Summary:
"An unconventional love story between two broken people who are unexplainably, inconveniently drawn to each other, and a wry, sharply observant coming of age story that looks at the ways the people we love the most continue to shape our lives long after they’re gone."

Thoughts:
A short, but profound, and emotional read with a fantastic narrator. I've read unconventional love stories before and they are never done quite right, but this was beautifully written. I felt my heart break along with the characters'. A beautiful, raw example of a coming to age story involving love and loss. It's a simple story, but had a huge impact on me. If you ever experienced love, heartbreak, or loss of a loved one... this will move you, and you'll resonate with it. This book will hold a special spot in my heart for a long time to come. I can't stop thinking about it. Just an absolutely gorgeous book overall.

Thank you Netgalley, Alison Espach, Jesse Vilinsky, and MacMillan Audio for the Audiobook eARC. All opinions are my own!

I want to thank NetGalley for the audiobook and Goodreads for the physical copy I won in a giveaway but this book was a DNF. And I never DNF. I could tell by the tone and story that these sisters' relationships and the one with the guy were unhealthy and that this story was not a mystery thriller as listed in both places.

Notes on Your Sudden Disappearance by Alison Espach

Sally Holt is extremely close to her sister Kathy; they spend their summer days at the pool and their nights daydreaming about what Kathy's boyfriend is thinking and doing. Life changes dramatically, however, when Kathy is killed in a car wreck as a result of Billy hitting a tree with Sally in the back seat. Life is never the same after that.

The story itself is a case study of grief and how it can affect people differently. While the story moved painstakingly slow at times, there was an extremely good amount of character development for most characters in the book. If you enjoy that kind of thing, this is your book. I just wish that it progressed more consistently through, as it took me several days to listen to the audiobook because it was not grabbing my attention as much as other books have. The ending seemed abrupt, but it allowed the listener to sort of develop their own idea of how the characters end up, which was interesting.

While it was a decent listen, I don't know that I would highly recommend this audiobook. It might have been more successful for me as a print book based on the deep characterization. Either way, thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for this audio ARC, which I received in exchange for an honest review.

I think the thing that’s going to hurt this book the most is the title and cover. It’s super misleading. This is NOT a thriller, mystery or a suspense. It’s also not a romance!

Not a ton happens plot wise. But, you get to dive deep into Sally’s thoughts, and it’s a good coming of age story. There’s not a lot of character development, but you get to enjoy her every thought for 15 years.

Not my favorite unfortunately. I think it would have been better if it picked a genre and stuck to it. I hate it when I don’t love an arc, but I’ll still recommend this to patrons!

Thanks to NetGalley & MacMillan Audio for providing an audio ARC in exchange for an honest review.

This book starts off really strong: Sally and Kathy are sisters, and Kathy is older, "the pretty one," while Sally is "the smart one," and they have a good life in their little town in Connecticut. Sally doesn't have many friends, so she does a lot of vicarious living through Kathy, who is 16 to Sally's 13, and just starting to be a "real" teenager, something that Sally has trouble understanding and dealing with. The two, once very close, start drifting apart a bit after Kathy starts dating Billy Barnes, whom she has ogled from afar at the pool (alongside Sally) for years while they were growing up.

The sisters' changing relationship culminates in a tragedy that makes it impossible for Sally ever to fully reconcile her relationship with Kathy, and also makes it difficult for her and her parents to move forward in life. Sally becomes obsessed with Billy, whom her parents have forbidden her to see or talk to. Increasingly, Sally is unable to really connect with anyone BUT Billy, as she continues to have few friends (except for one girl in high school). Another review I read mentioned that Sally's behavior seems coded as being on the autism spectrum, and given the lack of depth in her relationships, I think that's fair - although in truth her shallowness and lack of regard for her parents' feelings in the aftermath of Kathy's death almost feel like sociopathy. She is exceedingly unaware/uncaring about the emotions of those around her.

I really enjoyed the book up until Sally slithers into adulthood. Some years are skipped and only referred to in passing (the entirety of college) and so it feels a bit like Sally is in arrested development and really has not progressed as an adult, despite therapy. It feels like the author is trying to suggest that Billy and Sally are somehow star-crossed lovers, when it felt to me like Sally has an unhealthy interest in her dead sister's boyfriend, and Billy is a hot mess who should have dissuaded Sally's interest so they could both heal and move forward after 15 years.

Sally's treatment of her mom as an adult is kind of reprehensible, as the poor woman has early-onset dementia and clearly has insurmountable mental health challenges after losing her elder daughter, but that is not really acknowledged in the book and, in fact, Sally's therapist makes a case for Sally giving her mother even more limited interaction than the couple times yearly visits she makes from New York. It's a bit gross to me TBH.

The book is presented as Sally speaking to her sister, which is an interesting choice and works OK, at least for the first half of the book (then it starts to fall apart, most especially at the denouement, wherein literal Hurricane Kathy is making landfall in their hometown and Sally starts speaking to her sister *as the hurricane*).

Jesse Vilinsky does a capable job with the voice acting, lots of great emotion, but a tendency to make all males sound mostly alike.

This is the story of a girl who lost her older sister in an accident and what has been happening in her life since then. It was an interesting story and it was captivating. But ultimately it didn't really work for me. i have a hard time with all of the secrets in this book and the lack of forgiveness. I think that many others will enjoy it and could see it being a interesting discussion for books clubs.

This is a haunting, troubling look at grief and loss and how the death of one family member can destroy an entire family. Told from the point of view of a young girl, Sally, whom we see coming of age over the course of the novel (she goes from age 13 to her late 20s), Notes on Your Sudden Disappearance details the devastation wrought after the girls' big sister, Kathy, dies in a car crash.

Sally, who has the worst kind of survivors' guilt after demanding to be allowed along for the car ride that leaves her unscathed but her sister dead, spends much of the novel addressing her late sister, referring to "your boyfriend," who is the driver of the car and the object of both sisters' affections. The mother first pours all of her trust into a psychic who claims to be channeling the dead girl and then slowly goes mad with suicidal ideation and desperate grief, eventually losing much of her memory to medications and electric shock therapy. The father, who tries to bluster his way forward and salvage a life, cannot because his wife is so intent on staying mired in her grief and he, too, gradually loses his ability to keep up with basic needs around the house. And Billy, the boyfriend who was driving the car and swerved to avoid hitting a deer, has his entire life consumed by this grave mistake. He goes from goofy, thoughtless high-school heartthrob to deeply thoughtful repentant overnight. He eventually tries pursuing religion as a means of being forgiven but ultimately finds only he can forgive himself.

As someone who has lost a child and seen the devastation that occurs in the aftermath of such a loss, I understand the object lessons the author is imparting here, but I still found their delivery extremely depressing. This is not, for example, a book I would want to share with my daughter, who survived the loss of her sibling but who I hope will not be as permanently obsessed with her loss as the protagonist of this novel is with hers.

The writing is beautiful and the connection between the Sally and Billy, the only two people to witness the death of the young woman in the passenger seat, seems entirely natural and understandable. It makes sense that they would message one another late into the night, as the only two survivors of a trauma they endured together. It is only sad that they are forced to hide the feelings they develop for one another, feelings which also seem entirely natural, rooted as they are in their shared love for Kathy.

Thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for letting me listen to a free audio version of this novel in exchange for my honest review. I think the cover suggests this is going to be a mystery or thriller, which it isn't.

Thank you to NetGalley and Henry Holt & Co. (MacMillan Audio) for advanced access to the audiobook of Notes on Your Sudden Disappearance by Alison Espach in exchange for an honest review.

CW: death of a child, death of a sibling, blood, car accident, grief, hallucinations, mental illness, suicide attempt

What happens when family loyalty clashes with your own lived experience of trauma? Sally Holt is just a girl who equally looks up to and is perplexed by her older sister, Kathy. Both girls like to hang out at the pool over the summer and watch the cute boy, Billy, who works at the concession stand. When Kathy and Billy end up dating, Sally often finds herself the tag-along third wheel, witnessing their intimacies as a couple in an up close and personal way. When tragedy strikes, Sally and Billy are left with gaping holes in their hearts. With Kathy gone, Sally and Billy are irrevocably linked together, despite their families' wishes that they go their separate ways. Set over 15 years, this novel is written as a long form journal entry from Sally to Kathy as she recounts the events leading up to and following her death. It is a beautiful and heartbreaking coming of age story.

This book is for the little sisters. I have never had a sister, but the first third of this book perfectly captures the feeling that I imagine sister relationships have; one part joy in each others' presence, one part annoyance and confusion, and one part melancholy for the pieces of each other that don't quite fit together. I went into this book expecting there to be more of a mystery/thriller element, however, what I found instead was a literary fiction novel that is hauntingly beautiful and so perfectly captures the aching that accompanies growing up. There were so many small moments in this novel that I felt like spoke to the nostalgia for the mundane of childhood. I loved the writing style and tone of this book, and would recommend to anyone who liked Seven Days in June by Tia Williams or Little Women by Louisa May Alcott.

Notes on Your Sudden Disappearance by Alison Espach is one of those books that you don't want to stop reading, or in my case, listening to. I found excuses to do something that would allow me to turn the audio book back on so that I could see what would happen next. Sally is a young girl with a big sister named Kathy that she idolizes. As they grow older, they spend time discussing Billy Barnes, a local boy who has them both enthralled. Then, Kathy and Billy start dating one summer. Kathy is in love and Sally is a bit left out, but happy for her sister. Then the unthinkable happens. Kathy is dead. And, somehow, Billy and Sally must move on. As their friendship blossoms into something they both know that it can't be, they are changed by life and circumstance that pain of loss. Told through Sally's viewpoint, as she tells Kathy all about their life and what has happened to them since she died, it is an emotional journal of love and loss. It is also funny and uplifting and a bit sweet. Definitely worth the read.
Thanks to the publisher and NetGalley.

I thought Notes on Your Sudden Disappearance by Alison Espach was a thriller. I kept waiting for someone to be kidnapped. This isn’t a thriller at all. Set in the 90s in a small town, it’s a coming of age tribute to sisterhood. It’s a story where one of the main characters, Kathy, is absent. The second person narrative is written to Kathy in a diary format by her little sister Sally. It includes Sally telling Kathy the everyday things in her life which includes details on their parents and Kathy’s boyfriend Billy. I could see the ending pretty early in the book. I didn’t love this one, but it does a good job of dealing with the loss of a sibling.

Based on the title, I had already made a prediction for what the book was going to be about. Halfway through I was a bit baffled, but by the end I liked it. I liked its perspective on grief and what that looks like for the characters .

TL/DR: Sometimes gripping, sometimes slow and always a tad bit confusing. Still not entirely sure how I feel about it, but credit where credit is due that I am still thinking about it two weeks later.

Touted as a ‘coming of age’ story and classified in some places as mystery, a more apt description might be a ‘finding and battling your demons after childhood trauma’. Notes on Your Sudden Disappearance, of which the title started my confusion that never abated, is Sally Holt’s story of loving and losing her older sister at the horribly painful time that is Junior High School.

As to why the title is confusing. I went into this story thinking the disappearance of her sister Kathy would be exactly that - a sudden disappearance - and that the inappropriately named disappearance would be more of a focus. While her loss of Kathy is technically the crux of the story, it is far from what I expected.

THe structure of this book is from Sally’s point of view, told almost as though it were journal entries from before, immediately after and beyond the time of Kathy’s “disappearance”. You get to know the girls’ shared crush, Billy Barnes, and feel young Sally’s mix of happiness and agony when her beloved older sister and the illustrious Billy become an item. You feel a stab of discomfort mixed with joy when Sally and Billy become each other’s secret support as the young people navigate how to mourn a lost loved one at a young age. And you want to scream at both of them, particularly the entitled Sally, when they do things that follow no logical path. Part of this desire to scream draws from the age old wisdom of hindsight (because we all know teenagers do very illogical things) but also from some choices made in the paths of the story that just don’t quite jive.

About 25% into this book I did not enjoy it; I was confused because I didn’t understand where it was supposed to be going, and the story itself was progressing slowly. Shortly after though, it picks up, only to slog again. This cycle repeats throughout, but somehow it works - the upticks happen just in time to keep you coming back after thinking it’s time to throw in the towel. By the end, you are invested, though still kind of mind boggled and still not entirely sure where you are or how you got there.

One item of note with this being audio, is that some of the confusion likely stemmed from the audio - this one does not rate especially high on my list of recent narrations. Jesse Vilinsky does a passable job at distinguishing characters, but the overall tone is pretty lifeless. Given the story, I do wonder if there was some intent here, wanting to portray the drama as more droll and matter of fact. Whether intentional or not, it also ended up making me think in multiple directions. In some cases, the flat lack of emotion actually worked well, but crushed the soul of places that begged for more emotion.

At the end of the day, it has taken me nearly two weeks to even piece together coherent thoughts on Notes on Your Sudden Disappearance. The day after I finished, I was entranced and wanted more (in part because the ending was extremely disappointing after all that slog). A day later, the frustration took over and I really did not know if I had even liked it at all. To be honest, I still don’t know. Regardless of where I end up though, I will give solid credit to an author and story that is still holding my thoughts. Even if I end up deciding I outright disliked this book, it was worth the read for the pondering it has forced upon me.

Thank you to Macmillan Audio and NetGalley who provided me with a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. All the thoughts and opinions are my own.

Losing a family member hurts no matter who it is but losing a young member seems to hurt a bit more. You think over the years how this child will never see another birthday, another Christmas, another graduation, or even have a child of her own. When Kathy is killed in an automobile crash and her sister Sally, and Kathy's boyfriend Billy survive, we learn the before the now and the after of the survivors' lives. The story is told through the eyes and experiences of Sally who of course feels a large amount of survivor's guilt. It is a sad story as we are also revealed the coping strategies of the girls' parents, the mom seeking psychics and often swearing she sees Kathy.

Lives over fifteen years are revealed and as Billy (who the parents forbid Sally to see or talk to) draw closer, sharing their feelings, their thoughts, and eventually their love. They are united through a loss and offer each other an understanding of what that loss means as it effects it seems everything they do. There is also a large amount of just plain growing that Sally does as she goes from a young adolescent to a teenager with the assorted problems of the age.

It is a somewhat emotional ride as one would expect with the underlying concept of the closeness that sisters often share. It is not all doom and gloom as there are parts that one can laugh along with as the author truly reveals what it was like to find love and loss. No one can understand another's hurt unless they too have experienced the same hurt.

Thanks to Macmillian Audio and NetGalley I was able to listen to this story. It's a bit long, but gives a definite knowledge of suffering and loss and the ability t move on, but never forget.

This book is due to be published May 17, 2022.

3.5 stars

Sisters, summers at the pool and one tragic night.

As the book begins, we see Sally Holt starting the eighth grade. Her older sister Kathy can finally say that Billy Barnes, who the sisters have been ogling all summer, is her boyfriend. Kathy is overjoyed and Sally is intrigued.

The book spans fifteen years as Sally tells the story of before, during, and after Kathy’s death. She not only addresses what she goes through, but what her parents and Billy experience as well. This is a book that looks at sisterhood, love, family, how the loss of someone affects your entire life, how sharing a bond/experience with someone brings you closer, loss, grief, and moving on.

This is not a happy-go-lucky book but an exploration of Sally's experiences and how losing her sister affected her. It shows both shared and individual grief. But it is not all doom and gloom either. It shows Sally growing, Billy growing, it shows love and longing and resiliency.

This book had a lot of insight and is moving at times.

I listened to the audiobook and thought the narrator did a good job but wondered if I would have enjoyed the book more had I read it. Either way, this book is moving and thought provoking.

Thank you to Macmillan Audio and NetGalley who provided me with a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. All the thoughts and opinions are my own.

Thank you NetGalley for the advanced copy of this book!

Notes on Your Sudden Disappearance is a heartbreaking coming of age story that I totally did not expect. I didn't read the description of this book before requesting it; the cover drew me in and I assumed it was going to be a thriller of sorts, but I was so wrong.

Grief never leaves you. You can heal and move on, but you are never going to forget that moment in your life when everything changed. For Sally Holt, it was the death of her sister, Kathy. It's especially hard because Sally was in the car accident that took her sister.

This book follows Sally throughout her life, and it's Sally telling a story to Kathy. We watch Sally grow up and deal with the aftermath of such a traumatizing experience.

I loved this. All the characters were so dynamic and had depth; they all played an important, key part to Sally's journey. The writing was so witty and actually had me laughing out loud sometimes (giving Cinderella a r*m j*b?????). Amazing. I am looking forward to reading more from this author.

What a great book ! One of the best I’ve read this year. A story of sisters with a close relationship and how the death of one almost destroys a family. Unique writing style of Sally , the younger sister, keeping up a conversation with Kathy , her older deceased sister.
Theres a three year age difference with the girls, at 13 and 16 life is very different for them. Kathy is discovering love with Billy and SEX ! Kathy is outgoing and popular. The two get along for the most part
At 13 Sally is shy and awkward. She wants to hear about Billy and be a part of her sister’s fascinating life. Sally has one or two friends but we know Kathy is really her best friend. While Kathy tries to separate herself from her sister and spend lots of time with friends and Billy , Sally just wants to hang out with her sister.
We learn early that Kathy dies. Sally insists on a ride to school which makes them run late. Kathy encourages Billy to drive faster ! He sees the deer in the road too late and hits a tree . Only Sally, who is in the backseat, escapes harm Kathy dies instantly and Billy suffers with broken bones. Worse than that is the guilt for them
Sally’s parent alternate between over protective and mentally absent. They each battle many demons in this new reality.
The story covers 15 years with the majority taking place in the first year. I think every nuance of acceptance of death is covered. I think many people will be able to relate to this story. The dialogue seems spot on to me.
The ending was satisfying. Thank you. Highly recommend

Sally is in the 7th grade and adores her big sister Kathy. As Kathy comes closer to graduation and spends all her time with Billy and her friends, Sally is left out. On one fateful morning as Billy is driving both Sally and Kathy to school, Kathy asks him to drive faster, and he runs into a tree. Kathy is dead and Billy seriously wounded. Sally, Billy, and both sets of parents are beyond consolable.
Over fifteen years Sally talks with Kathy both when she was alive and after she is gone. She shares her secret love for Billy and the relationship they have because no one else knows how badly they feel. We see Sally’s parents grieving to the extent that they almost forget they have another daughter. It is the late-night phone conversations Sally has with Billy that center her. Sally has a steady boyfriend in high school and once out of college she has a fiancé. She wrestles with her feelings until something must give.
I can imagine that many of the feelings shared in this story ring true to many survivors. It is hard to plan your life when situations occur that you have no power over. Great book, wonderful characters, and lots to think about. I appreciate receiving a copy of the book from netGalley in return for an honest review.

Sally Holt lives in the shadow of her older sister, Kathy. She adores her and wants to be just like her when she grows up. The sisters are close and share everything. When Kathy’s crush, Billy Barnes, finally notices Kathy, things change. Kathy still shares with Sally, but Billy has taken over Kathy’s affections. No one realizes that Sally, too has a crush on Billy, even though she hates that’s he’s taken her sister away from her. When a tragedy happens, the family and Billy are completely broken. Sally draws closer to Billy, but her family has cut all ties. Espach writes a story about grief, and the path to the other side through the side of a teen who adored her sister. While well written and voiced perfectly by Jesse Vilinsky, The journey was at times depressing and sad although it did have some humorous moments as well, but it seemed like the struggle was overly long and drawn out (don’t get me wrong, everyone grieves differently), but in the telling it seemed like there were very few healing moments for the family and her parents left Sally to deal with her grief alone. Sally and Billy both have feelings of guilt and regret, but somehow they form a bond, even when they don’t see each other or talk for years. Where will their futures take them and will they ever be able to get over Kathy’s death? A coming of age story different from most. A story of deep grief and the path to healing, forgiveness and a second chance at life.

Well, I only was able to get through about 15% of the audiobook before the NetGalley app wouldn't allow me to continue. Whatever I did or tried, including downloading the entire audiobook, the recording would suddenly stop mid-sentence at exactly 15%. Has anyone else had the issue?

I wasn't fully sold on the book up until that point, so I'm taking this as a sign from God that it just would not have been for me.

Notes On Your Sudden Disappearance by Alison Espach
5/5 ⭐️
Trigger Warnings: Suicide, Death, some expletive language.
No Spoiler Review

Wow, what can I even say? I usually listen to my audiobooks at a quicker speed than the default pace. Not because I’m not enjoying them, but just quick enough to where I can still enjoy it, but also get through it within a few days (so I can move on to the next). I didn’t do that with this one though, I wanted to savour every moment of it. Have you ever read or listened to a book to the point where it had your entire focus on only it? Well, this was it for me.

This book was told in single pov from Sally (Main character) and it weaves together a story so wonderful that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it for a few days now. I don’t want to say too much in fear of spoilers, but will state below the things I liked and disliked.

Things I liked:

1. I really enjoyed the premise, the plot, and all of the main characters, especially Sally (her personality reminded me a little of Daria mixed with Angela from My So Called Life).
2. I liked the humour mixed in this story that overall had a sad undertone. Despite it being a book about the loss of a loved one (gone too soon), there were still other elements of emotion mixed in giving this book character and life.
3. I liked reading about the grieving process the family and others went through, it made the book and the characters feel so real and relatable.

Things I didn’t like:

1. I’m what you would call a sensitive person so some of the description of the death (Kathy’s body and details) that occurred bothered me, but it doesn’t take away from how much I loved this book. I’m again just very sensitive. I’d still read this again though!
2. I wish the ending wasn’t left open to interpretation, but at the same time the way it does end, there is only one way it could have ended.

I would 100% recommend this book to everyone. A story that is witty, well-written, funny, intriguing, depressing, and one of love and hope. An emotional almost palpable read that will put you through it but in the best way.