to evolve a different, far less bellicose society. Where chimps fight, bonobos have sex. But they are comparably attentive, responsible, nurturing and hierarchical. Just a whole lot more flirtatious and sex-driven.

Where an alpha male leads chimp colonies, an alpha female leads bonobos. Where he is young, strong and imperious, she is older, wiser and popular. Where he rules by threat and will soon be overthrown, she has the total respect of both sexes, and will be number one for life. He instills fear. She builds alliances.

Alphas have mastered the fine art of splitting their offices. In daily life they will favor family and allies. But in their leadership role, they will demonstrate neutrality and be above the fray. They will break up fights, physically, themselves, keep the antagonists separated, and mete out punishment later. Females in particular are politically activist, grooming each other - even to bald excess - to keep alliances active. When an alpha female must control an angry male, she can literally line up a row of other females behind her, and stare down the transgressor until he backs off.

Females will take the children and gather available food, while males will hunt and bring back meat that they decide how to share. Females will take in an orphan and nurture it. Males might kill it.

Males will fight bitterly but kiss and make up immediately, go together to break up another fight, or have sex with each other. But when overthrowing the alpha male, it can mean ugly death.

As for the real function of sex among mammals, De Waal says Man is the only one who knows what it is for. None of the apes, cats, whales or rodents understand that it transfers sperm which fertilizes eggs, which leads to pregnancy and a newborn. Sex is a drive. If an animal has that drive, it will strive to have sex. It has no greater purpose that they know of.

Taking the example he knows best, the bonobos, sex is for everyone, any time. Homosexual sex, lesbian sex, informal sex, masturbation - anything goes, and any time is a good time. For females, a swollen behind is an all but glowing invitation to sex from males, as that is when they are most fertile. But bonobos are most famous for having sex every which way, numerous times per day, whether consummated or not. It is only human religion that attempts to curtail all sexual activity outside of purposeful reproduction. It is difficult to make sense of it. De Waal says "Sexuality is a forbidden fruit that we guard with a devotion and indignation that would be ridiculous in any other domain."

Despite all the possessiveness of alpha males, females have numerous partners. When the baby is born, numerous males feel they might be the father, having been close with the female in recent months. This has the advantage of preventing males from killing the baby, and calming the males in its presence. For the females, it is good strategy, but also very risky, as getting caught with another male can lead to the same consequences seen everywhere.

The act of rape among humans also comes under the magnifying glass. De Waal says it originated with research into scorpion flies, whose clamps help males force copulation. But in human societies, the "species is far too loosely programmed for highly specific behavior, such as rape, to be heritable." In other words, rape is an outcome of circumstances, not something innate in human males. Men are not (normally) rapists.

He says for natural selection to favor rape, there are two conditions to meet: Men should have genetic coding that makes them sexual predators (and they do not). Plus, rapists would seek to spread their genes (and they do not). Rape is now generally assessed as an act of violence, not of procreation. And needless to add, homosexual rape is clearly outside the bounds of procreation.

In trying to determine whether things originate biologically or culturally, De Waal cites Hans Kummer, who said asking if something is due to nature or nurture is like "asking whether the percussion sounds in the distance are produced by a drummer or a drum. It's a silly question, because on their own, neither one makes any noise."

Obviously, there must come divergence at some point. De Waal says he must leave aside things like economic disparities, household labor, access to education and cultural rules for attire, where there are no animal parallels. (But female apes will adorn themselves in garlands of vines, and put moss or leaves on their heads as if they could be hats. Males, do not.) But for everything else, from nurturing to fighting, there is a chapter in Different.

Different is a global adventure, and a time machine. In it, readers will visit their ancestors to see where it all came from, and learn a trick or two that the mirror does not tell them. But regardless, the sexes are different. Different and equal. They have specific roles to play in life. With very limited flexibility or overlap. Trying to turn one into the other is a fool's errand. Man can't alter that, only mess with it.

David Wineberg

Different: Gender Through the Eyes of a Primatologist begins like it is going to offer academic biological understanding about our long-standing gender debate, but in my opinion, it seems to fail on this level. While the book is engaging, approachable for various audiences, and at times poses questions that grip the reader, de Waal's book fails to give a perspective that is not clouded by personal experiences and supported by biological proof. At times, it seems like de Waal seems more intent on dismantling past theories of gender through his anecdotal experience rather than projecting and supporting his ideas on the subject. While his collection of topics was interesting and expertly chosen to represent common misconceptions of gender, I wish he had discussed more on why bonobos and chimpanzees are accurate models for studying human behavior to establish the basis of his opinions better.

"In Different, world-renowned primatologist Frans de Waal draws on decades of observation and studies of both human and animal behavior to argue that despite the linkage between gender and biological sex, biology does not automatically support the traditional gender roles in human societies." This book is very timely, important, and can help combat misconceptions about gender and humans