This is a hard audio to review.

I liked Malaya and understood totally what she was going through. But, and that is a big but, it was so hard to read about the jabs, complaints, passive aggressive, and outright aggressive words/deeds about being a big/fat girl. Add in the fact that she was also poor and non-white and it was just a lot to have to hear.

I understand why it was spanned across such a big span of time, but I thought it would have been so much better if there had been some more time jumps and less detail about every little thing that happens.

I do recommend reading this one, but just be prepared for the non stop focus on being fat.

Thank you to HighBridge Audio for the review audiobook of Mecca Jamilah Sullivan's Big Girl (liveright publishing for the physical book). This is a wonderful story, one that brings in so many wonderful elements about race, social class, culture, appearance/weight related pressures and messaging, and does this do well within a coming of age story set in Harlem in the 1990s. Malaya's story was vibrantly and lyrically written and done justice through the voice narration from Lisa Reneé Pitts.

There are powerful themes on stigma in this book and I personally found the ideas about appropriation, the taking of Black culture and voice, and Malaya's movement towards understanding herself and the world around her were well written . I loved how the story focused on Malaya's movement towards reconciling her identity in the face of trauma, White privilege and academic pressures, and in the face of food and weight related pressures. I found myself thinking about some of the books I have read about White girls and disordered eating and body image and how this story is so needed to lend focus to intersectionality within race and social class. I was reminded in places of some of Roxanne Gay's memoir and essay writing.

Big Girl
by Mecca Jamilah Sullivan
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

[blurb]Growing up in a rapidly changing Harlem, eight-year-old Malaya hates when her mother drags her to Weight Watchers meetings; she’d rather paint alone in her bedroom or enjoy forbidden street foods with her father. For Malaya, the pressures of her predominantly white Upper East Side prep school are relentless, as are the expectations passed down from her painfully proper mother and sharp-tongued grandmother. As she comes of age in the 1990s, she finds solace in the music of Biggie Smalls and Aaliyah, but her weight continues to climb―until a family tragedy forces her to face the source of her hunger, ultimately shattering her inherited stigmas surrounding women’s bodies, and embracing her own desire. Written with vibrant lyricism shot through with tenderness, Big Girl announces Sullivan as an urgent and vital voice in contemporary fiction.

[Review] This book is powerful. It's not always fun. It's not always easy. But It is worth it because the words are powerful. There's something about growing up in the 90s and the diet culture that is shoved down your throat. I can't imagine being Malaya and having her weight being a constant subject that is up for discussion. Also, Why is it always yogurt and jello? Why was that always the 'go to' in the 90s? **Shivers**

Not only is this a glimpse into what It's like to live in the 90s, it's also what it's like to live life in a changing world, a changing body, and a changing family. Malaya is a young girl who is forced to go to meeting after meeting because she's Fat and in her family that's not okay. There's a generational fat phobia that is eventually addressed in the book, but it was also everywhere in the 90s.

This book is a deep look into Malaya's family and her inner self. This book is heavy in the best ways, and I can't wait for everyone to read it!

Thank you, Netgalley and Highbridge Audio for the ARC of this Audiobook
Thank you, Mecca Jamilah Sullivan for writing such an amazing book that I couldn't stop.
Thank you, Lisa Reneé Pitts for bringing all these powerful characters to life. Through their ups and downs, you gave them entity and brought this world together.

I requested this one because it might be an upcoming title I would like to review on my Youtube Channel. However, after reading the first several chapters I have determined that this book does not suit my tastes. So I decided to DNF this one.

5 stars
This audiobook was amazing. I enjoyed the POV of Malaya Clondon who is from Harlem and move too a upscale area and attends a prestigious school . Her weight is the primary focus and gets brought to her parents attention and the amount of different POV from her family is not only heartbreaking but also eye opening.
Not only is it hard to grow up as a POC in a primary white area, but she also has to deal with the pressure of body image and how it over who she really is.
I will be buying a hard copy because this book touched me so much and I am looking forward to what this author has to give next.

Beautiful writing about a young girl in Harlem's struggle with her weight and how others view her. The exploration of all the characters- Malaya, her parents, and her grandmother, was done with such precision and vulnerability. I felt for Malaya in navigating a fatphobic world as someone in a larger body, and to see how that shame was passed down through the generations.

received an advanced reader’s audiobook copy in exchange for an honest review

This book saved me thousands of dollars in therapy fees that I would have to pay to explore being a teenage weight watcher in the 90s with a professional.

The real ones know.

Five self love and self-discovery inducing stars

4 stars

_Big Girl_, Sullivan's debut novel, makes a big splash and has landed this author a definite spot on my to-read list for all foreseeable efforts.

Readers meet Malaya, the m.c., when she is a young child, and it's apparent from the jump that she's going to have some challenges in her environment. Malaya's weight is a constant point of contention for her parents, and this really shapes the relationship they have with each other as well as the separate relationships they have with Malaya. From her point of awareness in the world, Malaya receives all sorts of unsolicited input from grown women who are struggling with their bodies, from her family members, from her classmates, and from the world at large, and as this is all really tough to read, any reader with a soul will easily be able to imagine how impactful this would be to actually experience firsthand.

Though Malaya's body is at the center of so much of this novel, Sullivan effectively develops her character beyond this point, focusing on Malaya's opportunities to move about in the world, imagine herself in positions and identities she never thought possible, experience grief, and discover the truths of herself. As a woman who is also a native southern Californian, body image is a conscious and unconscious part of way too much of my life, but I have never had an experience that borders on Malaya's, and this did not keep me from feeling connected to the character. I am curious to know how readers who find Malaya to be more of a mirror of their experiences feel about her portrayal, but as a reader on the outside looking in, this was a pretty enlightening and memorable depiction.

Sullivan has a knack for character development, long-term study, and complex themes, and I am already looking forward to what comes next from this writer.