"From award-winning journalist Meg Kissinger, a searing memoir of a family besieged by mental illness, as well as an incisive exploration of the systems that failed them and a testament to the love that sustained them."

This is a very raw, honest, messy look at the author's life living in a family of 10 that is filled with mental illness. I give the author and her family so much credit for being so open and honest about their situation and the struggles their family went through - from addiction, to depression, to suicide - and how the stigma and embarrassment of mental illness really played such a huge factor in their family members not getting the help they needed.

In the first part of the memoir, she really delves into her family and their lives and how mental illness really affected each and every one of them. This was eye opening, emotional, difficult, beautiful, and so brave and I really was engrossed in this part of the book. In part 2, she uses more of her journalistic side to really talk about mental illness and research using other people, stories, facts, etc. I appreciated this very much but definitely was more invested in her actual story and more of the memoir portion of the book.

Overall, this was a beautifully written, up close look at the difficulties of growing up in a family suffering from so much mental illness and also the way we as a society need to change out thinking and look at this as a true illness where the ones suffering need compassion, no judgment, and assistance. It's a book of struggle, sadness, loss, love, family and ultimately hope.

Thank you to Netgalley & Celadon Books for an advanced copy in exchange for my honest opinion.

While You Were Out: An Intimate Family

This book is a memoir detailing Meg’s experience growing up in a household with family members experiencing serious mental health conditions and not talking about it to each other. It touches on many sensitive topics including suicide, substance use disorders, anxiety, depression, loss and abortion. Despite these heavy topics, Meg is able to keep it “lighthearted” in true Kissinger fashion (if you read the book, you’ll understand). What I loved about this memoir is that it is the perfect combination of storytelling and a call to action. Meg details her own journey through advocacy- first approaching it loudly and aggressively, trying to make people listen, and eventually using her own family’s story to let others know that they are not alone and to explore how best to support one another on this journey of life. She discusses her aversion to psychotherapy and how she eventually came around to sticking with it. One of the things I loved most about her exploration of her family history was how she discussed her feelings about family members she had lost softening after finding more information which changed her perspective.

As someone who previously worked in the area of mental healthcare, I also very much appreciated her discussion of the evolution of mental healthcare in the United States and her critical evaluation that we still have much more room to improve in how our country cares for those with mental health conditions.

At the end of the book she describes how her family dynamic has changed due to her and her siblings’ willingness to re-open old wounds to examine the past as well as their commitment to supporting one another. She describes a legacy that they are leavings as several of her children and nieces/nephews have chosen careers in advocacy or mental health support. She ends the book with a Mary Oliver poem, “In Blackwater Woods” which literally gave me chills “…To live in this world you must be able to do three things: to love what is mortal; to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it; and when the time comes to let it go, to let it go.

I wholeheartedly recommend this book. To read this book is to walk alongside the author and witness her personal evolution around the topic of mental health in a way that appears to have broken a generational cycle within her family. This is powerful stuff.

Meg Kissinger's "While You Were Out" isn't just a memoir; it's a raw, unflinching portrayal of a family grappling with mental illness, wrapped in the deceptively serene canvas of 1960s suburban America. The book oscillates between two narratives: the seemingly idyllic childhood filled with boisterous laughter and Lake Michigan summers, and the harsh reality of a mother battling crippling anxiety, a volatile father, and siblings succumbing to the grip of bipolar disorder and depression.

Kissinger masterfully wields the double-edged sword of memoir and investigative journalism. Her childhood experiences ignite a passion for exposing the flaws in our mental healthcare system, weaving personal anecdotes with insightful reporting on policy failures and ineffective treatment methods. This dual approach adds depth and weight to the book, transcending the boundaries of a single family's tale and becoming a poignant commentary on societal taboos and the desperate need for reform.

The strength of the book lies in its brutal honesty. Kissinger doesn't shy away from the darkness, detailing the shame, violence, and devastating losses her family endured. Yet, it's not all despair. Throughout the narrative, glimmers of love and resilience shine through. The family's dark humor, as unexpected as it is touching, becomes a coping mechanism, reminding us of their inherent strength and unbreakable bond.

“We need to make peace with the fact that mental illness is a lifetime struggle. We have to find ways to live with it, embrace it and one another. Acknowledge that we are human, that we all suffer. When we accept that, we demystify mental illness and strip it of its power to tear us apart.” -While You Were Out

In “While You Were Out,” Meg Kissinger fearlessly confronts the harsh realities of her family's journey through mental illness with unflinching honesty. Her candid storytelling lays bare the raw emotions and tumultuous experiences they faced, offering readers an intimate look into the challenges of dealing with mental health issues. Kissinger's unfiltered account not only chronicles the struggles but also delves into her own unvarnished thoughts during those trying times. This unapologetic honesty adds a layer of authenticity to the memoir, making it a compelling and relatable narrative. ”While You Were Out” stands as a testament to the power of truth-telling in navigating the complexities of mental health.

Furthermore, Kissinger skillfully unveils the ripple effects of mental illness on both the individual and those connected to them. With a compassionate lens, she delves into the profound impact on family and loved ones, painting a comprehensive picture of the challenges they face. Her narrative not only serves as a heartfelt exploration of her family's journey but also acts as a catalyst for raising awareness about the pervasive lack of support in the realm of mental health. “While You Were Out” is an eye-opening and informative account, shedding light on the broader societal issues surrounding mental health, earning it a solid four-star rating.

While You Were Out by Meg Kissinger

An emotional and intelligent memoir written by journalist Meg Kissinger, While You Were Out follows Kissinger's family as they grapple with the impacts of addiction, severe and persistent mental health and the stigma around each of those things in the 1960s and 1970s.

Kissinger writes her story in way that is both emotionally moving while also making room for her readers to understand the facts about mental health (or lack their of) in the 1970s. As a mental health care provider, I was proud of the way that Kissinger sheds light on the stigmatization of both while also calling out the dangers of swinging the pendulum too far and over correcting.

This memoir felt deeply personal to me as she wrote about her families struggles and the long term impacts of unspoken generational trauma. She puts her investigative journalism background to use taking the memoir a step further to discuss the policy changes over the years that have continued to displace those with severe and persistent mental illness and she does it in a way that is understandable.

I absolutely loved and appreciated Kissinger's vulnerability, raw story telling and gumption in sharing this must read memoir. I will be recommending to many of my coworkers, colleagues and even some clients in the future.

As a person with a mental illness, and part of a family full of the same, I was fascinated by this family's struggles and their ability to overcome their heartbreaks. I felt that the author did a good job bringing the reader into their lives without making it too depressing. The things they went through were very difficult, but I feel like she ended it on a hopeful note. I will be recommending this one for sure!

This book is about the authors life growing up in a family with 8 children and two parents and the immense mental health struggles within her family. This book has A LOT of really sad parts and may contain a lot of triggers for people (abortion, suicide, drug/alcohol addiction- to name a few). Meg writes from her personal experience growing up in this family but also from her research as she has tried to make a change happen in the way that people with mental health are cared for in society. She shows the flaws in the mental health support system of our nation and what she has learned along the way. She shares her (and each of her siblings) process of grieving and healing from the death within her family due to mental health and the families of those who lost someone to suicide. This book is filled with Meg's story, the stories of those she interviews, and research and data. I found the beginning of the book slow and she introduces her family tree but was completely invested as she shares the stories from her upbringing. I thought this was an incredible book on loving someone who struggles with their mental health- and all that that entails. Would recommend, beautifully written on a really difficult and hard topic.

Thanks to Netgalley and CeladonBooks for an ARC in exchange for my honest review- book is available as of 9/5/23

"We are telling our story and letting go."

This is exactly what Meg Kissinger did - her attempt at normalizing the shame associated with mental illness and humanizing the afflicted and the people closest to them.

The investigative journalist wrote an unputdownable, intimate memoir about a mental illness, a subject she has researched and written about for decades. This was her raw and brutally honest personal account of dealing (or not for many years) and living with multiple mentally ill members of her immediate family.

This poignant telling had many heartaches but also radiated of hope, courage and the power of love and resiliency. It deserves all the accolades it is receiving.

I want to thank Celadon Books and NetGalley for gifting me a Kindle version in exchange for an honest review.

While You Were Out by Meg Kissinger

If you are struggling with your mental health or know someone who is, I’d highly recommend reading Meg Kissinger’s memoir While You Were Out. It is amazing to see how far society has come in talking about and dealing with mental illness but it’s also sad to see how society has such a long way to go. In the 1960’s, when the book takes place, mental illness was not talked about as there was so much shame and stigma associated with mental illness. Unfortunately Meg Kissinger’s family was no different. Meg’s mum would suddenly disappear for days and months at a time and Meg had no clue where her mother was. It simply wasn’t talked about. Eventually it comes to light that Meg’s mum suffers from anxiety and depression and her father from Mania. You combined that with violence and drinking and you have a rather toxic environment for a child to grow up in. But despite all the turmoil, tragedy and heart ache in Megs life, she pulls through and becomes a journalist writing about her own families struggles with mental health and also the flaws in the American Mental Health system.

This memoir is extremely heavy and is definitely triggering so I would highly recommend not going into this book blind and also reading it over time.

I never like to give a rating for a memoir as it’s someone’s life story and not a piece of fiction. I will say it was an excellent book and very informative.

Thank you to Celadon Books and NetGalley for my advanced readers copy of While you Were Out in exchange for my honest review.

Pub Date: September 5th, 2023

Upon reading the description, I knew I needed to read this one - thank you to the publisher and Netgalley for the gifted copy!

First of all, I'm in awe of the author's ability to share her/her family's story and all the trauma that occurred. It couldn't have been easy. I thought it was clever that the first parts of the book focused on her family's struggles, and the last part of the memoir was more investigative journalism-focused and provided statistics and information about mental illness and suicide.

However, it did feel like the memoir was a bit long and overly detailed in places.

Overall, I recommend this memoir.

Although I received an an advance digital copy of this one, I chose to wait until I could get my hands on the audio since that is my preferred format for memoirs. This one started a bit slow, but once I settled into Kissinger's story-telling style, I was very moved by her story. I think the way Kissinger (as well as her siblings) allowed all of the dark and difficult aspects of their pasts to be shared was poignant, and the healing that Meg embarks on while writing this memoir is very hopeful in the end. If you are someone whose family is entrenched in secrets and not addressing past traumas, I think you will find this to be a compelling memoir.

Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for giving me a free advanced copy of this book to read and review.

We Are Too Many is a memoir that is laughable, unbelievable, funny, crazy and sad story. it's a fast-paced read that you can read in a day. There are some very impactful parts. I loved reading about her gradual growth it's very inspiring to read about. the way it was written (format) was creative and funny. I would recommend this book to anyone because it was a great read and inspiring.

This book masterfully explores families and mental illness. Filled with sadness and heartache, I couldn’t recommend this more strongly. It is so important.

Meg Kissinger beautifully shares her emotional story of growing up in a family fighting mental illness during a time when the topic was not openly discussed. While the topics may not be easy to read, this book is not to be missed.

Very interesting read! The book pulled me in from the start and I wanted to see how it ended. Try it and see if this book is for you!

I couldn't put this one down, though ostensibly - I'm not even interested in mental illness as a book-length subject. II's Kissinger's candid and poignant treatment of her own struggles as well as her family's that compels the reader,. Plus, her direct, unflinching prose moves quickly without any condescension regarding the subject. The sympathy with which she treats her parents (and their backstories) is admirable, as well as her determination to help others.

Thank you NetGalley and Celadon Books for the advance reader copy of While You Were Out. I particularly enjoyed this book as the author talks about her growing up Catholic in Chicago which I did as well. Nixon writes about her large family and how mental health impacted multiple members. More importantly, Nixon then shares her journalistic work on mental health to provide both the big picture, as well as the intimate impact on her family. I appreciate Nixon's honest portrayal of mental health concerns, and her willingness to share her family's story to educate the general population. Well written, enjoyable and educational at the same time.

cw: suicide, mental illness, substance abuse, abortion, antisemitism

okay i have a lot of varying thoughts about this one

this book is an intimate portrait of one family’s struggle with mental illness and the lack of a mental health system to support their health and wellbeing. how difficult it is to crawl your way from underneath the suffocating weight of a mental health condition that is left either untreated or mistreated. about how a family scrambles to understand how to support each other with minimal resources and no adequate professional support. it’s an important read, bringing life and humanity to the impact of the lack of a comprehensive mental health system

but… i felt no emotional connection to any of the family members, or the author. and the author continually insinuates there was violence and physical abuse in the home, but never processes it or its connection on her and her siblings mental well-being

and i think the author tried to minimize the extent of her brother’s antisemitism by equating this behavior to a symptom of his mental illness; it felt very problematic

thank you @netgalley and @celadonbooks for the copy!

I'm sorry that Meg Kissinger and her family had to go through the trauma of losing a loved one to mental illness not once but twice. Most people won't be able to cope with one untimely death in family, but she had to push through two in addition to bunch of other instances where mental illness taking its toll on all family members. I'm glad that every sibling eventually found something that kept them grounded and connected.

We look at these missed opportunities to help people who struggle a lot usually from their family's and friends' perspective. But do we really understand how hopeless feel unless we went through something like this ourselves? I appreciated Kissinger's effort to show how debilitating it had been for her sister and brother before made the decision for themselves. All of that was a lot for a family to handle, but I think Kissinger family benefited from being a large family by having more shoulders to lean on.

When we started reading The Crucible in HS, the teacher asked us what would be the worst torture you could think of (what a question that was). As a person who manage to get papercuts frequently, my mind went there and I said probably paper cut on very sensitive skin, like eye. But I never thought, someone would be able to get it themselves. So tell me Meg Kissinger, how did you manage to get paper cut on your retina?!?!?

Title: While You Were Out: An Intimate Family Portrait of Mental Illness in an Era of Silence
Author: Meg Kissinger
Genre: Memoir
Rating: 4.50
Pub Date: September 5, 2023

I received a complimentary eARC from Celadon Books via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. Opinions expressed in this review are completely my own. #Gifted #Ad

T H R E E • W O R D S

Candid • Traumatic • Impactful

📖 S Y N O P S I S

While You Were Out begins as the personal story of one family’s struggles then opens outward, as Kissinger details how childhood tragedy catalyzed a journalism career focused on exposing our country’s flawed mental health care. Combining the intimacy of memoir with the rigor of investigative reporting, the book explores the consequences of shame, the havoc of botched public policy, and the hope offered by new treatment strategies.

💭 T H O U G H T S

I have a keen interest in books (particularly memoirs) that tackle and advocate for mental health issues, so I was grateful to be offered an advanced reader copy of While You Were Out. I was unaware of who Meg Kissinger was ahead of picking this one up, yet I quickly came to hold a special place for her and her siblings in my heart.

Meg tells her family's story in a moving, yet professional manner. She combines personal memories and experiences with steadfast research to deliver a heartfelt exposé of a system failing the most vulnerable of people. From a young age the Kissinger family was faced with continual heartbreak, and yet somehow Meg is still here to tell their story. This is a memoir that will make you laugh. It will make you cry. It will make you empathize. And it will make you angry at a system designed to fail.

While You Were Out is an important and impactful addition to the growing list of mental health literature. I could not put it down. It's a memoir I won't soon forget, and will be continually recommending. If you do decide to pick this one up, I'd definitely suggest proceeding with care for yourself.

📚 R E C O M M E N D • T O
• memoir readers
• fans of Educated and/or The Glass Castle
• mental health advocates

⚠️ CW: death, death of parent, death of sibling, child death, grief, mental illness, anxiety, depression, schizophrenia/psychosis, panic attacks/disorders, self-harm, suicide, suicide attempt, suicidal thoughts, addiction, drug use, drug abuse, alcohol, alcoholism, forced institutionalization, cancer, sexual assault, pregnancy, abortion, cursing, antisemitism, violence

🔖 F A V O U R I T E • Q U O T E S

"This is what telling your story can do, she told them. It can bring the dead back to life - not in the same way but as a kind of transformation. It doesn't take away the injury, but it can give you a feeling of power when you are in control of the narrative. The balance is shifted back to you. There's new life, resurrected."

This is a difficult book to review since I can’t say the usual “I enjoyed reading this book because…”. Instead I can say this was an important book to read from someone who witnessed severe mental illness in her family.
I read the book in small pieces to avoid skimming through the difficult parts. There was only so much I could absorb and reflect on.
Kissinger’s focus seemed to be on how so many parts of the mental illness puzzle failed her family - society, family, law enforcement, and the medical community.
Thanks to #Celadon and #Netgalley for the opportunity to read and review this ARC.