There was so much beautiful prose in this book. Hertz’s story was heartbreaking and the way it was told was so beautiful. I found some of the language superfluous at times, but overall I thought the book was eye opening.

This kind of story is a hard one to rate. The storyline itself deserves a ten. Such an important subject especially in this day and age. It's filled with angst, sadness, trauma, self destruction and so much more. Characters you love and hate at the same time... written wonderfully but rating it high seems wrong given the story. But can't imagine going below a 4 no matter what.

This was so heart-wrenching! This is a very descriptive book, so approach with caution.

I sometimes felt it was a little bit over the top, but it could also be that it was describing so much trauma that maybe it needed to be that way.

TW: rape, drug use

“How could I explain that I had been living for years, from moment to moment, with no real purpose other than to live?” 😞

“That was what happened to me. I had always suspected that no one cared what happened to boys anyway…I didn’t know how to live with it, and I didn’t want to live in a world that was cool with letting that violence go unpunished.”

This was a rough one. It was raw and raunchy and, although well written, just a story that was not for me.

Thank you, though, to the author, Netgalley, and @SimonBooks #SimonBooksBuddy for the free book.

How do you rate and review a book that was terrible? Terrible in the that this book broke me and I never want to read it again. If you have had or are close to someone who has had any sort of childhood trauma (rape, assault, torture, abuse, drugs, sex trafficking), you will not want to read this. It was graphic (underage and adult sexual situations) and upsetting and it hurt my heart. And to know that the author wrote this based on his own similar experiences, it just...it's unimaginable. Horrifying. I need a Disney movie and a rom com stat. The author did what he set out to do, what any author sets out to do, make the reader feel something. I could not relate to a word of this book and I will feel it for a long time. I just didn't like one thing that's a spoiler. And I know that's not really what this book is about, it's about Dylan and his growth and bravery and facing his trauma and putting it in the past, but as an outside observer, I wanted, no needed, something to happen that didn't. But is also a reality for many abused children.

received a paperback and e-book ARC from Simon & Schuster and NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

Dylan never felt like he had a place in the world and he never bonded with his adoptive parents. When Dylan was fourteen, he met 19-year-old Vincent online, which turned into an in-person meeting, which turned into Dylan being drugged and raped for three years by men that paid Vincent. Dylan has felt lost, even after the abuse ended. He doesn’t understand why his parents weren’t bothered he was gone for days at a time at such a young age, and no one really wants to know what Dylan suffered—not that Dylan wants to share every detail.

It’s thirteen years later, Dylan now lives with PTSD, and his mind is fractured and fragmented on a daily basis. He is in therapy and he is in a relationship, but Dylan doesn’t feel loyal to either one. He still craves the drugs and he still remembers more than he wants and he’s tired of the pain every day. The police investigation didn’t go anywhere and Dylan can’t forget. But now, a new law opens a one-year period, a lookback window, where Dylan can sue his abusers after the statute of limitations ran out. But Dylan doesn’t want money. Dylan wants vengeance and how Dylan emerges from the other side of that window will determine his future.

Clearly from the description, this is not an easy book. It was also not an easy book for me to get into at first, until I understood Dylan a little more. The book is told solely through Dylan’s POV and, in the first part of the book, the storyline feels fragmented and with fewer details because that is how Dylan’s mind is. He has extensive trauma, combined with years of drug use, and it’s a learning curve to be in Dylan’s head. Yet, I liked Dylan and wanted to see him reach a point where he could move forward and have a functional life. The new law was supposed to bring him some a way to get justice but even now it’s difficult to get someone to help him and Dylan is spiraling further every day.

He has a fiancé turned husband, but Dylan doesn’t follow conventional means and although he doesn’t set out to hurt those around him, he does, but to what extent we don’t know, as we don’t get their thoughts at all. The book pulls us in and out of Dylan’s thoughts and, at times, it reads like a stream of consciousness and, at other times, we get a few more solid details. There are times when Dylan is in an out of the moment and then times where he was looking back from a later date and sometimes the flow was more disruptive than lyrical.

I would have liked to know about how Dylan got himself in the situation he was in as a teen, as more on that would have held the story together for me a little more. This is not a romance book and there is no magic fix for Dylan at the end, but he does make changes toward a better tomorrow. The book ends on the same style of the breeze it blew in on. There is no true peace for Dylan and no grand happy ending and it blends into the abstract. Dylan’s story is an important one and I was satisfied I had the opportunity to meet him.

This book is not really my cup of tea, but it has a wonderful conceit and does what it aims to do well. A brutal book about living in the legacy of child sexual assault and the way that the trauma reverberates to life, and what happens when we confront that trauma and it intersects with legislation.

This is a very difficult novel to read, based on the subject matter. Also-very graphic descriptions of sex and drugs and abuse. However, if the reader. Can get past that, there is a story of resilience and triumph that is powerful and moving. I would just caution anyone going into this novel of the potential for abuse triggers.

Thanks to the publisher and NetGalley for providing the arc in exchange for an honest review.

It's hard to put into words how I felt about this book. It's a very sad and painful read but also an important one. I held my breath so many times reading this and felt as helpless as the main character. Not a fun read by any means but one that gives insight into trauma and what so many people go through.

Unfortunately, I had to DNF this one around 30% in. I’m not a big fan of open door sex scenes and this one just had too many graphic sex scenes for my taste. The main character was interesting and I was curious about what would happen to him, but not enough to keep reading when so much of the book revolves around sex.

**Many thanks to @SimonBooks and Kyle Dillon Hertz for a free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review!**

"There are some things that once you've lost, you never get back. Innocence is one. Love is another. I guess childhood is a third.“ - John Marsden

Dylan is 2 for 3: he lost his childhood AND innocence as a victim of sex trafficking at the hands of Vincent, a man who promised him love when he turned 18 in the form of a proposed marriage. Of course, this never came to pass, and all of the men who took advantage of Dylan still haunt him...but none have been brought to justice. To make matters worse, once the statute of limitations has passed, prosecution seems even further out of reach. Dylan is struggling to make life work with his husband, Moans, and tries not to think about the horrors of his past, as though reliving the trauma will make his current existence come crashing down.

When a new law is passed, however, the Child Victims Act seems like a beacon of hope: Dylan now has a one year window to sue his abusers. But in order to move forward, he's got to go back...and reliving some of his trauma takes him down a dangerous road. Will Dylan keep his secrets from the past a secret...AND keep his marriage intact? Will justice be swift..or is this chance at recourse too little, too late?

Anytime you're dealing with trauma...things get messy. Feelings are complex animals, no matter how you slice it, and I went into this read expecting to feel a sort of gut-wrenching empathy for our main character, as he rediscovered his past and attempted to find a future. I expected there to be descriptions and perhaps even graphic depictions of some of the abhorrent acts committed in his past.

What I didn't expect? Page after page after page of messy, overly descriptive, and at times NEEDLESSLY graphic stories of the MC's sex life. And this didn't focus solely on the events from his past, even...MUCH of this book is set in the present, which means long and wordy and frankly GROSS passages that were hardly even necessary. For instance...if someone is performing bodily functions in someone else's orifice, hearing about it once is already too much. I DO NOT need to keep reading things like that over and over. I almost DNFd this book soon after starting for this very reason, but I kept hoping things would get better...and sad to say, they did not.

Despite the blurb and what you are led to believe about this story, Dylan doesn't really even begin to fully tackle his issues until the book is 80% OVER...which means for the duration, you are mainly treated to all of the aforementioned loose behavior he is currently exhibiting in his life with husband Moans...and some other men too. (Sidenote: WHY would you call a character Moans? Just weird.)

The one bright spot of this book were some lovely lines of prose hidden amongst the hazy, drugs-and-sex-fueled plot...but these tiny moments were nowhere near enough to save the narrative for me. I found myself skimming more often than I'd like, and even though this book clocks in at under 300 pages, it felt like a slog. I'm also grateful that this IS fiction, because in some respects it does almost read like a memoir....just not the type I'd prefer to read.

And while Dylan might have had a Window to Lookback through...I think he forgot to open the blinds first.

3 stars

This is a tough book. It’s tough because its subject is the sex trafficking of a young boy that happens over a three-year period. Now an adult with the case long behind him, there is a special provision to The Childs Victim Act called, a lookback window that would provide a one-year period beyond the expired statute for Dylan to bring a case.
This is what happened, and what happens.

It’s what takes place when parents don’t see what’s happening to their child in front of them.
It’s about an adult trying to wrestle with the demons of his past while attempting to forge his way forward.
It’s about a system that’s broken, that routinely protects the perpetrators and the voices of the victims that have been silenced.
It’s about bravery, intimacy, recklessness, and numbness but also about hope.
It’s not just a phenomenal first novel, it’s a phenomenal novel period.

Prepare yourself to enter the spiraling mind of Dylan. The prose in this novel sucks you right into the mess that is his life. The narrative rambles and is often disorienting or disjointed, which seems apropo of a sex trafficking survivor and one who uses a LOT of drugs to cope. But the writing is also beautiful and haunting. This is a novel that will stay with you long after you are finished. An astonishing debut.

"Growing up in suburban New York, Dylan lived through the unfathomable: three years as a victim of sex trafficking at the hands of Vincent, a troubled young man who promised to marry Dylan when he turned eighteen. Years later—long after a police investigation that went nowhere, and after the statute of limitations for the crimes perpetrated against him have run out—the long shadow of Dylan’s trauma still looms over the fragile life in the city he’s managed to build with his fiancé, Moans, who knows little of Dylan’s past. His continued existence depends upon an all-important mantra: To survive, you live through it, but never look back.

Then a groundbreaking new law—the Child Victims Act—opens a new way foreword: a one-year window during which Dylan can sue his abusers. But for someone who was trafficked as a child, does money represent justice—does his pain have a price? As Dylan is forced to look back at what happened to him and try to make sense of his past, he begins to explore a drug and sex-fueled world of bathhouses, clubs, and strangers’ apartments, only to emerge, barely alive, with a new clarity of purpose: a righteous determination to gaze, unflinching, upon the brutal men whose faces have haunted him for a decade, and to extract justice on his own terms."

Thanks to NetGalley and Simon & Schuster for the free ARC in exchange for my honest review. All opinions expressed herein are my own.

Know that this is tough to read- really tough- but not as tough as Dylan, who is now forced to confront what happened to him as a teen. He's newly married to Moans, having thought he'd come through the struggle in the aftermath of assault, abuse, and trafficking by Vincent but it's all coming back thanks to the Child Victims Act, which is meant to help. It's not that easy. This is graphic in spots, emotionally draining, and you might want to put it down. Don't. It's also thought provoking, important, and beautifully written. Thanks to the publisher for the ARC. Highly recommend.

A new law, the Child Victims Act, allows a one year window for victims to sue their abusers after the statue of limitations has expired. Dylan is forced to look back at his trauma and make decisions.

This is a really authentic and powerful story. While it is fiction, it really reads like a memoir because it’s so realistic. It is a very difficult read because it’s filled with memories of graphic sexual abuse. It really brings to light male victims of rape, which we don’t often see in stories. It’s a story of how trauma affects the main character, his life and his relationships many years later.

“The more a person knew what happened to you the more they knew what they could get away with doing to you…”

The Lookback Window comes out 8/1.

Remarkably searing prose underscore a powerful novel. Had to put it down from time to time, but couldn't escape its gravitational pull. Will be thinking about it for a long, long time.

If you enjoy reading books where the protagonist spends 99.9% of the book punishing themselves for things that are not their fault, then you clearly need therapy... and to read this book. Dylan was sex trafficked from age 14 to 17, sold to and abused by hundreds of men. The statute of limitations to prosecute a criminal case has passed, but a new law has extended the window, allowing for civil cases. While Dylan debates whether he should pursue this new option, he spirals lower and lower, his life crumbling around him.

This is not a story of triumph over our demons; it’s a story about the reality of having to live with them every single day and occasionally having to face them, sometimes literally. I can’t count how many times I tossed this book down, because I couldn’t bear to keep reading what Dylan was doing to himself.

Pretty much every trigger warning applies to this book, especially if you are a survivor of childhood abuse or any kind of sexual assault. I could see parts of myself reflected in Dylan, and it’s scary to think that it could be so easy to lose yourself on a path like that. I would absolutely not recommend this book if you have not addressed your trauma in therapy or are still working through it.

While I can’t say that I enjoyed this book or that I will ever read it again or recommend it to anyone, I can say that it was well-written. The style is often hectic, stream of consciousness feeling, which I think mimics Dylan’s mental state throughout the book. It is not marketed as a memoir, and I 1000% hope that it is not, but I feel like Hertz understands C-PTSD and was able to accurately portray what it is like from the inside out. 4.5 stars, rounding up to 5.

This book does contain multiple graphic sexual scenes, many of which are instances of rape, others are very explicit, dangerous encounters. Given the nature of these scenes, I feel that a spice rating is wholly inappropriate.

Gratuitous sex scenes that sound like a fanfiction writer took a stab at a darker subject matter. Poor pacing, unlikeable characters, not much development. Cannot recommend this one.

Wow. This is one of the toughest to get through books that I've ever read, but I mean that in the best way possible. It reads like a nonfiction, though it is a work of fiction based on the authors similar life situations. It revolves around The Child's Victim act, so you can imagine how hard hitting this really is.

It's a chaotic read, but this is clearly intentional. Much of it is a steam of conscious.

I don't know who I'd recommend it to, but if you feel the need to read any trigger warnings, then this may not be for you. I loved it though, and I do hope it gets into the hands of the right audience bc it truly is a story that needs to be read.

A glaring look at the aftermath of sexual trauma in a way that was at times difficult to read but deeply necessary. Challenging to even come up with the words to describe this one but a must read for anyone thinking about trauma, varying modes of justice, revenge, relationships, and where the Self fits into all of that. Wonderful debut from Hertz, excited to see what is to come! Thank you NetGalley for the ARC in exchange for a review!