‘Burning Butch’ follows the author’s experiences with Catholicism and growing up queer in a conservative Catholic community. Growing up queer and Catholic is a very special and peculiar kind of pain, and it’s one that I know well. It can be hard to reconcile a religious past, a religious upbringing and a childhood devotion to God, with a current “Godless” existence. With the present, existing as a queer person apart from religion. Mertz manages to capture this feeling of existing in Limbo your entire life, and only recently realizing this and coming to terms with it, perfectly.

Reading ‘Burning Butch’ was very cathartic for me, and all of the conversations Mertz had with friends and with themself about God and religion and the Church very probably healed something in me. However, I don’t think this is just a book for former Catholics or queer people of faith. I think that ‘Burning Butch’ has a level of bittersweet relatability that could potentially apply to a lot of people. Mertz writes with such tenderness but refuses to shy away from the aspects of religion and queer childhood that some people might find “unseemly” or “inappropriate.” This is a particular strength of the memoir, writing about some of the worst parts of religion and devotion while maintaining a respect and admiration for the people in Mertz’ life that deserve it, and purposefully acknowledging the humanity of the people in their life that don’t.

Mertz experienced a lot of trauma, mostly at the hands of their father, but always speaks about their siblings and their mother and stepfather with so much love, and this love maintains itself throughout the memoir despite whatever happens to this familial bond. Bittersweet nostalgia can be found in every line of this book, as well as healing.

Generally, I think that if you’re someone who grew up in a religion you know longer observe ‘Burning Butch’ will probably be for you. Mertz portrays the struggle with religion and identity so perfectly and, at the end of the memoir, talks about their divorce from religion as something as natural as breathing. I think ‘Burning Butch’ is very special in a lot of ways, and could really resonate with a lot of people.

The audiobook was so good. Perfectly edited and narrated. 10/10 recommend consuming the book this way.

I talked about this book in therapy this week, and that is absolutely shared as a compliment. Reviewing memoirs can be difficult - particularly ones that feel this vulnerable. And this is an intense memoir; R/B Mertz shares their childhood and young adulthood growing up butch, nonbinary, and Catholic. As might be expected, it wasn't an easy one.

First off, as someone who specifically picked up this book out of desperation to find butch narratives and connection, I loved this memoir. There were so many moments amongst the ones they chose to share with us that made me go oh, me too! And despite the pain contained in these pages - which cover homophobia, transphobia, abuse, suicide attempts, and more - the memoir itself is ultimately hopeful. R/B Mertz found their way, and they've shared that journey with the rest of us.

On a technical level, they weave through decades of their life, jumping around in ways that manage to give context or illumination at the perfect moments. Their prose is excellent, and it doesn't surprise me at all that the author writes poetry as well. There was much about this memoir that felt poetic. For that, too, I loved it.

I listened to the audiobook version of this, read by the author - which is always my favorite way to experience a memoir. I received the audiobook free through Netgalley; however, my opinions are my own. Thank you to Netgalley and R/B Mertz!

I loved this memoir when I read it in print last year, and somehow its even better when read by the author themself. Great narration with such a powerful story; this is one I'll be recommending for years to come!

4 / 5 ⭐️‘s

"Burning Butch" by R/B Mertz

This is a brave and impactful memoir that delves into the difficulties of being a trans/non-binary butch person growing up in a conservative Catholic subculture. The author reflects on how faith, sexuality, and gender identity intersect and the struggles that arise when these aspects clash.

Mertz's writing is candid and vulnerable, portraying the challenges they faced while growing up split between two worlds - one of safety and the other of abuse. They write about their experiences being homeschooled, their exposure to secular American culture, and the dichotomy between their true self and the world they were taught to fear. The author's account of their struggles with their faith and sexuality while attending a conservative Catholic college in the early 2000s is particularly compelling.

This ARC audiobook was provided by @Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.