This was an incredible book to read.

Marilyn Kriete takes us along on her journey to do whatever it takes to heal from a 20 year old loss. Her grief is wrecking havoc on her marriage and her job, all while her family is caught in the tide of a turbulent church ministry.

As someone that also has a heavy church background, it was astounding to see the perspective of someone that actually went above and beyond just using faith to solve their emotional and mental issues. That's such a rare thing to see, in my experience. I found a lot to relate to, even though I'm a good twenty years younger than Marilyn.

Her prose is captivating. I could feel the despair and the urgency throughout her story. I would highly recommend this book to anyone that is struggling with grief that they feel like they'll never shake. She doesn't have all the answers, but she can show you that you aren't alone.

Amazing, thought provoking memoir. It was incredibly moving. The authors writing was beautiful and empathetic. I am in awe of her strength and bravery to share her story.

I enjoyed this book, but I’m not sure it was entirely for me. While I appreciated and found the discussions about grief interesting, I feel so far removed from the issues around faith and the church that I had a hard time relating to them. Overall, though I feel badly giving bad reviews to memoirs.- I thought the book was just ok. However, I think someone else with other experiences might have a totally different reaction.

A beautiful and heartfelt book. Truly stunning and made me cry. Thank you to the publisher for the copy.

I want to begin by addressing a few points. When I first picked up this book, I was unfamiliar with the International Churches of Christ (ICOC). Being born in the early 90s, this group was founded in the late 70s and remained relatively unknown to me due to my non-religious upbringing. Intentionally, I refrained from researching about them until after completing the book, as I wanted to avoid any bias affecting my final impression. This approach proved to be beneficial. While some of the things I later discovered about the ICOC influenced my overall thoughts, they did not taint my perception of the book itself.

"The Box Must Be Empty" chronicles a journey of faith exploration intertwined with the acceptance of profound grief. The memoir depicts how greed, lack of compassion and empathy, and shame can corrupt certain Christian churches, diverting their focus from the teachings of Jesus and the spread of love. These extreme evangelical churches often bear resemblance to cults, emphasizing obedience, conformity, power, and prestige. Reading "The Box Must Be Empty" held particular significance for me since I had previously delved into the subject of cults in Amanda Montell's book, Cultish. The similarities between the portrayal of Jesus' teachings and the cult-like aspects within these organizations were strikingly evident. Kriete ponders, "Would I have struggled like this if it weren't a cult?... Does that make me a cult survivor? Or simply someone whose strange life journey has mirrored her search for belonging?... I'll leave it to the reader to decide." As a reader, it is highly likely that she is a cult survivor.

As a mental health therapist, reading this memoir made me cringe—not because of the subject matter, but due to the disturbingly blurred lines between the author and her supposed therapist, Theo. Like the author, I found it challenging to empathize with Theo. One of our fundamental ethical codes as therapists is to "Do no harm," and Theo's actions hindered the healing process significantly. Furthermore, he engaged in various other ethical violations, such as abandoning a client, dual relationships, and providing substandard therapy that falls below the standard of care.

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this captivating story. Kriete's storytelling transported me alongside her, immersing me in a world of despair, grief, anger, and desperation. A compelling memoir achieves just that, especially when the reader is unfamiliar with the author. Kriete takes us on a journey through a profoundly painful period in her life, exhibiting remarkable vulnerability. Although the narrative occasionally felt repetitive, it effectively conveyed Kriete's sense of being stuck in rumination. I particularly appreciated her reference to "The Grief Recovery Handbook," a book I often recommend to my therapy clients and utilize in my practice. The ending felt satisfying, albeit with one minor gripe. As someone previously unaware of the ICOC, the ending was perfect. However, upon conducting further research, I felt slightly less satisfied. I wished there had been a bit more commentary on the controversies the church faced, including the recent sexual abuse allegations against the founder. Delving deeper into these aspects would have rounded out the book more effectively.


Overall, I am delighted to have stumbled across this memoir. Exploring the lives of others is inherently fascinating and fosters the development of empathy.


Overall: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.✨
Enjoyment: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Plot: ⭐️⭐️⭐️.✨
Characters: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Thought Provoking: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Ease of Reading: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
World Building: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Writing: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Ending: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️


I received an advanced copy of this book (ARC) from Netgalley and Lucid House Publishing in exchange for an honest review. My thanks to them!

A beautifully written, moving and honest memoir, touching up on the complexities of grief. It’s a very gripping read and Marilyn’s resilience is inspiring - more than anything, after you turn the last page, you are left with a feeling of hope.

I received a free copy of this book in exchange for my honest opinion.
In this book Marilyn told her story of dealing with grief, relationships and the issues surrounding her and her family's involvement in the ICOC.
Marilyn's book beautifully told the truth about the impact of grief and trauma and how one truly doesn't move on from it.
The pieces around the ICOC offered some insight to a group I hadn't even heard about until reading this book.
I was able to tear through this book and read it very quickly.
Overall I did enjoy and would likely read her other memoir.

Unfortunately I got to 35% of this book and decided it wasn't for me. Completely personal preference. I was finding it hard to relate to the religious theme and I couldn’t get stuck in.

It sucks that these things happened to this woman and to many others but this was a little difficult to follow at points and kind of felt a little longer then it needed to be.

I was uncertain what I would find in this complex memoir that discussed grief and the church's involvement. As an atheist, I found the contents of this book to be profoundly affecting and emotionally moving, especially knowing that the words revealed a genuine experience of suffering.

The composition of this writing is marvellous, and I am absolutely astounded by the level of empathy I now feel for the author.

I have never encountered work by this author before, and I have never found something quite like it. I am uncertain whether the author intends to publish anything in the future, however, I would be keen to purchase them should that be the case. I have since discovered this is the second book, so I will look for the first.

It is imperative that readers are aware of any trigger warnings linked to this reading, as some may find it upsetting.

There are a lot of books out there about grief, but this one is SO fresh!
Kriete provides us with an extremely raw and honest account about overcoming grief and everything else it touches in her life.

The second time I read a memoir book and this book took a toll and a pain that was deep to the bone. It was reflecting on the grieving most people had with severe depression that would be more complicated when it has taken root in your own self. Also, when your family is as religious as you could be expected. I requested this book through Netgalley because I was triggered by the title, I was wondering what the memoir of this book would be about and why this amazing title can be finalized as the main thing of this book. Then, I was surprised that the title and the meaning behind this memoir book truly reflected the connection between them.

The story of this Marilyn who longs for her past self and grieving over her dead-fiancee after those years that already took a deep root on herself. She tried many kinds of therapists and none of it works until she believed in herself about the handbook one of her friends recommended. She was surprised that she did not pick up this book sooner because it change her life completely after that encounter. However, in my opinion. It wasn’t about the book, it was because she already accepting the death of her fiancee and her journey to deal with that part of herself already reaching the end of the road and she banged the control to the other way around. The main focus of this memoir is on her journey of those years trying to deal with grieving. She even had an attachment towards this therapist that took her journey until her own therapist had to deal with a problem of his own. Her journey on this grieving and acceptance is not an easy road. Especially, when she was already married to the husband he just met while she did not accept that her own fiancee is dead yet. The children she adopted also have a great consequence on her behavior and her journey. Who I was amazed by the most is, the husband-Henry.

The main point of this grieving memoir is, “Outside thing doesn’t matter with what you were inside. As long as you had accepted it as it is and learned how life works. You’ll get the light at the end of the road.” It was not an easy path to take and the journey will take a toll and drain all of your energy but once you did it. I guarantee you will become someone best you wished you become sooner.

Things I learned:
➊ Therapist and talking sometimes not working, especially when you did not try to do whatever is happening inside yourself first.
➋ Journaling, always helps whatever it is you had in your mind when your mind is crowded as hell. It keeps you in check and takes you to the next level further
➌ Marriage and having kids when you are ready not when you are desperate for love. The consequence of Marilyn’s children in this memoir because of the grieving she still had affected her children the most. Even though it wasn’t written pretty specifically in detail, I realized that it does give a huge effect on them, especially, when they hit the nature of puberty.
➍ Finding whatever it is while moving from one place to another. It does do some reassurance and keeps the calm mind of several people when they do nomad life. The same as what Marilyn and her small family take from one country to another. I take it as a thing that did not help you while you are grieving. It maybe does because you do not hold and get another attachment to a particular person and place. However, it effecting more of your mental health and drain all of the spiritual energy within you.
➎ Church community works. The reason why Marilyn and her family moved a lot was that she joined this community and provide church service. But, for the first time, I have no idea how it works but this book taught me how it worked from the perspective of someone inside and someone outside the community.
➏ Writing letters, does help tho. Especially for someone you longed for but did not have the courage to talk to or someone already leaving this realm. Maybe, it does help for some people with some personalities, however, for certain people with a specific characteristic, it will attach them more to the grief and cannot get out.

Overall, this memoir book is the saddest because the journey path this Marilyn took was unbearable. Loving the dead fiancee for almost 23 years while you were married to someone else was internal bleeding. I learned many new things from this book and I did not regret anything at all while requesting this book. It was as amazing as I expected the meaning of The box must be Empty for me personally is the thing you need to do after accepting this grief is leave the box empty, that will help you to accept new things in your life. It was a wonderful meaning and as Marilyn’s therapist said while he was mentioning the box must be empty. It has a different meaning from what I gather but that’s what the explanation to me is.

Please give some moments of applause and high appraisal for Henry!!

Thank you, NetGalley for giving me the privilege to review and read the book before publication day!

Finished ✔️ The Box Must Be Empty by Marilyn Kriete

4 ⭐️’s
Publish Day: April 4th, 2023
Kindle Unlimited: No
This profoundly moving memoir leads with vulnerability, communication with grace, and delivers the kind of hard-earned wisdom that only comes with time.
Marilyn is an insightful storyteller who provides language for the most damaged parts of ourselves.
Beautifully & brilliantly written and told
Yes, I’d recommend

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I started this book last night and finished this afternoon, less than 24hrs. This is very well written to keep the reader's attention. I wish I would have read the description a little better though. I found myself skimming some only because I felt like it was mostly about religion and grief. You get to know exactly how the author feels and anyone who has lost a loved one can relate to her feelings at some point in the book. I like how she points out that the church was not very helpful with depression and it is sort of a taboo still in the church. This book would be perfect for anyone who is struggling with the loss of a loved one and doesn't know what steps to take to start the grieving process.

The Box Must Be Empty: A Memoir of Complicated Grief, Spiritual Despair, and Ultimate Healing – Marilyn Kriete – (2023)
This is a very unique memoir that is centered around the International Churches of Christ (ICOC) religious faith and how the author spent decades of her family life attempting to find peace and wellness within and outside the church. According to independent studies the ICOC is compared to religious cults, with impressive statements of church ideology and biblical principles followed with suggestions for financial donations. While ICOC members, Marilyn, her husband Henry, and their two adopted children Daniel and Tassja moved too many times to count. Years after leaving the church, Marilyn wrote she was likely addicted to constant change and movement. It was unclear if the family ever remained in one location long enough to establish solid connections that might anchor them to a new or chosen community.

Marilyn has written her story to help others work through the challenges faced in life. This is her second memoir: "Paradise Road: A Memoir" (2021) her debut, recalls her life as a youth and before her marriage. After nearly two decades, according to Kriete, she and Henry moved 16 times during the 17 years of their marriage. The church sponsored moves included international relocations for the couple to minister in Africa and South America.

After Marilyn watched “The Titanic” (1997) she was triggered by the tragic sinking of the luxury ship, and was overwhelmed by excessive crying spells and profound loss. Later, Marilyn’s extreme reaction was related to the devastating cancer death of her former fiancée, Jack, (a church member). It was interesting that the family was quickly relocated to Philadelphia, for Marilyn’s specialized church counseling from the delayed unresolved grief process. Theo, (the counselor) treatment efforts seemed unsuccessful for numerous reasons. As the storyline continued, it wasn’t surprising that Henry eventually suffered from depressive psychological conditions as well. Marilyn and Henry’s family was always expected to follow church directives to relocate without exception or question. Naturally, the highest-level ICOC administrators or leaders were not expected to frequently relocate or shop in thrift stores to make ends meet. The couple’s life seemed to improve after leaving the church, though the need to continue moving was evident in this rare and unusual story. - 3*GOOD - **With thanks to Lucid House Publishing via NetGalley for the DDC for the purpose of review.

Kriete's life was full and fulfilling: she and her husband were respected leaders in their church, the ICOC, and had spent decades living in one far-flung city after another, planting churches and building them up, then moving to another place and doing it all again. But a seemingly innocuous trigger shook loose Kriete's long-buried grief over losing her first fiancé to cancer, and in turn that grief set in motion changes in her marriage and relationship with her church.

"The Box Must Be Empty" is Kriete's second memoir, written long after the events described within—long enough that it's clear that she's had the time and willingness to do all the hard work of taking apart and putting back together again all the pieces of *what happened*. And that's fortunate, because it's a complicated, messy story: delayed/complicated grief, childhood trauma, a church community that at times was Kriete's lifeblood and at times toxic—not, generally, intentionally, but because (as I read it) the church leadership was unwilling to see the trees for the forest. (Or maybe, if I extend that metaphor: they were only willing to provide care for one particular type of tree, and anything that did not comply and grow the right kind of leaves and respond to the type of fertilizer the church spread was wrong and needed to shape up.) There's also what sounds like some truly appalling therapy, and, late in the book, Kriete ruminates on the possibility of the ICOC falling on the "cult" end of the religious spectrum.

And yes: at times it felt like too much. But the further I got into the book, the more I saw how all the threads pulled together—the way in which church was home and heart but also the source of significant stress (brought home when, for example, Kriete mentions her daughter starting in her eighth school...as of second grade); the way in which each move brought joy but also new grief. As far as writing a grief memoir goes, I don't think it would have been possible for this book to take religion out of the equation. The limited reading I did on the ICOC while (and after) reading this book makes me think that, however good the intentions of some, there is still more trauma that will come to light (and also that, even without "possible cult" status, their stances are far, far too conservative and narrow for me and their church services might make me break out in hives, but...that's neither here nor there, I guess).

So it's a lot. At times I wished I'd read Kriete's first book, "Paradise Road," before picking this up—for a fuller picture, mostly—though it's not strictly necessary, and I'm glad she split the story across multiple books. I'm reminded a little of Evelyn Kohl LaTorre's books (her second one in particular), and this will resonate best with readers who don't mind a complicated memoir spread out over the course of several years; there is nothing in here that could be wrapped up easily. 3.5 stars.

Thanks to the author and publisher for providing a free review copy through NetGalley.

Not sure how I feel about this book. It was entertaining.
Thanks to author, publisher and Netgalley for the chance to read this book. While I got the book for free it had no bearing on the rating I gave it.

Kriete provides us with an extremely raw and honest account about overcoming grief and everything else it touches in her life. Hard to read at times but I'm very grateful for her to have shared her story.

I have read a lot of books about grief this past year and when this title appeared on NetGalley I was intrigued. The writing was very good but for some reason it didn't flow well for me and I found myself lost at points. I wanted to devour it!

Thanks to NetGalley for the advanced copy for the purpose of this review. Three stars!

I don't usually read memoirs however I did find this quite intriguing with really interesting viewpoints on many big points in life especially in dealing with grief and the relationship between grief and religion. I do feel like I perhaps should have read Marilyn's first memoir to get more of a grasp into her early life but this can be read as a stand--alone.

However I did feel like this was quite long with a lot of changes between topics and timelines so in parts I was slightly confused whilst reading.