I enjoyed this book of stories based around the premise of friendship.
Oftentimes much is written about romantic relationships and how to navigate them but friendships are either overlooked or completely missed.

Thank you HarperCollins Australia and NetGalley for this ARC.

Unfortunately had to DNF, it started off really strong but then it sort of just starts waffling on and doesn’t go anywhere.

At times poignant and occasionally just not the anecdote for me, overall I throughly enjoyed this latest Elizabeth Day.

I had a bit of a weird moment a couple of years ago that turned out to be quite significant because I've thought about it often since. I walking with my friend Sam around Burnley Gardens. We came across this plaque on a bench overlooking a quiet corner of the gardens -

<img class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-34407" src="https://booksaremyfavouriteandbest.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/garden-plaque.jpg" alt="" width="900" height="490" />

Sam asked me what words would be on my plaque (which wasn't weird - she knows me well). Without hesitation, I said "Friend, swimmer, reader." Sam replied, "Not mother?" And no, 'mother' was not what immediately came to mind. Analyse that whatever way you want... actually, it has come up a few times in my own therapy and I'm no closer to understanding my response, short of saying that my friends always have been, and always will be extremely important to me. I think much of it relates to <a href="https://booksaremyfavouriteandbest.com/2020/04/06/the-weekend-by-charlotte-wood/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">what I witnessed with my grandmother</a>.

That's a long intro to Elizabeth Day's memoir-ish exploration of friendships, <a href="https://amzn.to/3KVNLSH" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><em>Friendaholic</em></a>.<!--more-->

Day describes herself as 'addicted' to friendship, and determined to be a 'good friend' because <em>'...having lots of friends meant you were loved, popular and safe.'</em> But the result of this was that she was exhausted (because she said 'yes' to everyone), and her personal boundaries were constantly tested. This lead her to consider the difference between quality and quantity. She goes on to explain how she rebalanced her friendships, alongside an exploration of the evolution of friendships, and the types of friendships we might have (the fun-night-out friend, the frenemy, and so on).

From the outset, Day emphasises the lack of language and protocols around friendship, in comparison romantic love, stating that as a society, there is a tendency to elevate romantic love. Of her own friends she says -
<p style="padding-left: 40px;"><em>There wasn't any language I could reach for to describe precisely what they meant to me. Most of the vocabulary around love had been co-opted for romantic relationships. I told my friends I loved them all the time. But of course I wasn't in love with them. It was more nuanced than that. I was passionate about them.</em></p>
Later in the book she takes a scientific angle, stating that
<p style="padding-left: 40px;"><em>...scientists have routinely overlooked the study of friendship because it has no reproductive value... But if friendship has no survival value, it certainly adds value to survival. We choose friendship - and this, in Aristotle's view, makes it a higher-level love because of the freedom of intention that lies behind it.</em></p>
In other words, we can't choose our family but we can choose our friends. One of Day's close friends grew up in very difficult family circumstances and stated that friendships were vital for her because they provided a way to <em>'...understand that you can be loved in a different way outside of your family.'</em>

Equally, unlike romantic relationships, friendships lack obvious or broadly accepted milestones -
<p style="padding-left: 40px;"><em>Friendship is unique in not having anything - no birthdays, no anniversaries, no ceremonies to mark it. This means it's also uniquely difficult to manage the development of a friendship in a careful and caring fashion.</em></p>
It also means ending a friendship can be tricky. I have deliberately 'broken up' with two friends in the past - both were difficult experiences . Day describes her experience of 'break-ups', growing apart from friends and ghosting (interestingly, the research here suggests that we 'renew' half of our friendship group every seven years, so friendships are ending, either actively or passively).

There was nothing in this book that was new to me but I enjoyed the opportunity to reflect on my own friendships. Day notes that most of her lasting friendships were <em>'...sparked not by a shared hobby but by an initial frisson of kindred feeling.'</em>  It's the same for me and I always think of the <a href="https://www.anneofgreengables.com/blog/10-life-lessons-weve-all-learned-from-anne-shirley" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Anne's (of Green Gables) definition of a 'kindred spirit'</a> when I think of my very closest friends.

3.5/5

I received my copy of <em>Friendaholic </em>from the publisher, Harper Collins Australia, via <a href="https://www.netgalley.com/catalog/book/284016" target="_blank" rel="noopener">NetGalley</a>, in exchange for an honest review.

What it’s about 📖
This nonfiction book by Elizabeth Day is a collection of essays on Friendship. It is full of personal stories from Day that weave in the significance of these relationships and bonds we form throughout our lives.

What I thought 💭
This was a lovely read. A subject that is not often explored, it definitely made me think about and appreciate my own friends! As it’s made up of short essays, it’s a great book to be able to dip in and out of based on what you feel like reading at the time. I found the ‘Making Friends’ chapter an interesting one, and the essay on Fertility was especially moving. This book makes a lovely gift to a friend!