3.5 stars rounded up. A solid addition to Willis' body of work even if it doesn't live up to the expectations of it being her first novel in 7 years.

The Road to Roswell contains Connie Willis' signature charms. There were a few minor spots that took me out of the book. For example (very minor plot spoilers) when an alien from another planet cannot comprehend that people are able to put on different clothes and that is not the same as peeling our skin off. There are some ways to rationalize these instances but each time it crops up it is distracting. But when picking up a Willis I am not going into it for hard SF and adherence to a rigid system. What I expect is stories about characters who are bold in the face of trials, cutesy romance subplots, and a heartwarming ending. And comedy. You can never forget the addition of warm comedy with her. And this was ultimately a quintessential Connie Willis novel.

The specific story here is about Francie, who flies into Roswell to attend her best friend's wedding, and hopefully, break it up before it begins. Almost as soon as she arrives she is abducted by an alien that resembles a tumbleweed and forced to chauffer it around. They race all across the southwestern deserts of America looking for, well for what Francie doesn't really know. During their quest for the book's McGuffin, they pick up a band of merry misfits. This book is also saturated with Western movie lore. It's a fitting sepia-toned backdrop as they search endlessly and learn a bit more about each other, and the abducting alien itself.

Connie Willis is an author I adore. I would recommend everyone give her reading a try, though I would not say to start with this novel. Checkout Doomsday Book, or To Say Nothing of the Dog for her best work.

Note: I received an eARC of The Road to Roswell from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

I have loved many of the author's books, but this one was slow and unsatisfying for me. I'm not a fan of alien encounter works or those that make fun of alien believers. Perhaps the setting and satire would sit better with someone who was.

I enjoyed the mix of characters, although my two concerns may seem contradictory. The first is that everyone seems to become fast friends awfully quickly, particularly once the human kidnap victims start identifying with their alien captor. The second is that I wished the book was shorter, as parts seemed redundant. And yet, I wanted more space to develop some of the secondary characters, which were one-dimensional, based around a particular quirk without much more to define them.

Overall, this was a misfire for me. Hard to get into and hard to recall enjoyable details now that I've finished.

Thank you Netgalley and Random House Publishing Group - Ballantine, Del Rey for access to this arc.

YES YES YES I adore this book. Aliens, found family, an RV – ooops SORRY SORRY SORRY, western trail wagon – UFO nuts, and best friend’s sacred duty adds up to a wonderful time. Who knew old Western movies could help with intergalactic communication? I’m “mighty grateful, ma’am” that they did. And I love Indy!

Francie and her college roommate Serena are best friends which explains why Francie is willing to be there for Serena’s wedding in Roswell during a UFO festival. Serena’s fiancé is a true believer. Things get snarled as Francie arrives, drives down to Roswell, then gets kidnapped. By an alien. YES YES YES. Francie gets dissed by the Roswell PD when she tries to call for help but she manages to leave a message for an FBI agent friend of the fiancé – not that anyone comes to Francie’s aid. When a hitchhiker almost jumps in the path of her car, Francie has no choice but to stop and just like that, Wade gets added to the abduction. Soon Lyle (also a true UFO believer), Eula Mae (who knows a lot about gambling), and Joseph (Western movie fan and owner of the RV – NO NO NO, it’s a western trail wagon) – are along for the ride. But what is the alien doing, where is he taking them, and why?

There is not a character in this book I didn’t enjoy. OK, Lyle is a bit fixated on being probed by aliens and can get hysterical at times but even he’s basically harmless. For most of the story, and much like the abductees, I had no idea what was happening. Why does Indy (Francie has a reason for calling the alien this) sit outside for hours at a time and then direct whoever is driving whatever vehicle all over the place? Does Indy really understand what the humans are saying? Is his taste in clothing so awful that he actually likes the neon green (it has pockets, too!) bridesmaid dress Francie is wearing? Why does he freak out when he sees images of Monument Valley? And why is Wade so sure that sweet Eula Mae will be able, at a casino, to turn their small cash stake into enough money to buy food for the group?

I was delighted that maps – real, honest to God paper maps – were vital to the story as well. Yeah, if you don’t have a phone then all the GPS in the world won’t do squat for you. Sure I wanted Francie and the gang to have an immediate breakthrough in communications with Indy but the way it actually happens was inventive and since I love a lot of the movies quoted and mentioned in the story, I was fine with it. Then watching how this method of communication was taken intergalactic had me in stitches. The core values of so many westerns, the Code of the West, was the basis of the book: trust your Pardner, extend hospitality to strangers, honor your word, be there for a friend who needs you.

This is, honestly, a bit of a silly, frothy book. Much of the time, the characters are aimlessly driving around trying to get Indy somewhere to do something which language communication issues keep the humans from understanding. I desperately wanted Indy to get what he needed, the twist on the aliens is heartfelt, and instalove is all over romance so why not toss it in here? Another review I read mentions that the end has a sort of deus ex machina tone to it and I can’t disagree with this. The romance, while I’m all for it, is sudden although the Vegas wedding is a scream. But … but I still had so much fun reading it. If Earth ever does get invaded by aliens, I hope they’re like Indy and his people. B+

The Road to Roswell by Connie Willis is a very highly recommended, hilarious science fiction novel. This delightfully entertaining novel has it all: aliens, a hideous bridesmaid's dress, movie talk - science fiction and westerns, rattlesnakes, conspiracy theories, men-in-black, and a hint of romance.

Francie owes her college roommate so it is her duty to show up in Roswell, New Mexico, and be a bridesmaid for Serena's wedding to a true UFO believer during the annual UFO Festival. Much to her shock and surprise, Francie is abducted by a real alien when she goes out to Serena's car to get the decorative fairy lights for the wedding. Her abductor doesn't look like any alien she has heard about. It resembles a tumbleweed with lightning-fast tentacles and is forcing her to drive it out of town.

Francie is not the only abductee of the alien who is quickly given the name of Indie after Indiana Jones for his fast-moving tentacles. Wade, a hitchhiking con man is pulled into the car. Additional abductees who are pulled along include Lyle, a true UFO believer, Eula Mae, a gambling retiree, and Joseph, a fan of classic Western movies. They soon come to believe that they need to help Indie accomplish something, but what?

I laughed my way through this charming, humorous novel and was completely captivated by all the elements Willis included in the fast-paced plot. First, it was the awful neon green, glow-in-the-dark bridesmaid dress. Then it was all the references to science fiction movie plots and later Westerns. Adding to the engrossing story is the divergent cast of characters, the comedic dialogue between them, and the unique alien.

It's hard to explain fully why I loved this lighthearted, comical caper so much. The diverse cast of characters certainly added a comedic depth to the narrative and to the entertaining plot. Francie is a wonderful character, both compassionate and rational while in the midst of an absurd situation. This is an absolutely perfect, wildly entertaining summer read. One of the most entertaining books of the year and I absolutely very highly recommend reading The Road to Roswell.
Disclosure: My review copy was courtesy of Del Rey via NetGalley.
The review will be published on Barnes & Noble, Google Books, Edelweiss, and Amazon.

2.75 stars

This was exactly what you'd expect; just cheesy, crazy alien antics. It wasn't anything insane, but just funny enough to make it a fun read. Especially if you are or ever have been an alien believer.

The Road to Roswell is set to be published on June 27, 2023. Thank you to Random House Publishing Group - Ballantine, Del Rey, NetGalley and the author for the digital advanced copy. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

Well, it was definitely interesting. I honestly don’t know what to say haha! I’ve been to Roswell, I love aliens and this was fun!

Published by ‎ Del Rey on June 27, 2023

Connie Willis’ time travel novels are some of the funniest — and remarkably insightful — works in the field of science fiction. In The Road to Roswell, she brings her sense of humor to a First Contact story, while goofing on people who attend UFO conventions with the absolute certainty that aliens walk among us, or are about to invade us, or at least make regular appearances to abduct us for a fun day of anal probing.

Francie Driscoll hasn’t taken much of an interest in UFO sightings. She’s invited to be the maid of honor for her former college roommate, Serena, who is getting married in Roswell during a UFO convention. A High Priest in the Church of Galactic Truth is presiding. The wedding was planned by Serena’s fiancé, a nutcase who takes UFO conspiracy theories way too seriously. This is not the first nutcase to whom Serena has been engaged. Francie believes it is her duty as a loyal friend to talk her down from her insanity.

As a Connie Willis fan might anticipate, Francie is abducted by an alien as she is retrieving wedding decorations from Serena’s car. She is thoroughly pissed off to learn that alien abductions are a real thing, upending her commitment to rational thought.

The alien resembles a tumbleweed but has remarkably strong and stretchy tentacles. She tries to report the abduction to the local police but they’ve had their fill of alien abductions. She manages to leave a message with an FBI agent who was invited to the wedding before the alien hurls her phone into the desert. She eventually names the alien Indy, after Indiana Jones (the tentacles remind her of whips).

Indy has Francie drive in multiple, seemingly random directions. A hitchhiker named Wade who stands in the middle of the road to make her stop is also abducted. Wade tells Francie that he’s a con man who on his way to Roswell to sell alien abduction insurance policies.

Indy decides they need a bigger vehicle so he abducts the driver of an RV (he calls the RV his Chuck Wagon). They add an elderly woman who is gambling at a casino and a UFO enthusiast named Lyle who believes every conceivable conspiracy theory about aliens, most of which he has drawn from science fiction movies.

Over time, all the abductees but Lyle become more curious than frightened, as Indy doesn’t seem to intend them any harm. They eventually become protective of Indy. Lyle, on the other hand, is convinced that Indy is the vanguard of an invasion force and is taking them to be anally probed.

Indy seems to understand Francie but can’t communicate with her until he learns to match written with spoken language. His English lessons consist of (1) pointing at road signs until someone reads them aloud and (2) watching westerns with the closed caption activated. The Chuck Wagon owner has pretty much every western worth watching. Indy comes to understand certain human concepts, including duty and friendship and loyalty, by watching westerns. On the other hand, he freaks out whenever Monument Valley appears, as it often does in westerns (regardless of where they are set).

The plot follows Francie as she attempts to understand Indy’s purpose for abducting her. He wants to go somewhere, but where and why are a mystery, as is his fear of Monument Valley. Indy is a decent little alien, if a bit annoying and demanding in the way a 5-year-old tends to be. The RV owner and the gambler have interesting personalities, while Lyle is the dolt you would expect a conspiracy theorist to be. Wade behaves mysteriously for much of the novel until Willis reveals his secret.

The story is cute. All its mysteries are neatly resolved in the last act. Willis doesn’t deliver the kind of rolling-on-the-floor laugher that she elicits with her best novels, but the plot and characters are consistently amusing. Willis adds a bit of romance with an ultimate “meet cute” that might be just a little too sappy, but romcom fans will be pleased. I wouldn’t be surprised if Netflix amps up the romance and turns The Road to Roswell into the movie. For the rest of us, the novel’s mockery of Las Vegas and UFO conspiracies, along with its reverence for classic westerns, is enough to make the novel worthwhile.

RECOMMENDED

Well this was a surprise. I'm not a science fiction fan (really) but this is less science fiction and more road trip with an alien that's sort of like a tumbleweed who is searching for.....no one's sure for a long time. Francie is in Roswell for her BFF's Serena's wedding when she finds herself pulled into and tied to the steering wheel of the Navigator she went to get lights from. Next thing she knows, she's driving around the desert and then stops to pick up Wade, who claims to be a con man in town to sell insurance policies for alien abduction. And then they drive around the desert for gas and get the lazy Lyle and off again until they stop at a Casino and pick up their next passenger, Eula Mae a senior citizen who is a card shark. And then they steal an RV with a Western loving owner (which has the benefit of an on board bathroom, shower, and food). And all of this while they (mostly Francie but also Wade) try to comunicate with the alien Wade has named Indy. This goes a little flat at times with the repeated efforts to communicate (I didn't really understand the tentacle thing and honestly, why did they think he would understand a map written in English) but it sparkles in others. Thanks to netgalley for the ARC. What's in Wade's tote? Where does Indy want to go, and why? No spoilers from me.

Genre: science fiction, western, comedy
Roswell, New Mexico

Francie promised her best friend Serena she’d be there for her wedding, even if that wedding is to a UFO chaser who insists on having their wedding on the anniversary of the First Crash. A few transportation mixups later, Francie thinks she’s set for the weirdest weekend… and then she gets abducted by an alien which at best description resembles a tentacled tumbleweed. Francie’s abductor, nicknamed Indy (like Indiana Jones, for reasons), picks up a motley cast of characters, and on their wild road trip in stolen RV, Francie starts to wonder if he’s in trouble rather than acting maliciously.

To set a little tone for you, first consider the opposite of Doomsday Book or Blackout by Connie Willis. Now take the movie Arrival and mix it with the Crashdown Cafe of the TV show Roswell, every single weird Western, road trip, and alien movie you can think of, up the frenetic energy, and you have this book. It’s likely the zaniest and most bonkers book I’ve read this year (which in this year is saying something).

And yet, it works. It’s filled with some of the silliest science fiction alien crash landing tropes - from conspiracy theorist Lyle to conman Wade selling abduction insurance to Eula May and her gambling addiction. It’s also a marriage of convenience and road trip romance, for anyone keeping track of the romance tropes at home.

The pacing is a little odd, but I find that to be the case with many of Connie Willis’s books, and it settles in fairly quickly. By the last 25% of the book, I was laughing nonstop at the antics of what can best be described as a Screwball Close Encounter.

I highly recommend this for anyone looking for a lighthearted and completely bonkers road trip story. While I read this as an eARC, I have high hopes that this would be the perfect road trip audiobook!

I hate to say it, but this book is kinda bad. Its ceiling seems to be "light-hearted but somewhat forgettable sci-fi alien romp" (akin to John Scalzi's <i>Agent to the Stars</i>), which is perfectly fine, but it's full of one-note (and frankly annoying) characters and the speed with which our main couple of characters jump from "oh no, this alien is abducting me!" to "BY GOD I WILL DIE FOR MY NEW BEST FRIEND, THIS ALIEN" is head-spinning. Top it off with a conclusion that made me pine for the excellent first-contact-linguistics of <i>Arrival</i> and a romance subplot that I never once cared about and you get a pretty disappointing effort from an author I've loved elsewhere.

In typical Willis style, this is a sweet and entertaining romp. One alien and four humans zigzag across the American West, trying to figure out how to get where they need to go to help the alien find his people and get home. Along the way, there's Las Vegas, gambling, terrible truck-stop fashion, lots and lots of Westerns, conspiracy theories, real Men In Black, and love. It's a delightful read, even if the bits where everyone is locked up by the MIB is a little overlong.

DNF at around 25% - between this and having only an okay time with Crosstalk earlier in the year, Connie Willis' style may just not be my thing. Which is a shame - I think the general ideas behind the plots of her books are fun, but there's a general circular nature to her writing - characters discuss the same things over and over and over again, seventeen subplots are constantly spinning and need to be resolved, etc. - that just irritates me at the back of my brain until I can't really take it and either speed through the back part of the book (as with Crosstalk) or completely tap out (like with this one). This is fun, but it needed an editor to shave off some of the Too Much going on that doesn't seem to have much to do with the main plot.

THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE - I want to live in this book.

When Francie is invited to her college roommate's wedding (to a UFO-nut) in Roswell, the last thing she expects is to be abducted by a real-life alien and end up in a cross-country road trip with a con-man, an old lady, a bonafide cowboy, and a UFO believer. But, that's exactly what happens. I can't tell you anymore, only that there's rattlesnakes, all-you-can-eat-buffets, and all kinds of love in this hilarious new novel.

While it is being listed as romantic comedy, don't let that dissuade you, if you don't read rom-com books. This is a sci-fi - comedy - adventure at its core. My one complaint about this book is I needed more! That ending? Come on. You're killing me, Connie.

Thank you so much to Del Rey Publishers & Net Galley for the e-ARC of this book! This book was my first Connie Willis read, but it certainly won't be my last. Can't wait for my pre-order to arrive!

This book was cute, but kind of ridiculous at the same time. I'm not usually a fan of science fiction/alien abduction literature, but I decided to step out of my comfort zone and give this book a chance. I enjoyed the main character and found her relatable and level-headed. My main gripe was the dialogue. It was a little over the top. I wanted more description of the plot to flesh out the secondary characters. I read like a Hollywood script than a novel.

Oh my goodness - this was a fun ride. If traveling in the desert SW, especially through New Mexico, you MUST cue this book up. I read a print version (thank you, NetGalley, for providing me an electronic ARC in exchange for a review), but the audio would be a perfect accompaniment for a road trip to Roswell and beyond.

Connie Willis creates an endearing and fun cast of characters in this hijinx-filled alien abduction/road trip adventure. And it is quite an adventure. This novel is just plain delightful. If you've had fun visiting Roswell, or if the UFO capital of the US is on your bucket list, then I predict you'll enjoy this book. I devoured it over a few days - I didn't want to put it down. And when I finished the book, I was smiling. What better endorsement is there than that?

Thank you to Netgalley, Goodreads, and the publisher for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

My Selling Pitch:
Do you want an ensemble cast romp of an alien abduction road trip with a smidge of romance?

Pre-reading:
I have not seen Asteroid City. I am a basic bitch. I love Wes Anderson. I am not a sci-fi girlie, but they said romance and they sent me a special PR bubble mailer, so like I’ll read it.

Thick of it:
I feel like this is immaculate publishing time because Wes Anderson is coming out and it’s wedding season

You can’t put Ted that close to Roswell. I will only think of Strangerville in the Sims 4.

A New England girly romcom? Say less.

Javelinas

Romcom mentions serial killers cliché

I can’t believe Truth or Consequences is a real town. Like that’s wild to me.

Exoxenophobia

Forced proximity romcom?

He works for the FBI. Why am I already giddy?

Serena and I would not be friends. I cannot live around that kind of chaos.

Eating airport Mexican is bold.

Never mind, she got chicken and iced tea. She got the whitest thing on the menu. Love her.

Wait, does this mean no rom-com?

Why did we just talk about clouds for that long if they’re not gonna be a plot point? (Samantha your ability to sniff out pointed text never ceases to amaze.)

These phone conversations are so annoying. They keep getting interrupted for no reason.

I could go for a snow cone right now.

I don’t want aliens. I was so excited for this book from the first chapter, and then it just devolved.

This makes no sense. Am I going to have to suspend disbelief all book? (That is a HARD yes.)

How does the alien basically speak English?

Maybe FBI man will come rescue her and it can be enemies to lovers?

What about like find my iPhone or find my friends for her location?

Send a text you lunatic? You can text 911

This is idiotic.

JUST TEXT

Ohhhhh she’s gonna call FBI man and then she’ll end up liking the alien and having to save the alien from him. Like some intergalactic rescue pit bull.

Just give up the alien schtick if you want to get rescued.

Bundy mention

This book is stupid.

How would he see that they’re writing help in the bathroom?

Girlypop, wear it inside out.

This book is so repetitive.

Why is there so much cloud talk in this book? (I like that I noticed it twice and still couldn’t pick up on what the point of it was.)

Grasping language and grammar this fast makes no sense.

He doesn’t know the word yes or no but he knows FBI? Like, come on.

It’s giving Grady Hendrix and Anxious People.

It’s giving that terrible Kindle Unlimited All In romance.

It’s not that I think it’s awful, awful. It’s just that I’m not the target audience for this, and it’s not my style of reading.

Wade is so sus?

I’m kinda hoping Wade is actually the Henry FBI guy from the start and it’s all been some big elaborate setup, but also that’s dumb.

Oh yay, he is. But like oh my god, what a terrible FBI agent.

This book is so repetitive.

I now understand why this book has spent so long talking about clouds. It’s just dawned on me. I’m very stupid, but like oh my godddddd

So they sent you undercover with an entire duffel bag of useless stuff? They couldn’t give you a fucking bottle of water?

This fucking gag with the RV.

Take a shot every time they call it a Western trail wagon.

Klieg

I mean this explanation makes no sense, but go off.

Gantry

That’s not an ending.

Post-reading:
I put this book down and started another one before writing up my review for it and I can’t think of anything to say about it, and if that doesn’t just tell you everything.

It’s trying to be funny. It’s not. It’s trying to do a kooky ensemble cast like Grady Hendrix or Fredrik Backman. It doesn’t really work.

Nothing in this book makes sense. If you’re going to do modern sci-fi, even if it’s gonna be camp as shit, you need to use current technology? They’re still using DVD players. I thought those went extinct. I think if this book had leaned into absurdist camp or gone for satire, it would’ve been better. Social media basically doesn’t exist in this book. Hell, text messages basically don’t exist. The FBI doesn’t believe in weapons.

It plopped an underdeveloped romance into this book. For why? I’m not an alien girlie. I’m not a sci-fi girlie. The romance is the only thing that could’ve saved this book, and it sucked. I genuinely can’t remember if I came off this book thinking that it was a two-star or if it was a one-star, but I can’t remember anything good about it and I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone, so it’s getting a one.

Who should read this:
Campy alien fans
Cozy sci-fi fans

Do I want to reread this:
No

Similar books:
* The Southern Book Club’s Guide to Slaying Vampires by Grady Hendrix-ensemble cast, moms killing Dracula
* Horrorstor by Grady Hendrix-ensemble cast, campy, retail horror
* Anxious People by Fredrik Backman-ensemble kooky cast, heist
* All In by Cassie Cole-Vegas casino heist romance

Unhinged Summary:
Francie travels to Roswell, New Mexico for her hotmess of an ex-roommate’s wedding. Homegirl can’t even pick her up from the airport, so like Francie desperately needs to redefine what she calls a friend. Her old roomie asks Francie to play Uber for another wedding guest, a hottie FBI agent, but his flight gets delayed and she leaves without him. And the audience is like goddamn, the rom-com is over before it even started. Also, there’s like an alien convention going on in the town, so the place is packed with tourists on acid.

Ex-Roomie invented the term hot mess. Nothing is ready for the wedding. Her bridesmaids' dresses are glow-in-the-dark lime green. Also, did I mention her fiancé is obsessed with aliens and that they’re going to have an alien-themed wedding? While they’re checking out the wedding venue, Francie goes to get basic bitch twinkle lights from her roommate’s car to set up the venue. She gets body snatched. Or like in this case, kidnapped by a tumbleweed alien. That’s not me making a joke. He’s literally a tumbleweed with tentacles. The porn writers are salivating.

But this isn’t that kind of book, so it’s going to turn into an ensemble cast road trip of kooky characters. Francie has never seen a movie and has no survival instincts, so she doesn’t text anyone that she’s been kidnapped, and when she does call 911, she tells them that she’s been abducted by an alien. Obviously, they think she’s joking. She leaves a voice mail for hottie FBI agent, and the alien doesn’t care to stop any of this because plot. The alien drives girlypop around because gas and bladders and sleep deprivation don’t exist in this book. Eventually the next morning, they run into a hitchhiker who’s like so hot and not dirty, but he’s definitely a hitchhiker, guys. They pick him up and he’s totally chill with being abducted by an alien. He’s a con man. Now gas exists again because the author needed to move the plot forward, so they need to go stop at a gas station because they’re running out of fuel. These characters once again have no self-preservation skills and they’re like well, let’s try the world’s worst escape plan, and if we get any pushback against that, let’s do exactly what the alien says. No one is worried about starring in tentacle porn, so they end up with another abductee named Lyle whose entire personality is being the absolute worst. He’s an alien conspiracy theorist. And like why am I on his side that he’s the only one showing the correct amount of panic in this situation?

They didn’t get gas at the gas station, so they run out of fuel. The alien fixes the engine so that it can run without gas because plot. The alien also decides to do some desert rock parkour, and Francie is like oh my god, no. He’ll get bitten by a rattlesnake and die. That would only solve all our abduction problems, but like oh my god, we can’t let that happen. She’s a #GoodPerson. So now she and the alien are besties because Francie really needs to see a therapist about setting boundaries, people-pleasing, and defining friendship. And since they’re besties, she’s going to help him get to wherever he needs to go because oh my god guys, he didn’t abduct them all on purpose. It’s not like he knew that was a bad thing to do.

Francie by the way, still in that neon dress, so she’s like we should stop at a rest stop and get some Mcdicks and some real clothes. Somehow the alien agrees to this. The boys go in first and definitely a con man brings back a Hooter’s uniform for her because no one has ever heard of wearing a T-shirt inside out. He also has a duffel bag full of clothes that she could wear, but you know they’re not femme so… Now it’s Francie’s turn to go into the rest stop, and she runs into a little old lady. She sees some mall cops and panics because she’s like oh my god, I must be on the FBI’s most wanted list. They’re definitely here for me and my alien. Paul Blarts could not be fucked, but she’s panicked, so now she’s gonna leave without accomplishing any of her tasks. The old lady follows her to the parking lot where oh my god, the boys and the alien are gone?!

Just kidding. We’ve got at least a half a book left. They’ve now stolen an RV driven by probably Jeffrey Bezos and the alien kidnaps grandma too for some variety. Inside the RV, or the western trail wagon, a running gag throughout the book that wasn’t funny the first time and won’t be funny the 20th time but there is nothing this author loves more than beating a dead horse, the Scooby gang watches old western movies with closed captioning to teach the alien English. This works. Duolingo is absolutely quaking. The family road trip begins. Don’t go chasing waterfalls.

But oh my god, they’ve run out of food. They’re going to have to stop again, but hottie con man is like oh my god, we cannot use credit cards. The FBI would find us immediately. And like I just wanna live in his world where the FBI not only cares that some lunatics stole an RV but have both the manpower and the desire and the capability to track down a single credit card transaction and nab them right away. So obviously, the only solution is to dig through Bezos’ couch cushions for stray gold bars-I mean pocket change and send granny into the casino to double their money. Granny is obviously a hardened professional poker player casino scammer. She makes bank. They hit up a Walmart and buy them out of Doritos. The alien decides it wants to go to Vegas. Then the alien decides Francie and con man need to get married because this book is still clinging to the idea that it has a romantic subplot. They get fake married. Francie finally figures out where the alien is trying to go, but oh no! The FBI have shown up. They all get captured. So sad. Time for the government experiments.

Nay nay, our big 2/3 of the way through plot twist is that oh my god, con man hottie is the same as FBI hottie from the beginning. Don’t worry kids, he’s decided to go against his fellow FBI agents who are like not pissed about the aliens at all (truly, everyone in this book must be on Xanax or something because no one gave a single flying fuck the entire book). He’s like oh my god, I’m gonna help the alien and my ragtag crew escape. So they escape. It turns out that the alien has been trying to track down a thunderstorm for a new season of Stormchasers. (So like actually go chase waterfalls or falling water.) This now explains the many paragraphs where the author waxed poetic about clouds for no fucking reason. Maybe I failed fourth-grade science, but I don’t think lay people just go around knowing types of clouds. His alien buddy is also inside the thunderstorm. Somehow the aliens and their human meat shields collect sciencey data with mystical outer space tinsel. I’m not even trying to be funny. I just genuinely don’t know what happened in this bit of the book. If you can read it sober and let me know, that’d be cool. So like great. Alien secret mission accomplished. The alien, however, is like everyone back on the bus. We’re not done. And we’re like what else is left, bestie? You’re running out of pages?

But we never really find out what was gonna be next because they get surrounded by like probably his alien parents? So now Francie and hottie FBI man and the two baby Tumbleweed aliens are surrounded by elder plant aliens. Yes, the aliens are plants. Yes, the author thinks they’re scary. Just go with it. I wanted to see them raid a garden center’s weedkiller section, but I guess that’s a different book. Somehow the baby tumbleweed aliens teach the elder aliens how to communicate in seconds because plot. Duolingo is now out of business. Also, because they learned English from old Westerns, the aliens talk in old Western slang. This is definitely not annoying at all. Some like intergalactic space trial starts. Apparently, it’s illegal for plants to kidnap humans. Who knew? I guess we’re supposed to be like bonded and invested in our alien besties because they may be an advanced civilization that doesn’t need to fill their cars with old dinosaur juice but they definitely believe in capital punishment. Florida would love them. So Francie and FBI man are like oh my god, you can’t kill our alien besties. They may have abducted us and taken us on a road trip against our will, but like we’re besties now. That’s how friendship works. It’s definitely not Stockholm Syndrome.

And then the FBI shows up, and you would think it’s some violent standoff between the aliens and the government but nope, everyone’s super chill and they’re like well let’s use our words guys. That’s how the US government works. No one brings a single weapon to this. They’re like yeah we can trust the fate of the world in the hands of some civilian. We don’t need to interfere. This kicks off another one of the book’s very lengthy back-and-forth conversations that leads absolutely nowhere and only repeats information.

The aliens decide not to murder their fellow aliens because they got valuable storm data that will let them save their planet. The humans don’t care. They just want the aliens to leave. Yup. Part of the aliens’ deal to leave is that Francie and FBI man must drive the tumbleweed back to his spaceship. Everyone is somehow fine with this. They’re like you don’t need chaperones at all. We’ll just let you go off alone. The alien is like I’ll go home, but you two have to get married first. I want to watch you consummate and/or participate with my tentacles-sorry, different genre. Francie and FBI man are like well, guess we have to get married because the alien can read minds now because plot so he would know if we faked it. Also like I’m in love with you. And they’re like hey alien, thanks for forcing the marriage of convenience trope on us, but we don’t have enough time to drive to Las Vegas and get married before you’re supposed to go home. And the alien is like oh, by the way, I have time travel powers. The end. I’m not kidding. That’s how this book ends. That’s not an ending.

Francie is on her way to her best friend's alien-themed wedding when she abducted. It quickly becomes the weirdest road-trip ever featuring con-artist Wade, conspiracy theorist Lyle, gambling Eula Mae, western aficionado Joseph and Indy the alien who is making this rag tag group drive all over the Southwest. The first half of the book it really entertaining as the author blends plots from westerns with alien invasions, then becomes really boring and predictable in the second half of the book. I was more engaged with the idea that aliens would not look the way they have in movies we've seen and may even be able to blend into our environment. The cunning gambler Eula Mae was a great addition and I enjoyed the scenes where she used her skills to help the group survive. I didn't need a pointless love story thrown in. It's 2023- are we still expecting women to fall in love with men who lie to them? I suppose this book is fine to pass the time with, but I did not enjoy the latter half.

What a silly but humorous story of UFOs, those who fanatically believe in them and the aliens who inhabit them, and those who become believers through abduction or jobs. Especially fun were the movie quotes at the beginning of each chapter.

Thanks to NetGalley and DelRey/Penguin Random House for the ARC to read and review.

Thank you to Netgalley, the publisher and the author, for an ARC of this book, in exchange for an honest review.
The premise of the book drew me in but once I started reading it, I just couldn’t get into it at all.
I wish the author, publisher and all those promoting the book much success and connections with the right readers.

Who knew an alien abduction romance story could be so cute? The human characters were fun and the alien was adorable. This could have been a hundred pages shorter though.