I tried this book but it wasn't my thing. Thanks #netgally for the book and I wished I liked it more.

At the end of the phenomenal brutally honest After The Lights by profound author John Vercher I sat in silence with tears on my face. Listening to the journey of MMA fighter Xavier "Scarecrow" Wallace nearly broke me but as a reviewer of literature it left me in awe.

Getting older, being alone and forced into a year suspension Xavier is lost. He refuses to acknowledge the persistent symptoms of his Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy (CTE) also known as puglistic dementia. He loses time, his memory, and suffers black out rages that have disastrous repercussions.

He has the anxiety of putting his emphysema suffering father in a nursing home. Having lived through this guilt ridden life moment myself my heart went out to him. The writer got all the emotions especially the fear, the self hate and self doubt 100% right.

I listen to audiobooks everyday. But nothing prepared me for the realistic rawness from narrator Sean Crisden when Xavier faces the gut wrenching harshness of his white father calling him the "N" word or his black mother leaving when his father's passive aggressive racism is just too much emotional abuse. Give all the audio awards to Sean Crisden.

The fight scenes are precise and bloody. The family dynamic is often too honest in its dysfunction. Even Xavier's manager cousin "Shot" can't decide if he's Xavier's advocate or his tormentor. Xavier gets a chance to fight for maybe the last time, to be in the limelight again, to hear the crowd roar and to matter once more. This author made me feel, made me root for Xavier, he even played with my heart by adding a misunderstood pitbull. What he did best was not lie to me about what often happens after the lights go out.

Pre Order After The Lights before 6/7/22!

I received a free copy of this audiobook from the publishers via #netgalley for a fair and honest review. All opinions are my own.

This was book was dark and emotional, but so wonderfully written. The story follows Xavier, an MMA fighter dealing with intense CTE, family issues, and internal struggles. The characters were all so well done and I was gripped from the start.

I was excited to read this novel because my spouse is a huge MMA fan and I've started watching along with him. This novel was so cinematic, I could see it being adapted to the screen. The characters were really well defined and strong, I liked Xavier and Shot's characters. Something that didn't work for me was the disembodied narrator egging Xavier on. I read this book as an audiobook, and it completely came out of nowhere. Some of the moments broke my heart and were really brutal to read, but they so neatly characterized Xavier's decline.

This book was too painful and emotionally difficult for me to read. I couldn't finish it. What I can say out of praise is the author does a tremendous job of accurately describing the current healthcare system in America (as terrible as it is), brain injury, and living with pain (physical, emotional, psychological). I also really struggled with the injury to the dog at the beginning, even if it was accidental.

Bottom line: Excellent writer, just not a story I can jive with emotionally right now. I applaud the author for writing this book. I did like the narrator and felt he brought the characters to live and did a superb job with different voices and accents.

Note: I was hoping for, which I suppose only makes the book more real and authentic. As another reviewer on Goodreads said, it is a real right hook to the head and a "wake up call."

After the Lights Go Out explores family ties, racism, health and the lack of a proper healthcare system America provides, violence in fighting.

I went into this book knowing nothing but I was interested in the aspect of the repercussions of ignoring injuries in such a violent sport (as a sports fan, I appreciate when details as such are addressed in literature) and this book gave me so much more! Xavier's predicament and ties with his family made this story much more compelling. Especially when it came to his parents.

This book is quite heavy but also beautifully raw and real.