Thank you to NetGalley and St. Martin's Press for access to the audiobook of Uncultured by Daniella Mestanek Young in exchange for an honest review.

CW: sexual abuse, military culture, misogyny, rape, assault, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, disordered eating, see full list on StoryGraph

I didn't know anything about the Children of God cult until about 6 months ago, and I now I've consumed a lot of information about this cult. (See also Sex Cult Nun by Faith Jones and American Cult edited by Robyn Chapman). This memoir was particularly interesting because the author left one cult of abuse and entered right into (arguably) another, the military. It was interesting to hear the author's journey as she worked through re-traumatizing situations and eventually came out the other side with increased agency and autonomy.

I had complex feelings in reaction to this book. It was extremely well-written and a fascinating read, but I found myself wanting better for the author. I get really ick feelings about the military in general, and reading this author's interactions with rampant misogyny and a culture of sexual abuse made me feel angry, sad, and exercised my social justice muscle.

Systems of abuse like the ones described in this book thrive on maintaining fear, power, and manipulation. Books like Uncultured are willing to unashamedly rip the roof off of these systems so that they can shrivel in the light.

I'm sad to say that I did not connect with this book. I am usually fascinated by first-hand accounts like this but I didn't find that I was following the author closely throughout the book.

I was interested in this book for two reasons: 1. I find cults very intriguing. I had never read a book that specifically followed the child of a cult member. 2. I’m a military spouse and have been around the military my entire adult life. How much cult like behaviour is embedded in the structure of the American Army?

This was a pretty tough read. Mestyanek is subjected to a lot of horror both as a child living in a cult and as an Army officer. What makes this a compelling read is that she is able to make the connection between both parts of her lives in terms of power structure and why we allow ourselves to follow orders despite abuse. I actually would have liked her to do more of this kind of thinking but I enjoyed her story nonetheless. This worked especially well as an audiobook and I would recommend it in this format.

*received for free from netgalley for honest review* This was an amazing read. would love to buy, reread and recommend

This story explored the dangers unleashed when harmful group mentality goes unrecognized, and is emblematic of the many ways women have to contort themselves to survive.

UNCULTURED is in the vein of Educated, and The Glass Castle, about the exceptional upbringing and the woman who, no matter the lack of tools given to her, is determined to overcome.

I listened to this as an audiobook, but unfortunately I do not think I was the right fit at the time.

*many thanks to St Martins Press and Macmillan Audio for the gifted copy for review

Meh. Didn't connect with this. The writing felt really stilted and like it was going for shock value rather than telling a story.

I listened to, and read this book both in print and as an audiobook. Both were equal in quality and so I wrote just one review. The narration was great and perfectly captured the essence of book.

Uncultured is a memoir written by a "Children of God" cult survivor (also known as "The Family"). The first half of the book is about Daniella's childhood in South America where she experienced serious child abuse as well as neglect, incest, sexual harassment and rape at the hands of a variety of adults all referred to as "aunties" and "uncles". At 16, Daniella is excommunicated (by choice) and fleas to America to live with her older half sibling. She goes on to complete high school despite improper schooling throughout her childhood, and then goes on to college. From there she joins the army, which leads to the second half of the book. Daniella makes several comparisons between her life in the cult and her life in the army, some of which include: sexual assault, sexism, abuse, prejudice and trauma.

Uncultured is very well written, in chronological order with dates and locations, often something that can be challenging for writers of memoirs surrounding childhood trauma because their childhoods are extremely chaotic and memories can be incomplete or missing entirely. She was able to paint a clear picture of a life few readers would understand, both in the cult and in the army. I was able to picture her surroundings and connect emotionally with her challenges at each stage of her life. In both audiobook and written form I enjoyed her writing style and felt that the amount of detail included was perfect. There are many parts of this story that could be triggering, including some sexism and racism (mainly in the form of comments from other members of the army), but I think that the honesty and unfiltered descriptions provide a clearer picture of the problems in both cults and the army. I would highly recommend this book and am so appreciative of NetGalley and the publishers: St Martin's Press and Macmillan audio for giving me the chance to read and listen to this remarkable book.

Thank you to NetGalley and Macmillan Audio for the audio verion of this book. Everything I write is of my own thoughts feelings and opinions. This book is read by the author so you are able to hear the tone and feelings she is feeling and convaying. I am absolutely heartbroken for what this young woman has been through. I am so sorry for the brainwashing that was done to her parents. I am sorry she was born into this cult. I guess I try not to think that this type of stuff happens in the world. I am so happy Daniella was able to find the strength and courage to leave and not look back. I am happy she was able to sit down and write such a moving account of what she went through.

WOW what an incredible human being. This book was such an incredibly wild ride and was hard to listen to at points. The absolute trauma this woman went through as a child — then how she created such an incredible army career. I was so mad at parts — but I was always in awe of her strength and resilience.

ACR:
I have always been interesting in learning about the inside workings of cults. So when given the opportunity to read “Uncultured” came up I was thrilled. I did find it hard to get through because of all the trauma and abuse Daniella faced. However, it was excellent. Daniella was able to take me inside her world and see the inner workings of the Children of G-d. She shares her entire life with the reader. Everything from the horrific abuse in the name of G-d to the happiest moments and everything in between. Although many people would feel defeated and give up hope Daniella did not. She took everything thrown at her, but still found good in the world.
She was set up for failure from the beginning. The Children of G-d tried to keep her uneducated, but even inside the cult she found ways to learn. After her escape as a teenager she was able to catch up to her peers fairly quickly and get an education. Against all odds she went on to graduate at the top of her class in university and become an Army officer.
Her time in the Army was also filled with struggles and trauma. At times she compared it to joining another cult. She was determined to not let what happened to her there crush her spirit.

There is a happy ending. Daniella’s parents and siblings left the cult Daniella married a man that understands the Children of G-d made a lifelong impact on how she relates to others. Daniella and her husband were able to start a family on there own terms instead of being told when they should have children.

This was a difficult memoir to read. The intense abuse that the author faced is heartbreaking and eye- opening. The immense resilience it took to ensure and grow from this experience is also admirable.

UNCULTURED is a memoir about growing up in the Children of God, then being a woman in the U.S. military.

This was a really fast read once I got into it -- the pacing and loads of trauma on display made me think this book might be a good fit for fans of I'm Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy. And I liked that the audiobook was narrated by the author (her narration was easy to understand and follow along with).

I think this book was missing some important context. While the author sort of tangentially talks about groupthink, there doesn't seem to be a clear analysis or critique of the Children of God or the U.S. military. It's more, here are some of the author's awful experiences, and less, what are the systemic features that allowed and perpetuated bad behavior. It's unfortunate because I think author Daniella Mestyanek Young really could have taken this book a step further and done more with this material. Of course, memoirists don't necessarily have to see the big picture -- but the synopsis and prologue led me to expect that Young would do more here than describe her childhood in the cult and 20s in the military.

Big thanks to the publisher for providing an audio copy in exchange for an honest review.

This memoir is unflinchingly honest, and thus incredibly difficult to review. The author expertly presents the parallels between her childhood in the Children of God, her marriage, and her career in the American military. These commonalities are breathtaking and her message will stick with me for a long time.

That being said, there is a ton of narrative material packed into this book and some important details are glazed over.

Overall, this is a thought-provoking and disturbing memoir. I recommend this one if you're interested in reading about cults, female experiences in the army, and difficult childhoods.

If you're interested in this one, please check the trigger warnings before reading.

3/5⭐️

As posted on GoodReads:

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for this audio review copy.

I don't star-rate memoirs, but this is a goodie.

I listened to this on audio, and while it took me about a month to complete given (1) how slow I am at audiobooks, and (2) the heaviness of the material, I enjoyed it immensely. There is no doubt Mestyanek Young is a brilliant author, and her life is absolutely fascinating to hear about. A few times in the second half of the book there were spots that I found a bit unnecessarily heavy handed, but ultimately they didn't take away from my enjoyment of the book overall.

This was a beautiful and devastating memoir from a survivor of The Children of God and veteran of the US Army about the ways that group mentality can harm vulnerable people, especially women. From experiencing unimaginable abuse as a child in a cult, to facing unacceptable treatment as one of the few women to be deployed to Afghanistan during the war on terror, Daniella has proven herself to be so resilient! Her story was eye opening and devastating, yet hopeful for the future. I enjoyed listening to the author tell her story through the audiobook version, and highly recommend it!

Thank you to Daniella for sharing her story with us. Also, thank you to NetGalley for the advanced copy in exchange for an honest review!

Daniella Mestyanek Young knows a little something about the psychology of groups. She grew up in a cult, escaped when she was 15, graduated from high school, went to college, and then joined the Army. She has read just about everything she can find about group psychology, like memoirs of former cult members. And now she’s offering up her own thoughts, hard won through years of difficult personal experience, trauma, and healing.

As a child, she was born into The Children of God, a strict religious cult where the women (and girls) were treated as second-class citizens. Daniella grew up mostly on a commune in Brazil, where she and the other girls were beaten and abused. They were taught to do anything that the Uncles told them to do (the Uncles being all the men at the commune), and the Aunties could do nothing to protect them. Her mother had been born into the cult also, and she had been married to the leader of the cult when she was a young teenager. She started having babies when she was really still a kid herself, at 14, and continued to have babies as the years went on, so she couldn’t do much for Daniella, to protect her from the abuse.

Daniella seemed particularly prone to getting herself, and often the others with her, into trouble in the cult. She would try to speak up, she wanted to say that what was happening was wrong, and that meant more smacks for her and for all the other children. As she got older, she got more and more disillusioned with her treatment in The Family, so when she is 15 she leaves.

There is a former Family member living in Texas, and she lets Daniella move in with her. They get Daniella registered at the local high school, the most formal schooling she’d had up to that point, and she finds a job. While her fellow high schoolers are worrying about makeup and dates, she is basically raising herself in an environment that is radically different than anything she has ever known. While she is no longer living with the Family, she can’t shake the feeling that she is about to be in trouble, she s about to be punished, she is about to be exposed as the fraud she is.

When she writes an essay for a class about growing up in a cult, she is called to her counselor’s office. Daniella figures that this is it, this is the moment that she will have to answer to the police for her behavior, or she will get kicked out of school, or something else horrible will happen. Instead, her counselor explains that colleges will be interested in her, that there are probably many that will offer her scholarships. For the first time, Daniella realizes that no one is waiting to punish her any more, that she is free to do what she wants, and that her experiences may have value.

After college, Daniella decides to join the Army. It was an idea she’d been thinking about, and she thinks she will do well with the structure. She pushes herself hard, to prove that she can keep up with all the boys, and she does. But it also turns out to be an environment where the men are encouraged to succeed while the women are treated as second-class citizens. In some ways, it feels to her like home.

She makes it through basic training and goes into intelligence. She serves in Afghanistan, where there are fewer women and not much support for the women who are in the sand box. Daniella fights to stay strong, despite the names she’s called, despite the pamphlets that encourage women not to get sexually abused by their fellow soldiers, despite the double standards. And when she gets the chance to be one of the first women in combat, she signs up.

Her years of service and dedication to the job gets her a promotion to Captain and a better job in the Army, but the toxic masculinity is still the norm. The Army starts to understand that the environment is not conducive to healthy relationships between the men and the women, and when Daniella tries to speak up about her experiences, she finds that her good intentions backfire and she is accused of making things worse for another female soldier. The fallout from that affects her health so thoroughly that she ends up in the hospital with a potential brain tumor.

Eventually, she is able to figure out how to be emotionally and physically healthy, but it takes many years for her to sort it all out and find her way to a happy marriage and to being able to put all of her trauma and healing into this book. Uncultured is a difficult book to read, for all the abuse, particularly when she was a child. But Daniella never stopped fighting. She fought for her freedom, she fought for her life, she fought for her safety, and she fought for her healing. She is an inspiration to anyone who has felt trapped in a toxic group or relationship, and the strength of her spirit is a thing of beauty.

Uncultured is an important book. It will be motivational for those looking for a way out of a difficult situation, and it can be instructional to those who are working with former cult members and veterans. Her insights into the way a group can affect behavior are backed by personal experience as well as research, and they are offered here with compassion and empathy.

I listened to Uncultured, read by Daniella herself, which made some parts particularly difficult to hear. I hope it was healing for her to finally get to tell her own story in a way that she has control of. It was both traumatic and healing to listen to her tell it. But despite all the pain that she openly shares with us, I am glad I listened to this book. Her story is important, and I got to bear witness to her downs and her ups, to her extended punishment at The Children of God commune to getting to meet President Barack Obama after being invited to the White House. I don’t believe this book is for just anyone. I think you need to know what you’re getting into with this book and go into it knowing it will be painful and horrific and traumatic. But it’s also important and empowering and healing, and readers who are well prepared will find Daniella’s story an inspiration.

A copy of the audio book for Uncultured was provided by Macmillan Audio through NetGalley, with many thanks.

This books was very hard to get through. But I think this is a very valuable read. Thank you to NetGalley and Macmillan Audio for the ALC. The audio version of this memoir is read by the author so I would definitely recommend listening if audio books are your thing!

TW: Child abuse, sexual abuse, rape, homophobic slurs, Islamophobia, racial slurs, discussion of military experiences and combat (and more, please research triggers before reading this book)

As I said, this book was immensely difficult to get through. Normally, I can get through an audiobook of this length in about a week. This one took me closer to three weeks. I kept having to take breaks due to the sensitive subjects being discussed. At times, I found myself literally clutching my chest as I listened.

The first half of this book outlines the authors childhood spent in the Children of God cult. I had previously consumed media about the Children of God cult, but never anything from the perspective of a child. It was both enthralling and heartbreaking to see the interworkings of this group through the eyes of a child. The book follows the author as she leaves the Children of God and attends a public high school in Texas as well as a university. The story focuses on the author having to adapt to a vastly different culture than the one she grew up in while also picking up on disturbing similarities.

The true second half of the book begins when the author gets married and joins the U.S. Army. Seemingly entering in to a different sort of confines not too different from her childhood. It was so interesting to read this portion of the book through the lense of "cult vs. culture" set up in the first half of the story. Truly an eye-opening (at times, enfuriating) look inside the U.S. Army.

Daniella Mestyanek Young has a very unique and important story to tell and I am very glad she chose share it in Uncultured.

This book was equal parts fascinating and horrific to me. Learning about a cult that still exists that is taking the gospel and twisting it so terribly was heartbreaking as a believer. However, Mrs.Young is very open, honest, and genuine about her experiences, from being in the cult to escaping the cult to trying to figure out life outside of the cult. Mrs. Young, despite living through things that would have made a lesser-willed individual give up, graduated college, went into the military, and then retired at the rank of Captain.

Uncultured is a story of how even when you are falling apart on the inside, and perhaps your past is consistently coming up in your mind, it is possible to be successful. Perhaps because of the things she went through at such a young age, she learned the ability to let herself fall apart and then keep on going, a trait that I am told is common among trauma survivors. I received the audiobook version of this memoir, narrated by Mrs.Young herself. While her voice may not be the most trained when it comes to narration, there was a power and a vulnerability behind the voice, and it truly came off as a friend unburdening herself of her story to another friend.

Content
While the stories in this memoir lead to being hopeful, this is not a book we recommend to someone who might have children listening. There are curse words, depictions of sexual abuse, trauma, and things that most would not be ok with young ears hearing or young eyes reading. That being said, it does offer an interesting look into the mindset of a child. As an adult, this book has wormed itself into my brain to where I think about it frequently. Final Rating
Our final rating of Uncultured: A Memoir is 5 out of 5 . This book is beautiful in its tragedy, broke my heart, and left me feeling hopeful. As a believer, it left me more aware of how I say things, as well as more aware of other ways that could be misconstrued. While Mrs. Young is not a believer of any faith, I truly feel as though God used her words to plant seeds in my life as far as how to respond to others and pray for those still in the mindset that the twisting of the gospel is true.

Daniella’s family has been high ranking members of The Children of God cult for generations. As you might expect, she suffers constant physical, emotional, and sexual abuse disguised as God’s divine love. I became desensitzed to the repeated episodes of sexual abuse Daniella suffered as the hands of the adult male members of The Family. I found myself thinking “Oh, of course, here we go again” much like the young girls in the cult must have felt with how regular and unremarkable these events became. At 15, Daniella finds her way out of the cult and into mainstream society. She graduates from high school and college and shockingly joins the military as I am screaming “No! Not another cult!” Daniella quickly realizes that the military is not that different from the world she left behind so many years ago. Recommended for those who enjoyed Educated or The Glass Castle or Cultish.

This is a Memoir. This book is very hard to read at times, and there are a lot of triggers in this book. This book is also very touching, and it will make you think about things. I feel this is a well written book, and I really enjoyed reading it because how much this book made me think about things. I think that Daniella is a very strong woman to go through everything she did. I really enjoyed listening to the audiobook of this book, and I would say you should check out the audiobook for this book. I was kindly provided an e-copy of this book by the publisher (St. Martin's Press) or author (Daniella Mestyanek Young) via NetGalley, so I can give an honest review about how I feel about this book. I want to send a big Thank you to them for that.