Boldly into the Darkness is a memoir I won’t soon forget. My heart hurts for Autumn. No one should have to endure the loss of a loved one yet both her husband and daughter.

I’m thankful Autumn found new love and had someone she can continue to live life with and for her boys to see that love.

I like that Autumn did not sugar coat her grief and told it like it was.

Having Autumn narrate the book gives you an even more emotional connection.

If it gives me peace that she has been able to come out of this dark time and chooses to live and enjoy happy moments.

If you have lost a loved one, currently grieving or enjoy memoirs then add this book to your TBR. She also has a great page to follow on Instagram @growingwithgrief

Thanks to NetGalley for the audiobook ARC!

Boldly Into the Darkness is quite a moving memoir. The author addresses grief and loss in a very raw and straightforward manner. In doing so, she shares her own personal journey beyond the grief into some semblance of understanding. Having experienced similar grief in my own life, I understand that there will never be true understanding, But I found myself able to relate to the author's attempt to come to grips with the loss in her life. One thing that kept coming back to me as I listened to this book was that it would have been very cathartic to listen to in the months after my brother's death.

The author also does a fantastic job of narrating. I don't think people realize how difficult it is to professionally produce an audiobook narration. It's definitely not just as easy as reading what you wrote. The emotion behind the words definitely comes through and adds to the overall experience.

I would definitely recommend this book to anyone who has been through tragedy and loss, especially recently. I think sometimes it helps just to know that others are experiencing the same thoughts and feelings as you.

Boldly into the Darkness is a very poignant memoir about healing after loss. I listened to the audiobook and really enjoyed the author narrating her own work. I also really appreciated that early in the book she let you know exactly what her losses were, before she went through where she was emotionally when each loss occurred and how she found a path to healing. The author is Christian and while she doesn’t shy away from talking about her relationship with God, or how angry she sometimes felt when she lost so much, the book remains spiritual in regards to this and never steers itself into being preachy. Toelle-Jackson also shows how a community can come together and help one heal. Not only does she live in a small town and have a tight-knit family that came together to help her when she needed it, but she also sought out a community of people who’d been through similar experiences. She sought out therapy and found what tools worked for her. I also like that she named several of the books she read that helped. She doesn’t shy away from describing her stages of grieving, while also acknowledging that what works for her might not work for another person. Everyone’s path to healing after grief is going to look different, but this book highlights the author’s path as she heals and attempts to live the best life she can after losing multiple people she deeply cared for in a short amount of time. I also really appreciated that she included her miscarriages in her losses. She points out that talking about the miscarriages helped and made her realize how many people in her community went through a similar loss. She talks about how this affected her emotionally and her husband. So often miscarriages are glossed over and not talked about, which can lead people to feeling alone in their grief regarding them.

This is a book I’ve already recommended to friends and will continue to do so.

Thank you to the publishers and Netgalley for the advanced review copy. I am leaving this review voluntarily.

In clear, straightforward prose, Autumn tells a story of heartbreaking grief that somehow leaves the reader feeling enriched for having heard it. I highly recommend this book for anyone, whether they have lost a spouse or a child or just want to learn more about how the experience of profound grief can be survived with grace and fierce determination. The story moves quickly, shocking in the number of tragedies that pile up, but leaves one heartened at the author's ability to fight for a happy life for herself and her surviving children.

The rest of this review contains spoilers, so stop here and just read the book (or listen to the author do an excellent job narrating the audiobook, as I did, thanks to Netgalley and the publisher). Though in sharing the shocking facts of Autumn's losses, I hardly feel I spoil the heart of the story, which is how Autumn pushed herself to do more than just survive, and found ways to grasp onto happiness for her and her sons every way she could.

Autumn describes a happy, wholesome childhood and her experience of meeting her future husband, Joe, while in college. She and Joe enjoy a romantic courtship that leads naturally to marriage and the birth of their first son. She recognizes that she's led a charmed life, with no big blows, so when she miscarries her second pregnancy, it's devastating, as is the loss of in-utero twins she suffers next. Then she and Joe have their second child, another boy, and they seem back on course to their happily-ever-after life... until Joe, just 30 years old, dies during his daily jog. No cause of death is ever determined.

Autumn's narrative leads us through her months of devastation and minimal functioning. She is fortunate that her mother is able to come stay with her to help take care of her young sons, and that Joe's family is also nearby to rally around her as she grieves. She eventually takes herself on a trip to be alone with her grief, something I did, as well, after losing my adult son, and, like me, she finds that experience helps connect her with her late husband, which is somewhat healing. (The need for solitude after a tragic loss is all-consuming, and being able to give herself that time alone is a balm, another example of how fortunate Autumn is, despite her terrible loss.)

Over time, she forms a new romantic relationship with a longtime friend who has been by her side, emotionally supporting her since Joe's death. Although she feels a lot of anxiety sharing this with Joe's family or her friends, everyone is very accepting of her and glad for her being able to find new happiness. After the wedding, Autumn gets pregnant almost immediately and gives birth to a healthy baby girl, beloved by her big brothers, the apple of everyone's eye. Then, with shocking swiftness, her daughter, at four months old, dies of infant botulism. This is an extremely rare condition that can kill infants if they breathe in spores from honey.

Understandably, Autumn seems almost numb by this point. But this horrifying new loss is devastating on many levels, one of which is having to tell her young sons their sister is dead, a concept her boys were too young to really grasp when their father died. In a nod to the spirituality that she first rejects but then returns to, her baby girl is buried beside her late husband Joe, who she feels will take care of the baby in heaven, pulling all her family ties together.

This last loss seems the most cruel, crushing her new family's happiness after she had to fight back from the destruction of her first family. But the book makes clear that tragedy is not dealt out in equal portions, and that Autumn has made up her mind to live with grief and happiness both residing within her. Her desire to bring comfort to others with this book is as admirable as everything else she does.

I met Autumn at a bereaved parents convention in 2021 where we were both selling our books, mine a poetry memoir about losing my son to addiction, hers a memoir about losing her husband and child, and enduring multiple miscarriages. I bought the book but never read it (a bad habit I have; once I own a book I feel I have all the time in the world to get to it) but when Netgalley offered the book in audio form, I jumped at the chance to hear it and am so glad I did. There is something about Amber's calm voice recounting her crushing experiences that I found more moving than reading the words would have been. I am grateful she found the courage to share her story -- and then read it to us.

Not sure how far I should go. This is someone's life who chose to let strangers (me) in. The title includes loss, grief, growing and holding onto happiness, all of these things occur.

The book starts telling a love story that so many never find, and some rocky paths that occurred. From there the story goes to heartbreaking. There are several references to Church and God, many references to prayer. This is Autumn's story from her point of view on how she grieved, and moved on with happiness her goal. Autumn narrates the book herself and does well.

I had problems with her explanations on Bible teachings, and honestly how fast she moved on.

The story has a lot to offer.

She does give a list if things not to say when addressing someone left behind. I was able to apply those personally and I agreed.

Thank you NetGalley and Books Forward Audiobooks for accepting my request to read and review Boldly into the Darkness.

This book took my heart right away, I love the author goes into depth and details. This story is defiantly a heartfelt tear jerker. The confidence of the author is spectacular, beautiful and inspiring. I would defiantly recommend this book and would read again.

A poignant memoir about love, loss and grief. The resilience displayed by the author’s ability to pick herself back up after so many heartbreaking knocks is truly inspiring.

4.5 rounded up to 5⭐️
First off, thank you so much Books Forward for giving me the chance to read and review this book.

As someone who has lost a relative suddenly, it was comforting to hear about someone else who had. Autumn though, lost so much in such a short period of time. I don’t know how she survived, but her story was powerful. It showed that even though life can take you down, there are ways to get back up and get through that darkness. It also shows how much we need to Rey on others when dealing with grief. Our loved ones are such a support to us. I highly recommend if you are grieving or want to learn more about those who do.
#booksforwardfriends
#growingwithgrief

This book provides a valuable jump right into another's grief. It's a messy, sad place, and Autumn shares how she survives grief, and how others help her through the process. In our lifetime, we will inevitably deal with grief, and sharing examples like this can help.

Thank you Net Galley for an audio ARC of Boldly Into the Darkness by Autumn Toelle-Jackson. I really could have used this Memoir 7 years ago. I admire this author, she's very strong and she can teach everyone something. Better have tissues for this one.

LIVING WITH LOSS, GROWING WITH GRIEF & HOLDING ONTO HAPPINESS

“Stupid and horrible things have altered my life forever,” Toelle-Jacskson notes, “and it’s unfair that those events happened.”
In Boldly into the Darkness, Autumn Toelle-Jackson shares her story traversing the darkness of soul-shattering grief, learning to grab onto hope, and finding true happiness despite the losses she has faced. From the joy of finding love and starting a family, the devastating death of her husband, the confusion and hope surrounding finding a new love, and the shattering loss of losing an infant daughter, Autumn works to first survive, then live, and finally thrive. Through her story of tragedy and hope, Autumn will inspire you to go boldly into the darkness, and find your light.

Boldly into the Darkness is a book for anyone who is struggling with trials of life. It’s about overcoming the impossible and learning about your ability to survive no matter what trauma or loss you may face. It’s about learning how resilient you really are. This is a book that will help you find hope!

Boldly into the Darkness is an emotive spiritual memoir about loss, pain, and above all the search for divine understanding.

In this work, Autumn Toelle-Jackson discusses the many tragedies she has had during her life, but as she states, her life is more than the tragedies that have happened to her. While the book does discuss these moments of loss, it focuses most on the author’s grief and the process of healing and acceptance.

This was a well written memoir that was an in-depth exploration of one woman’s experience with loss, grief, and healing. It was extremely insightful. She discusses finding true strength in these moments of loss and how it’s possible to be strong but feel weak at the same time. She also explores how most people are not adept at responding to others’ grief, the unexpected side effects of loss, and the guilt that is often associated with the death of loved ones.

I learned a lot from this work. Most of us have heard of the stages of grief, but seeing them and their adjacent feelings play out in someone’s personal experience is much different than a flowchart. I appreciate how vulnerable the author was with the insight into her feelings, both positive and negative.

There were several parts of the work that felt repetitive (often the parts of reflection/introspection), so I think it could use a little editing to pare those parts down. I listened to the audiobook version of this work and thought the narrator did an excellent job.

This work was an insightful, well written, and heartfelt book concerning not just surviving loss, but thriving following loss. I highly recommend this work to everyone, but especially those who are working through loss of their own.

I received a complimentary copy of this work through NetGalley. All opinions expressed in this review are my own.