Sometimes, this is what I get for picking a book based SOLELY on its cover.

This book *wasn't* bad. It just didn't click with me. It had a very interesting premise and the world seemed honestly very cool. I mean, beautifully ornate magical doors that exist even if every shred of wall surrounding them is destroyed?? I love portal fantasy! This seemed straight up my alley!

But the writing didn't really flow. I couldn't connect with the characters. And ultimately I just didn't care much what happened to them. The parental relationship between the main character, Fetter, and his mother seemed like it would suck me in, but I just didn't find that spark that pulled my emotions into the story.

I think there will be readers who love this book, but I am, unfortunately, just not one of them.

This book had a lot of promise and started with solid world-building. However, the plot ended up getting lost among multiple subplots. Several plotlines were either abandoned or hastily wrapped up. There were many words to describe very little; perhaps the story could benefit from more "showing" and less "telling."

This one started out great for me and then either got too complicated or too boring. It lost me in the end. I got sick of Fetter's wishy washy behavior and inability to act. Things seemed to just happen to/for him and I found him lacking any redeeming qualities in the end. It had a lot of promise but fell flat.

The Saint of Bright Doors by Vajra Chandrasekera is a richly packed story with intense world building and multi-layered themes. This story will resonate with readers who love a exotic tale of a shadowless son being groomed to kill his own father. This debut novel doesn’t hold anything back, and is equally bold as it is emotional. I found the book challenging to read in parts but that didn’t stop me from enjoying it. I am looking forward to the next in the series. Four out of five stars for an epic read! I will be listing this in my library’s recommended purchases.

Thank you to Tor Publishing Group via NetGalley for this arc. I read it voluntarily and all views are my own.

3.5. Vajra Chandrasekera’s debut fantasy novel The Saint of Bright Doors is an innovative standalone story with much to recommend it. Fetter, the son of a cult leader raised by his mother to take down his father, is a complex character I’d absolutely read another book about. The idea of the bright doors — their mechanics and their implications — is completely fascinating and captivated me throughout. The supporting characters were sufficiently interesting to care about, and the plot moved along at a good pace though I would characterize this story as more character-driven than plot-driven overall. I really appreciate how this novel centers and normalizes queer relationships while simultaneously acknowledging the existence of homophobia; Chandrasekera does an incredible job of acknowledging the fact that anti-gay laws not having been enforced consistently or recently doesn’t mean they’re not threatening or that they don’t impact people. This is a novel that absolutely has something to say but doesn’t feel heavy-handed in its messaging, and is wonderfully immersive and well written. In short, I really liked this, and look forward to reading more from Chandrasekera.

All this said, a few things didn’t quite work for me. Mainly, I found some aspects of the worldbuilding a bit clunky. In particular, the inclusion of very specifically contemporary references — the internet, masking and distancing, fandoms, crowdfunding — felt out of place in this fantasy world, and I think the novel would’ve been stronger without them. There were also a few sections that felt like they dragged on more than they needed to given their non-centrality to the main plot.

*Content warnings:* violence, death, murder, fire / fire injury, religiously motivated bigotry, xenophobia, state-sanctioned violence, mentions of homophobia, mentions of blood

*Thank you to NetGalley and Tor Publishing for providing an ARC*.

Thank you NetGalley and Tordotcom for an ARC in exchange for an honest review!!

Fetter spent his childhood learning how to be an assassin then ran away to the big city to try and live a normal life. In Luriat, he joins group therapy, gets a job, and studies the mysterious Bright Doors. Also, his father is like, basically a god.

This was weird, and I loved it. I thought Chandrasekera's prose was lovely and immersive, and the visuals he evokes are vivid and detailed. Though he's the son of a cult leader and was trained by his mother to kill said cult leader, Fetter is, in many ways, just a guy out here trying to do his best and not have to murder anyone. I enjoyed the interiority of this novel; we spend a lot of time in Fetter's head, processing things along with him. This is certainly more of a concept/character driven novel than a plot one (and if having a strong plot is important to you, perhaps this will not necessarily be your thing), but I thought it was gorgeous and ambitious and ultimately very well executed. I certainly think this is the kind of book that I'll re-read and continue finding more bits to chew on, which is a rare thing indeed. Also, those last couple chapters? Breathtaking, perfect, I am obsessed.

DNF'd at 11%, I'm incredibly sad to say.

I really wanted to love this book, I just didn't.

As is typical for male authors, this book was just a summary. A summary of a world that I was thrust into with no explanation as to what anything was, but also a summary of characters I didn't know and couldn't care less about. It felt as though this book was a sequel to a story that I hadn't read yet, because I just felt so lost. The world building was fantastic, I just wish the reader had more of a set-up rather than being thrown headfirst into a book that quite frankly didn't make any sense, took itself too seriously, and tried to be more intelligent than it actually was.

I loved the LGBTQIA+ undertones, and the normalisation of it, and as I said, the world building was fantastic. But some explanation would have been great beforehand.

“𝘐𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘶𝘱𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘥, 𝘢𝘭𝘵𝘰𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘺. 𝘈𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘰 𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘢𝘹 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘤𝘭𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘮𝘶𝘴𝘤𝘭𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘺, 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘵𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵. 𝘏𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘢 𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘳𝘰𝘳 𝘪𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘱𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘬𝘺, 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘰𝘧 𝘧𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘶𝘱 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘶𝘱 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳. 𝘓𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘶𝘱 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘴 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘩𝘦'𝘴 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘥𝘨𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘢 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘦, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘶𝘳𝘨𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘸 𝘩𝘪𝘮𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘴𝘦. 𝘏𝘦 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘬𝘺.”

This was a very peculiar and thought provoking read. Was the story what I was expecting? Not in the slightest. Apart from the door mystery. Was the prose what I was expecting? Pretty much. I was hoping for something to keep me fluttery feelings and awe-worthy quotes akin to something like The Starless Sea and this provided in spades. If I could make this entire review just quotes I would. Considering this is a debit I am completely blown away. The world building is immersive, the characters are flawed and real, the words had me reeling.

All that being said, this is a very challenging book to read. It has that thing where the words and sentences sometimes need to be read more than once to understand. It doesn’t read as pretentious so much as just someone was like “okay what’s a better word for seeing, oh, perceiving.” That does sound somewhat pretentious or like someone who was a little trigger happy with their thesaurus, but I personally really enjoy this style. Even though it can make reading longer, it catches my interest. Plus I like learning new, long, unnecessary words. I mean, the first page of this book just had me hooked with the floating and the shadowless boy. I would have loved for that to have been more prominent but it was magical when it popped up.

“𝘐 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘴𝘰 𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘭𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘧 𝘐 𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘵, 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘺 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘣𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘦 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘢 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘮𝘦 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘺 𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘺, 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘮𝘦 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘣𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥. 𝘚𝘰 𝘐 𝘯𝘢𝘮𝘦𝘥 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘍𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳, 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘶𝘱𝘰𝘯 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘬 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘐 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘢𝘴𝘤𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘧𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯.”

The overarching plot, one of religion and politics intermingling, was a bit confusing at times. The path above and the path behind I kept confusing and I was trying to figure out Fetter’s place among them. I don’t mind a fantasy where I’m a little lost—it somewhat helps me relate to a character who is also feeling lost and confused. This is definitely one I will have to reread at some point. I think a second run through will make it easier to comprehend.

I really enjoyed Fetter as an MC. He was dynamic and funny at times, conflicted and wanting. He goes through a lot of identity struggles and growing up away from the intense childhood he had with an overbearing mother. I enjoyed his processing and journey throughout the story.

Overall, a really wild read. It’s not for the faint of heart, but it’s worth it if you take your time!

Thanks so much NetGalley and TOR for the advanced review copy!

“𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘢 𝘨𝘰𝘥, 𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘱𝘩𝘦𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘢 𝘨𝘰𝘥, 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘬𝘦 𝘢 𝘭𝘢𝘸. 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘢𝘸 𝘮𝘢𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘢 𝘭𝘢𝘸 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘨𝘰𝘥𝘴 𝘰𝘳 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘱𝘰𝘦𝘱𝘭𝘦, 𝘰𝘳 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘥𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘴𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘥𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘸𝘰.”

This cover is absolutely stunning.
I wanted to love this so much. The description was so intriguing to me, but I just found myself struggling. I read a good amount of sci-fi and fantasy, but even I was struggling with how much world-building there was. Combine that with the ever=changing threads of truth from each character, and I was left needing to re-read parts of chapters just to understand what was going on. I do think this was action-packed and a wildly fun ride, so even though it took me a while to really get into the swing of the writing and world-building, I did enjoy this. It's an interesting blend of sci-fi and fantasy elements but can get bogged down by it's own intricacies at times. I am interested to see how the physical version of this does in our library, though!

Chandrasekera's writing is so brilliant and assured that it had me from the first sentence and then kept me the whole time. The blend of dream-logic and deeply grounded relationships, the ancient and new city and country, the way everything was just a little fevered, just a little out of reach. This is the kind of new fantasy book that makes me excited about the genre. It left me a little breathless I am so in awe. Definitely one I'll be thinking about long after I've finished!

Thank you to Tor and NetGalley for the opportunity to read this eARC.

The Saint of Bright Doors follows Fetter, whose shadow is ripped from him when he's a baby, and who is raised by Mother of Glory with the singular purpose to assassinate his father, religious leader The Perfect And The Kind. Fetter journeys away from his hometown and into the city of Luriat, the city of Bright Doors, where he lives anonymously for a time, and eventually finds himself in a support group of other almost-Chosen Ones. Despite keeping his head down, he becomes curious about the city around him, curious about its Bright Doors, which are as mysterious as the complex politics and bureaucracy that holds Luriat steady. However, no matter how far his curiosity and his new friends take him, at the back of his mind is always the mandates he learned from his mother, and his ultimate purpose to assassinate the Perfect and the Kind.

Beyond that, this book is impossible to describe. Chandrasekera has written a genuinely fascinating debut novel, but at times, the plot, Luriat's bureaucracies, Fetter's own motivations, and the setting in general are downright inscrutable. I personally hate leaving books unfinished, so I pushed myself to continue reading The Saint of Bright Doors until the end, hoping for some clarity, which I never found. I finished this book having absolutely no idea what was going on. I believe that is part of the point, given that Fetter himself often has no clue what's going on around him, and he is an unobservant participant in the motions of life around him, but with such complex worldbuilding, it was quite frustrating to have a narrator who was so lost the entire time. However, while this book is not going to be one of my favorites, it is certainly memorable, and I have spent the weeks since reading it still occasionally thinking back about it.

Thank you to Tor and NetGalley for this ARC in exchange for an honest review!

The Saint of Bright Doors by Vajra Chandrasekera is an innovative blend of sci-fi and fantasy. The story is pretty difficult to summarize, so forgive me if I get anything wrong. The story revolves around Fetter, who had plenty of daddy issues. He's been raised to kill his father. Currently, he lives in a futuristic city where gods and technology merge together in a new concept that I haven't seen before. The book follows Fetter's journey as he finds his place in the strange world.

Here is an enchanting excerpt from Chapter 1:

"The moment Fetter is born, Mother-of-Glory pins his shadow to the earth with a large brass nail and tears it from him. This is his first memory, the seed of many hours of therapy to come. It is raining. His shadow is cast upon reddish soil thick with clay that clings to Fetter as he rolls in it, unable to raise his head, saved from drowning in mud only by the fortunate angle of his landing. The arch of Mother-of-Glory’s knee frames what he sees next. His shadow writhes slowly on its nail. Mother-of-Glory dips her hands in that mud to gather up the ropy shadow of his umbilical cord and throttles his severed shadow with a quick loop, pulled tight. The shadow goes to its end in silence—or if it cries out, if shadows can cry out, that sound is lost in the rain."

Overall, The Saint of Bright Doors is a blend of sci-fi and fantasy that will appeal to fans of Ken Liu or P. Djeli Clark. One highlight of this book is the great premise. When I read the synopsis, I knew that I wanted to read this book right away. The idea of blending sci-fi and fantasy together was something I hadn't seen before. I did take off 2 stars before I found some parts of the book to be long and other parts to be confusing. I'm actually more of a fantasy fan, so I felt that this book was a bit too sci-fi for me. If you're intrigued by the excerpt above, or if you're a fan of fantasy or sci-fi in general, you can check out this book when it comes in July.

"The books make it harder to clean and take up too much space, but he can’t stop himself from collecting them. It’s the only thing he really needs money for, living in Luriat, and to support this he works every now and then"

This line describes the problem that every book collector has so it had to be included.

I desperately wanted to love this book. The title, description and cover were enticing and hinted at such wonder however I truly struggled with it. The worldbuilding is intricate and a mix of fantasy elements such as demons and modern amenities such as email which can interrupt the story. The storyline changed frequently and while it’s very understandable as every person has their own version of the truth, it was disconcerting to think that you’ve reached the crux of the story, you are given new insight. This combined with the complex worldbuilding has me needing to re-read a few parts for understanding.

This is a wildly intense ride that fans of Piranesi would enjoy for the abstract ideas and the flight of fantasy across the worlds that have existed, do exist and can exist. Vajra has displayed a truly brilliant mind with unique ideas and this will be appreciated by fans who enjoy such fantasy.

Thank you to Netgalley, Tor and Vajra Chandrasekera for giving me the opportunity to review this book before its release

Fetter was born, had his shadow ripped away from him by his mother, and was raised from birth to kill his father and destroy the cult that the man created in his image. After living the life that had been chosen for him, Fetter chooses to walk away and reject that destiny for a life of his own in the city of Luriat. Unrest and changes are coming to the city, however, and what happens will change the course of his life forever.

I really enjoyed this book. Good characters, beautiful writing, and a fascinating world where anything seemed possible drew me in early and kept me happily reading to almost the 3/4 mark. Things got very complicated at that point and I slowed down to try and understand what was going on, but I wasn't unhappy about the change of pace (and suspect others might not even encounter it at all).

This is an exciting book from an author I am going to be watching closely in the future.

Wow. This book blew my mind. As an avid reader it truly is a special feeling when you come across a book that is nothing like you have ever read before.

I found the writing style and storyline hard to follow at times, which is not a detriment to the book but just because the world building is so unlike anything else I’ve experienced before.

Overall, this book was totally fascinating and I’m so glad I picked it up. I had such an interesting experience as a reader while working my way through it - and for that alone, it is a solid 5 stars for me.

I’ll be ordering myself a hardcopy for my own shelves and will recommend it to all of my book worm friends!

Thank you, Tor Publishing Group, Tordotcom, and Netgalley! And tor for my life.

This review has taken me longer to write than mine usually do, because I am just. in absolute awe and have not yet figured out how to write a coherant review. Absolutely all the stars, but just. awe. Vajra Chandrasekera is an absolute genius and I have to read his backlist. And his future list. And anything else.

This is a glory of a debut novel, and it's . . . .

Only two other books have made me stand back in wonder at a certain twist, and to say which would give it away. Chandrasekera's bright, deft hand filled a world both unfamiliar and comprehensible, by taking us along fetter's travels, learning with him, and hurting with him.

Mother-of-Glory, Fetter, the therapy group of unchosen chosen ones, Fetter's friends-- they all lived and breathed, deep and true and real. I could not and did not want to pause reading the book to do anything else, such as sleep, shower, or see family. The world grew with and beyond Fetter, vast and expansive, and less-main characters caught my eye easily, as compelling in their own right as any protagonist.

I cannot wait to buy this book.

2.5 stars rounded up.

I finished the book and said to myself well. That was a really interesting read and I'm not entirely sure how I feel about it. And that is still true; It took me about a month to get through 30% of the book and then about a week to get through the rest of it which is not normal for me. There were so many concepts and ideas that existed but never fully came to anything. What I mean by that is that there were stories within stories that could have been their own books. Instead, they were just chapters and somewhat confusing within the larger world building. For instance, I found the story that mother of glory tells halfway through the book to be the most fascinating part of the entire tale and would have really appreciated something along those lines. However, I can appreciate how intricate this story and novel is and all of the various pieces to be woven in and out. This is definitely going to be a polarizing love it or don't love it book. I don't think most people will be in the middle and I can't say if I recommend it or not. Mostly because it's truly going to be tailored to your fantasy tastes in reading.

La novela de debut de Vajra Chandrasekera me ha dejado con sentimientos encontrados, porque tiene picos de enorme interés pero a la vez también sufre de valles de tedio, dando lugar a una obra muy irregular en la que se atisban puntos muy atractivos que no se han logrado cohesionar en un todo homogéneo.


The Saint of Bright Doors tiene un comienzo impactante, cuando la madre de un recién nacido le arranca la sombra para que sea un mejor instrumento en su venganza contra el padre. Los primeros años de Fetter serán de adiestramiento en el arte del asesinato, todo con el fin de conseguir el objetivo último de su madre.

Tras este arrollador principio, el libro se sume en un estupor vacío de emoción. Y con estos altibajos continuará toda la lectura, con momentos tan atractivos como el club de ayuda a los “casi elegidos” de la miríada de religiones que pululan por la novela y otros que no sé si denominar de relleno pero que son romos como un cuchillo de goma EVA.

Los mensajes contra el racismo y el clasismo de la sociedad inventada por Chandrasekera son extremadamente pertinentes y certeros, así como la extremadamente afinada crítica a las religiones, de las que parece haber una increíble profusión en este mundo. No duda en ningún momento en enfocar la hipocresía subyacente a todas ellas, que dicen renunciar al poder pero al que realmente se aferran como una sanguijuela hambrienta.

Los momentos en los que hace su aparición la magia son tan destacados que cambian totalmente el curso de la narración, por no decir el de la historia. Pero hay que reconocer que el autor prefiere no abusar de estos para no reducir los capítulos a una concatenación vacía de deus ex machina.

The Saint of Bright Doors me parece una novela fallida en algunos aspectos, pero aún así creo que seguiré leyendo la obra del autor, porque necesitamos riesgo en el género para dar lugar a obras novedosas e interesantes.

This is certainly the most strange and uniquely written fantasy books I've ever read.

This book follows Fetter who has recently moved to Luriat, a city which holds many 'bright doors' - doors that cannot be opened and beyond which is unknown. But Fetter battles with the destiny he was brought up to fulfil , and whether or not he wants to follow it.

That is the most basic way I can explain the plot, as there are so many different elements to this story that I can't summarise.

I feel very conflicted about this book; The writing was sublime, and I loved the stunning worldbuilding - especially the mix of modern technology and societal practices and the fantastical world of Luriat's bright doors.
On the other hand, this was a very challenging read. Though my confusion may have been fault of my own, I felt that half way through the book I didn't really know where this book was going - but not in an 'unpredictable mystery' way, but in a 'this book doesn't have a clear plot' way.

So I am torn. This may require a re-read in the future to fully appreciate it, and I am very much looking forward to the author's future work - and this is extremely impressive and ambitious for a debut book.

DNF 67%

Very sorry for this decision, but unfortunately there was nothing that would make me stay to end this story. The idea was amazing, yet the writing made me too confused, I could not focus over the plot nor characters. Maybe one day I will give it a second chance.