Mestyanek Young sends you on an absolute TRIP. From cult and culture, to military, relationship, self actualization, coming of age, and trigger warnings galore. Uncultured is searing, brutally honest, and alarmingly familiar. For many women, they will identify with one of more parts of this book, and not all of them are pleasant. This book is a memoir but it’s content expands across gender, religion, trauma, and even romance.

This book is not for the faint of heart. It has a lot going on and not all of it is pretty. But it’s true, it’s raw, and I think Mestyanek Young’s writing speaks to women everywhere.

This is not the first memoir I've read from children born into the radical religious cult Children of God. Earlier this year I read Faith Jones' Sex Cult Nun; Jones being the granddaughter of founder, David Berg. Young's story in Uncultured offers a similar and complimentary glimpse into what life is like in "The Family". But Young's perspective is unique in that Uncultured is not just about her early life growing up in the cult, it's also about how she eventually became indoctrinated into another sort of cult: the U.S. Army. Jones' experience as a female officer in the Army with its deep rooted sexism and rape culture was just as riveting as the cult piece and made for a very interesting and provoking juxtaposition.

Thanks to NetGalley and Macmillan Audio for the audiobook ARC!

Uncultured is a very raw and emotional read. The comparisons to Educated by Tara Westover are very apt and appropriate - the horrors of their upbringings are equally shocking. The author's comparison of the cult she grew up in and the Army is very interesting. This one is not for the faint of heart - but it is a very enlightening and fascinating read.

Daniella grew up in Children of God cult, one of fourteen children, first living on a compound in Brazil then Mexico. She counted down the days until she could escape the physically and sexually violent and abusive cult around age 15, only to find herself eventually in what she describes as another type of cult - the United States Army. Where similar tales of sexual assault, maltreatment, and misogyny permeates a rank structure.

I have never sped through a book so fast. All 14 hours of audio flew by because I was so invested in Daniella’s story and I thoroughly enjoyed her a narrator to share her own words. I was furious, I laughed, I cried, I smiled. All of the emotions in this one. It is such a raw, heartbreaking story that pulls at your heart strings but serves a compelling tale of survivorship and resilience. I am so proud and glad she was brave enough to share her unique story with the world. I hope her speaking out helps fellow cult survivors and women in arms (for which I am one), and brings her some peace.

Thank you so much to NetGalley, SMP, Macmillan Audio, and Daniella for an advance reader and listener’s copies of this powerful memoir. All thoughts are honest and my own.

**Nothing in this review should be attributed to my employer.

TW for Rape and SA this is a cult book so you expect it but it's still a story about rape even after she gets out of the cult. I am really hoping for a hopeful end of this memoir!

I am going to be honest here this book was way too trigger for me the entire book is about rape and sexual assault .There is a half an hour of the book where she talks about not getting raped while she is the army and it’s all just too much for I made it 70% and I am giving up I may go listen to the end of the book just to see if there is anything at all hopeful in this book otherwise this is just a book about rape.

Also the Islamophobia when she was at war was tough to listen to. This is also where this book bogs down. I know women in the military have a very high chance of being SA’d and I know how hard it is for women in military. I feel like this book was more about her time in the military than her time in the cult, I understand that her time in the cult colored her entire life but honestly the cult part of the book was over early on.

I am sorry I wanted so much to like this book but it was too much.

2 stars

I received this book from the publisher Macmillan Audio and NetGalley for a fair and honest review.

"None of it is easy to spot, these tactics that cult leaders - and many other kinds of leaders - rely upon to gain loyalty and inspire their followers. None of it happens all at once, and all of it is genuine. People don't join cults. They join churches, organization, communities, and groups they think will solve a problem for the world or within themselves. They follow leaders, the more charismatic the better. Maybe they're driven by hope, or maybe it's fear. Maybe it is a combination of the two, strengthened by the fuel of righteousness and, often, resentment. And then the logic breaks down, but we're too tightly enthralled to these cults among us to notice."
-Daniella Mestyanek Young

WOW. WOW. WOW.
I am always impressed when someone who has experienced such overwhelming trauma and pain, can climb out of the remnants of that and make a life for themselves. I have such awe and respect for them and that is absolutely the case here. To come through the horrors that the author did and have even a remotely normal life in the end is nothing short of miraculous. I want to thank the author for being brave and having the trust it would take to write such an open and personal book; all of us who have and will read it will never be the same when the book ends.

Cults are insidious. They play on what people need [or think they need], on people's emotions and
once they have trapped them, it is close to impossible to get out. They are dangerous, and the longer they survive, the more dangerous they become [see the influx of hate groups, which are nothing but cults gone rogue] and the more people get hurt. The interesting thing about this story is that the author is born INTO the cult and knows no other life. When reading this, one must remember this - choices that get made when all you have known is trauma and pain and indoctrination are NOT going to always be the best - no one who has lived that life is even remotely prepared for "real" life when they are finally able to get out.

If you choose to read this book [and I highly recommend listening to the author read the audiobook], you need to be prepared. This is a graphic, soul searing, gut-wrenching, ugly crying for the massive loss of so much innocence kind of book. There are many graphic scenes, but there are never gratuitous. They are just the life that the author led and it is important to know it. It helps one appreciate just how far the author had to crawl to have even a note of normal. And trust me, you will appreciate ALL that you have once you've finished this.

Sometimes, when the author narrates the audiobook, you may get a great book that doesn't fully come off that way due to the poor way they narrate. Thankfully, that is not the case here [in fact, I hope that she narrates other books because she is excellent!], and hearing the author tell her story just made the story come more alive [though in some parts, that just adds to the serious emotional toll this book will take on you]. I am so glad that I was able to get the ARC from the audio publisher; it was just the icing on the cake.

Thank you to NetGalley, Daniella Mestyanek Young, St. Martin Press, and Macmillan Audio for providing the ARCS in exchange for an honest review.

“Uncultured” is a powerful and unfathomable memoir.

“Where does a cult end, and a culture begin?”

Daniella Mestyanek Young has experienced unimaginable physical, mental, and emotional abuse her entire life. Growing up in a cult and her (fairly recent!) experiences in the Army, despite the odds, she continually refused to give up on herself even if she may not have realized it at the time.

While “Uncultured” will be a difficult read for some, others will find her life’s journey (life’s journey thus far!) inspirational, especially those who have been or are in similar situations. Personally, I learned a lot about the “Children of God” and, even though there have been many advances in women’s rights within our military services, there is still a long way to go.

I listened to the audio version of “Uncultured”, which was narrator by the author herself. While subtle, you could feel the emotion in her words in each passing chapter. Walking away, I am still pondering… “Where does a cult end, and a culture begin?”

A sincere thank you to NetGalley and Macmillan Audio for providing me an advanced copy (ARC) of the “Uncultured” audiobook in exchange for an honest review. I am grateful to have had the opportunity to listen to Daniella’s story and leave my review voluntarily.

I don’t really know where to start with this one. So many reviews on goodreads go like this- “this was fascinating, but not everyone needs to write a book about their trauma. We’ve seen enough of them, get over it! yada yada *two stars*” and I couldn’t disagree more. How can you sit there and decide who’s story is worth telling? Was it not jarring enough, or entertaining enough for you? I think all stories are worth telling. Overcoming adversities is no simple thing. This was a valuable story to me. For many reasons.

For one, I’d only read snippets of information about the Children of God before this. And none of those articles were written by a survivor or from the perspective of what it was like to grow up on the inside. Her account of her childhood was often times hard to continue listening to, as I was unable to comprehend how a CHILD could have been treated that way by the very people who should have protected her. But I listened, because it tells a truth I often hate acknowledging- that, sometimes, the people meant to protect and love us.. won’t. That the world is a cruel and horrible place more often than not. How often do we turn a blind eye when we see or suspect something bad is happening? “Well, it’s not me or my kid, so it’s none of my business..”

This is why stories like Uncultured are important. For some, it may be an encouraging story of strength, but for others it might be that moment of “oh my god. I think I, too, am in a similar situation.”

The first rule of a cult is that you aren’t in a cult. And the way she describes her time in the military shows how cultish behavior is more common and accepted than we think. Stories like hers and conversations about how harmful behaviors are *so* normalized in our society is really important. How will we ever break the pattern if we don’t advocate for change?

I highly recommend this book. But please check the content warnings.

Thank you NetGalley and MacMillian Audio for the opportunity to review this audiobook!

4 stars.*

I've long been fascinated with all things true crime and it's not a big step into the world of cults.

I have been listening to a podcast about the Synanon Cult and cannot stop thinking about it between episode releases. When I saw this title was available on NetGalley I leaped at the chance to read it. I enjoyed listening ot Daniella herself tell her story.

Uncultured is the story of Daniella, born 3rd generation into The Children of God. By all accounts, a cult. By many, the most tragic, harmful to children cult of them all.

Told entirely first person, Daniella takes us from her mother's pregnancy with her (at 14, the result of the encouraged sex with multiple partners and children as espoused by the founder and leader of "The Family", Grandfather, who was a close friend of her own father, through her early childhood inside the cult, with their rules, and strict guidelines, and blatant sexual assault of children. Daniella is abused from the age of 6, and knows her entire life that she does not fit in and that this is wrong. Her questioning earns her punishment after punishment.

Her coming of age inside The Family is awful and painful to read, but also incredibly inspiring, as at just 15, Daniella makes the incredibly courageous move to leave the Cult and move to the US to be with one of her 14 siblings. In the USA, Daniella has to figure out life outside of the cult. Deprogramming is hard, and despite her intelligence and gumption, before very long she finds herself signed up for another Cult: the US Army.

Daniella's story is important and inspiring. It is well-written and while deeply disturbing it is also encouraging that there can be life after cult indoctrination and despicable abuse.

*with thanks to NetGalley for the audio book in exchange for this honest review.

CW for review: Discussions of Racism, Islamophobia, Lesbophobia, Xenophobia in the book. Discussion of sexism experienced by the author. Discussion of US military presence in Afghanistan detailed in the book.

This was an incredibly disappointing read to say the least. It started off great- the author does a really amazing job of recounting her experience growing up in the The Children of God and I'm so happy that she was able to tell her story and I can only hope that writing this memoir offered her some modicum of healing and catharsis.

However, and this a huge however, what was not made clear to me was that 50% of this book was going to be about her time in the army. At first I thought, 'well, maybe this will be a condemnation of the US army and the war crimes & atrocities it has committed abroad.' No. It was a condemnation of how the army has treated women, the environment of casual and deeply rooted sexism & rape culture that it fostered. And while of course those are important stories that need to be told and heard, I cannot condone it when it does not also come with at least some acknowledgement that the US military is a vile, imperialistic entity. This details the author's experience deployed in Afghanistan in the late 00s and early 2010s- a very significant chunk of the book is about the missions they carried out and the military's presence in Afghanistan. About how hard the author worked to be allowed to see active combat while deployed. Not once, in any meaningful way, does the author discuss the US military's war crimes committed in the region. She does discuss a singular instance in which she was shocked that her fellow soldiers did not have a problem with carrying out torture if it could save American lives. That was it though. She does not even try to address the havoc the US military wreaked on the country or the Afghans it killed. She plays into the incredibly harmful, racist, inaccurate, and reductive narrative that the Americans are in Afghanistan because they are fighting 'terrorists.' The book includes the use of a slur against Muslims twice in the book.

There is some condemnation of the US military in the book but not in the way that you might hope. The author writes, "I wanted the army to love me, even though I was so different. I wanted the army to be better, to be a place where I belonged. Where women belong." And that's the crux of her criticism. It's accurate to say that the American military is terrible to American women, it's true. But the American military is also awful to Afghan women. It's terrible to Pakistani women. It's terrible to Iraqi women. It's terrible to women, children, and men across the globe. There is no acknowledgement of the harm the military has done to them. The book includes so much casual american military propoganda, racism, and imperialism with no meaningful condemnation. And that is not something I can abide. The author mentions how proud she is that she was trail blazer for women to be allowed into active combat roles. At length, she talks about how absurd the ban on women in combat duty is because women can help military operations succeed. She does not talk about the fact that the US military should not be carrying out those missions in the first place. This is a classic example of white feminism- celebrating that women can finally be actively carrying out the racist and imperialistic agenda of the US government just like men can.

Additionally, I want to note that the book also includes seven (yes, SEVEN) uses of a slur against lesbians. Despite the surface level acceptance of queer people, there was a lot of casual homophobia & lesbophobia throughout the book. Multiple times the author mentions how many women in the military were assumed to be gay and chafes at the insinuation. She also mentioned how many women are called a slur and accused of being lesbians when they do things like have close friendships with other women. But she doesn't really acknowledge or try to unpack the lesbophobia that underlies that behavior or environment. She doesn't ever acknowledge how awful it must be for queer women (or queer men) who were on base with her.

So no, I definitely do not recommend this book. Thank you to Netgalley and Macmillan for the audiobook ARC.

content warnings:
-extremely explicit triggers: sexual assault, pedophilia, child sexual assault, child negelct, child abuse, injury/injury detail, suicidal ideation, suicide attempt, suicide, murder, racism, anti-Muslim slurs, anti-lesbian slurs, homophobia, domestic abuse, toxic relationship, sexism, silencing of victims, war, grief, religious bigotry, torture, lesbophobia, trafficking, medical trauma, grief, abandonment, xenophobia
-other triggers: cancer, self harm, infidelity, 9/11

I did not know much about The Children of God cult, and whoa, it was quite messed up to say the least. Daniella does not hold back in this memoir, it is WILD, sad, and horrifying. Cults are extremely fascinating to me, I understand how one could become a part of a group to be accepted, but when extreme behavior goes on in groups like these, I never cease to understand how so many are able to go along with it and look the other way, especially when children are involved. Daniella’s story is especially incredible, not just that she went through despicable things and got out, but that she in fact went on to serve as a high ranking officer in the military, which she likens to a cult in and of its own, especially when it comes to being a woman serving in Afghanistan.

I listened to this on audio, which is how I prefer to listen to memoirs, and it is so good this way. To hear Daniella read her own story is both compelling and moving, and I love when authors read their own story.

I highly recommend this one, there are obvious trigger warnings and some parts of her story are hard to get through, but I am grateful she is sharing it with us.

Thank you to St Martins Press for the advanced copy to review.

𝙈𝙮 𝙧𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ (5 stars)

𝙈𝙮 𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝𝙩𝙨:

Holy crow. I love reading about cults, and do so quite often, but this book was wild.

You’re going to read the first half-ish and be like, wow, this girl has really been through it, but wait… because the second half is just as fascinating. It’s amazing what this woman went through and what she was able to overcome in her lifetime so far.

And her writing style is excellent. If you’re concerned that it may be just another dry, boring memoir, don’t be. It kept me thoroughly engaged throughout the entire thing.

Thank you to NetGalley, St. Martin’s Press, Macmillan Audio and Daniella Mestyanek Young for the advanced copy in exchange for my honest review.

Uncultured is available now.

I'm at a loss for words. I finished this book half an hour ago and I'm sitting here in awe, trying to figure out where to begin with this review.

This book didn't just move me in a surface level way. This book permanently shifted my view of the world. This book is more than a book about escaping a cult. It's a case study on what happens when people congregate in groups and lose their identity and control of themselves.

She starts out a young child born into the Children of God cult, trying to make sense of a world full of rigid rules with inconsistent application. Her mother a warm sanctuary who loves her and teaches her, but then stands by as t h e cult leaders harshly and violently punishes her for no reason. Then it's a story of her escaping the cult, struggling – but slowly succeeding – in finding herself. Then, it's a story about joining a new cult, and nearly losing her life for it.

I think memoirs struggle sometimes because anybody can have an important and impactful story, but not everyone can write a book – and write it well. But this book was written beautifully. I am so genuinely and incredibly impressed. I listened to the audiobook, narrated by the author, and I can confidently recommend the audiobook. There is something incredibly special when it's the author bringing the words to life.

Daniella, you are the embodiment of resilience. I am starstruck by your strength, but I am also glad you have found a safe place to rest with your husband and little love. I am honored to have heard your story from your own lips, with your own voice, and hope you continue to use it to highlight the dangers of groupthink.

This was a tough listen as the author covers a lot of traumatic events that she goes through. To say that she is brave is an understatement. Hearing an insiders view from a cult is always interesting to see how things progress.

I am very drawn to books that involve cults so when I saw this book coming out I knew I had to read it.

I love a hard hitting memoir about difficult topics and this one lived up to all my hopes! Outrageously harrowing, this story will punch you in all the feels. From pain, abuse and difficult circumstances, Daniella emerged a determined, accomplished woman with an important story. Plus the Audiobook was excellent

Thank you Macmillan Audio & NetGally for allowing me to

I've read a lot of cult memoirs. I read Sex Cult Nun earlier this year and almost didn't pick this one up after that one. But I am really glad I did. Sex Cult Nun almost seemed like trauma porn. So many details about trauma for the shock value. But with Uncultured, I appreciated how Daniella didn't go into detail about the sexual assaults, especially the ones as a child, but instead there was a lot of reflection on how she felt when it happened, how it was wrong, and how it affected her moving forward. I had never really compared the military to a cult, but there were so many similarities between the two mentioned in this book and that was an interesting perspective.

Thank you to #NetGalley for the advanced reader copy.
This was such a raw account of Daniella's life. The horrors that she went through are ones that no human should ever have to experience, yet ones that happen so often. As a sexual assault survivor, I felt her pain, and when her voice would break as the narrator of her own story, it gutted me. The fact that she was able to overcome such tragedies and hardships in her childhood to become a functioning human and strong woman, show the resilience of females. We are not the weaker sex. We are the survivors.

Thank you MacMillan Audio for my gifted audiobook.

Uncultured, while compared to Educated and The Glass Castle, is unlike anything you have read before. The Children of God cult that is described in this memoir, uses child abuse, sexual abuse, and emotional abuse as their means to their religion.

Overall, I would recommend this book as long as you know what you are getting yourself into. Also, Daniella is the narrator which I think adds even more emotion the audiobook experience.

[Thank you @netgalley, @macmillan.audio, and @simonandschuster for the #gifted ARC and audiobook].

Whew, what a memoir! Daniella was born into and grew up in the Children of God, a religious cult. She details her traumatizing and abuse childhood experiences, her move to America, and eventual career in the military.

I was blown away by the author’s ability to be open and candid about her experiences, especially all the trauma she’s suffered during her life—both when in the Children of God and the military. I was fascinated by Daniella’s story, and extremely grateful that she was brave enough to share her story with the world.

And that epilogue?! So many quotable sentences. I loved her comparison of cults to other groups (including the military) and how group culture can create toxicity. Such powerful words.

If you like memoirs, then I HIGHLY recommend this one!! (Please check the content warnings)

The first half of the book was most interesting. The authors time in the cult. I struggled to see how the time after in the military had any significance. I requested this because of the promise of the inside scoop to a well known cult and was disappointed when so much of the book was about her time after the cult, in the army, which really could have/did/does happen to so many women. It’s an unfortunate reality that there is corruption in the US army, but it didn’t happen to her because of her time in a cult. Maybe I’m shallow for thinking this way, but I think the second half of the book could have been taken out. I struggled to get through the last few chapters because I was no longer interested in what the author had to say. I’m not turning a blind eye to the corruption and danger to women in the US army, but as I said before, her being in a cult during her childhood had nothing to do with it. I was hoping this book would give me more information about the children of god and while it did, for the first part of the book, it definitely steered away from that in the end.
To the author: I commend you for coming out on top after such experiences and for dealing with more in your life than most can possibly imagine. Please don’t let me review take away from that. You are a strong woman and I look up to you for that. I can’t imagine the things you have seen and experienced as described in this memoir and I have the utmost respect for you for sharing your story.

Thank you @NetGalley for the opportunity to experience this book and the authors life as portrayed.