Thank you NetGalley and Macmillan Audio for the audio-ARC of this book.

My Government Means to Kill Me is going to be one of those books that stays with me for years. This fictional memoir follows Trey, an 18-year old Black, gay young man newly starting out on his own in New York City. A coming of age story that takes place in the 1980s at the height of the AIDS crisis, this is historical fiction done superbly. Readers are engrossed in a gripping telling of the violence of the AIDS crisis, and all at once will be reminded that Trey is still a teenage boy attempting to grapple with his sexuality in one of the most dangerous eras to identify openly as LGBTQ+.

Because this book features real historical events and figures during the AIDS crisis, CWs definitely should be applied: Racism, homophobia, violence against protesters, and death.

5 stars, I will still be processing this book for at least a few weeks.

I don’t typically listen to audiobooks, but “My Government Means to Kill Me” sounded too good to pass up.

This novel by Rasheed Newson is about Earl “Trey” Singleton, a young, gay, Black man living in New York in the 1980s during the HIV/AIDS crisis. It reads like a memoir, bringing the characters to life on the page. Listening to this book made me feel as if I was living Trey’s life, having the conversations he had, and experiencing his emotions with him. At times this book felt like a punch in the stomach, demonstrating the raw agony and sadness of the AIDS pandemic and how horribly it was mishandled.

The feelings that this book imbued were intense and difficult to process at times. As a white person, I have experienced an immense amount of privilege as I have moved through the world. No matter what other marginalized groups I may belong to, my whiteness will always be what people see first. I have never known what it is like to exist in the world as a person of color, let alone a Black gay man during a time where the government quite literally means to kill them. It was enlightening to read a story that felt so real. Hearing Trey's struggles and the prejudice he faced made me think long and hard about my privilege and the way it causes me to fit in the world.

I really enjoyed the powerful presence of political activism in this book, and the insight (although presumably fictional and only based on fact) into the goings-on of groups such as Act Up were fascinating. I had never truly thought of how these groups formed and operated behind the scenes before.

I liked that there was representation of platonic relationships between gay men as well as romantic and sexual ones. I also really liked how Trey would speak to the older gay men he met about their experiences existing in the world and fighting for their rights. Those conversations were very interesting to hear.

As far as negative things go, I’m not sure how to explain my criticisms, nor do I feel like I should really be criticizing this book as a white person who has never had to deal with the prejudice that “My Government Means to Kill Me” documents.

From an objective standpoint, the audiobook had a few flaws. Nothing horrendous, just mispronounced words here and there and the sentences were also all given the same weight, which took away from some of the more intense moments in the book.

I was also slightly confused by the use of so many historical figures. In passing it would’ve made more sense, but considering how intensely characterized these people were it left me wondering if what was being written was fact or entirely fiction or somewhere inbetween. There’s nothing necessarily wrong with these people being used in this book, of course, but it was hard for me to understand at times why the author would choose to write these characters of real people rather than making up fictional activists. However, I do understand why the author did this as it added an element of believability to the story that really really made it feel real!

Lastly, I was left unsatisfied by the ending and also by the plot in general. The ending felt less like, well, an ending and more like a pause. This was probably intentional, but I feel like not everything was wrapped up. I was expecting to see Trey through a longer period of his life and find some sort of conclusion to the story, but instead it felt very rushed.

I do think that, if intentional, this was a sort of good idea. It could symbolize how the fight against racism/homophobia and the need for support for those infected with HIV/AIDS is never over.

This was a very contradictory review, but I hope I got my points across. Overall I really did enjoy listening to this audiobook, and I believe that I will be thinking about it for a long time. It made me want to look into queer history more. I’d probably rate this book a 3.5/5 stars, mainly because I just feel very conflicted and don’t know how to rate it.

Thank you to NetGalley for this ARC!

-Disclaimer: I received this book for free through NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.-

"I'm no necrophiliac, but damn did Walton look handsome".
@44%

Wtf is wrong with people?

"Fred Trump planned to allow enough units to fall behind on rent to justify a mass eviction. Opening the door to a renovation and massive rent hike that only new, wealthy, and let's face it, white tenants could afford".
@34%

You don't let someone fall behind on rent. Rich people don't care where the money is coming from as long as they get paid.

-The author read the book like it wasn't his. He listed events quickly and in a flat tone.

-There were lots of people. I never seemed to get a gist of who was who.

-The writing was sometimes confusing & jumpy.

I like the unique cover. But all-in-all, the execution of this was not good.

Thank you to Flatiron Books (an imprint of Macmillan Books) & to Macmillan Audio for sending me an Advanced Reader Copy (ARC) of this text. I am grateful to have the opportunity to review this title.

I was immediately drawn to Rasheed Newson’s new novel because of its frank and unsettling title, which stirred in me the knowing feeling that I was about to embark with our MC on a thriller or perhaps a grand adventure tale of mystery, suspense and intrigue.

The novel did not disappoint. Smartly structured into lessons that the title character has learned, this text is a delightfully well-researched, honest, haunting, and a thoughtful coming of age story about a young black man navigating his sexual identity and daily life in the 1980s of New York.

The book deals with so many necessary topics that queer people, especially queer people of color face on a daily basis, most obviously discrimination from heteropatriarchal white supremacist structures, but more subtly, inner community competition, colorism, ablism, manipulation, childhood trauma, abuse, etc.

Newson, who you likely know and love from his work as a writer and showrunner of Bel Air on Peacock is no stranger to storytelling, but in this dazzling debut, his strengths are on full display as we see a master craftsman liberating the form and telling an honest, vulnerable story that will take you through every emotion, moving deftly from euphoria to tragedy to irony to rage and all the way back to joy again.

A must read for any literature lover & a truly excellent example of what queer literature can be, if we only have the courage to write from a place of brutal honesty, clarity and intentional connection.

Part historical fiction, part coming of age, this is one of those stories that just I got lost in. In the 1980s, Trey moves to New York at 17. He's still balancing the loss of his brother's disappearance as a kid, his existence as a gay Black man (he's still a minor, but presents himself as an adult when he can), and his new status in a city apart from his parents and their money. The novel follows Trey as he's introduced to bathhouses, home hospices filled with AIDS patients, and ACT UP initiation and protests. This is a great book to read to get a real and personal understanding of historical events in the 80s while still following characters that you can't help but care about and cry for. I listened to the audiobook through NetGalley (which I highly recommend) but the physical copy has footnotes expanding on the historical context and references used throughout.

I fell hard for the debut novel My Government Means to Kill Me by Rasheed Newson. I went into the book not knowing more than the description and I was quickly engrossed in the story of Trey.

The coming-of-age book takes place in 1980s New York City where a young gay Black man, Trey, has recently arrived. He left his wealthy family in the Midwest to pursue the life he wanted and quickly immersed himself in the NYC social scene. I absolutely loved the flow of the book and how we saw Trey focus on his social life first, enjoying being a young person in a new city.

As he became more connected to people in his social circle, he couldn’t ignore the brutal impacts of AIDS on the queer community. From there the story expands to include gay rights activism, intersectionality with the civil rights movement, and reconciling with his past family traumas. Trey remains a young person having a fun time, but he is also maturing and standing up for what he believes in. It’s a well-done transition in writing that mirrors the way the character is expanding – I loved it.

I appreciated Trey’s self-awareness and the bold bravery that he repeatedly showed. The book hit such a great balance between showing the seriousness of the social and political crisis while never taking away from Trey’s inner positivity. I’m partial to coming-of-age stories and this “personal and political awakening” journey was top notch, with a dash of famous cameos that added to the intrigue.

Thank you to @netgalley and @macmillanaudio for the advanced copy in exchange for my review – I devoured the audio book in <2 days and loved it. This book is available on August 23 and can be pre-ordered now.

Content warnings: Homophobia, Sexual content, Terminal illness, Child death, Death, Racism, Drug use

A masterpiece! This book reads like a fictional memoir and it's so beautifully told. The story is centered around Trey, a gay Black man in the 80s enduring the AIDs epidemic. It's a coming of age story that focuses on activism, community, family, love, and acceptance in a gorgeous way that pays homage to real life moments and figures in history. It's a fast-paced read and I loved listening to the audiobook narration - such a treat!

This is not just another AIDS novel. It describes the main character’s coming of age during an important time in queer history. As someone who was a young adult gay man at the time, I find the story relatable. I also appreciate the skepticism toward government, since reverence for government forms such a large part of queer goodthink.

The author does a good job of giving the characters distinct voices, personalities, and motivations, when so many contemporary authors simply give each character a different intersection of identity categories and call it a day. The author also gives the characters, including the main character, human frailties.

However, things often go so easily for the main character as to strain suspension of disbelief. Another thing that strains suspension of disbelief is the frequent meetings between our hero and real-life historical figures. Also, the author’s description of relations between lesbians and gay men at the time is sanitized.

This book is a portrait of what it was to be a black queer man in 1980s NY.

As you can imagine, there’s a lot of heavy stuff on AIDS and racism. But it’s also filled with funny and sexy moments.

Oh, and the footnotes will defnetly make you learn more about queer history and what was going on back then.

The beginning of this coming of age tale was absolutely compelling. It felt like it could have been an actual memoir. Trey finding his way and stumbling into some iconic late 80s New York situations (like fighting a slum lord) and navigating the gay scene were so well done. Trey grows as a person and develops a greater sense of self and meets fascinating people along the way. The book is very well written and the narrator (Jelani Alladin) does an exceptional job of creating emotion and giving each character a voice.

4 stars because I felt like the book unraveled a bit at the end.

**Spoilers**

Trey surrounds himself with people working for various causes or with political backgrounds and gets swept up in the movement. This is great, he reaches beyond himself and works for the betterment of those around him. But after only 2 years in New York, Trey has decided that he knows better than his mentors and ends up having sway over a murder conviction...it just seems a little too far fetched...maybe after 10 or 20 years in New York? All of the seemingly hapless connections he managed to make in the beginning of the book, that were charming and compelling, are transformed into higher stakes games in the end and it just didn't feel right. Also the lesbians could have used a bit more involvement in the activism, they weren't just hospice nurses. Again, this is all just my personal feelings and I still really enjoyed it.

Overall, I would absolutely recommend this book and the audiobook was fantastic!

Thank you NetGalley and Macmillan Audio for the advance copy.

This is a novel that reads a lot like a memoir, but given that our main character is so young the narrator's voice can come off as immature and simplistic, which didn't always compliment the deeper issues and themes being explored in this book. I also felt like the ending was quite sudden, and the stopping point of the book didn't make sense to me. Last grievance: I don't always enjoy it when books feature characters that exist in real life because it verges on fan-fictiony and just makes me wonder what the purpose was - for example, I think in this book just as big of a statement could have been made if the landlord were literally any corrupt white businessman and not Fred Trump specifically. And Bayard Rustin's image, while certainly not harmed by this book by any means, may not be represented in a way he would appreciate (specifically in regards to explicit, sexual content.)

However, I did enjoy my time within this story and do feel like more of these types of stories deserve to be told. While Trey, our main character, did kind of bother me at times, I also felt for him and appreciated that he was someone who was led by their convictions and beliefs.

I really liked this one and kept having to remind nails I’d wasn’t a memoir just because the story was told in a believable manner. But I sometimes got confused about the location and people in a conversation. I don’t Know if that was because I zoned out or the writing was confusing.

5 stars

Oh, I loved this, and having had very little idea of what I was getting myself into - other than the opportunity to listen to an audiobook with an intriguing cover and gripping title - I couldn't be more thrilled with how this particular gamble paid off.

Trey, the m.c., g-r-o-w-s over the course of this consistently engaging novel. A New Yorker from a privileged background, Trey strives to remove himself from his family's connections in an effort to discover and live his truths. These truths include but are not limited to exploring his sexuality as freely as possible, pushing the limits of his personal and emotional safety at times, and finding a niche for himself as a protestor and care advocate during the height of the AIDS crisis. The latter aspect, especially, brings in some challenging moments, and those who have firsthand recollections of this time will undoubtedly be transported right back to it. It's fascinating to see the connections between Trey's development both within and without this moment.

The writing is so fluid that although it's historical fiction, the novel reveals the character depth and wise plotting of a memoir done right. This is just an added bonus on top of the noteworthy sense of place and historical authenticity. What added even more to the experience for me is listening to the audio version, which the author reads.

I'm a lot more likely to jump into a new-to-me author and text when presented with the opportunity to access an audio version, and I am so happy the stars aligned in all of these ways. This is an engaging read, an arresting example of historical fiction, and an initial foray into the work of an author I'll be following for the foreseeable future. Recommended.