For some reason, I find I’m always drawn to books about complicated grief. This one is no exception. It’s an intense story, both in its exploration of grief, but also in the way that it’s written like a thriller. I feel like all the stories I want to compare it to give things away about the plot, though.

After Lia’s death, Chase finds herself trying to sift through her memories and those of her friends to piece together what happened and understand why. She feels someone must be responsible, or that there must be an explanation that will make Lia’s death make sense, and she’ll do whatever it takes to find the truth.

I liked those things about her. Her desperation was palpable. Her grief exploded off the page. I couldn’t help rooting for her, even though sometimes she did self-destructive things.

The story explores the pressure that Chase and her friends feel at school. All of them have ambitious AP course loads plus extracurriculars. They decide that drugs and a cheating ring, in which one person completes an assignment or test and distributes the work to the others, is the only reasonable way to survive.

While obviously cheating is wrong, I couldn’t help pausing to think about why they chose that course and whether certain high-achieving academic programs do push kids too hard. I don’t know. It’s still something I’m thinking about.

All in all, I WILL FIND YOU AGAIN has perfect pacing in a deep, emotional landscape. Fans of E. Lockhart or Matthew Quick totally want to check this one out.

Note: I received a free copy of this book in exchange for my honest review. All opinions my own.

Chase Ohara and Lia Vestiano would seem like complete opposites, but the two teenagers have been best friends for years. Chase has always been driven to succeed, in large part due to her father’s own long standing unhappiness at never having been able to afford to go to Stanford University as a teenager. Now a high-powered consultant, he expects Chase to not only follow in his footsteps but to outperform him by every measure.

Lia is far less straitlaced, and far more into using her mother Jo’s money to travel and have a good time. The adopted daughter of a celebrity chef, she’s the epitome of the privileged East Coast teenager. But her glamorous life masks her unhappiness and insecurity, not helped by how Jo constantly tries to put the spotlight on Lia’s ethnicity for the benefit of Jo’s cooking show:

QUOTE
Lia hated it. Hates the way strangers asked her to explain her Italian last name and white parents, the way her mom highlighted her “cultural heritage.” In middle school, sick of having to justify her existence, she came up with a line she’d recite to anyone who asked: “I’m ethnically Korean, culturally Italian.” It was her shield, a way to stop the questions, even though sometimes they’d continue.
END QUOTE

When Lia and Chase fall in love, it seems both unlikely and like a perfect fit. After all, if they can set aside their differences to be so supportive of one another, then romance can’t be completely out of the question either. But as senior year bears down on them, cracks start appearing in a connection they once thought unshakeable. As Chase focuses more and more on looking like the perfect candidate for Stanford, Lia finds herself begging her girlfriend to pay less attention to school and more attention to her.

Things come to a head in a messy breakup that leaves Chase feeling regretful and hollowed out. To her dismay, Lia seems to quickly move on with new student Hunter van Leeuwen. So when Chase gets an unexpected text message from her now-ex, she doesn’t know how to respond. What would be the point of meeting in Montauk, as Lia has messaged her hundreds of times before their breakup, if Lia is with someone else now?

Chase only really starts to worry when Jo calls several days later to ask if she knows where Lia is. Chase begins searching for the girl she still considers her best friend, even swallowing her pride and asking Hunter for help. Hunter has no idea where Lia is, but is convinced that if something bad has happened to her, that it has to do with Cole Landau, Chase’s illicit source for the pills she takes to help her focus and study. Reluctantly, Chase realizes that she will have to infiltrate Cole’s inner circle in order to figure out what happened to Lia. Will her investigations jeopardize her entire future or, even worse, her life?

I Will Find You Again is a dark exploration of the pressures placed on high-performing teenagers to succeed, as well as a painfully honest depiction of children with mental illnesses. The narrative isn’t exactly straightforward, but that only heightens the drama and mystery at the core of this novel. The characters can be tough to like – Chase’s dad in particular, is a petulant child in adult’s clothing – but you can almost always understand where they’re coming from.

Chase is fully cognizant of how terrible she herself can be, as when she decides to use a difficult earlier chapter from Lia’s life in order to help her get into Stanford:

QUOTE
I’d already planned to write my personal essay on that summer, mining Lia’s tragedy to [...] provide substance and depth to my application. I already knew I’d have to invent a moral to the story, about the importance of access to mental health care perhaps. Or maybe a hard lesson learned about prioritizing what really mattered in life. It didn’t matter if it was bullshit and it didn’t matter if it was Lia’s personal struggle and not my story to tell. I was playing a <i>game</i>. This is what you did, this was the only way to win.
END QUOTE

Chase’s cynicism is put to the test by Lia’s disappearance, as she slowly realizes that maybe nothing, not even getting into the college of her father’s dreams, is worth the slow collapse of everything that makes up who she is. Whether it be her physical health, her relationships or her moral integrity, Chase has been willing to put everything on the line in order to fulfill her father’s ambitions for her. It’s thus exceptionally satisfying to watch her realize that she’s more than an extension of her father’s will, even if the catalyst for this epiphany is a particularly harrowing time in her own life. Overall, this book can be hard to read, but it will probably save more than one young reader from burnout or worse, if not outright encourage them to get the help they need.

3.5 probably, this is a book with Asian representation, sapphic representation, mental health concerns, it shows how pressure is killing rising college students... but I just didn't feel super invested!!

It had one of those plot devices that folks who haven't been reading for 15+ years will think is so cool! I bet teens would love this. But as someone who has read so many tropes by now, I just didn't get knocked out of my seat reading it, even though I must say I didn't really see it coming. (I'm being purposefully vague so you will have no idea what I'm talking about :0))

I Will Find You Again is a YA thriller/mystery that fans of the genre will enjoy. I think many readers will find Chase (the driven overachiever) and Lia (the loving free spirit) to be relatable characters. One component of the story that I really enjoyed was that Chase still had to continue with her academic and extracurricular obligations while trying to figure out what happened to Lia…that part really emphasized to me how much pressure she was feeling. Although I was able to predict some parts of the book, there were others that completely surprised me. This book does have some heavy content (depression, suicide, addiction), so I wouldn’t categorize it as an “easy” read, but I would say that it engaging which makes it a quick read. The author has also included a list of resources for those that need assistance related to these issues.

This book started and stopped in places for me. I was initially intrigued by the disappearance of Lia and the mystery, but when Chase and Lia's relationship was long over and this was likely only a suicide, I admit I felt the story beginning to drag on. I took a break, then read an interview with Sarah Lyu, authour, of I Will Find You Again, and she mentioned that the book was inspired by the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Intrigued, I set to reading again, found the twist, and was hooked to finish the rest as quickly as I could. I really hadn't given the book a fair shake at first and I'm glad I came back to it.

This is a book with a flawed narrator, and there are elements that she can't even admit to herself, which leads to further discoveries. I really think this is such an honest look at depression and memory loss, as well as suicidal ideation. It was difficult to read at times, but would lead to some good discussions with teens.

TW: drug use, depression, anxiety, mentions of unliving, and unaliving ideation

Lyu also sensitively and realistically depicts addiction, depression, and suicidal ideation. I appreciated the care put into these heartbreaking scenes.

This story sort of reminds me of pretty little liars but a bit better. What I want to acknowledge first is how this book managed to tackle heavy topics in a way that it was written beautifully.

A book with these constant heart-wrenching elements is not the type I usually fall in love with, but there is something so addicting about a mystery with a main character slowly spiraling that draws you in. I Will Find You Again is such a head-spinner and absolutely heart-wrenching.

Overall, I Will Find You Again is a story worth reading. It may not be your “typical” read or upon picking it up you know it’s got a lot of heartbreak… but it’s absolutely worth it.

I Will Find You Again is a book that I think will be very polarizing to readers due in part to its structure, but also because of the heavy themes it explores - which I strongly recommend potential readers look up content warnings for!

When I first read the synopsis for this book, I was surprised that it was relatively short. Now having finished it, I think this was the best approach because I truly was unable to guess the big reveal. This is pitched as a thriller although it felt more like a contemporary. I Will Find You Again leans into a trope that I was not entirely a fan of here since it required a certain suspension of belief. Structurally, it just didn't feel entirely cohesive for me as it took me out of the story and left me with a number of questions. Yet, I was still interested in how it would play out and can understand why the author structured the story like this.

This novel is more about the characters than the plot and while Chase is an unlikable main character, I did feel like I fully understood her choices and actions. The characters in general felt well-developed, my only issue was that I wanted more from Cole's character; it often felt like we were on the verge of getting more from him. My favorite part of this novel was how Sarah Lyu approached the difficult topics discussed throughout the novel. I currently have a close family member in high school who I have had many conversations with about burnout, the pressures of choosing a future so young, and how school affects mental health. Although I am not much older than this family member, there are definitely generational differences in the pressures of school and how so much is focused on just getting to college. I believe Sarah Lyu approaches these issues in a realistic and vulnerable way that reflects current societal problems. However, Sarah Lyu does not sugar coat the reality of mental health struggles, addiction, suicide, and grief. It can be difficult to read at times and there are times where you want to simultaneously shake and hug the main characters to stop their destructive choices. Yet, I truly believe that this book could be an invaluable resource for conversation and contemplation for teenagers and parents struggling with how to approach teenagers struggling with their mental health.

Overall, this wasn't necessarily an enjoyable read, but it was incredibly impactful. Sarah Lyu's writing and narrative voice have me eager to read whatever she (hopefully) releases next! This is an author who I think could be really impactful for this new generation of YA readers. Thank you to Simon Teen for an e-ARC of this novel via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review!

The reason why I wanted to read I Will Find You Again as it was being compared to Ace of Spades which I thoroughly enjoyed. Unfortunately it was nothing like it I did not take to any of the main characters of Chase, Lia or Hunter. I do believe that the author missed a trick or two I would of loved to have the story based on Lia and not Chase and see how different it was for her to live with a Parent who was not only a famous chef but also not of her culture.

Countless times I wanted to DNF but it's saving grace was the mental health side of the story which in my view the author wrote about the subject eloquently and honestly and the main reason why it scored 3 stars.

I Will Find You Again is a sapphic psychological thriller with an unreliable narrator. This story deals with depression and the immense pressure often put on high schoolers to do well in school, make it into a good university, and know what they want to do with their lives. I enjoyed Lyu's writing style and although I didn't love Chase, I did feel a lot of sympathy for her. This book keeps you guessing, and as the mystery at the center of it unfolds, it absolutely breaks your heart. I Will Find You Again isn't a light or fun read, but it is an important one that calls out the pressures put on young people.

I Will Find You Again, Sarah Lyu’s YA contemporary mystery, takes place in Meadowlark, an exclusive community of successful professionals in expensive homes. Whether driven by their own goals or pressured by their parents, Meadowlark’s students compete to be on top. Chase Ohara leads the pack as Student Council President, Cross Country Captain, and academic all-star. But when Lia Vestiano - Chase’s ex-girlfriend and best friend since childhood - disappears, her world starts to crumble.

Pacing is key to the enjoyment of any mystery or thriller, and Lyu gets it right. From subtle hints to surprising twists, the author keeps control of a tight narrative. Chase’s life may fall apart, but the plot never goes off the rails.

I Will Find You Again is sure to be compared to books by E. Lockhart, but Lyu’s characters have more depth. Teens who read this book will definitely relate to the characters - whether they are high achievers like Chase or they refuse to play the game like Lia. Students are all too familiar with the climate created when every choice is calculated to the standards of college admissions.

Lyu also sensitively and realistically depicts addiction, depression, and suicidal ideation. I appreciated the care put into these heartbreaking scenes.

Readers may pick up this book for the twists, but I Will Find You Again delves deep into themes of identity, friendship, trust, betrayal and loss. As a parent, Chase and Lia’s story feels like a cautionary tale, but Lyu isn’t preachy. There’s no judgment in her writing, only empathy for her characters and all the teens who find themselves stuck on the hamster wheel of success.

Thank you to Simon & Schuster Books for Young Readers and NetGalley for this ARC.

YA suspense novels can be tedious for me because I'm an impatient adult. Lyu's book shatters all expectations. This is the book that others will be compared to and pretty much the reason why I still read YA.

Thank you to NetGalley and Simon and Schuster Children's Publishing for providing an eARC for a honest review.

This is a story about pressure.  Chase Ohara is a senior in high school in Meadowlark, Long Island.  Chase is every parents and every teacher's dream -- smart, athletic, and seemingly destined for great things.  Her best friend is her neighbor Lia Vestiano.  Growing up across the street from each other since they were little, Chase and Lia were the closest of friends for years, spending all their time together.  Then, their relationship became more -- the two started dating and fell in love.  But they had a surprising and devastating falling out.  Since then, Lia has started dating someone else, and she and Chase have largely avoided each other.  

But then Lia disappears, only days after Chase received a mysterious text message from her.  Despite their estrangement, Chase is desparate to find Lia.  But as she partners with the last person she ever thought she would work with, Lia's current girlfriend, she begins to realize there was much she never knew -- or never let herself acknowledge -- about Lia, or the lives they felt pressured to lead.

I thought this was an interesting book.  With sensitivity and nuance, it explores timely themes around the pressure that today's teenagers feel to succeed, the stakes they worry about if they fail, and the lengths they will go in response.  Through Chase, the reader sees clearly the ways that she, like so many of her peers, feels trapped where no amount of success will ever be enough to make her, or her parents, truly happy; the differences between the face she presents to the world and what is going on in her head; and the ways these dynamics shape so many aspects of her life.  The structure of the story also worked well to capture the uncertainty that Chase navigates as she is forced to confront aspects of her life she had long sought to avoid.

Highly recommended.

Do you ever finish a book and you sit there contemplating your existence because you don’t know what to make of what just happened? That happened to me. Lyu did a fantastic job setting up this YA thriller (it gave suspense vibes) because I never once knew where the story was going. Chase, Lia and Hunter… ARGHHH! I feel like there’s so much I want to say, but all of my thoughts are convoluted and tied into some spoilers so hopefully my favorite lines will convince you to check this book out when you’re in the headspace to do so. Especially if you love sapphic stories with elements of thrillers, suspense, and twisty shit. Think pretty little liars but better. So good!

TW: drug use, depression, anxiety, mentions of unliving, and unaliving ideation

Favorite lines:
✨ I need more. Sometimes it feels like I always need more
✨ She never, ever told me these things. Yes, sometimes she was sad, but I thought it was the same sadness we shared, a kind of heaviness that was just the price of being alive. I thought it was that feeling of drowning under the weight of always having a million things to do
✨ I knew I’d crossed a line I’d never be able to walk back. That even though everything I was saying was the truth, it was the kind of truth you weren’t supposed to say out loud
✨ I’m tired of fighting. It’s been seventeen years of battle, of chasing one thing after another, of wanting more, more, more. Of never being enough, of always delaying a happiness that never comes

I Will Find You Again smashed through my expectations. Firstly, it has an adopted side character - Lia - and I loved how this was portrayed in I Will Find You Again. Even though she's not the main character, we can see her relationship to her parents and her own feelings through the eyes of Chase. Secondly, this book delves into how much of ourselves we allow people to see. How much of other people we can witness. All the ways in which as we dare someone to leave, we're also pleading for them to stay.

The jagged edges we show to people while also asking for understanding. And all the secrets we keep from others and what they don't tell us. I Will Find You Again explores this idea of knowing someone and loving someone. If we can every truly know all of someone and if that impacts our ability to love them. It's about two characters whose lives begin to diverge and wondering if their relationship can withstand it. This is such a universal theme.

I read this book as part of the blog tour hosted by TBR & Beyond Tours. Special thanks to Simon & Schuster for Young Readers for providing a digital ARC via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. 4 stars

TL;DR: This was a YA mystery that I don't think I could've expected and I think will be very different to what many people expect. It tackles some really tough issues that were hard to read about and I would recommend checking out the content/trigger warnings beforehand (also provided by the author on her website) because although I think this author handled these issues sensitively, she also doesn't sugarcoat the reality of it. I wouldn't necessarily classify it as a 'thriller' because it didn't have that tense 'on-edge' factor

Honestly, this is a pretty difficult book to leave a review for because I really don't want to give spoilers and it's very much a book that I recommend you go into knowing as little as possible. I mean, that's not different from what I'd say about many mysteries but there's a lot more to this than meets the eye. Although it does get off to a somewhat slow start as the mystery builds up and we follow along with a very unreliable narrator, the story ends up taking a path that I didn't expect and I think I appreciated this story more because of it. The story is told partially through flashbacks as Chase pieces together the messy and broken puzzle of everything leading up to what happens to Lia. There's a very melancholy and morose yet at times somewhat hopeful tone that fit the mystery and the love story between Lia and Chase very well. The tension is built up really nicely as the pace quickens and I soon found myself madly flipping through the pages until everything quietly explodes at the end. Lyu really knows how to saturate the pages of her novel with intense emotion and it was hard to not become invested in this story.

Chase isn't necessarily a likeable character (though tbh I didn't find any of the characters very likeable except for Chase's little sister) and I vacillated between feeling sympathy for the situation she finds herself in and at the same time kind of hating her for being so frustratingly selfish and oftentimes cruel. This story revolves around Chase and the somewhat toxic and love-blind relationship with Lia and although Lia doesn't get her own perspective, I feel like she was just as real a character as Chase. Through their story, Lyu explores some fairly heavy themes that I would definitely recommend checking out the content/trigger warnings for because this was pretty hard to read at times and can be triggering. I appreciated how the author explored the impact of societal, familial, and cultural pressures that we put on teenagers to not only excel academically and in their extracurriculars but to also pretty much have the rest of their lives figured out by that age. It's certainly not an isolated experience and it's completely unrealistic to expect them to handle the mental, emotional and physical stress they put themselves through in order to fulfil these expectations, especially in today's society. It's incredibly toxic and it's no wonder that the heavy burden they carry from such a young age can get channelled into negative outlets and coping mechanisms. I feel like it's really important to keep pointing the spotlight on this issue because this unhealthy culture is not changing and it should!

Aside from that, I think Lyu also handled the other serious topics she brings into the story very sensitively. I've mentioned it before but I liked how she really took this in a completely different direction than I expected. I thought I had it all figured out at the beginning and I was ready to be sort of "whelmed" by the result, but I was shockingly surprised! By the end, I found myself tearing up over the whole situation and just how awfully heartbreaking it is, and then I got to the end of the author's note and it did set off my tears because it was a powerful way to dedicate and end the book.

Overall, I thought this was a great queer YA mystery that pleasantly surprised me. There was great representation and the handling of hard topics was done well. I enjoyed the author's writing style and the level of emotions she infused into the story and I'm now eager to check out more of her work in the future!

*some spoilers*
T/W: Substance Abuse, Mentions of Suicide, Depression, Anxiety, Grief
Not going to lie, this book had a very slow start for me. I didn’t start getting into the plot until a third of the way in and then it took me until the half of the book to actually grasp what was going on.
But now I will say I have never read anything that understands and can encapsulate the pressure of constantly needing to perform or be the best while living up to the pressure of everything and everyone around you before you finally reach a breaking point.
This YA sapphic physiological thriller I didn’t know I needed was a catharsis waiting to happen. A relief of so much of the childhood pain i held onto and seeing a character like Chase come to the realization that she is more than all thing things her parent wish for her and the achievements she’s been working towards her entire life without a moment to think if this is what she really truly wants, all while wrapped up in the grief of losing her best friend and girlfriend to same ideations.

This book is for all the Chase O’hara’s out there, who have been broken and are on the mend, and those who are almost there but need to find a way out.

I guess this is more of a love letter than a review. But I do highly recommend this book.

I’m rooting for you.

Thank you Netgalley and Simon and Schuster Children's Publishing, Simon & Schuster Books for Young Readers for an arc in exchange for honest feedback on this title.

This is a moving book about addiction, grief and mental health issues and the pressure to succeed. I expected it to be more of a mystery, but really was a girl searching for answers about herself and the death of her friend, an emotional search with some unusual twists.

likeable characters, a love story and also a story of loss and trying to understand why her best friend/girlfriend died. Lots of growth as she is forced to look at herself and the pressure she was under to succeed and how driven she was and how that affected the outcome. Lots to discuss with students.

A book with these constant heart-wrenching elements is not the type I usually fall in love with, but there is something so addicting about a mystery with a main character slowly spiraling that draws you in. I Will Find You Again is such a head-spinner and absolutely heart-wrenching. When you hear the simile “it’s like a car crash but you just can’t look away”… this is that book.

I’m a teacher for profession, and luckily I teach middle school where the pressure to think about “your future” isn’t as heavy. However, thinking about it… the pressure we do put on 16, 17, and 18 year olds is just insane. To push them to do the most and be the most at that young is just horrifying honestly. I’m 32 and still feel like I am sometimes figuring out life.

More so, Sarah does such a wonderful yet devastating job at showing the struggles people go through when they’re stressed, depressed, or overwhelmed. Even though it was one saddening thing after the next, you feel compelled to keep reading Chase’s story.

I also really love Cole’s character in this as well. He wasn’t what I considered typical for his stereotype and I loved that Sarah gave him a kinder side. Could we get a college spin-off with him because I’d be all ears for that.

Overall, I Will Find You Again is a story worth reading. It may not be your “typical” read or upon picking it up you know it’s got a lot of heartbreak… but it’s absolutely worth it.

- Trigger Warnings: Mental health, drugs, and suicide.
- Review goes live 3/11

In this harrowing young adult mystery-drama offering by Sarah Lyu, perhaps, the answers of all the 'whys' littered in the narrative about Lia's death have never been so complicated, but something that hits just too close to home: the burden of expectations, and the willingness to fulfill such improbable expectations in many ways, regardless of the ethics to achieve it.

Lyu captures that theme, from Lia's retraced steps and Chase's own life, so mortifyingly realistic that not only does it feel like it is a trademark characteristic in many Asian families but also emphasizes how these projections might destroy the mental state of a growing teenager like both of them, which is proven when Lia suddenly disappears. And for a writer who champions mental health in her works, I Will Find You Again is a monumental novel to deconstruct that certain kind of life, implicitly encouraging a change where young adults like her characters thrive in a safe environment without having to sacrifice their identities or the need to overachieve a goal beyond their limits.