I wanted to read this book, not because I have daughters, but because I grew up under terrible teachings (Bill Gothard’s cult) and have a position of influence over many young girls.
While I tend toward the middle of church theology (pastors and elders should be men but most other positions are to fit who has the burden and time to teach or serve,) I’m extremely upset over the large number of sexual predators hiding or accepted in churches.
This book tears apart so many horrible lies taught to young teen girls, or excluded from their education, ie sex.
As a young person who suffered immensely under the nonsensical rules of so called modesty, feeling ugly and unloved, and waiting an extra five years to marry a partner instead of an abusive authoritarian, the message of this book is SO needed in our day.
If you plan to go through the book, chapter by chapter, I recommend buying a hard copy.

As a girl mom of just two toddlers this book is one I know will help many moms to young girls!!! This book is biblically grounded message of sexuality and self-worth for daughters that is less about the don'ts and more about the dos. I think it is important to point out that this book will also open your eyes to so much false teaching so many of us received on emotions, mental health, and even parenting.

"This book will equip you to raise a girl who can navigate the difficult waters of growing up while still clinging tight to the God who created her on purpose, for a purpose."

Thank you to NetGalley, the publisher, the authors for this ARC.

After reading (and then recommending to nearly every married couple I know) Sheila Gregory’s first book “The Great Sex Rescue”, I was very excited for this book and the opportunity to read and review it.

But I wasn’t prepared for how the book would address false teaching I received on emotions, mental health, and even parenting.

At the end of each chapter there’s a mother/daughter section where you can talk through some scenarios and “tricky teaching” together. It’s really nice the authors included it right in the book. And having experienced the harm done by NOT having difficult conversations, this is great way to be led and not do it on your own.

One criticism I have of the book, is that it is only addressed to Moms raising daughters, not parents raising daughters. It puts this onus of parenting on 1 shoulder instead of spread on both parents. Sure I’m usually the one my daughters asks for my pads during her period, but my husband is AWARE of those needs, capable of helping, and my daughter isn’t afraid or embarrassed to ask him for help.

I think the same can be said of these types of conversations, it’s most likely to come from me, but should Dad’s have the same teaching so both parents can be on the same page.

I’d love to see a book written towards teenage boys that THEY deserve better than the assumption that they are sexual predators who can’t be stopped and that this is “every man’s battle”.

The authors have issues with popular evangelical purity culture teachers like Elisabeth Elliot, Dana Gresh, Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth and but disagree and point out harmful teaching without insulting who they are as humans.

Honestly there are too many quotes that are powerful. If you have a daughter or are around teenagers you should read this book.

I thought this book would help me with a balanced approach to sex and relationships from a Christian perspective but I didn't find it that useful. Rather than 'this is a good way to do things' it was mostly 'these are all the things the current evangelical community is doing wrong'.

If you / your daughter is involved in the Christian evangelical / youth movement then you should really read this because the way the authors present the current approach sounds really damaging to me! But this book is more about 'righting wrongs' than helping you muddle your way through parenting.

Thank you to NetGalley for my ARC.

Thank you to Baker Books and NetGalley for allowing me to read this ARC of She Deserves Better by Sheila Wray Gregoire, Rebecca Gregoire Lindenbach and Joanna Sawatsky. She Deserves Better will release April 18, 2023. My thoughts are my own.

There’s a trio in town determined to turn traditional Christian thought upside down and inside out. Meet Sheila Wray Gregoire, Rebecca Gregoire Lindenbach and Joanna Sawatsky, the authors behind The Great Sex Rescue and the soon to be released She Deserves Better.

With the subtitle “Raising Girls to Resist Toxic Teachings on Sex, Self and Speaking Up”, She Deserves Better looks to provide a new and improved way to approach how the authors feel the conservative church at large--as well as popular voices in conservative media--has failed our youth in the area of identity and sexuality, stemming largely since the 1990s with the introduction of purity culture.

Now, before you write me that I’m completely missing the point, that this book is supposed to cross the aisle of conservative and progressive Christianity, let me remind you that the pages of this book are filled with illustration after illustration of ways that conservative women are at a disadvantage to more progressive women. For instance, conservative Christian women are more likely to be in a power hierarchy marriage with husband as the head of the wife, conservative Christian teens are at a higher risk for unplanned pregnancy, conservative Christian teens are more likely to engage in risky sexual behavior…the list goes on and on. Some of their statements are so mind-boggling and stem from leading questions that I wish I could actually see the survey questions. In fact, I would go so far to say that most of this book leads to the reader to the points the authors write, instead of providing credible evidence.

She Deserves Better is written to ruffle feathers; it certainly ruffled mine. While not surprising, given how relative culture has become, I am disappointed that they have disparaged conservative Christian values to the point of making the term “conservative Christian values” distasteful, bigoted and obsolete.

Let’s talk about the premise of the book. Utilizing surveys across the wide range of church goers and critiquing a variety of modern authors and influencers, She Deserves Better works through what the authors consider to be the 10 most important points to pass on to our daughters and to fight back against in the church. Plus, as stated by the authors themselves, their goal is to root out risks within the church and not outside; I think the biggest concern facing our youth today is a continued degradation of Christian traditions, absolute truth and true Biblical knowledge. (Being able to cherry pick passages from the Bible don’t equate to true Biblical knowledge.)

Let’s talk about who they disagree with: Joshua Harris from his I Kissed Dating Goodbye days, Focus on the Family, Focus on the Family’s Brio Magazine, Mama Bear Apologetics, Gary Thomas, Allie B Stuckey, BarlowGirl, Dannah Gresh, Elisabeth Elliott, Stephen Arterburn, Shaunti Feldmam, Emerson Eggerichs and Eric and Leslie Ludy, all people who largely write and speak from a conservative Christian platform.

I have many issues with this book, honestly, too many to provide in this review:
1) While the authors warn against strictly black and white thinking in the areas they present, I find them using the same black and white thinking to get their points across, especially when recanting the values and words of the authors and influencers they disagree with
2) They use Biblical references to their advantage while missing key points of the story: in their retelling of Esther, while they mention that she “[risked her life]” they never say how she risked her life. For a refresher, before she went on to save her people, she showed deference to her husband, the King, who could have had her killed for entering the throne room without being requested. This doesn’t quite fit with their model and so they left this out.
3) In the section, “There’s only one right way to be a Christian”, they criticize doctrine in the church as a way to know the status of someone’s Christianity, pointing to Matthew 7:20 and John 13:35 as ways to know if someone is a follower of Christ. It’s only after they criticize this that they admit to believing Ephesians 2:8-9 and I John 1:9. And funny enough, they point to James 2, referring to the verse that talks about faith without works being dead, which is a favorite to several works-based religions.
4) They offer the suggestion that modern Christian teenage books and resources are inordinately geared to teen girls’ sexuality, making the bold statement that only in secular resources will you find subjects outside of this topic.
5) They have progressive views of marriage, disparaging courtship, Biblical hierarchy and respect.
6) They applaud sex ed, state that that 40% of teens will have sex, object to messages on purity and deny the presence of soul ties.
7) The message of not even starting down that road is pedantic.
8) They equate Christian conservative thoughts on sexuality as being permissive to force and rape.
9) They object to messages of modesty.
10) They state that in conservative churches, teenage girls are being taught that they are responsible for men’s sins because of the way that they dress and that women’s bodies are dangerous.

I wish I could explicate the above in more detail. This review would become even longer, so it's probably not the platform. But I do find it egregious that the authors want to use this book to expose conservative Christian churches as the problem. And while I do believe there is definitely false teaching that takes place in churches, it certainly doesn't just exist in conservative churches.

Conversations about how we have failed to reach the hearts of generations of kids need to take place but never in a way that makes sexual behavior permissive, And instead of pointing the the finger at churches and church staff and saying that are too blame, let us also remember that our culture has continued to push the limits on these subjects; instead of rushing in and lowering the standard to match the culture, we should always go back to the Bible where the standard remains the same. Of course grace should abound where mistakes happen. Because we are all sinners in need of a savior.

This in no way condones any reprehensible behavior by adults in the church. There are predators out there, and it is important to have conversations with our daughters and sons on what to look out for, and we have a duty to protect our kids. But the limit pushing does not stop with our children. More and more is being seen as acceptable. Let's talk about the p*orn epidemic and the staggering statistics of viewers in the church. If we have failed our teenage girls, we have likewise failed our teenage boys and men in how to effectively deal with this issue. More and more resources are becoming available so let's promote them.

From my vantage point, as a teen in the purity culture movement of the 90s and someone who is well-read in Christian living resources, my bottom line is this: Gregoire, Lindenbach and Sawatsky came out of purity culture jaded and disillusioned, finding the messages of conservative Christian thought in this area archaic and patriarchal and even going so far as to say that messages condoning inappropriate, unwanted and forced behavior are a phenomenon only seen in the conservative church, creating an absolutism without acknowledging that there is a sin problem everywhere. Instead of writing about how to fix these shortcomings, they have thrown the baby out with the bath water and created a divisive, progressive manifesto to align with the ever changing culture, instead of going back to the Bible as their guidepost for living. They might masquerade their message behind Biblical passages, but many seem cherry picked (with key passages on marriage left out) or out of context.

When She Deserves Better releases on April 18, 2023, it is going to make waves in the Christian community. It will be interesting to see if Focus on the Family, Allie B Stuckey and others interview the authors, especially after disparaging them en masse.