Thank you so much to the Publisher for sending me a copy of this audiobook! I really was hoping I would love this book, the description drew me in from the first second but I just unfortunately don’t think this book was for me.

1 star: I did not like it

Summary: Ula Frost, a famous portrait painter, is on the run after she is accused of summoning doppelgangers of the people she paints portraits for from parallel universes. After Ula disappears mysteriously, her estranged daughter, Pepper, is left to investigate what happened to Ula.

You may enjoy this book if you enjoy:
The Butterfly Effect (movie with Ashton Kutcher)
Sliding Doors (movie with Gweneth Paltrow)
Stories with the lightest hint of Sci-Fi but not too much Sci-Fi
Gritty mysteries
Complicated birth mother/daughter relationships

Thoughts: While the premise is really interesting I felt like the book was way too long and oftentimes got too caught up in the little details which really disrupted the flow. Pepper’s point of view was not super entertaining to read from. She is understandably dealing with a lot but her indecision at times felt very irritating.

Jesse Vilinsky was the narrator for this audiobook and I think they did a wonderful job bringing this book to life.

Although this was an interesting premise, I could not get fully into it and so have taken a break. I might return as books that deal with multiple universes are attractive.

I knew I’d enjoy this book based solely on the description. I did enjoy it even though it was slow in places are a bit hard to believe in others. I’m glad I read it and will definitely be on the lookout for more books from this author.

Thanks to Netgalley and MacMillan audio I was gifted an advance reader copy of the audiobook version of this debut novel, which had a fascinating premise, a great narrator (Jesse Vilinsky), lovely adoptive lesbian moms who share a veterinary practice, and an absorbing central female character, Pepper.

I see that this book is sometimes referred to as sci-fi, but I don't see any sci-fi here, just speculative fiction/magical realism. (We are never given any kind of scientific explanations for how any of the magic happens, which is fine with me.)

Pepper was abandoned at birth and adopted by the above-mentioned lesbian veterinarians, who raise her with lots of love. When we enter Pepper's life she is in her mid-thirties and married to a nice guy, Ike, who studies women's historical diaries as an academic. Unfortunately, perhaps as a means of ratcheting up the suspense, it isn't always clear that Ike is a good guy and that he and Pepper love one another, which I found annoying by the time I reached the book's somewhat confusing conclusion. Still, most of the book is well-written and the premise (that Pepper's bio mom makes paintings that allow the subjects of her portraits to enter a parallel universe) is intriguing and absorbingly portrayed, so overall I'd recommend this novel -- and look forward to what Aimee Pokwatka might write next.

I keep wanting to like this book but it’s so slow and I find it hard to find my footing. The stuff about Pepper’s job and academia don’t make any sense at all. When I realized it was Tor, I was hoping for more of a sci-fi angle but am never got one. In the end I found this book deeply annoying. I think fans of literary fiction would enjoy but idk who else.

Raised by two loving, adoptive mothers, married to a supportive husband, and working as a respected forensic anthropologist, Pepper Rafferty should be living her best life. But she’s obsessed with her birth mother.

At age fifteen, she discovered that she was abandoned by the world renowned artist, Ula Frost. The reclusive painter, famous for her rumored ability to paint portraits of people from other dimensions, has gone missing, presumed dead. Pepper suddenly finds herself the recipient of her estranged mother’s estate and the attention of The Everett Group, a shadowy organization that wants to learn the secret behind Ula Frost’s talent.

Now Pepper’s on a worldwide scavenger hunt, the Everetts hot on her heels, following a trail of clues toward the answers she’s spent her whole life looking for. And she picking up help along the way from the last person she’d expect… her mother…. and her mother…. and her mother… and her mother…

This novel isn’t quite as propellent as The Da Vinci Code, or as weird as the sci-fi TV shows Fringe and Orphan Black, but fans of those will probably find something to like about Self-Portrait with Nothing.

Thank you to Netgalley and Macmillan Audio for allowing me to read and review this delightful book!

As the first sentence states this is such a delight to read! I am marking as one of my favorite books of 2022! The storyline (to me) is pretty unique with interesting characters. It starts with a young lady who had been adopted as a child by her two moms. Eventually, she find out out that her biological is mother is missing and that she could become the sole heir to her fortune. But, as the lawyer tells her who her biological mother is, it sends shock waves down her spine. Her biological mother is no other than a famous artist. This sends her on an adventure to find her. But little did she know, what she finds, may not be the mother she was after all along, and that a painting might just have something to do with it.

If you like mystery books with a little artistic adventure thrown in, this is the book for you!

This was so fascinating but, for me, it fell apart in the final act. I just have a hard time believing that this happy ending ish thing works out. No one was likeable except for Pepper's Moms and they just were not there enough. I wanted to love this and at the midway point, I thought I was going to, but I felt it drifted too much for me.

Artists in novels and multiple universes are a sweet spot for me. Self Portrait with Nothing combines both wonderfully.

Ula Frost is a famous painter, whose portraits of clients are versions of that person from a different universe. What could go wrong? Ula has disappeared, and thought dead, her estate is given to her daughter Pepper, who was abandoned as a baby and did not grow up knowing Ula. This novel covers the globe and dimensions to tell the tale of a daughter and the mother who left her.

Wonderfully written and entirely original. This novel is a page turner with a great conclusion.

I loved the idea of this book — a painter’s works can bring the subjects from other worlds into this one — but I found that the story didn’t live up to its premise for me. The artist’s daughter is searching for her for a big chunk of the book, and it felt like it wanted to be a mystery about where she went, but the pace didn’t serve to keep me interested throughout the first half. And I enjoyed the reflective nature of “are we better off in this world/should we even ask ourselves that question?” but it did feel like that could have been grounded more. I did really enjoy the narrator!

I hate surprises except when I read. When I read, I love to have NO GODLY IDEA where the book is heading.

I will check out a book to see if people whose taste match mine like it, but then once I decide, I go in blind. I don’t read the blurb, avoid all reviews and posts, and just read. I want to see the story unfold as the author intended, not as the community experienced it.

I had no idea where SELF-PORTRAIT WITH NOTHING was headed. Similar to MY DIRTY CALIFORNIA, it could have been sci-fi (parallel universes) or unreliable narrator (mental illness).

I’m delighted to say it worked. I enjoyed the unique story about Pepper, an adopted daughter searching for her famous mother, who has mysteriously disappeared. Complicating matters are a couple of powerful henchmen who want to find her, too. You see, Ula Frost isn’t just a painter. Rumor is when she paints a subject, she pulls their double to this universe from an alternate one.

Or does she?

I listened to the ALC and wasn't a big fan of the narrator's "male" voice, but otherwise, it was a solid delivery.

In a Nutshell: Could have been brilliant but ends up as average. Innovative concept. But the execution transcends multiple genres and creates a mishmash of experiences. The choppy pacing doesn’t help. Debut work, so I will cut it some slack.

Story Synopsis:
Thirty-six year old Pepper Rafferty lives a happy average life. Abandoned as a baby, she was raised by the lesbian doctor couple who found her on their veterinary hospital’s doorstep. Pepper is married to Ike, an ordinary, easy-going man with excessive interest in historical journals. Pepper herself is a forensic anthropologist and loves her job.
There’s one thing about Pepper that no one knows: when she was fifteen, she discovered the identity of her biological mother, who was none other than Ula Frost, a notoriously reclusive painter famous for her paintings that supposedly summoned the subject’s doppelgangers to this world from an alternate universe.
Now Ula Frost is missing, presumed dead. Pepper suddenly finds herself at the centre of attention of various parties, good and bad—all of whom want to crack the secret behind Ula Frost, not realising that she is a secret to Pepper too.

Where the book worked for me:
✔ The concept is truly unusual. While multiverses and doppelgangers have been a part of various fictional works, using art as a medium to access these rather than the more typical technological entryways was a novelty.
✔ Pepper and Ike make for an interesting couple. Neither overly lovey-dovey nor totally indifferent, their relationship comes across as quite relatable. Their connection is more based on the mind than on the body, and this shows in their repartee and their strong connection with each other even through non-verbal communication. While some of their arguments were too trivial and hence avoidable (which is what happens between couples in real life too), I still liked how they were portrayed so realistically.
✔ There are some interesting secondary characters, the best being Pepper’s lesbian moms Lydia and Annie.
✔ The title is perfect for the story, though I can’t reveal its relevance now as it will be a spoiler. (The cover is brilliant too!)
✔ The story makes good use of its locations. I especially enjoyed the parts set in Poland.


Where the book could have worked better for me:
❌ The pacing isn’t consistent. It was too slow during the initial three quarters and too rushed in the final quarter.
❌ The story covers various genres: magical realism, drama, family, literary fiction, speculative fiction, mystery and thriller. Unfortunately, these aren’t blended well and the plot goes hopping from one to another, creating a choppy feeling as you go along. The initial sections are more dramatic while the finale is like an action thriller. As a character-driven story, the book hinges entirely on the actions of its characters, which may not work well for plot-driven content lovers.
❌ While the plot vaguely reminded me of Blake Crouch’s ‘Dark Matter’, it left a lot untouched. There could have been so much more explored with respect to the alternate universes, but the story sets itself very firmly in our world. The whats and whys of the multiversal technicalities remain unexplained.
❌ It overdoes the reference to alternate universes while Pepper is musing. Especially in the first half, after every few lines, we hear “in another universe,…[assumption about what would/could have been]…” These multiversal what-if ramblings get too repetitive and boring soon.
❌ The ending feels somewhat anticlimactic. So many things are left unsaid. There’s no closure.


The audiobook experience:
The audiobook, clocking at a little more than 11 hours, is narrated by Jesse Vilinsky. She is simply brilliant! There are plenty of characters to keep track of in this story, but thanks to her narration, not once did I falter on the identity of anyone. The only issue is that there are plenty of text messages between Pepper and Ike, which becomes slightly confusing in the audio version as they appear in between another conversation or scene. If you think this isn’t a big issue, then audio is definitely the way to go for this mixed-paced story.

All in all, this isn’t a bad story, but it is also not as mind-blowing as it could have been by virtue of that brilliant concept. It is a strange book, but then again, it is speculative fiction – there’s no fun in this genre without a shade of bizarreness to the content.
This debut author certainly shows promise, and with a bit of editorial fine-tuning, her future works are sure to be more impactful. I’ll definitely keep her on my radar. I don’t know how I would have felt if I were reading this due to the varying pace and genres, but the audiobook certainly helped a lot.

3.5 stars, rounding up for the audio version.

My thanks to Macmillan Audio and NetGalley for the ALC of “Self-Portrait with Nothing”. This review is voluntary and contains my honest opinion about the audiobook.

Self-Portrait with Nothing is a science fiction mystery following the biological daughter of a famous painter known for her portraits she claims summons the subjects' selves from different universes. It caught my attention with it's intriguing premise and stunning cover, but I found it difficult to maintain my attention. What I did enjoy was the way the characters were so complex — they were written with flaws and it showed them struggling with those flaws. I just think personally this story wasn't really for me, but I would recommend it to anyone who likes sci-fi and art!

I was drawn in by the slight sci-fi/fantasy elements and hoped for an interesting exploration of parallel universes. Unfortunately, this story just didn't stand out to me. It failed to catch my interest until very late in the book. The sci-fi elements were not as prominent as I was hoping they would be. The majority of this book is very much a mystery book with suggestions of magical realism. It takes a very long time to set up Pepper and her various relationships. The sci-fi elements were very "hand-wavey" and underexplored.

Pepper is a very interesting and relatable main character. However, her perspective read as very stream of consciousness at times which made it hard for me to stay engaged. A lot of her "in another universe" dissociation moments were very repetitive in both language and content. Her internal struggle with her self-identity and relationship with her biological mother were the most interesting parts of the book. However, they are not the reason I picked this up.

Unfortunately, this book just didn't focus on the plot elements that interested me the most. It is very well written but lacks a level of vibrancy and intrigue to hold my attention.

Clever premise and execution in this sci-fun debut by Aimee Pokwatka from Tordotcom. First half of the book moves slowly but the narrator was lovely and kept me motivated until the plot thickened. Thanks so much to Netgalley and the publisher for the ALC.

Thank you to the publishers, author and NetGalley for the free copy of this audio book.

This started a little slow but ended up being pretty fascinating. I was surprised by how much I actually liked the main character, she seems like someone that would typically annoy me. The whole premise is very interesting, and the narrator did a good job.

"We deteriorate over time."

Self Portrait With Nothing by debut author Aimee Pokwatka is a unique bizarre story that had my full attention. Ula Frost is famous not just for her paintings but her claim that when she does your portrait it will bring forth your doppelganger from a parallel universe.

Hats off to narrator Jesse Vilinsky who had to maneuver many accents and multi versions of the same character.
When Ula goes missing it puts her daughter Pepper, who she abandoned at birth, in danger. After all with a dozen self portraits who is the real Ula? This was a fun mix of sci fi, mystery and suspense.

I received a free copy of thid audiobook from MacMillan Audio via Netgalley for a fair and honest review.

*This Review Is For The Audiobook*

Self-Portrait with Nothing was an unusual book in the best way-- somehow reminiscent of Before the Coffee Gets Cold and The Picture of Dorian Gray.
Pepper feels real and approachable, even in a setting where pulling one's multi-demensional other into her own world is possible.
There's a bit of something here for everyone-- intrigue, light romance, interdimensional travel, art, and a compilleng mother-daughter story of adoption, celebrity, and lies.My heart dropped in my chest when the title became clear and the whole book will stay with me in a way that very few stories do.

"Self-Portrait with Nothing" gives a fun twist on the notion of parallel universes, this time with the idea that they are unlocked by a gifted artist who essentially paints their intersections — by painting you, she can bring another you, from another universe, crashing into this one. I loved the premise and, to be quite frank, found myself enjoying this more than I expected to when judging it by its cover. It has a slow simmer for the first two thirds and really hits its stride in the last third, where it surprised me by switching into a thriller-esque action narrative (just when I'd accepted it as a character drama).

A quick synopsis: Pepper Rafferty was abandoned as a baby and adopted by two local veterinarians, a lesbian couple who has raised her lovingly. Now at the age of 36, she's married to Ike and thriving in her own career as a forensic anthropologist. Spending her days unlocking the secrets of bones, she has a secret of her own: she knows who her birth mother is, the famous painter Ula Frost, who claims that her paintings can bring doppelgängers of her subjects from parallel universes. When Ula goes missing, Pepper finds herself drawn into a global mystery as she hunts for Ula and answers about her past and future.

It does take some patience getting into this book, and I wish it had picked up the pace a bit faster in the beginning. I found the tension in Pepper and Ike's relationship a bit odd and out of context. For what was advertised as a stable marriage, they seemed to get hung up on seemingly minor issues quite easily. I enjoyed this book overall, though, and recommend it for anyone who likes light sci-fi that still feels grounded in realism. What a fun concept to consider!