I am landing somewhere between 2 and 3 stars for this book, I have a lot of thoughts about it, so let's jump right in.

The Good
I'm going to start off with the good here, because even with the issues I had, this book had a lot of good things, even some new ideas that I haven't seen covered as much in other books.

This book covered the primary vs secondary attraction model, which honestly, is something I've never heard of before. Essentially this can be used with grey or demi attractions, that ace or aro is the primary attraction with a secondary attached. I believe this section also talked about the different types of love represented in Greek mythology as well as in the Greek language, which lends some interesting historical and cultural views to the discussion.

This book contains multiple interviews with different members of the ace community, ones that (if you're familiar with the community) you may know well (such as Maia Kobabe and Julia Sondra Decker). I think it's really great to get a diverse perspective of the community and the experiences throughout, especially when discussing intersectionality in the book. Each person brought unique stories and perspectives that are incredibly valuable to see just how true it is that asexuality is not a monolith.

In a similar vein, this book provided so many resources throughout as well as an enormous list in the back of books, movies, TV, and videos. It can be difficult and intimidating trying to find resources, so the fact that they're laid out so plainly is excellent.

Part of this book also touches on the intersection of religion and asexuality, and the author covers a lot about asexuality (and really sexuality in general) and Judaism.

The Bad
As much as I wanted to like this book more and as much as I loved different sections of it, I did have some problems with the structure of the book and how some things were presented.

I think my number one issue with this book was with the structure of it. I read an ARC of this book, so I know it still has edits to go through before publishing, and I really hope they fix a lot of these issues. This book was very much written out of order, in sections, and then assembled without looking. There are so many places where entire ideas are repeated almost word for word, it was like dejavu. Not only that, but the order the sections come in makes no sense, with similar topics being divided across the book for seemingly no reason.

Let me illustrate: this book is about asexuality, so I would assume that there would be definitions of terms at the beginning. That did not happen here. The first time the difference between attraction and libido are mentioned is 26% into the book, and that is only a passing comment in an interview. The author doesn't give definitions until 28% in, creating a mess of confusion. Even then, the order that different terms are presented in makes no sense and provided no flow of information in a logical manner.

The beginning of the book, rather than giving clear descriptions of what asexuality is, goes through at least 6 metaphoric stories instead, very clumsily and confusingly trying to say how to explain asexuality to allos.

Even as we get closer to the end and a bit more clear, the jumbled sections and repetition still occurs. There were times that an interview would cover something and immediately after the same story would be told, or the other way around. Some of the interviews also seemed less about the person being interviewed that I would have liked, with the author instead changing the course of discussion to tell her own story rather than letting the interviewee give their perspective (mainly thinking about the last interview with Ellen Huang).

I think that with more editing, this could be a much better book (there were also a lot of bad formatting issues, but I'm sure that will be resolved). At the moment though, with messy or incorrect information and such an unordered and confusing book, it is not it.

I also do want to note that for anyone that reads the book and (like me) never heard of the documentary (A)sexual, please please please understand that it is not an uplifting documentary. There is so much prejudice and aphobia present, they put in so many interviews with people saying horrible things, even showing an LGBT+ activist saying that asexuals don't need to be at pride and they can just stay home without needing to worry about prejudice. It is... Rough. I'd recommend instead reading some of the reviews here.

A refreshingly well-researched and intersectional take on ace rights. I love all the diverse asexual perspectives provided in this accessible text. As someone who identifies as asexual, I found this book to be very affirming as well as comforting. It made me feel seen as well as opening my mind up to understanding the asexual spectrum more. Specifically, I love that Michele Kirichanskaya mentioned Angela Chen's brilliant writing, LGBTQ+ Tumblr discourse, asexual representation in media, and the intersection between mental health and asexuality. Instead of merely glossing over these subject matters, the author dives deeply into their origins and importance. This is an essential read for anyone interested in queer discourse.

Some of my favorite quotes:

"When a person hides in The Closet, we act as if it is their responsibility to come out. But when a snail hides in its shell, we don't delegate responsibility the same way. A snail only hides in its shell because the world outside feels hostile. If a snail recoils at the sight of you, it's not because you are cowardly or lying or deviant or withholding, it's because the world and people around us feel predatory."

"I think there's room for aces to be childlike and goofy versus being infantilized."

"There's that stereotype that we're all sex-negative, that we're all virgins, that we don't date, that we're robotic."

"By saying 'more than a friend,' one intentionally or unintentionally undermines the value or friendship by suggesting that bonds that are not romantically intimate in nature are lesser."

"Neuroticism itself is said to be associated with various negative effects, including 'anger, anxiety, self-consciousness, irritability, emotional instability, and depression,' which, unfortunately, are things that are not uncommon within the asexual community...which comes first: neuroticism from being ace or neuroticism from existing in a world that erases and pathologizes asexuality while also demanding instantaneous and easy categorization of who and what you are."

I accessed a digital review copy of this book from the publisher.
This book focuses on what it is like to live as an ace person in the allo ("normal") world. The book goes into different elements of ace identity, how to deal with criticism, relationships, religion, and other topics. The book also has interviews with ace authors and notable members of the community. At the end of the book is a list of books, podcasts, and websites that feature ace voices.
While I thought that this was a good book, and needed for a little discussed topic, the book was often repetitive. It could have used a good editor to keep the author in focus. Some of the sections could have been omitted because the information had been included elsewhere.
I would suggest this book to someone who is questioning their sexuality or who has just realized they are ace.

This book explores asexuality and related terms. It covers a wide variety of topics. The inclusion of interviews and personal experiences was particularly interesting and relatable. These voices need to be heard, and I’m glad they are starting to be with the publication of this book.

**Thank you to NetGalley and Jessica Kingsley Publishers for this ARC in exchange for an honest review**

The reason Michele wrote this book was to give aces the advice and help that she never had as she discovering her own asexuality. So many aces feel like they are alone, "broken", that there is something wrong with them, and she doesn't want anyone to ever feel like that again.

She gives some tips about coming out as ace, having patience with the friends and loved ones who choose to be accepting of this new information as they adjust and learn, and reminds the reader that it is okay if they are not ready to do it yet. With this might come some other news, such as them saying that they do not wish to have children, date, or marry either. Some will not be receptive. Some will try to tell them they're wrong, that they will change their mind, that they just haven't found the right person yet, etc. I experienced this myself as a childfree woman. The book also ties in how being ace may affect one's relationship with religion, and the author speaks specifically about her own experience with Judaism.

Speaking of possibly not being believed and/or respected after letting people in more, there is a discussion about healthcare and how doctor visits usually go for aces. Doctors can be quick to push medications or try to find a medical reason for their lack of interest in sex, instead of just accepting it as an orientation. It would be different if the patient came to them in distress about their sexual situation, but they are simply telling them as their care provider that this is how they are and they don't need to be "cured" or "fixed."

The book explains some of the types of attraction: aesthetic, romantic, sensual, and sexual, as well as the Primary vs. Secondary Attraction Model and Split Attraction Model (SAM). It also goes over the various types of love: agape, eros, ludus, philautia, philia, pragma, and storge.

Asexuals can have many different feelings toward sex: sex-positive, sex-favorable, sex-apathetic, sex-neutral, sex-adverse, and sex-repulsed. The difference between attraction and libido is explained, Kirichanskaya also includes the four types of consent from Emily Nagoski's book Come As You Are: The Surprising Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life: enthusiastic, willing, unwilling, coerced. There is mention of sexual coercion, corrective rape, and marital rape. She talks about how sexual liberation should be about the freedom to have (or not have) all the kinds of sex one wants, however they want. This includes access to birth control and having sex work seen as a valid profession.

Of course, when it came to education about sex at the time Kirichanskaya was growing up, public schools had often only taught a basic cisheteronormative version. Asexuality, homosexuality, and everything else was left out of the picture entirely. Later on when she went to college, even her gender, sexuality, and psychology courses did not mention asexuality. This was the same thing I experienced growing up. I don't even think they told us about contraception other than condoms. What I do remember was when the boys came back from their presentation (they had split us up), all they talked about was how they wanted to go to Hawaii where the age of consent was only 14 (vs. our 16 in Michigan).

One may think they have found their place in the ace and LGBTQ+ communities, but Kirichanskaya warns that not all are met with a warm welcome. The ace community can come with gatekeepers that question worthiness, and some of the LGBTQ+ community may not find them "queer enough" to belong. She says it shouldn't be a competition. The book mentions tips on how to deal with acephobia, whether it be from these communities, family and friends, or strangers.

Kirichanskaya interviews Maia Kobabe (author of Gender Queer), Julie Sondra Decker (author of The Invisible Orientation), Ev'Yan Whitney (author of Sensual Self: Prompts and Practices for Getting in Touch with Your Body), Courtney Lane (part of The Ace Couple Podcast), and Ellen Huang (writer).

There are resources for those who may have experienced abuse or acephobia, as well as a guide to ace symbols, reading recommendations, and sex education.

The formatting was a little bit weird, and the interviews came up at random times that didn't seem to flow from the last topic she talked about. I cannot hold these things against the book at the moment, as I am not reading a final copy.

Although it’s a very word-y book, written with a serious, informative tone, I still found it to be both enjoyable AND informative.

In this book, author Michele Kirichanskaya shared advice for finding ace identity and navigating a world that wasn’t made for asexuals. In addition to learning a few things, I loved how the author peppered in personal stories and interviews with info and advice.

I appreciated the inclusion of aces from across not only the ace spectrum but with a variety of intersections including disability, gender (or lack thereof), and race. My favorite was probably the entire chapter about fanfiction and its usefulness in exploring identity and finding community.

Definitely recommend esp if you think you might be ace but even if you’re not, it’s got some great insight on different folks in the community. It’s out on March 23, 2023 wherever you get your books.

I felt this was generally a good introduction to the a-sexuality arena that is well written. It is most applicable for those exploring their own a-sexuality at a reasonably early level. It therefore would not be likely to be used as an academic text. However, I'd be happy to reccomend to others questioning on this topic and feel that it was overall a well pitched read.

WIll post on goodreads and thestorygraph.

This book is a desperately needed addition to asexual literature. While I was familiar with most of the content, it was enlightening to see the topics laid out in such an organized fashion. If you or someone you know is questioning their identity, I highly recommend checking out this book!

Thanks to NetGalley for a free copy in exchange for an honest review!

As an Aspec person, I’m loving how many books on asexuality are coming out.

I am pretty familiar with everything in this book, so it wasn’t something I personally gained a lot from. I do think it’s a very good guide for people who are not as familliar with the community.

Another ace book that is needed! This one did bring a few new things for me, as I am not deep into the community yet (I identify as asexual) and point of view of other perspectives, I appreciate the diversity shown in this book. My main issues with this book are mainly how it is organised, as there are interviews here and there in between chapters. I didn't see the point of having some illustrations mixed up in there and it gets repetitive at times saying the same thing over and over again. Other than that is a must read for anyone wanting to know more or who is exploring.

Ace Notes: Tips and Tricks on Existing in an Allo World is an informative and hopeful guide. While this could be a useful guide for someone who is not familiar at all with asexuality, I think some of the concepts are more advanced and could have done with more explanation. The organization of the book felt a little disorganized at times. However, the overall message of inclusiveness and positivity is extremely well-done. My favorite part was the interviews throughout with members of the asexual community. I loved how they described their journey both with discovering their sexuality and where they hope to see the asexual community in the future. It was both interesting and inspiring to read. There is so much nuance to asexuality and it is so great that these type of books are being written. The book includes many additional resources and helpful links to the community. Ace Notes is available March 21, 2023. Thank you so much to Michele Kirichanskaya, Jessica Kingsley Publishers, and Netgalley for a free ARC in exchange for an honest review.

This is a great compilation of essays, interviews, and other things to do with being ace and/or aromantic (though the focus is on asexual identities, for the most part). I think it's my new favorite out of the batch that are being released in the coming months, and I can't wait to share it with friends.

With a powerful foreword by David Jay of AVEN, this book features a detailed discussion on sexual consent and the intersection of asexuality and disability. Some of the quotes, phrases, and history of homosexuality were repeated in the book. I didn't understand the point of the illustrations. Kirichanskaya shares her interviews to show a variety of different aspec perspectives. It is a helpful book that is a welcome addition about the topic.

One of many nonfiction Ace books I've read this year. As an adult ace-spec person, this one wasn't super helpful for me personally, but I think is a great resource for a younger YA audience. I did love the references in the back though. There is a great breakdown of ace novels and media in the back, and even as an active member of the ace/queer book community, I still hadn't heard of some of the titles and am grateful for such a great resource.

Thanks to netgalley for a free copy in exchange for an honest review!

Ace Notes is a handy guide for anyone who wants to know more about asexuality and the asexual experience – which are both things that need more representation in media. I'd recommend it for people to use as a guide, but as someone who came out as ace years ago, and did all my research then, the most interesting parts were the interviews while the tips and tricks weren't anything I hadn't heard before.

As someone that’s only come to terms with my own asexuality in the last year, seeing and being able to read so many ace books lately has been so nice! I love reading about different aspec experiences and I just think it’s so beautiful how all of us are so different from each other but also so similar! I just really enjoyed this and can’t wait to read every ace book I can get my hands on in the future!

If you've got questions about asexuality, this book acts as a great place to explore. I love the topics and they way they're explored. I think I would give this book to anyone who feels that asexuality is complicated or hard to understand. I think this book provides a simple and validating approach to learning about asexuality. Highly recommend.

Ace Notes ia s book about asexuality. It was truly informative, and the interviews brought something unique to the table. Book is divided in sections to make reading simple so you can jump to parts you want to read. I enjoyed reading this, and felt educated to understang the differences of showed sexualities.

Thank you Netgalley and publisher for the arc in exchange of honest review.
This book was very informative. We need more and more books about Asexuality.