Enjoyable, great pacing, exciting settings kept me hooked. Fun novel that will be the perfect to lose yourself in. Thank you Net Galley for ARC in exchange for my honest opinion

I can definitely see and appreciate what the author has intended with this novel. However it missed the mark for me.
Virginia is such a complex main character, and for me, the highlight of the novel.

Ever Since is easy to read and confronting, this will be a powerful read for younger readers.

PLEASE look at the trigger warnings before you pick this up.
With that being said, it is hard to fully put into words how I feel about this book. I’m pretty sure it will stick with me for a while. It is powerful. It is heart-wrenching. It is devastatingly beautiful. It is about the power of friendship. It made me cry - in public.
The story is told through the POV of Virginia, a 17-year-old, who is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. When Virginia finds out a young girl she is tutoring is being groomed by her abuser, she feels it is finally time to speak up. Once Virginia shares her experience, she finds she wasn’t the only one keeping this secret.

3.5/5

Thank you NetGalley, publisher, and author for providing me this book in exchange for an honest review.

First of all, not gonna lie it is very hard to get through this book. First few chapters are starting with a bunch of character introduction all at once. I get so confused how to separate the characters; I am not attached to any of the characters, To be honest, it just confuse me and delaying me to read any further.

As I read more, I know how important the message this book trying to say. All of Virginia's awful experience she had. The abuse and doubt that happened to her. It feels like it's on my own skin. The things Virginia's experienced often times described so graphic that I always have a need to take a break, The mythology retelling with singy-songy writings. I like that in the end she knew she had to do something and there are people who doesn't dismiss who she is.

The ending is something I don't very much enjoyed. But everyone happy and found what they've been longing and that's all matter I guess.. I still like this book but I don't think I would re-read it because it triggers me.

Let me start with there are content warnings and triggers everywhere. Through the main character Virginia, we see what pain and suffering truly feels like. I sadly watched her spiral out of control and just wanted to help her. It's an intriguing story with some gut-wrenching scenes. It's one of the best YA books involving mental health, sexual abuse/assault, drugs &alcohol stories I've read in a long time. It's one of those books that stick with you for days.

**Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for this ARC. All opinions expressed are mine alone.**

Thank you to Alena Bruzas, Penguin Young Readers Group, and NetGalley for providing me with this ARC.

Ever Since was incredibly well written and done. The style and formatting of the writing fit the tone and content and provided a way to explore the themes of storytelling without taking away any focus from the more intense topics and themes. The characters were all incredibly complex and toed the line between making bad decisions at times but understanding why. The more that was revealed the more empathetic you were to each of the characters, and you got to watch the characters grow to be more empathetic to themselves. The topic of child sexual abuse is hard to read about but important, especially in showing all the different ways people can react to it. Despite the heavy topic the novel reminds you that while endings aren’t always happy, there is often still hope of the possibility of one.

Ever Since
by Alena Bruzas
A look at the dark side of the interactions between friends and neighbors. This book looks at the stark reality of the secrets we keep. Victoria is rebelling in every way, she is drunk, high, and sexually active. But she feels little to no connection to her actions. She feels she has no control. The secret she is keeping has haunted her since she was eleven, now at seventeen its all crumbling.
The reality of the book is true. Children in her situation exhibit the behaviors for a reason. The book shows the reader that things will not get better until we face the truth, shine a light in the dark corners and accept that we are not to blame. Its a lesson in finding your own strength and the people who will support you. Masterfully written, with so much emotion and real thought. I would recommend this book for high school councilors, so that they can show their students who are acting out that sometimes, they have a reason, and sometimes it has to be shared.

This is one of those gut-punch YA books without much happiness- and it's not a bad thing- simply that there are some YA titles that want to rip hearts out with their message about violence and sexual assault and this is one of them. And in the author's note, understand that that struggles of the characters are loosely based on the struggles of the author (reminds me of Heather Demetrios in [book:Bad Romance|29102896]). Likewise, the interspersing of "old" folklore, myth, and tales is a heavy homage to the work of [author:Elana K. Arnold|5772357] who painfully and beautiful told stories like [book:What Girls Are Made Of|29401474].

That's not to say that Bruzas doesn't do anything different, but I'm using the books as comparisons to other readalikes, in addition to the ones that are used in the summary.

This one is a darker story. And it's painful to read. But it brings awareness to girls, especially, who struggle because of the trauma and how they hang on by a thread.

**Thank you to NetGalley and Penguin Group for this ARC in exchange for an honest review**

Content warnings: alcoholism, betrayal, cheating, child sexual abuse, domestic violence, pedophilia, physical abuse, sexual assault, suicidal ideation, and verbal abuse.

Rep: Paz is transgender, Ro is black and lesbian

Virginia grew up never feeling safe in her own home. Her father is an abusive alcoholic who has parties with friends whenever, and her mother never does anything. One of her dad's friends would come into her room and molest her. Virginia compares her friends' parents to hers throughout the book, mentioning how clearly she can see they are cared for. She is afraid of the dark because there is nobody around to care what happens to her during that time. Not once in the book did her parents ever have a conversation with her, ask where she's been, or why she hasn't been home.

When her best friend, Poppy, moved into the neighborhood, it finally gave her a safe place to go. So, when Poppy suddenly decides to spend the summer with her grandfather without telling anyone, Virginia is crushed and doesn't know what to do. She starts to get closer to Poppy's boyfriend, Rumi. Maybe a little too close. She does admit that originally she thought that Rumi and her were going to be together. This wouldn't be the first time she has dabbled in screwing around with her friends' boyfriends, though. Pretty much right away, we are told that she is actually having sex with Thalia's boyfriend, Edison, behind her back.

As she hangs out with Rumi more and more, she gets to know his little sister, Lyra. Lyra doesn't really seem to have any friends other than the one friend Chihiro who is mentioned, but Rumi said she hadn't been going there much lately. All she has is a dog named Trunks that she spends most of her time with. Virginia notices Lyra's unkempt appearance, and the fact that she reads at a level two grades below what she should. Lyra kept telling Virginia about this "friend" she had, using male pronouns. Virginia doesn't seem concerned about this at first, thinking maybe she just has a crush or something on a boy in her class. Lyra also mentions she sneaks out sometimes. It's a pretty easy thing to do considering that she has no parents (her mom died of a stroke and her dad lives somewhere in Montana), and her aunt Jennifer works the night shift, so she isn't home. All she really has is Rumi, and Virginia describes her s being "bored, lonely, and looking for attention." One day as she is dropping Lyra off at soccer practice for Rumi, she finds out that Lyra's soccer coach is the same man who molested her when she was little and that he never stopped molesting children after her.

Virginia decides to tell her friend Ro's mom about Lyra and about what happened to her. Ro realizes that he tried to do something to her too, and then one by one her other friends Paz and Poppy come forward with their stories as well. It uncertain if anything happened to Thalia, as she would not talk about it.

Virginia and her friends report him and receive all kinds of negative comments along the way, but they know that they've done the right thing and saved more children from being abused.

I will say this is a hard review to write. And a hard book to read.

Virginia is one of Those Girls. The ones who drink too much, hook up with boys who have girlfriends, and generally can't be trusted. She seems to own this with no pride, and a deep set knowledge that this is just who she is. Who she's meant to be.

But things aren't always as they seem.

When she finds herself getting closer to her best friend's boyfriend, it's bad enough. But his little sister is in danger of going down the same road Virginia unwillingly did. Speaking up will ruin everything. Staying silent would be worse.

I thoroughly enjoyed this book, and I've been thinking of it ever since. Virginia is not so much a likable character, but she is one you will feel sympathy for. Her journey is one that is all too familiar for so many of us. It's not always a comfortable read, but it's one that's worth it.

EVER SINCE is a tough but ultimately rewarding read about realistic, messy characters that takes place over the course of their last summer in high school, a story of abuse and finding one's voice that is needed but will no doubt be challenging a read to many.

The novel, above all else, illustrates the impact of abuse and trauma, the endless cycle or harm and revictimization, and poses the question of how said cycle could ever be broken, when the victim is also so broken. It also effectively depicts the power of safe space: how the existence of one is akin to a lifesaving anchor, and the contrary perpetuates harm. We always hear about how important it is especially for young people to have a safe roof over their heads, and never have I seen this shown so well in a novel as Bruzas does in her book here.

The majority of characters are multidimensional and messy, especially the main character Virginia, but understandably so, particulatly when their circumstances are shed light on towards the end of the story. Nevertheless, understanding the root of Virginia's destructive actions - both unto herself and her supposed dear ones - does not make it any easier to read. On the contrary, I am personally frustrated by the 'hurt people hurt people' adage so encapsulated in the book, knowing it hurts Virginia more than anyone to do what she does, but seemingly impossible to stop doing so.

Which leads to one of my caveats with the novel: it is never explained - at least clearly or in detail - why many of Virginia's harmful actions are done towards the proclaimed important people in her life. Being abused and traumatized make it understandable but not wholly innocent. In my opinion, Virginia should have taken more accountability about the things she did that hurt her friends, because it seems like she gets off scot-free; being a victim does not make her actions absolvable in themselves.

I also think the change in Virginia's psyche and her sense of self-worth is too sudden, finding her voice in one chapter then suddenly feeling invincible the next, when her growth could be a little more scattered throughout. As for the writing, there are definitely powerful moments that are searing and visceral - especially towards the end - but for the most part the short, choppy sentences and frequent breaks in paragraphs read a little juvenile and affect the pacing, though this could have been done to show Virginia's inner psyche.

All in all, EVER SINCE is a well-intentioned and compelling book whose story may prove challenging to many. The novel is ultimately rewarding, but it is a tough road getting there, especially with some uneven execution.

4/5 stars, this was a hard book to read, but such an important story

Thank you to Penguin Young Readers Group & Rocky Pond Books for the arc through netgalley in exchange for an honest review!

Initially, I didn't give this book a rating because I read it in only a couple of hours and really wanted to give it the contemplation it deserved. After thinking about it, I've settled on 4 stars because there were lots of things done very well within this story but I wish there had just been more of it. The book was really short, which allowed it to be very hard-hitting but I also wish that there had been just a little bit more length to allow some more things to sit longer within the story.

This is a painful book to read, it hurts watching the main character recount her trauma and how it begins a downward spiral in her whole final year of high school. I knew going into this that it was going to be hard to read, with trigger warnings of things related to sexual assault, child sexual abuse, domestic violence, substance abuse, suicidal ideation, and the breakup of friends (people can argue this isn't as bad as the others but coupled with it? isolation is never a good thing). Even with all this, the main character never loses her truly honest voice about everything.

Experiencing everything from her mind was difficult, it wasn't easy reading what went on in her mind and being inside dark parts of it, but it allowed for such a deeper connection. I really wanted to see if she was going to be okay, she really deserved so much better than the cards she was dealt in life and every page made me feel so many things for her. It was hard to just sit and watch her life slowly slip away from her, turning to sex as a coping strategy for what happened to her, damaging her friendships, and using alcohol to get through her days.

This book felt so tender, real, and very honest about how things like sexual abuse and domestic violence can impact anyone, but especially a teenager. I didn't feel like at any point the author was trying to glorify any of this, the writing didn't even feel like it was painting Virginia out to be a perfect person despite the things she did. No, it depicted her as a painfully real person who is going through things people around her didn't see. She's not perfect, and this story recognizes that, but it also recognizes her actions are a result of what she's been through.

Also, I don't usually read the author's notes, sometimes for my favorites, but I read a review where it said that I definitely should so I took the time after to reflect with the author. It's most definitely a must-read for delving deeper into this topic and acknowledging how many people go through these things every day. I just wish there had been a bit more time to let the story develop in the length, but honestly, this is one of the best young adult contemporaries that I've read that handles this sort of thing in such a solid way.

[TW: sexual assault, suicidal ideation, physical abuse, child abuse mentioned, sexual themes mentioned, alcohol use and abuse, child sexual abuse, trauma, sexual assault, death of parents, abortion, and teen pregnancy mentioned]

Thanks to Netgalley for the ARC! I had a hard time with this one. Once I got to the author info and found out she experienced this sort of trauma in her life, it definitely hit me a little harder. I greatly admire her for sharing her experiences in fiction. However, I had a hard time because I just couldn’t get into the way the story was written. There were these “once upon a time” scenes that I ended up skimming most of the time because they were hard to get through, &, even though they did connect to what was happening or coming up, they seemed awkward and out of place. Also, I understand some of the decisions the main character was making were bc of her trauma, but she was very unlikable to me. When she seems to finally find love, I’m not buying it because it’s once again a friend’s boyfriend. Ugh. I appreciated the diversity and friend who is trans (thank you, visibility in fiction-finally) The abuse is rather graphic in retellings, so readers beware (especially if you have personally experienced sexual abuse), but this stuff very much does happen and needs shared. Again, kudos to her for opening up in fiction. I just didn’t like the way the story was told or the writing in general. FYI sexual abuse, profanity, sexual situations

Ever Since is one of the most mind-blowing contemporary YA books I have read, period.
It follows Virginia, and getting inside her head can be extremely challenging at times. She is not just an innocent victim; she has erred several times, made mistakes, and failed to handle situations appropriately; however, this does not diminish the abusers' responsibility for her trauma. Her story is important in every way.

Alena's Ever Since discusses the way that various individuals manage similar kind of injury and how on occasion they are affected in various ways. In a state of denial, some people block out those messy parts of their lives, while others relive them every time they wake up. There is no set in stone approach to managing it. Healing is the only thing that matters, and everyone deserves it.

Ever Since additionally depicts an image of what a sexual stalker resembles and all the more critically how some of them at last get what's coming for them yet there forever be men like Edison who will pull off it in light of how subtle they are with their way of behaving.

This YA debut is a strong story that addresses you and assists you with understanding that it means a lot to offer yourself the time and reprieve to mend. I need to keep my friends close because of this. There is a hint of romance with one of the men, but this is not a love story, and I'm glad it didn't end in a way that was easy to predict.

Ever Since is an exquisite debut that delves into the profound impact of discovering one's voice and sharing their story after experiencing trauma. This compelling narrative explores the transformative power of self-expression and the healing that comes with it. Bruzas' writing is both eloquent and poignant, capturing the essence of the human experience with remarkable clarity. This book is a must-read for anyone seeking to understand the complexities of trauma and the resilience of the human spirit.

Virginia always makes the most poor choices, the kind people whisper about, and because of this she’s looked down at. All she really needs is her group of friends.. that is till another rumor starts that she’s with her friend Poppy’s boyfriend, Rumi. What makes it worse is that she never hooked up with him but she is in love with him. Growing closer she learns another deep secret about his sister Lyra. The abuse she faces is from a well known respected member of the community. But how can you come forward without loosing face when no one really trusts you.

This was such a deep, lyrical debut. It does have the story of our main character but also the side characters. It’s hard to find a voice when abuse is in play. How power of those above us can wither us away. We learn even more dark secrets and why Virgina acts the way she does. Sometimes people cry out on ways others don’t understand.

As I’ve seen others say this book Hurts.. and it really does! It’s very heavy and makes you sit back and think about it. Something as a parent I feel should be taught amongst younger peers. How powerful a voice can be. I was really moved!

I won't lie, this review is taking me a while to write because the novel was so heavy that it was hard to process and write a review in a day or two. Definitely check the trigger warnings in the beginning of the book.

This was such a beautiful and devastating read. Honestly one of the best contemporary YA novels I've read this year. Alena Bruzas is now one of my instant buy authors. I hope she has a bright and promising future.

The writing in this novel reads like you're reading Virginia's (the MC's) blog. There are a lot of run-on sentences and emphasized words are written repeatedly. Ymmv, but I really liked it. It lent a lot of weight to Virginia's firsthand (and even secondhand) experiences. It was very compelling and gave her such a unique voice.

Even with such a stream of consciousness narrative style, Virginia's voice isn't lost to her musings. The actual storyline follows the hero's journey and three act structure, so it's easy to follow along and understand the cause and effect of the major and minor plotlines.

***MINOR SPOILER AHEAD**

I really liked how Virginia's abuser isn't revealed until the third act. I feel like this is realistic in the sense that an abuse survivor would do anything to not give any thought or energy to the abuser and their actions. I understand this (and not just in a literary structure kind of way).

***END SPOILER***

At the end of the day, I'm honestly glad I read this book now, when high school is a past memory for me. I don't judge Virginia's decisions, especially her self-destructing coping mechanisms. I'm just really glad that she found the strength to tell someone about her situation. It takes a lot of courage to speak out against an adult, especially as a young woman (or a woman in general, doesn't matter the age, as we can see with real life cases of sexual abuse).

Lastly, I loved the portrayal of positive (and not-so-positive) close female friendships. There are always ups and downs when it comes to friendships, and this is shown really well in this novel. At first, it was hard for me to distinguish between who's who in Virginia's close circle of friends, but as the story progressed, each friend had their own voice (in relation to other characters and to Virginia) and became fleshed out enough that they were their own unique secondary characters.

Thank you to Rocky Pond Books and NetGalley for this arc.

I finished Ever Since on May 10, and to this day I still have a hard time putting into words how much this story has made me feel. Alena has managed to get me into Virginia's skin during this trip and feel all her emotions, one after another, love, fear, sadness, fury, rage... I cried a lot and I just wanted to be able to hug Virginia very tight and tell her that she was not alone. I think that being a person who empathizes too much, these types of stories reach me very deeply, and more so when dealing with a subject as serious as child abuse and how it ends up affecting the people who have suffered it.

Ever Since is the story of Virginia and her friends, since each one has the important space here. As I said before, for me this book is like a journey through the life of Virginia, during her last summer before starting the last year of high school. A summer in which she will have to make a decision, which can change her life, if she wants to help an eleven-year-old girl who may be going through the same thing that she went through at her age.

I think I would divide this book into three stages: the first in which Virginia lives as if in a borrowed body. She does things that she doesn't want because she believes that it is what is expected of her, she already has an imposed label and she makes it have sense even though it is not what she really wants. The second in which Virginia breaks with everything and decides to take a step forward and tell her secret, everything that she is going through around her, the changes in her friends. And third part, the consequences of taking that step, the new Virginia, one who loves herself a little more and who is willing to live her life, this time for real.

Ever Since tells us about the consequences that abuse leaves on some people and breaks with the cliché of a pure girl who closes in on herself. Here we are talking about a person who, also due to the environment in which she has grown up and due to a lack of love from her parents, allows herself to be carried away by excesses (parties, alcohol, drugs). There is also talk of the vision that some men have of women, of what they want from us, as disposable objects. And above all, the distortion of consent. That part has touched me deeply, because even without going through child abuse, I would put my hand on fire that there are people who consent to having sexual relations just so they fit into a social group, because they are married to that person, etc. without really wanting to have relations. That is called abuse and today there are people who are not aware of suffering it. That's why it also hurts me when there are women who speak of "dubious consent" when they talk about rapes. That does not exist.

I can tell you about Virginia's friends. Poppy, that somehow her disappearance starts everything. She is Virginia's best friend, her refuge in the worst moments and the one who brought them all together. Ro, my favorite after Virginia, who proves to be the friend she needs. Paz and Thalia are like sisters, best friends among them and almost always together. During the story we see how the group unites (through memories of when they were children), dissolves and comes back together, stronger than ever. I could tell you about Rumi, for the romantic part, but in this review I only want to give voice to women.

Ever Since talks about the re-victimization of victims of abuse, and what it's like to go through it again having to tell the same thing over and over again, living the same nightmare through words.

And I don't want to finish the review without telling you about one of my favorite parts, and that is that Alena talks about women, victim and/or empowered, recounting pieces of different women from Greek mythology, especially Medea.

This story, with queer and trans rep, is a roller coaster of emotions that Alena has managed to capture perfectly so that we empathize with Virginia and experience the journey as herself. I really recommend it a lot and I hope and want it to be published in my country. Thank you very much Alena for leaving a part of yourself in Ever Since and for sharing it with the world.

*This is my honest and voluntary review. Thanks so much to the publisher and Netgalley for this ARC.*

Seventeen-year-old Virginia has a reputation and she's trouble. Not only is she a party girl, but she's secretly sleeping with one of her best friend's boyfriends. When another of her best friends mysteriously disappears for the summer and doesn't return anyone's calls or texts, Virginia begins hanging out with her boyfriend, too. This time Virginia doesn't sleep with him, it's worse, she falls for him, hard.

As the two of them grow closer, Virginia meets his little sister, Lyra, and learns that she's being groomed for abuse by the same monster who abused Virginia at that age. Can Virginia find a way to protect Lyra. Is she strong enough to tell her own story?

The first half of this book jumped between scenes and dreams haphazardly and there was never any real description of the characters: who they were, what they looked like, or how they related to the mc. Just about everything had to be inferred and that was tough. Added to that was the self-destructive behavior of the mc and her obvious pain and disassociation from life. This made the book hard to read. However, after I hit about 55%, it all just clicked and I didn't want to put it down. I don't have personal experience with sexual abuse/trauma, but from what I've read about it, it seems like the writing style in the first half of the book was a conscious choice on the author's part to help the reader understand/experience a little of Virginia's state of mind. Her self-destructive choices seem to be typical of victims of SA.

Although the book was difficult to read, it ended on a hopeful not, which I definitely appreciated! Everything wasn't tied up in a fancy bow, but it was hopeful.

Although there needs to be definite trigger warnings for sexual assault, sexual abuse, and suicidal ideation, I give this book 4 solid stars and recommend it to anyone struggling to understand these issues or to help someone struggling with these issues.

Disclaimer: I received a free electronic copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for an honest review. All opinions are my own.

Ever Since is the debut of Alena Bruzas and it will be one of the first books published by Rocky Pond Books. This is an imprint from Penguin Group that will publish books with a primary focus on mental health and social-emotional learning. This book is fiction, even though it is based on the real life story of the author. This book has content warnings for sexual assault, child sexual abuse, suicidal ideation and drug abuse. This content warnings describe this book really well already, but what will this debut have in store?

Virginia has made some bad choices in her life and everyone gossips about her, but with her friends on her side she is able to ignore them. When she spends time with her best friends boyfriend, she doesn’t hook up like she usually does. She falls in love with him and keeping away will be hard while tutoring his little sister, Lyra. During this Virginia discovers that Lyra is groomed for abuse. Even though the abuser is a respected member of the community, Virginia knows who he is and what he is capable of. Virginia must speak up to save Lyra, but will she be able to come forward?

Ever Since is a real serious read. It is emotional, sad and heavy. The story told carries an important message and is one that should be told. This book is about finding the courage to speak up as well as processing the trauma.

Alena Bruzas has a realistic writing style and you can feel the pain through it. The message of the book is being supported by little stories of mythes in which the female lead is also being through the same agony as Virginia. Even though the story is really strong and has an emotional theme, the writing itself could have been better. There are a lot of complicated long sentences and scenes do not flow into each other really well. This makes this book isn’t easy to read. However this book is more of a poetic book and debut, which makes me ignore this part a little, even though there is room for improvement.

Virginia is such a strong female main character. Because of what she has been through she gives her body to the man who demand it, even if this means cheating with the boyfriend of her best friends, without even admitting she doesn’t want it or that this is in fact sexual abuse. She just shuts down her feelings and let it happen to her. Until the end of the book it is unknown who abused her in her past, but the reveal will shock you for sure.

This book has a slow start which you really have to fight trough. Even though there are some things like the cheating which carry out the wrong message, this book just has a really important theme. If you’re able to fight yourself through the first chapters, this book will be emotional and a good read. Just because this book is based on the experiences of the author she is really able to send a message to her readers. The storyline itself is really awesome and the message the author tells really gets through making it an emotional read.

Even though the story itself is amazing, t just feels wrong to give this book 5 stars because of the rough and complicated start of this book and improvements which can be made in the writing style. Therefore I decided to stick with a 4,5 star rating, since this book really deserves a high rating based on the storyline itself and the message which is told.