Thank you to NetGalley and Celadon Books for an advanced electronic copy of this book in exchange for an honest review!

Meg Kissinger is one of eight siblings who grew up in the 60s under the turmoil of mental illness that was never discussed and highly stigmatized. She tells the story of her family's struggles from the early days until now, exposing raw emotions and the demons they faced.

This book is honest, and in that honesty, is dark. There's drug and alcohol use and abuse, suicidal ideation, institutionalization, suicide attempts, death, grief, trauma, and more. This family deals with a lot, but the story is handled with care. Heavy, but worth a read if you can handle it.

While You Were Out by Meg Kissinger

This heartbreaking story about Meg Kissinger's family left me wondering if I could finish the story with a feeling of hope. The past can't be changed no matter how we may wish it so and when it comes to mental health and what seems to be a lack of ability to help the people and their families in the throes of their agony, I wasn't sure this book could end without me feeling sad. I do feel sad but the last chapter left me feeling happy, too. Meg's family is doing the work that needs to be done to help each other and those around them to continue on a path of healthy thinking, healthy sharing, and healthy reaching out so that the pain of what they have been through can be alleviated, if not erased.

Meg's mother gave Meg's dad a chance to back out of their marriage, not long before their wedding. She suffered greatly from anxiety and depression and wasn't sure he should be taking on her as a burden in his life. Meg's dad didn't hesitate to marry Meg's mom and probably wouldn't have done so even if he'd known he suffered from bipolar disease. Both were heavy drinkers and that drinking ramped up over the decades for each of them. Meg's dad had a temper that could have him screaming at everyone of every age and he'd not hesitate to hit whoever caught his rage at the moment. Meg's mother was so very much put together in every way yet she had a distant, standoff-ness to child rearing that was in such contrast to her otherwise organized managing of the household. She had toddlers wandering down streets, getting lost at the beach, let loose in department stores while she did other things. She was so very overwhelmed by her eight children born in twelve years and it seems the only place to go was the bottle and into her own head.

This is a well off family of very smart parents and children, the envy of most, for sure. This was also a family that loses two children to suicide and each and every family member, parent and children alike, are greatly affected by the fact that almost nothing that happens in the family is acknowledged. All these people and so much left unsaid, each family member living with guilt and regrets that weren't even theirs to claim. Through Meg's story we learn how the surviving siblings have finally come together to talk about the past and the things that happened in their lives, things that each of them could never fully understand until they actually talked to each other and Meg being able to talk to friends, family, neighbors, and to use research documents to piece together at least a little bit of what led to events in their lives.

Could the suicides have been prevented? We will never know but this book gives me so much to think about after reading about this family and how hiding mental illness, pretending it's not there, can do such great harm to those who have it and those who love the people who suffer from it. I can't put in to words how much the book touched me, instead I can just say that I'm thankful to have read this book.

Thank you to Celadon Books and NetGalley for this ARC.

This memoir is a personal account of a woman and her family’s struggle with mental illness as it travels across the family throughout their lifetime. I, like many of us, come from a long line of family members who’ve struggled with their own internal battles- so I felt like I could relate heavily to the author immediately.

It’s no secret that mental illness is a huge modern day concern worldwide, with minimal resources available for those that need it most. It always shakes me to my core when I read real life stories about how these conditions were “treated” in the past, and makes me grateful for the privilege and access to healthcare I have had- albeit its flaws.

This was an emotional and intense read, but one I could not put down once I started it. I enjoyed each of the three parts and think the author did a fantastic job presenting her story and the accounts of others in such an honest and respectful way.

Highly recommend picking up a physical copy of this one over the ARC, as it was missing the labeled photographs at the start of each chapter. I would have really loved to connect with the characters this way!

Thank you to the author and Netgalley for my copy to read and honestly review.

A beautifully written, sensitive and thought provoking book about mental illness in the context of the mid-to-late 20th century. The story of the Kissinger family will stay with me for a long time.

Thanks to Net Galley and Celadon Books for the advanced copy in exchange for an honest review!

I appreciate an author who will give an honest look into their family and the mental health struggles they face. I found this one to be candid, frank, and very readable.

The writing style is incredibly readable, and I definitely felt for this family and all the craziness going on in their lives. I plan to recommend this book for one of my book clubs.

Thank you to NetGalley and Celadon for the ARC.

This was one of those books that I just couldn't put down. The connection between trauma and mental illness and how it affects families is undeniable. Fascinating look at the author's family. This is a must read if you are interested in mental health.

Thank you to celadon books for letting me read this one early. This book publishes on September 5.

This book is so well written! The imagery that Meg Kissinger writes here is just so well done. At times I had to remind myself that this is a memoir and not fiction. Super well written book.

This book was hard to read–and hard to set down. Author Meg Kissinger’s family suffered with mental illness that affected generations. Depression, bipolar illness, and alcoholism that resulted in arrests, substance abuse, hospitalizations, institutionalization, and suicide. No one was spared, for even those not born with mental health issues were impacted by family trauma that resulted in guilt, shame, anxiety, and denial.

Kissinger’s father was a charming and successful traveling businessman unable to control his spending; he was bipolar and an alcoholic. Her mother was a brilliant woman who, as a Roman Catholic, couldn’t choose how many children to bear, even when everyone knew it was wearing her down. Depressed, she took drugs and used alcohol, and was often hospitalized without explanation to the children.

The parents were well-off and the children had a live-in nanny, went to fancy summer camps, could buy what they wanted. But the father’s manic runaway spending and self-medication with alcohol impacted their financial security.

With dry humor, Kissinger relates the children’s near-death experiences. The children’s disease manifested around puberty.

First, Nancy acted out with rebellious anger and risky behavior. She became suicidal. After her death, the family hid the truth. Brother Jack became depressive. Danny showed bipolar symptoms and eventually committed suicide.

Kissinger is almost my age. It is horrifying to realize how parents, teachers, religious leaders, and doctors had no paradigm for understanding what was happening to her family members.

Seeking a home for her depressed brother Jack, Kissinger’s investigation revealed a lack of adequate, safe places to live.

Kissinger married and forged a career in journalism, her work named as a finalist for the Pulitzer Prize in reporting. She investigated mental illness for a series of articles. She was convinced to write about her family, a harrowing decision but also healing.

Her research for this book resulted in new insights into her family as she interviewed family and delved into the records.

Kissinger shares her heartbreaking family history with candor. Her work has helped others struggling with mental illness in the family. And will enlighten many of us with the raw truth of how the mentally ill fall have been treated by society.

Thanks to the publisher for a free book.

[arc review]
Thank you to Celadon Books for providing an arc in exchange for an honest review.
While You Were Out releases September 5, 2023

This is a debut memoir from Meg Kissinger, and it recounts the life experiences of her family of 10 (including her parents, and 7 siblings), with an overarching theme of mental health.

<i>While You Were Out</I> is a very heavy read. Unfortunately for me, there were no content warnings provided, but I’ve included a list of what I think you might want to be aware of before heading into this read, if you choose to do so.
(I find it a bit ironic to be sent a book about mental health that doesn’t even contain any content warnings, but which the contents could definitely negatively affect a reader. Publishing standards need to be higher).

cw: general depression, post partum depression, physical/child abuse, cancer (multiple), grief, hospitalizations, psychiatric wards, child abandonment, multiple suicide attempts, abortion, multiple suicides, alcoholism, substance abuse, anti-semitism, mania, bipolar disorder, suicidal thoughts, trauma, ptsd.

I appreciate Kissinger for being so raw and candid with sharing the mental health struggles of her family. That being said, I can’t say that I particularly enjoyed this read. Maybe it’s partly that I come from a small immediate family, so I think that I would find it uncomfortable to have so much of my personal life publicized (especially when most of the heavier content was about those that are no longer living), but then again, mental health should not be such a taboo/stigmatized subject and everyone should be able to feel comfortable speaking about it and to seek the help and support that they need.

Knowing that the author has a background in investigative journalism, I would have liked to seen more of an integration of the many years of research and/or statistics about mental health to really tie everything together, perhaps in a way that interspersed it between each major event correlating to a family member to keep it more engaging and reflective.

This memoir is a must read. Meg lived and researched the effects of mental illness on the person suffering and the members of the family. Meg grew up in a well to do family that was envied by friends. The family that had many secrets and no one ever talked about their problems, even with each other. As it says in the book: Take two alcoholics—one with bipolar and the other with crippling anxiety—and let them have eight kids in twelve years: What could possibly go wrong? Two of the children commit suicide and there were many failed attempts. It wasn’t until 50 years had passed that the siblings were able to talk to each other where they learned the truth and began to heal.

Mental illness can destroy a family physically, emotionally and financially. The survivors carry guilt , trauma, despair, anger and depression. Meg describes the failure of the mental health system, signs to look for, advice on helping the ill person and yourself.

Thank you CeladonBooks

This was a DNF for me however I don’t want to rate it negatively as I think it’s an important book that needs to be read. I unfortunately just couldn’t get into it. I usually love memoirs but this felt a little slow and not as engaging.

Thank you to NetGalley and Celadon books for this eARC in exchange for an honest review.

This memoir is intimate. The first half fascinated me. Meg describes her family of 10 in such a way that you really feel like you know them. And then, things start going sideways. With depression and bipolar disorder touching so many people in one family, the reality feels weighty. In the midst of chaos, the family is struck with a suicide. And then, another.

Meg uses the second half to investigate and shine light on the state of mental health care in our county (fyi - not good). It reads slower, but is full of good info.

Overall, an interesting memoir!

You’ll love this if you:
•like memoirs involving mental health (think, Hidden Valley Road, but from a first person perspective)
•have mental health struggles in your family

Heavy TW: suicide, bipolar disorder, and depression

Thank you Netgalley for this ARC. All opinions are my own 😊

Absolutely heartbreakingly beautiful. Possibly one of the best explorations of trauma and mental illness, and how it affects a family over time.

Such an important read for anyone and everyone.

Heartbreaking to read at times about a mother's mental illness and having had eight kids! Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC. Four stars.

I absolutely loved reading this book. I was completely drawn into the topic and could not stop reading it.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for providing this book in exchange for an honest review.
Wow, what an amazing book. So much heartache and sadness for this family and their experiences with mental illness.
This book is a must-read for anyone who knows anyone with mental illness, which means everyone.