The Ghosts That Haunt Me
Memories of a Homicide Detective
by Steve Ryan
Pub Date 11 Oct 2022
Dundurn Press
Biographies & Memoirs | Nonfiction (Adult) | True




I am reviewing a copy of The Ghosts That Haunt Me through Dundurn Press and Netgalley:



Steve Ryan is a retired homicide detective who worked in Toronto’s homicide squad for over a decade. For him, the stories of Toronto’s most infamous crimes were more than just a headline read over morning coffee they were his everyday life.



Steve investigating over one hundred homicides, and the tragedies he saw will never leave him, and he’ll never forget the victims whose deaths he investigated. Some things were so terrible they are impossible to forget, even after his retirement from the police force.



The Ghosts That Haunt Me, reflect on just a few of the many cases that have greatly impacted him. In these pages, he remembers six cases seven people whose lives were senselessly taken that he still thinks about nearly every day. While these stories are hard to tell, they were harder to live through. But somewhere in between the crime and the heartache there is a glimmer of hope that good eventually does prevail and that healing can come after grief.




I give The Ghosts that Haunt Me, five out of five stars!



Happy Reading!

“I think what hurt me even more than the cruelty and horror I saw on a daily basis was the sadness I witnessed”

True crime fans. Here is another one to add to your list. Retired detective, Steve Ryan reflects on 6 cases that will forever stay with him. These cases were gruesome and impactful. The author had me googling to see if I could learn more on them. He does a great job in making you understand the process that entails in and around an investigation. A little wordy at times but totally bingeable.

It was quite eye opening to see the other side of these hideous crimes that people commit. He did a great job on displaying the tolls this job takes on a detective, both physically and mentally. I realize this is a job I could never do.

You do not need to be Canadian to enjoy this one. Pick it up! Thank you to @netgally for providing me with an ARC and to @dundurn for the physical ARC. And thank you to Steve for telling your story.

I absolutely loved this book - 10/10. Steve Ryan is an excellent author; I felt like I was at the crime scenes he described and could feel his feelings throughout each of the cases. I thoroughly enjoyed his articulate way of honoring each of the victims in the cases he worked on and highly recommend this book for any fans of true crime. I'm hoping this is not Steve Ryan's first and last book!

The cases were good - even haunting, as the title indicates - but I would have liked more details about the investigative procedure and less filler material, such as how difficult he found his job to be. I sometimes had the impression he wished he hadn't been a homicide investigator. Overall, I liked the book. It just seemed too personal in places.

I will say, this is not for those with a weak stomach. Reading a certain section, I became sick to my stomach after eating my lunch.

Retired homicide detective, Steve Ryan, tells us of 6 cases that continue to haunt him. How one can see such cruelty is beyond my comprehension. How one can act as the criminals do is even further beyond my comprehension.

Going to a Career Day at his high school, he sifted through the pamphlets, not finding anything of interest to him. On his way to throw them away, Steve noticed an ad for Metropolitan Toronto Polices cadet program. He remembered a news cast of a little boy who was killed years back and his desire to help those like him. He applied and was accepted.

We follow Steve from his days of a young cadet to police officer to Sex Crimes Detective to Cold Case Detective. He relives 6 of his investigations in this book.

Cases consist of old Holly Jones, Delta Chelsea Hotel murder/suicide, Stefanie Rengel, Katelynn Sampson, Melonie Biddersingh and Dr Elana Fric-Shamji.

Steve gives the reader an insight to the home life of a detective, how the cases have effected him and how he feels when talking to family of those murdered.

If you can stomach gory details (I wonder about what he has left out to spare the reader), this is a must read. I feel he has honored the deceased and made them more than just a news article.

Retired Canadian detective’s Steve Ryan’s The Ghosts that Haunt Me is a thoughtful, interesting look into cases that have stayed with him over the course of his career. I have read a lot of true crime, and this is one of the better books in the genre, particularly for its sensitive handling of victims’ stories and how their cases impacted the lives of their loved ones (as well as the investigators of their murders). Too often true crime can be salacious or exploitive. Not so with this book, and it doesn’t lose any of the riveting details that can make true crime so fascinating.

The first case Ryan recounts is of a young girl who is kidnapped and murdered. He sets the tone of centering and humanizing the victim and those affected by her death. A fascinating case follows, where three tourists sharing a hotel room are brutally murdered, with seemingly no leads or witnesses. Other cases include a stalking case that ends in murder and a cold case involving a missing child who had endured terrible abuse. Along with describing the cases, Ryan educates the reader about police work and the criminal justice system.

I was really struck by what a decent and empathetic cop Ryan is. At one point he says, “The problems that caused the situations I policed ran so much deeper. There’s a sadness you feel when policing—the sorrow that you can’t do anything more.” He also writes a poignant passage about the effect his work had on him:

“I became numb to all the joys and pains of life. I spent most of my days awake thinking about the suffering I’d seen, and all of my time asleep dreaming about it. It got to a point where I often felt as if I were living behind a pane of glass. On the other side of the glass was the life everyone around me was living. It was vibrant and colourful there, but I couldn’t be where it was. I stood alone in a place that was dark and cold, in a soupy fog that twisted and morphed into the victims of the homicides I investigated. I spent all my time with them and could only observe everyone else from behind the glass.”

More surprisingly, he embraces critiques of his profession and the criminal justice system: “[The defense lawyer] was a staunch critic of the police and Crown, and for that I admired him. Criminal defence lawyers hold agents of the state accountable for our actions.” I don’t know if this shows the culture of policing is different in Canada, but as an American I was definitely surprised to see such an attitude. It certainly speaks to Ryan’s understanding of the responsibility he bears as law enforcement, and how his profession must be held to account for any wrongs.

Overall, I enjoyed the book. It was a little short, but Ryan gives the victims their full due. He never approaches anything callously and is cognizant of how sacred his duty is in many ways. I appreciated learning about his own reactions to his cases, and how he interwove them with his greater thoughts about crime and investigation. This book is a more positive look at police work, which is welcome given the many entrenched and serious systemic problems that exist.

When a retired homicide detective tell you that he has six cases he can't ever forget, you can imagine those cases are heavy to hear about. So one can imagine how hard it is to be the one in charge to solve these horrific crimes. It's easy to see why these cases haunt him to this day. With that being said, I think that Detective/author Steve did a great job in writing this out without sensationalizing the murderer(s). You can feel the empathy and respect for the victims and families as he recounts every case. If you've never read a true crime memoir, I think this one would be a great one to start with. And if you've read many then this one is one to be added to the shelves.

A memoir of the nightmares of a Toronto homicide officer who joined the force at 18. He speaks in particular of six homicides that haunt him and why he decided enough was enough. His torment arises from the frustrating powerlessness he feels in dealing with those whose pain he cannot heal despite doing the necessary work to solve the murders and, in some cases, by the tremendous physical and emotional suffering of victims who were so unloved and discarded by killers who had a duty to love, protect, and provide. Moving.

Title: The Ghosts That Haunt Me
Author: Steve Ryan
Genre: True Crime, Biography & Memoir
Reading Type: E-Book
Stars: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

The story of six different cases detective Steve Ryan worked around Toronto, from homicide to cold cases that will forever haunt him. Detective Steve Ryan makes you feel as if you are with him through each step of the investigation. You can feel every emotion that comes each time the pager buzzes, each time he tells a family they have lost someone, each time he returns to his family after a long day of death. “Working in homicide taught me that true evil exists— nothing could convince me otherwise. But unexpectedly, my career investigating murder has also made me a believer in miracles.” -Steve Ryan

This book isn’t for the faint of heart. It explains in detail horrific scenes and the emotional impact they had on the victims, their families, as well as first responders. With that being said it’s a wonderfully written memoir that you won’t be able to stop reading once you start. I recommend this book to those who likes true crime and to anyone wanting to know what it’s like for the brave officers who try to bring justice and comfort during tragic situations. I can’t wait to buy a copy for a few friends and will be thrilled if he comes out with another book! I would like to thank Steve Ryan, Dundurn Press, and NetGalley for the chance to review such a fantastic book.

I applaud everyone who can work in any of the fields that Steve did. This is not for the faint of heart and it takes very special people! This book not only tells the story of the victims and tell the heartbreaking and soul wrenching effects of the writer. What someone sees and hears in any of these situations is unimaginable. These victims went through hell and that is a shame, however, what about everyone else? Everyone left the "clean up" the mess. Their hell lives on forever. I was given this book for free to read and give my honest opinion. Which is what I did.

This was compelling reading – not only the actual cases presented but the thoughts and opinions of retired detective Steve Ryan. Working in Toronto’s homicide squad for over a decade, the author takes us along with him on a journey through several of the cases that impacted him greatly. It felt very real and very honest. The author conveyed the heaviness of his occupation, and the demands he felt physically, and mentally. Steve Ryan does a very good job of helping us to understand the pervasive anxiousness the job brought to him. But we also are privy to his resolve to bring what justice he could to the victims. It doesn’t feel quite right to say I thoroughly enjoyed this book because the subject matter is so tragically sad. However, each case recounted by Steve Ryan is written with his unique perspective, full of emotion, achingly real, pulling you into the narrative. If you’re interested in true crime, this is a book for you. Thanks to Steve Ryan for sharing his story, and Dundurn Press and NetGalley, for a copy of the book in exchange for an honest review. All opinions are my own.

After reading this excellent memoir by retired homicide detective Steve Ryan, it is plain to see why these particular cases haunt him.. All six are sad examples of promising lives cut off way too soon. From sever child abuse, spousal abuse and a baffling murder-suicide among others, each case gives a look into a profession in a way that exposes the trauma that a caring individual faces; it is obvious that each death took a part of his soul.

I read a lot of murder mysteries because I like the genre but after reading about Ryan's life I know I will view these fictional detectives differently. The reality of the life of a true homicide detective in a larger metropolitan area is something that fiction cannot touch. Yes, these cases were disturbing but the way Ryan describes them brings to life, once more, individuals whose lives, however brief, should not be forgotten.

The writing is descriptive and the cases haunting. This is an engrossing true-crime read that is evocative and heart breaking. It is also an interesting read as it gives insights into the process of solving murders and what is necessary to bring the killer to justice., I highly recommend this book.

Thank you NetGalley and Dundurn Press for an advance copy of this book for review.

These memories have haunted Steve Ryan, and now they haunt me too. Ryan warns the reader that the contents of this book will be dark, warns us to close it and move on if we value our peace of mind. He's right. This book will cleave to my bones like scars from bites. The murderers in Ryan's cases are depraved animals, creatures looking like humans but lacking humanity. The crimes recounted to us are sweat-inducing-chills-on-the-soles-of-my-feet terrifying. The thing is, they were committed for such trivial, banal, forgivable reasons, sometimes for no reason at all except for the purpose of inflicting pain.

Ryan weaves into his account the effect of these crimes on his psyche, giving us -- those who have not worked in policing work or its related domains -- insight into the damage being witness can cause. We don't just see the effect on Ryan, but on the entire community of those who do this work. It becomes quickly clear that this work is as emotional and psychological as it is mired in materiality: these people study the severing of a life from its body, but in this memoir we see how deeply entwined the soul is to the the gory material left behind. In a sense, the homicide detective is required to lend the dead their own soul, a poor but necessary substitute in the effort to ameliorate the injustice of the victim's murder.

The reader will weep for Ryan and for all homicide detectives as much as they weep for the victims and their families. And, let us also not forget, the families of the murderers -- in some cases, the extended family of the murdered and the murderer are one and the same, a double slice, the cut twice as deep.

Ryan takes us through six of his most memorable, most awful cases, the ones which made him value his humanity. They are baffling in different ways: How could this have happened? In some cases the murder was sudden, a crime of impulse and opportunity. In others, it was planned with meticulous attention to detail. Some murders were the inevitable outcomes of years of abuse, the eventual killing a culmination of many crimes perpetrated. The scars were not always only the fatal ones.

These cases occurred in Canada, Ryan being a detective in Toronto and serving the GTA (Greater Toronto Area), but these will be familiar to any urban resident. The cases here involved immigrants, travelers, transnational cultures and expectations, mothers, wives, husbands, lovers, children, fathers, brothers. There is the odd stranger as well, a crime committed via a random encounter by someone the victim does not know -- to be fair, the discovery of a murderer in the family can invoke a feeling of utter strangeness and dissonance, it is so unfathomable that someone we hold close and love could be capable of these kinds of crimes -- but Ryan proves to us that intimacy is not a prerequisite for really knowing the interior mind of anyone. We can never really know the person we sleep next to at night. That's the horror here. Trust is malleable in the mind and hands of murderers.

I'm glad to have read this book, chilling as its contents are. I sleep worse for it. But I a little less so because of people like Steve Ryan. I am grateful people willing and able to sacrifice a little of their soul to deliver justice to victims of crimes like these.

The Ghosts That Haunt Me does a good job at providing an authentic and well written account of difficult cases. It was refreshing to see the law enforcement profession portrayed honestly. The one wish I had for the ending was that the author better used his platform to make suggestions for making improvements for the profession. Also an acknowledgement or at least contact information for any Police Suicide Prevention agency would have been approiate as we unfortunately know that this is the all too common end for some that have dealt with the difficult cases discussed in this book.

Quite an interesting book with a detective relating the cases that he had had that stayed with him. The cases are detailed for us and we share his interest in this situation. The cases range in many different areas, but all are shocking in some form. Very good read!

Retired detective Steve Ryan worked in Toronto’s homicide squad for over a decade. For him, the stories of Toronto’s most infamous crimes were more than just a headline read over morning coffee — they were his everyday life. After investigating over one hundred homicides, the tragedies Steve saw will never leave him, and he’ll never forget the victims whose deaths he investigated. Some things were so terrible they are impossible to forget, even after his retirement from the police force.

In The Ghosts That Haunt Me, Steve reflects on just a few of the many cases that have greatly impacted him. In these pages, he remembers six cases — seven people whose lives were senselessly taken — that he still thinks about nearly every day. While these stories are hard to tell, they were harder to live through. But somewhere in between the crime and the heartache there is a glimmer of hope that good eventually does prevail and that healing can come after grief.

Absolutely loved this. Fantastic writing and reflection paired with terrifying stories about the worse of human kind. I could read any story Steve Ryan is willing to share. This book will remain with me for some time.

Thank you to NetGalley and Dundum Press for the ARC!

Steve Ryan, a retired detective from Toronto's homicide unit, reflects on six cases from his career that have haunted him every day since they occurred. 

As a true crime aficionado (self-titled), this book hit all the marks for me. The reader gets an inside look at Ryan's career, how he joined the police force, and his journey throughout these significant cases. While the stories were heartbreaking and horrifying, they were told from a sympathetic point of view. It really shows just how crimes like these impact not only those close to the victims but those that work on them as well.

I am true crime, forensic junkie! I should say that upfront because I love all things in this genre. I appreciate the authors sacrifices made to bring justice to those impacted by the crimes he discusses. I found the details given regarding the crimes he brought forward both illuminating and sad. The human condition is both beautiful and dark. The cases discussed in the book cover a variety and don’t just focus on one type of individual. It allows the reader to see how murder knows no class. I hope that some modicum of peace is found by the author and that perhaps he will write another book in the same vein but allow us to know how he is doing now that he has retired. Thank you, NetGalley for the opportunity given with this book.

Steve Ryan, the author, was a homicide detective in Toronto, Canada. He had to investigate brutal, senseless homicides. This book explores a few of the cases that still haunt him to this day.
The cases involving children were so heartbreaking, the parent that killed was brutal and uncaring. The other parent thought their children were going to be taken care of and have a better life.
Mr Ryan highlights what it takes to be a homicide detective and peels back a little bit of the energy drain that happens when dealing with death and brutality day in and out.