I’m a huge fan of this couple & their products. This book was no exception & recommend it to my patients often.

Thank you Net Galley & to the publisher for this ARC in exchange for my honest review.

Great book and a must read. Well researched and well written, I'd recommend if interested in this subject matter.

Sex Talks is a wonderful book! This is such a very useful and practical way to figure out how to discuss and improve your relationship with your partner. Even if you already are open in your communication, there is still definitely more you can get from this book to make it even better. And if you find the topic of sex awkward to talk about, or just don't know how to start, this is a wonderful way to begin. Sex Talks is written in a very readable and approachable way and I definitely am glad that I read it.

Thank you to NetGalley for a digital ARC of Sex Talks.

I requested this book before I found Vanessa and Xander on InstaGram. This is probably the best relationship self-help I've ever read. The advice WORKS! If you're in a rut or just going through any struggle, read this!

This was EXCELLENT - as a long-time fan of their instagram account, I wondered if it would all be the same stuff, but this was a brilliant compilation of new and recycled content.

Informative and fun, but nothing groundbreaking. The general concepts were easy to assume, but the author did a deep dive and thoroughly explained the how's and why's of each. I really enjoyed the real examples of couples that the author worked with in her practice, and the personal stories shared from her own relationship. The audio version of the book was well done, the narration by the author was the perfect tone and delivery. This is definitely geared more towards people currently in a relationship, but has knowledge to brought be to future relationships as well.

I loved the book. Super useful and informative. I have been following them on instagram and was so excited to get my hands on this book. Did not disappoint.

An extremely readable and practical guide to having conversations with your significant other about sex. Makes an effort to be inclusive and the dual perspectives from Vanessa and Xander are useful and humorous. Would make a good companion book to Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life by Emily Nagowski.

I didn't have any previous knowledge of the author, and I was surprised by how warm and insightful this book was. It's not really a book about the act of sex, it's about how to better communicate with your partner about sex, intimacy, and your relationship. The author (together with her husband, who is a frequent character and occasional contributor in the book) is a sex and couples therapist and shares similar content with her social media following. The chapters of "Sex Talks" are filled with real-life situations, practical advice, support, and scripts about- importantly- how to figure out what you want, and how to ask for it. I loved how very practical and relatable this book was- not to mention funny! Definitely recommend.

My thanks to the author, publisher and #NetGalley for giving me an ARC of this book in exchange for my honest opinion.

Thank you to all for this early gifted copy of Sex Talks by Vanessa Marin!

I'm going to be honest and say that when I started this book, I really felt like it was every other sex and relationship book I've ever read. I wasn't hearing another new, it was the same statistics and materials used as other books I've read. But the thing that stood out to me in this book, in comparison to others, is the way Vanessa gave "talking openers" and ideas. It was like hearing her just say examples of how you could say something stirred my brain in another directions.

I also really appreciated the openness she and Xander had about their own challenges and struggles over time. I found that helpful for reading a book that can feel awkward at times, or like an attack to some.

I think I would read this book again, and even suggest it to others or my partner in the future on how to have healthy conversations around physical and intimate relationships.

I have mixed feelings about this book - but I’m giving it a relatively high rating because I think that, overall, it has the potential to be helpful for a lot of individuals and couples.

In fact, I think that this book would have been groundbreaking for me and my partner about 5-10 years ago. At that time, we were transitioning from the infatuation stage of our relationship into something much more secure and companionate. We were noticing the reality of (what we called at the time) our “mismatched libidos” and all of the advice online seemed to center on “just have sex and the responsive desire will happen naturally.”

Exactly as Marin points out in this book, that can be a recipe for disaster. It took us years to realize that I needed connection to feel sexual while he needed sex to feel connected (or at least he thought that he should). It took us years to realize that we could do a better job of negotiating what all “sex” could mean for us. And in those years, a lot of damage was done to my relationship with sex. It would’ve been nice to have read this book back then, so that we could have maybe come to those realizations a lot quicker and avoided some of the pain.

At the same time, I’m not entirely convinced that some of Marin’s ideas wouldn’t have just created different issues for us. And that’s for one small but glaring reason: She never truly acknowledges the potential of asexuality.

Don’t get me wrong; the word is said exactly once (where it is rather inaccurately defined as a “lifelong disinterest in sex.”) But it’s never actually approached as a serious consideration for folks. For all of the ways that Marin encourages readers to question what sex means to them, and why they think that sex has to be this perfect, spontaneous, and effortless activity… she never asks us to question why we feel pressured to have sex in the first place. Why so many folks report wanting a higher sex drive, or wanting to want sex when they don’t, or fear losing their partner if they don’t have sex enough. She never questions compulsory sexuality. In fact, she reinforces it by stating this about emotional and physical intimacy: “One can’t survive without the other in a long-term relationship.” This statement ignores so many loving and committed relationships in the world - and that breaks my heart.

So while I think this book will likely appeal to the masses of cisheteronormative couples, AND a lot of my own past experiences were justified, AND a couple ideas such as the “easy win” were inspiring or exciting… it still felt overly simplified and lacking to me. At this point in both my own journey and my partner’s journey of Queering the idea of sex and relationships, it didn’t acknowledge the complexity of our sexualities. And even when the author made a point to include gay, lesbian, or non-binary examples… it still didn’t feel truly inclusive.

I came into reading Sex Talks with a mild amount of interest - I’m not big on self-help books, but who doesn’t want to learn ways to improve intimacy, right? I was surprised to find that it was actually very practical advice, much more so than any resource I’ve read prior. In fact, that same day I reviewed excerpts with my husband and we had an intense, valuable conversation that deepened our relationship. Vanessa and Xander adeptly distill anecdotal and research-based data into simple, straightforward, useful advice delivered with light-hearted humor. Would highly recommend this to anyone seeking to improve and nurture their romantic relationship.

ARC provided by NetGalley, and the book was finally published today! Everyone grab a copy!!

This book is written by Vanessa, a sex therapist, and her husband, Xander. The two authors provided unique perspectives that were relatable, funny, and informative. I appreciated how specific this book was, especially in regard to starting conversations about various topics. I struggle with talking in general, so I love a good prompt/format haha. The main focus of the book was around these five essential convos:

Acknowledgment (sex is a thing and we have it) / Connection (what do we each need to feel close to each other) / Desire (what do we each need to get turned on) / Pleasure (what do we each need to feel good) / Exploration (what should we try next)

There are many real-life examples and worksheets provided. I also loved how they discussed ways to initiate/turn down sex.
Overall, I would highly recommend this book!! I do think it would be most beneficial to people currently in sexual relationships. It’s definitely one I will be keeping for future reference!

I got an ARC/Galley on NetGalley in exchange for my honest review. I highlighted the heck out of this on my kindle! I requested it because I liked the cover and title, not because I was seeking out this reading material, but I am happy with the discovery. I shared some of it with my partner, which was a hit. I can see how this would be very helpful for somebody struggling in any of the five areas Vanessa and Xander delve into. I liked that they were two unique voices, and my partner & I related to each of them in distinctly different ways. Also, the therapy advice is consistent with what I’ve heard and read from all the greats, applied to sex specifically, so I trust it. I would recommend this to couples or even a book club if you *really* know each other well. It definitely fits my theme of reading a “spicy” book around Valentine’s Day.

Vanessa (and Xander) have created a modern help guide to making your sex life better! With inclusive scenarios, this book's goal is to help your relationship with your partner(s) become stronger. The topics are helpful without being shaming you for having these issues. The book has an upbeat and positive tone that make you want to fix any issues you might be having. I also liked that this book was designed for couples to read together. Sex book club anyone?

This book was excellent ! Direct but not “offensively” so. Being the more open person in my marriage I found this book very helpful in navigating difficult conversations with my partner. I also found a lot of insight and a better understanding of my partners perspective . This book is very insightful and I appreciate the way it was formatted !

A very thought out book, about sex communication with partners. The topics discussed help guide people understand themselves and their partners regarding intimacy. Very open topic discussed, when we see sex around but it is very hush frown upon topic. It open the discussion to alíviate any shame or shyness regarding sex and make it confortable to discuss.

Man, I wish I had read this book in my early 20s. You know, for all of the terrifying health information we got in school about how boils and pregnancy will appear if you even think about sex near someone (or was that just my school?), no one ever taught us how to communicate about it in a healthy way. And this book fixes that. Vanessa Marin, a therapist with 20 years of experience in this area, is breaking down how to have informative, loving, and honest conversations that lead to everyone’s happy ending. She pairs examples from her therapy clients and information submitted by followers of their popular IG page with perspectives from her husband to provide essential information and accessible action steps that are very doable. She provides sample scripts, questions, and activities that give the reader a clear roadmap. Vanessa and her husband Xander share personal examples that are both embarrassing and entirely relatable, making the reader feel comforted that they have been where we are! I almost never preorder hardcover books, but I ordered one before I finished reading this e-ARC because I know I want to make some notes.

If you are having anything less than your perfect life in the bedroom, this is a great book to help you figure out what you want and how to make it happen. Even with great communication in this area with my husband, I still learned some new tools and points to ponder. I rank it up there with Mating in Captivity and Come As You Are for essential relationship reading. I honestly wish gynecologists would hand out this book when women come in for birth control.

Thanks to Simon Element and NetGalley for the advanced copy in exchange for an honest review.

Sex Talks: Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life is a book of conversation and reflection. Talking about sex often has negative consequences depending on the environment. But therapists offer a safe place and encouragement for people, especially couples, to open up. In this text, Vanessa Marin along with her husband Xander gives readers suggestions and provides evidence of success in their relationships. They admit their actions during intimacy are not perfect. They answer questions about problems couples have during arousal, intercourse and retrospect. They work through their hardships and help others with their problems.

Many relationship challenges are shown through examples of Vanessa acting in her professional role as a therapist. She provides clear and detailed explanations of her opinions. The book contains many practices that individuals and couples can try together.

For people to have productive sex lives and be intimate in nurturing ways, they need to communicate. Rather than shutter and pout because someone is not having fun, they can focus their issues on communication. Talk about sex, and improve your intimacy.

Thank you, Vanessa and Xander, and Simon Element for the copy of Sex Talks to review.

Talking about Sex, even with sexual partners, seems to be a bit taboo.  I have had guys surprised I want to discuss things before we dive in, but I have found that discussing things beforehand and both of you being able to manage expectations of what is going to happen and what is and isn't on the table makes for a much more enjoyable time.  The book definitely touched on that so it seems like I am on the right track in wanting to talk things through but even takes it to the next level with a lot of quizzes about different things to find out where you and your partner may differ on things like what turns you on and how you feel about how sex is initiated in the relationship.  The author even has her partner talk about his side of things as well and how things aren't always wild and kinky in their sex life and how they have had to work through their own issues in the bedroom as well.  Definitely a must read for anyone in a sexual relationship.

I received a free e-copy of this book in order to write this review, I was not otherwise compensated.