such a great lgbtq book. I really liked how it shows the hardships but also the amazing relief it brought him. his story is beautiful and painful all at the same time.

A memoir about a queer man who goes on a road trip with his hillbilly father to attend the latter’s school reunion. With the impending 2016 US election looming, the two of them are at odds with their political stances - the son a queer liberal and the father a Trump supporter.

The author reflects on class and politics and the motivations behind those who choose to vote for the Republicans, even when those they love do not fit with conservative ideology. He champions the idea of building bridges between our differences, rather than creating a chasm, and finding understanding in each other. While I do appreciate the author’s plead for finding empathy with conservative people who are often of lower class, I also find his perspective to be a bit dismissive of the very real threats that those on the far right pose. Jamison suggests that both sides are capable of harm to the other, which I guess is true? but he neglects to mentioned the bodily harm and harassment that is still so often and disproportionately conducted by the right to the left. Should I have empathy for that? Idk.

The audiobook is read by the author and is performance well for a non-author. He kept me engaged throughout the experience.

*As is the nature of a memoir, many topics are discussed and could be considered trigger warnings for many people.*

Trigger Warnings: Homophobia, past injury, bullying, discussion of politics/Trump, slurs, cursing, church, guns, alcohol, drugs, sexual assault, death of a friend, plane crash, death of a pet

Representation: Gay

Hillbilly Queer is a memoir during which JR takes a trip with his dad to his old town for a reunion. The two couldn’t be more opposite making this road trip quite the journey. Will the differences continue to divide them or can they come to a common ground?

I did not like this book. There’s nothing wrong with it, it’s written well. The author spends a large portion of the book talking about Trump and that doesn’t sit well with me. I understand that his point was how similar we all are as humans, despite the great divide in this country, but I do not agree with his commentary. The narration for this book was well done and I always enjoy when the author narrates their own story.

JR’s story about his journey with his dad is interesting but I found his overall life story to be most interesting. Everything he overcame to become more confident as himself is inspiring. When you do not fit into the norms, life can be difficult & throw many stones your way. J.R. should be proud of who he became as he stood up for what he wanted & has helped shape the world into a better place - even though as he travelled south again, it may not seem that way. His journey with his dad was definitely eye opening as he travelled during the 2016 election & dealt with having opposing political views with his father. The ending of JR’s memoir is eye opening, as you never know how you may influence someone. Thank you to NetGalley for the Audiobook ARC.

This book was so frustrating. It is repetitious and reductive. J.R. has some interesting stories, but seems to be trying to force his relationship with his father into a me Vs you structure. The "growth" in that relationship is told, rather than shown.
I'm not sure why J.R. goes on and one and on about the in-seam length of his shorts. His gay identity seems to be entirely wrapped up in the length of his shorts, his leather travel bag and his tiffany bracelet. Which he mentions every single chapter.
He does not properly explore WHY people felt the way they did about Trump. His approach was simplistic and super judgemental. He doesn't seem to understand that people can hate immigrants in general and still be friends with immigrants, that there is a duality and depth to people.
And he is really judgemental the whole way through. And annoying. He seems surprised every time a stranger doesn't murder him - but every stranger in the book is actually super friendly and super helpful.
So why the three stars? Because despite my ranting I could't stop listening. I think J.R. had something to say, but didn't quite get it said here.

Thanks to NetGalley and the publishers from the audio-book in exchange for an honest review.

To be honest, I knew I wanted to read this book before I even knew what it was about. Whether it was the enigmatic title: Hillbilly Queer, or the cover art for the book, I knew there had to be a good story and life lessons between the binding.

Though I’m neither hillbilly nor queer, this book took me through the real-life journey and thoughts of J.R. Jamison, the queer son to Dave, his hillbilly dad, and their trek to Missouri’s backwoods for Dave’s 55 year high school reunion.

I read a number of reviews done by others in preparation for this one. I wanted to see what other people related to, liked, disliked, gathered, and moralized from this book.

While other reviewers read this memoir as a story of bridging the divide between right and left, father and son, hillbilly and queer, I internalized something a little different.

This memoir is not about politics, socioeconomics, nor family strife.

Hillbilly Queer is a story of the timeless, never-ending battle between love and fear. The love of who we consider ‘us’, and the fear of everyone else — ‘them’.

Growing up, J.R. knew he was different from the rest of the hometown boys. Between being made fun of for his collection of dolls by his boy scout team and the way he liked how his fingernails looked when they were painted, J.R. didn’t fit in from an early age.

To make matters worse, being raised in the backwoods of America during the 1980’s and 90’s, he didn’t have anyone to support his individuality, foremost being his own dad. From his dad’s disapproval of gay’s, to his ‘manly’ lack of sensitivity and outward suppression of emotions, J.R. lived in fear and shame that he was an outcast amongst his own kin.

After going away to college at Ball State in Indiana, J.R. was finally able to find people with whom he fit in, but wasn’t readily able to shed the feeling of fear and shame of being isolated from ‘them’. After all, there was much more of ‘them’ than ‘us’ for him, so he did his best to blend in and hide his true identity.

In the book, he shares a story of one of his first days in college during a team-building exercise. The participants were asked to step forward if they agreed with a statement and stay put if not. When the leader asked who supported equal rights for gay-marriage, J.R.’s body took him forward, but his fear held him back. He stood there straddling the line between being true to himself and being accepted by others. Though he was hundreds of miles from where he grew up, he couldn’t accept the love within himself and for the people like him to have enough courage to publicly declare it.

Later, he is able to cast light on the shadow he kept hidden from others, and starts dating a man from school. It’s not until his father finds a love letter from J.R.’s boyfriend while he is home for summer break that he is no longer able to hide in the shadows covering the vast differences between him and his dad. He was afraid his dad wouldn’t accept him. That his dad would damn him to Hell. But the fear he felt from his dad did not overcome the love that his dad felt for him.

It wasn’t until Dave invited J.R. to his 55th class reunion that the dim light overhead J.R.’s shadow morphed into the bright backwood Missouri Sun.

I found myself wondering why Dave invited his son on this journey in the first place? Dave knew his son was queer, being married to a man and all, and also knew of the long-held deep beliefs and political standing of the great majority of hillbillies from his hometown.

After finishing this book, I believe it was Dave’s insight and wisdom that told him this journey wouldn’t just be a simple father-son road trip, but a traversing of the bridge that keeps so many of us divided. A white water rafting trip between the shores of fear, and love.

J.R. was apprehensive by just the thought of this trip. What would people think of him? Would he have to hide his true self, just as he did as a kid in the confines of his own home in Indiana? Missouri was his dad’s turf, not his. But maybe, just maybe, he could learn more about himself through the eyes of his dad.

While reflecting back on the trip later in the book, J.R. learns ‘sometimes one has to go back to find their true selves’.

Once in Missouri, J.R. immediately feels alone. Surrounded by guns, cheap beer and Trump signs, his surroundings couldn’t be further from the beliefs he held dear. From his viewpoint, these symbols represented hate, not love, and he was afraid.

How could it be that hate for one group meant love for another?

Throughout this book, we get real-life examples showcasing that it’s not hate that divides liberals from conservatives, ‘us’ from ‘them’. It’s fear.

The fear of conservatives that pro-choice liberals will bring God’s wrath unto humanity through the scientific act of playing Him.

The fear of liberals that conservatives will strip away their ability to family-plan and strategize for the optimal time to bring a precious new life into this painful world, if they so choose to at all.

It’s not hate towards the other, but fear of losing protection for ourselves that creates such a deep divide. It’s our ego, confusion, and selfishness that transmutes that fear into hate. Delusional thinking that tells us the answer to fear is hate, and the answer to hate is avoiding, overpowering, and eliminating.

Only once we can see the divide is caused by fear and not hate can we turn that fear into true understanding, and ultimately, to acceptance and love.

It was a summer morning in backwoods Missouri when Dave and J.R. stopped at a local diner around Dave’s home town. There, Dave met a trucker from Wisconsin sitting down to eat with his wife. Dave sat down across from them, and J.R. nervously followed suit. While his dad and the trucker talked about Trump, walls, guns, and everything in between, J.R. couldn’t help but to notice the quiet Mexican family sitting within earshot of his table’s conversations.

He felt bad for them, knowing they must feel isolated in this hillbilly town of Trump supporting whites, with J.R.’s own table being a face of the oppressor.

When it was the trucker’s time to go, he got up and walked straight over to the Mexican family complete with a husband, wife, and two kids. J.R. prepared for what might happen next. The two men shook hands, exchanged some friendly words, and parted ways. No physical altercation nor derogatory slander, like J.R. seemed to have expected.

A simple ‘hello’, ‘how are you’, ‘see you next time’, ‘goodbye’.

Was it really this easy? Were all the fears he harbored from the news, social media, and movies of ‘us’ vs ‘them’ all just a hyperbolized facade?

Why was he afraid to speak his mind around them? Afraid for ‘them’ to hear his ‘gay’ voice, when seemingly the biggest divider of all, the brown shade of skin that Trump’s wall would be erected to keep out, didn’t keep these unlikely friends apart?

Through this initial experience, followed by many more, did J.R. start to realize that people are like books, and books can’t be read by just a glance at their cover. It wasn’t just the sophisticated and educated liberals that had a story worth reading, but the hometown country hillbillies that had one as well.

J.R. couldn’t understand how his dad could love his queer son while at the same time planning to vote for Trump, someone who planned to put conservative supreme court justices in power that might act to overturn the marriage certificate that he waited years and jumped through many hoops to get.

Trump, the same man objectifying women and living life as a billionaire claiming to be a champion for the working middle class.

Trump, the man who would later choose Pence as his VP, the man who signed a bill in Indiana making it a ‘religious right’ for businesses to turn away customers that were gay, lesbian, and transgender. Living in Indiana, J.R. felt firsthand what it was like to live not knowing if the restaurant he and his husband chose to dine would serve them with love or turn them away in fear perceived as hate.

The ‘us’ vs ‘them’ ‘religious right’ of one group seen as contempt and disgust by the other.

How different was this ‘religious right’ of conservatives against queers from the discrimination against blacks just a few decades past? How could one vote for such leaders if they knew just a little of what history taught us about where such discrimination starts, and where it might end.

How could his dad do that to him?

‘These people around here are simple’ Dave began. ‘They’re not college educated folks, and Trump speaks to the middle way that nobody else will’.

‘Supporting Hillary Clinton, to dad, was basically like me saying to him ‘I wanted all of your friend’s jobs to go away’. -J.R.

It wasn’t through avoidance, but through honest conversation about the things that mattered most to them where J.R. and Dave turned hours into days and days into nights, beginning to see that they weren’t as different-the divide not as wide-as J.R. once thought after all.

After meeting many of his dad’s high school classmates, J.R. came to know that the reason they supported Trump wasn’t out of hate towards the queers, Mexican’s, equal rights for all, etc., but of the fear that rights were being taken away that they might never get back.

The right to work in a factory to make a living and support a family. The right to own a gun to protect yourself and to hunt to feed your family. The right to live a simple life and not be afraid of what might happen to such ‘simple folk’, neighbors, family, and friends of Dave in the future.

These ‘hillbilly’ conservatives didn’t want the right to power, but the right to be free, just like the liberals they fight so tirelessly against.

It’s not through hate and control that liberals want less guns in people’s hands, but fear of what happens when guns are in the wrong ones.

It’s not through hate nor ambivalence towards the beauty of life that liberals want the ability to choose when to produce it, but the fear of creating life when they aren’t prepared to support it that scares them.

It’s not hate towards the upper class that liberals want more taxes taken from them, but fear that the rich will leave nothing for the poor that bring their fearful whispers to a roar.

This book takes us on a journey not only to the woods of Missouri, but to the woods of our heart. The deep-seated beliefs we hold about ‘us’ and ‘them’ turn out not to be so right and wrong, black and white, after all. But rather hued with a touch of grey.

In the end, Dave is able to acknowledge the faults in Trump, and J.R., the shortfalls in Hillary. Presidential candidates, just like their constituents, all have faults of their own and to expect them to be perfect is a hopeless dream. Dave and J.R. realized that politics didn’t have to divide them, but can work to bring them together in the most unexpected of ways.

Dave loved his son no matter what. Gay or straight, athlete or actor, J.R. was Dave’s son and politics would never change that. Dave was born in a different time, a different place, and had a much different upbringing than his son. He had different experiences that shaped him into who he was; a small-town man that was brought up relying on, and caring for, those around him. Dave’s early support of Trump wasn’t a signal of hate towards his son, but a hope for jobs, peace, and freedom for the countless number of forgotten people he had love for like him.

J.R.’s vote for Hillary wasn’t to take food off the table of his father and his friends, but for the hope of a more inclusive America. Where the color of your skin and sexual orientation don’t have to limit who you can love, where you can work, and at what restaurant you can dine.

This book is beautifully brought to an end by the thoughtful conversation between J.R. and his college friends the day of the unexpected victory of Donald Trump for president.

J.R. and his friends sat there stunned from the news of the polls. Most of his liberal friend group hadn’t considered that Trump winning was even a remote possibility.

As they sat there crying, consoling, and confused, one of them brought up the idea of displaying a sign outside of their dorm window signifying their room as a safe space for anyone who needs. J.R. countered the idea, saying that marking their room as a safe space therefore denotes all those who voted for Trump as unsafe. Widening the chasm and deepening the divide.

That meant people like J.R.’s own father, Dave, and all of his dad’s friends back home, were unsafe. The same people just doing what they could to get by and provide for their family, afraid of what a liberal president would mean for their livelihood. Afraid that a liberal president would favor workers oversees for cheaper prices, meaning fewer jobs for the already struggling blue collar workers at home.

‘Liberal’ vs. ‘Conservative’

‘Us’ vs. ‘Them’

‘Safe’ vs. ‘Unsafe’

What is a liberal or conservative, democrat or republican anyways if not just baskets to sort ‘us’ and ‘them’ by?

J.R. and his dad both equally wanted a better world for themselves, their family, friends, and everyone else.

This book shows us how the only way to create that better world is person to person, one by one, in the framework of honest communication, and with a foundation of love.

J.R. started this journey with his dad expecting the worst and hoping for the best. If I were to guess, I think J.R. ended this journey more of a changed man than he ever would have imagined.

If he were back in college right now, J.R. wouldn’t just step over that line. He would run, jump, and dance in the beauty and self-love of his own whole being right over it.

From isolation to inclusion, confusion to clarity, this book holds within its pages a journey of empathy and self-discovery. If you find solace through stories of overcoming barriers while reconstructing fear into love, this book is for you.

This book brings up a lot of complicated emotions. I totally get where the author is coming from, I have a complicated family as well. The premise of the book is that we can reach across the political divide by finding the humanity in others. It is a good sentiment and there are moments in the story that back this up – the author misjudges a family on sight, and his father shows him love and support despite saying homophobic things years before. Maybe this book would have hit differently several years ago when we were all bracing to find out what a Trump presidency would shape up to be…but that was a long time ago and the damage has been done. I can see how the author was trying to shed a sympathetic light on good people who just wanted a country full of opportunity again and how Trump seemed like the ticket to that life again. That is not really the experience I have had with the hard-liners since I’m from the south and it was less ‘bring back our good jobs’ and more ‘the immigrants are taking our jobs’ but I get it. However, it just doesn’t really resonate anymore. The amount of hate spewing from the far-right does not really equate to ‘misguided’ anymore. That said, I did relate to the complicated relationship the author had with his father. I understand that conflict of loving your family but knowing that some of them vote for groups who actively want to harm you and your way of life. And I also understand that there isn’t much that can be done. Despite finding the humanity in each other, no one on either side is going to change their minds. The sentiment of the book is genuine and I do think it will resonate with many queer people. The audiobook was a pretty quick listen at a little over 5 hours and is narrated by J.R. Jamison himself so it feels like you are sharing in his story.

I was really excited to get into this book. As someone who had to grow up as an LGBTQ+ person in the south, in well "hillbilly country", I thought I would have a really big connection with it. Unfortunately, it was not like that.

At first the references to Trump were just like part of the period. The references were about the time period just before the 2016 elections. However, as the book continued the references became more prevalent. The author complained about people constantly calling him a Trumper sympathizer, and I can really understand where they were coming from. From the way the work was written, I felt as though I was constantly being pushed to try to understand the "other side", and was made to feel like I was in the wrong for not agreeing with someone and a political side that would rather me dead or worse.

I understand that not all conservative leaning individuals hold the same extreme beliefs that most do, but at this period, I and others can't afford to attempt reasoning with many conservatives. While not all are unsafe we don't all have the privilege of taking the chance on who this safe people are.

I hope everyone please notes content and trigger warnings from other reviewers as there are not many preceding the book, and non for the audio.

This was such an expected surprise for me! I requested it on a whim and it was exactly what I needed. The premise is a father and son who have very different political viewpoints go on a road trip together to the dad’s high school reunion, deep in the heart of Trump country. It’s a book about bridging the divide as individuals, rather than as a country (though he believes we should also bridge that divide). It was so well narrated too. It felt like an episode of This American Life.

Thank you to the publisher, author, and NetGalley for an ARC in exchange for my honest rating and review.

This book was incredible! It brought a perspective to a lot of current events that I haven’t heard before. With the US political climate being so polarized lately, it was interesting to hear this father and son’s story. If I’m being honest, there’s no chance I would have picked up a book written by the father, so getting to learn about his thoughts and views through the eyes of his liberal, queer son was very enlightening. I certainly did not agree with all of the views of the author, but I’m very glad I had the opportunity to read his story!

This memoir was a deeply personal story about a father/son relationship amidst a highly politically divisive time. It follows J. R. as he accompanies his father on a road trip to his high school class reunion. Throughout the trip, there are flashbacks to his childhood and stories of his father growing up that are woven seamlessly into the narrative arc. The author gives a quiet and thoughtful reflection on how his relationship with his dad, his midwestern roots, and his queer identity have impacted who he is today.

Overall, I found it to be an easy and compelling read. The author’s narration of the audiobook definitely added to the telling of the story. I couldn’t stop listening to the audiobook, so I ended up finishing it in one sitting. I appreciated the author’s candor and vulnerability about his identity. He talks openly about the ways he experienced homophobia and toxic masculinity from his loved ones and community. While politics plays a prominent role throughout, it delves deeper into how we deal with differences that divide loved ones - and what to do with them. There book was just as emotional as it was thought provoking.

Thank you NetGalley and OrangeSky audio for the advanced copy of the audiobook!

A poignant narrative that perfectly captures what it's like to grow up gay in the midwest in a community steeped in Trumpism, anti-lgbtqia+ ideologies and religion.

Thank you Netgalley for this audio edition of Hillbilly Queer by J.R. Jamison.

Aaaawww, what a balm of a book after the absolute scalding we've had as a country these last few years. I think that this was such a good read when we're asking the question, how do we hold on to relationships with people who think so differently from us.

J.R. is a gay man who was raised in the deep south, is now returning from his safe, gay friendly, married life, to his hometown. His dad has invited him to go to his 55th HS reunion with him in 2016, around the time that Trump started climbing the polls as the Republican candidate. J.R. loves his dad, but the two men could not be more different. His dad loves guns, the outdoors, and now possibly, Trump! And J.R. isn't sure that he can reconcile the deep crevices of their POV's. But with gentle stepping, and a deep desire to understand his father, as well as the people in his dad's life, J.R. is able to lay the foundation to knowing a vast array of people, even with their differences.

This is a sensitive topic that I believe the author handles very carefully. But I've heard too often that we're not allowed to continue relationships with people when they believe certain things, and I just don't see that as a way to bring people together. We certainly don't have to agree, and I think there should definitely be conversations, but we can't do that if our response turns immediately to animosity the second it doesn't line up with our personal philosophy.

The author’s relationship with his conservative dad reminded me a lot of my own relationship with my conservative dad, although political sparring was alway a cornerstone in our case. While I enjoyed the story and their relationship, I couldn't shake the feeling that the story was preaching the idea of separating people from their politics, which comes from a position of privilege. We both had the experience of unconditional love with our dads, but many had far more hurtful or dangerous ones. I think readers with the latter experience may want to skip this book. However, I’m glad to have read it.

🚘BOOK REVIEW🚘

Hillbilly Queer by J.R. Jamison
Rating: 4⭐️

This is a memoir that follows self described “hillbilly queer” J.D. on a road trip with his dad for his dad’s 50th high school reunion. J.D. is a liberal, educated gay man and his dad is a conservative, religious man. J.D. grew up hearing that gayness was wrong and having a complicated relationship with his father because of it.

Throughout his road trip, he meets a lot of rural people with his dad and incorrectly assumes they will feel a certain way about them. He finds more kindness than he expects and starts to see his dad in a new way.

It was an interesting memoir about “reaching across the aisle” and finding common ground. It did still have a bit of a condescending tone when discussing the “hillbilly” folks, which I mostly understand. But he talks about how he feels so misunderstood because of the assumptions people have while doing the same.

Despite his dads beliefs, his dad did always love and accept him - which is a privilege a lot of people do not have. It is certainly easier to find a common ground when you’re starting from a place of love and acceptance, so I did struggle with that part of the story.

Overall, an interesting and good read!

🚘: Would you take a road trip with someone with much different opinions than you?

Thanks to @netgalley, @orangeskyaudio and the author for this audiobook!

#lgbt #lgbtbooks #bookreview #netgalley #arcreview #audiobook #audiobookreview #books #review #bookish #bookfriends #booknerd #hillbillyqueer

While this book is a memoir, it's essentially the story of a road trip that J.R. took with his dad just before the 2016 presidential election. It does contain flashbacks to his earlier life and experiences, which adds context.

Personally I found the book to be very easy to read and I flew through this in just a couple of sittings. I found it very interesting, but it's not exactly a thrilling romp. It's more of a quiet exploration of the relationship between a queer man and his dad, who loves him no matter what. What I found the most relatable part of it was how the dad made horribly homophobic comments before J.R. came out and how that impacted their relationship.

While the book does discuss politics and the election, it's really just about how differences with our loved ones are handled, as well as how shared experiences and histories can result in different opinions.

I listened to the audio of this book and it was excellently narrated by the author, which just lent a sense of authenticity to the whole experience. All in all, it was a very thought provoking and emotional read and I would very much recommend.

I appreciate his memoir. I appreciate that he wants to try and build a bridge between political views. Gosh knows we need to rebuilt unity.

However it is not possible for so many who are from families whose beliefs are so set that to differ is viewed as bad as sin. There is no acceptance. “This way or the highway”. Life is black and white. No in-between. Evangelicals: matters is pro-life. Nothing else. There is no way to redeem relationships then. There’s no bridge. The parents aren’t willing to negotiate and accept differences.

This book is set before/slightly after the 2016 election of Trump. With the extra knowledge of the 4 Trump years, and the capital insurrection, the premise of this book of building bridges isn’t really valid anymore. We cannot stay silent as others turn blind eyes to the cult of Trump. Or ignore the real dangers of supporting him and his ideologies. Remaining silent in the face of such issues is to be part of the problem.

I asked for this Memoir from Net Galley,
was approved, and decided to give it a shot. I too live in the Midwest, and wanted to listen to a book located in an area of the country that I was familiar with.

This book is about Joe and his father taking a trip back home. I liked the connection these 2 had. It have me a hometown feel with the descriptions of the Midwest. But, opinions on politics in a book is something I do not want to hear.
I understand that this is a Memoir. But, putting political opinions in a Memoir is risky, and it fell flat for me. I don't watch Fox, or CNN, for the sole fact that I do not want to disrupt my day on the opinions of others. I certainly did not plan on being disrupted by the opinions of this author. DNF at 61%