A difficult/emotional read, but really interesting as a window into the author's life and experiences up until this point. It felt a little incomplete, but I assume I'll have more to go on once I've read volume 2.

Read in conjunction with volume 2. Heartbreaking but somehow off-putting memoir of harassment, gender identity and abuse. I think there is some cultural context I am missing because I found myself feeling emotionally jerked around by the author's wild emotional and personality swings.

Thanks to NetGalley and the author for an ARC of this title

I loved this book. I knew that I was going to going into it just based on the description. I think everyone should read a book like this in their life. The fact that it was written as a manga based on the authors work life made it easier to read however I would have easily read this as a novel as well. The heavy topics that this book covered more both so raw and honest well not being too jarring for me. I think I could read this book multiple times and find something new each time

I thought this book handled difficult subject matter pretty well. My only major feedback would be that the title makes it seem as if the book is mostly about the author's gender when it's really mostly about dealing with and recovering from sexual harassment in the workplace. Yes, the author's gender factor's into that experience but there's definitely a major focus on their specific experience of sexual harassment.

I really enjoyed reading this book. I can't wait to add it to the shelves and see other people love it as much as I did.

Thank you NetGalley, VIZ Media, and VIZ Media LLC for access to this arc!

5/5 stars

Oof this was such a heavy and infuriating read! I feel so badly for all the bullshit Pesuyama has had to endure. I'm really, really glad they had some friends that truly supported them. Reading all the stuff that X did while they were working at their first job as a manga artist felt so disgusting and also so familiar. Why are men?

"Until I Love Myself, Vol. 1" by Poppy Pesuyama is a poignant and personal journey that delves into the complexities of self-discovery, growth, and the challenges of learning to love oneself. This volume is a heartfelt blend of introspection, vulnerability, and the search for self-acceptance.

Pesuyama's writing style is introspective and raw, inviting readers to connect deeply with the author's thoughts and emotions. The author's personal experiences and reflections are beautifully woven into the narrative, creating a sense of authenticity that resonates.

At the core of this volume is a powerful exploration of self-worth, self-love, and the process of finding one's own identity. The author navigates the highs and lows of self-discovery, sharing moments of pain, triumph, and the journey toward self-acceptance.

"Until I Love Myself, Vol. 1" successfully balances personal anecdotes with universal themes, allowing readers to relate to the struggles and triumphs of the author's journey. The exploration of themes like self-esteem, resilience, and the pursuit of inner happiness adds depth to the content.

In conclusion, "Until I Love Myself, Vol. 1" is a touching and honest volume that invites readers to reflect on their own paths of self-discovery and self-love. If you're seeking a book that offers a heartfelt exploration of personal growth and the journey toward self-acceptance, this volume provides an intimate and relatable narrative that will leave you inspired and contemplative.

🏳️‍⚧️Poppy Pesuyama has faced a lot in life concerning their gender identity. One person in particular left a lasting impact on Pesuyama. This is their story of learning to love themselves.

🏳️‍⚧️A heartbreaking & heartwarming story of someone in the LGBTQIAP+ community that everyone in and out of the community should be aware of. The struggles of being trans comes in many shapes and colors, and this is just one example of the hardships of learning to love yourself.

I'd like to preface this by saying that I got a chance to read this thanks to NetGalley in exchange for a fair review! Thanks, NetGalley!

This one was a hard read, not because of the story or artstyle, but because of the content that had me crawling in my own skin in recognition. There was a lot to see here in this story, and as an autobiographical work it seemed genuine and sharp. I'm not sure exactly if it was a read that made me feel too great, but I will be reading the second one for sure.

This graphic novel broke me. Poppy's life and how they depict each and every pivotal interaction in their life just words can not describe it. I felt the pain, fear, loneliness, and helplessness each page conveyed. Poppy's art style and stroytelling all drove this book home. Deep in my heart I will always love and cherish this manga and Poppy's story. I look forward to each volume that comes out, even if it makes me cry.

Thank you Netgalley for allowing me to read this.

An autobiographical account dealing bluntly with gender dysphoria and sexual harassment in the workplace. Manga artist Poppy Pesuyama starts out with a harrowing and traumatic story of their early days as a mangaka's assistant and the sexual harassment they suffered while working with there. It delves deeper into their childhood, never fitting in with the gender norms and often misjudging situations due to misunderstandings. Meant for older readers, I think even if you are not the intended audience, anyone can relate to the struggle of figuring out your identity as a child and even still, as an adult.
While this was a tough read for me, occasionally feeling a little lost in translation, I think it's still carrying the important message of establishing your own existence and self-love. It was a painful most of the time, as Pesuyama really struggled with a lot of self-loathing. I'm hoping the second volume starts to show how they started climbing out of their despair and accepting themselves as a being of worth.

There were moments during Pesuyama’s story that my body reacted to their art. The scene when X touches their back, I can feel the hand between my shoulders. I cannot imagine the pain and duress this sexual harassment cause Pesuyama, but their style and writing conveys raw emotion you can feel.

I related to their confusion with the world and societal rules. Especially their stories about being a kid and trying to figure it out as you go.

But I gave it a 3 cause it was sometimes hard to follow. The trains of thought and conversations didn’t always make sense to me. It almost felt like there were missing context panels. But I attribute that to translation. Language is hard to convey meaning and emotion from one to the next. I think this does a good job mostly, but I wish I could read Japanese and understand more of what they meant to convey.

Thank you to NetGalley for the digital copy!

Brutal but pulls no punches. An unflinching look at how it feels to spend one's entire life not loving oneself and not being able to stand up against abusive behavior.

A really heartbreaking and honest look at the life of non-binary manga artist Pesuyama. The story focuses around the sexual harassment they dealt with during their time as a manga artist assistant. It's unfiltered and raw and made me feel deeply as these kinds of situations are unfortunately common for AFAB queer people. The art is charming and fun and stylized which always appeals to me.

This volume leaves off with Pesuyama trying to figure out who they are and if they would ever be able to forgive their abuser. The rest of their story will continue in the second volume and I'm really excited to read more of their story and enjoy more of their art!

Overwhelming. I was hoping for the story to be more about the author finding themselves, but the first third is mostly about sexual harassment as a manga assistant, and I couldn't get through it. It's hard criticizing an autobiography, but I found it repetitive and not particularly well illustrated. I wonder if the author truly had enough distance to craft this book as a story, particularly without a conclusive ending.

I feel for the author having to experience all that, but I cannot recommend this as a book.

I reviewed this title for Booklist. Please see Booklist for the complete review and full feedback regarding this title.

A moving piece of media that shows the cracks within the manga industry using the form itself. Pseuyama perfectly captures their trauma in a manageable way for the reader to digest and shows what it's like to be a non-binary artist in Japan. I'm looking forward to seeing them delve deeper about their gender in the next volume.

I've been enjoying the fact that we're getting so many translated manga biographies recently. This one is about nonbinary manga artist Poppy Pesuyama confronting trauma, gender dysphoria, and workplace sexual harassment. In this manga, they go back seven years and discuss what happened to them. We see them rail against everyone, including theirselves. Overall, I hesitate to say that this was a fantastic read because of what they went through, but I do think that this was very well done and I will be reading more from this author. The artwork was great and I thought that everything was very clearly laid out. This is something that I think everyone should read.

Pesuyama has definitely been through it, and by it, I mean everything on their journey to accepting their nonbinary identity. Gender identity is a topic some people are not comfortable with discussing, so Pesuyama starts by making everyone uncomfortable: the book starts with the sexual harassment she received as a working adult. Vol. 1 promises that there will be a vol. 2, and Pesuyama definitely goes into detail about their AFAB experiences all the way back to the de facto gender binary for Japanese children: the color of their randoseru (grade school backpack). The binary is further challenged with their recollections on mixed bathing amongst children, school uniforms, and puberty. The art can be rough on the eyes sometimes, but even with the title, this book never promised the reader a comfy, familiar read, so buckle up.

Until I Love Myself: The Journey of a Nonbinary Manga Artist is an autobiographical manga about Poppy Pesuyama and the trauma they have endured due to gender dysphoria.

Until I Love Myself: The Journey of a Nonbinary Manga Artist Volume One
Written by: Poppy Pesuyama
Publisher: Shogakukan
English Publisher: VIZ Media
Release Date: June 20, 2023

At the beginning of the manga, we see Pesuyama reaching out on Skype to an mangaka that they had served as an assistant to seven years earlier. However, one of the responses that Pesuyama gets back from him triggers memories of sexual harassment they endured while working for this mangaka. Before the flashbacks begin, though, Pesuyama gives a brief explanation of the gender dysphoria they have, since this is such an important element of the story and for why Pesuyama reacts the way they do to the situations that the mangaka creates through the sexual harassment.

With the way the male mangaka is portrayed, he is quite a sexist jerk and a creep. As I read this section of the manga, I found myself getting angry at this mangaka. The struggle with sexual harassment is bad enough for someone who is comfortable with their gender, and by reading Pesuyama’s portrayal of their situation, I could see just how much worse it is for someone experiencing gender dysphoria.

Even though Pesuyama quits that job, we see how much the experience has scarred them mentally. It’s taken such a toll that Pesuyama quit drawing and creating for a while, and instead chose to work at a job where they wouldn’t potentially be alone with other people.

What brings Pesuyama back to creating manga is an encounter with a manga editor who is referred to as “Chillbayashi-san” throughout this volume. Pesuyama takes this opportunity to draw a manga to work through their emotions and to share their experiences with others. After Chillbayashi-san reads the chapter, she takes it upon herself to help Pesuyama. Chillbayashi-san becomes an advocate for Pesuyama, and doing things such as taking Pesuyama to consult with a lawyer and pitching the manga that would become Until I Love Myself to editors in an effort to get it published.

The manga also sees Pesuyama remembering people and events from their childhood and early teen years, and how these people and their interactions helped shape them into who they have become. The gender dysphoria plays an important role in these chapters as well, and it shows that this is a struggle that Pesuyama has been dealing with for many years.

I actually like how this volume ended, because it loops back around to the scene that opens the manga. With this final scene, we go beyond the point where Pseuyama went into the flashback and we get to see how the conversation between Pseuyama and their harasser concludes. However, the ending isn’t conclusive, as we see Pseuyama ruminating how the times have changed over the past seven years, but wondering if their harasser has really changed.

After reading Until I Love Myself: The Journey of a Nonbinary Manga Artist, I thought it was a well done autobiographical manga. Pseuyama really opens up about their gender dysphoria, and is willing to share incidents from their past that were likely painful to recount. But considering that in the manga itself, Pesuyama states that they want to share their experiences with others, perhaps it shouldn’t be surprising how much they were willing to open up. I appreciated being able to read this manga and to get a perspective on an issue that I’ve never had to deal with personally.

While I’ve never had to deal with this particular issue, I found that with the way the author writes and portray these stories, I could try to put myself into their shoes and attempt to see these situations through their eyes. I feel this manga helped to open my eyes a little more about gender dysphoria and to start having a little more of an understanding about it. It appears there’s at least one more volume of Until I Love Myself: The Journey of a Nonbinary Manga Artist, so I’m hoping that VIZ Media will make it available to reviewers so I can read it and find out what else Pseuyama has to share.

If you enjoy reading autobiographical manga or are curious about gender dysphoria, then I would recommend reading Until I Love Myself: The Journey of a Nonbinary Manga Artist Volume One.