Laure is a perfectionist with an ax to grind. She has been constantly overlooked in the world of Parisian ballet, partially because she is black. To level the playing field she delves depths of the Catacombs and strikes a deal with a river of blood. Through this she gains everything she’s ever dreamed of, but at what cost. Despite being undeniable, Laure is not the only monster around and her desires make her the perfect target. As she delves deeper into darkness, she is faced with the ultimate choice: break herself for scraps of validation or succumb to the darkness that wants her exactly as she is. That is, if the god-killer doesn’t catch her first.

This book was an interesting YA horror. The first 20% or so is a little slow as the characters are introduced but then things really picked up. This story was rather intense, passionate, and dark. I loved how the social issues were discussed and handled. The author did a really good job. I really felt for the main character, Laure, and felt that she got the short end of the stick for a lot of things. How she dealt with that was fascinating. I did get a little lost in the ballet discussion as I don’t have a lot of background in this area, and I was unsure what some of the terms and roles were. I think that they could have been better explained. The secondary characters, at time, felt unnecessary and lacking depth. I just wish they would have been slightly better developed. There are some rather dark moments in this book, hence being horror, but it is YA, so it isn’t over the top or too intense. This book will definitely make you stop and think and for that reason I enjoyed it.

If you are looking for an engaging and thought-provoking YA horror, then check this one out.

Thank you so much to Macmillan Children’s Publishing Group, Henry Holt and Co, and Netgalley, @netgalley for this e-arc in exchange for an honest review.

3.5 stars rounded up

I went into I Feed Her to the Beast and the Beast is Me expecting Laure to be an unlikeable female protagonist (something I actually enjoy in a story), but I was not prepared for just how relatable she was. If I ever become a supervillain, my origin story will be me finally getting fed up with all the bigotry and microaggressions I have to deal with every day and deciding to get even, rather than continuing to either educate or ignore the people hurting me. And that’s exactly what Laure does. Can you blame her? Every other ballerina in her company is rich and white, with powerful parents just dripping with privilege. The ballet is cutthroat, with ballerinas actively trying to sabotage each other (dancers often finds glass and tacks in their ballet shoes) and praying for one another’s downfall, and Laure is at a distinct disadvantage. Even though she works the hardest and performs the best of all of them, she’ll always be the Black girl who has to steal to pay for her tights. So, she cheats to level the playing field. Once she does, her talent and hard work is immediately rewarded. And honestly? It’s cathartic to watch Laure stoop to the level of the other ballerinas and their awful parents. It is SO exhausting to always have to be the bigger person in the face of abuse. I may agree with Michelle Obama’s “When they go low, we go high,” but I still don’t like having to “go high” when I would rather be a petty asshole. So, in a purely fictional world? It’s wonderfully satisfying to watch a Black woman choose the role of the villain and get even with all those rich white girls.

Ballet is still one of the least diverse performing arts, fraught with racism that ranges from subtle to overt. This is especially true in Europe. In her book Turning Pointe, Chloe Angyal discusses ballet's racism problem. She describes an encounter with a racist dance mom and her implied message to her daughter: “[Black dancers are] not really good, but they are allowed to be here. In this space that is rightfully yours, in this art form that is rightfully yours. They’re never as good as the white girls, a sweeping generalization that grants no individuality, no humanity, to any nonwhite dancer. They’re all the same, and they never deserve to be here. But don’t worry. Your excellence is a given. You belong here, while their presence is conditional or even ill-gotten.” I think this quote sums up Laure’s struggles beautifully. The only difference is that these are struggles faced by real dancers.

Even something as simple as buying pointe shoes is no easy task for Black dancers. Most dance garments are traditionally “European pink,” and don’t match darker skin tones. Black ballerinas often have to pancake their shoes in dark foundation to match their skin tone and dye their tutus and tights. It’s only recently that brands like Capezio, Freed of London, and Bloch have offered shoes in darker skin tones. In the book Laure must purchase her own ballet shoes and tights because the ballet will only pay for pink ones. Black bodies are also discriminated against in ballet. In an interview with Sheila Rohan the Black ballet dancer described racism in ballet. “Racism in the ballet arts… meant people would make remarks about the Black ballerinas’ bodies — such as their chests being ‘too busty’ or their thighs being ‘too thick.’” A Black dancer in Berlin was told to lighten her skin with white makeup in order to play a song in Swan Lake. Laure straightens and gels her curly hair into place so she won’t stand out from the other dancers, but is still told she’s too “exotic” for a French ballet by a drunk patron. The controversial ballet La Bayadère was performed in Blackface by Russian dancers (white dancers have also worn stereotypical clothing and makeup to portray Roma and Chinese characters). The same ballet put on by Laure’s company in which she plays a shade.

After being abandoned by both parents, Laure’s only source of support is her best (and only) friend, Coralie, who is… not great. She’s kind and supportive of Laure, yes, but she’s also a subpar ballerina who just assumes she’ll get a spot in Paris’ prestigious ballet due to her famous mother. She’s essentially an entitled slacker and just as oblivious to her privilege as the other rich white girls. Coralie is also a snob, turning her nose up at anything that doesn’t come with a high price tag, which grates on permanently broke Laure’s nerves. Coralie really does seem to love her best friend, but their relationship comes with a power imbalance. So, she does not take it well when that balance of power shifts and Laure starts beating her out for roles. Because she has no one else, Laure is terrified of losing her only friend (as difficult as she can be), that is until she meets the étoile of the ballet, Josephine. Josephine gives her friendship freely without expecting anything in return, and treats Laure as an equal. She introduces Laure to her friends and shows her how she too can become an étoile. Slowly, Laure starts to see what a true friendship is like and begins to pull away from Coralie, although she still refuses to drop her completely and makes excuses for the wealthy girl’s bad behavior. I liked that while Laure does pursue a romance with a man later in the book, the story is mostly focused on her female friendships. It’s also a nice change of pace to see a toxic platonic, non-familial relationship explored. I don’t think enough people talk about how friendships can be abusive and how hard “breaking up” with a friend can be.

Another interesting theme in I Feed Her to the Beast and the Beast is Me is the idea of “perfection.” As a burned-out former “gifted kid” I know what it’s like to be expected to be perfect, then destroy yourself trying to do the impossible and ultimately have a mental breakdown when you realize perfection can never be achieved, and therefore that makes you a “failure.” The ballet expects Laure and her peers to be no less than perfect, and anyone who doesn’t make the cut is thrown aside and forgotten. While Coralie can get by half-assing it because of her mother, Laure must be the best there is to even think of if she wants to compete with the others. And it means giving up everything. This kind of perfectionism is extremely damaging to your mental health. Laure also believes that acceptance and respect from the others is entirely dependent on being perfect, not realizing she deserves respect regardless of her performance.

I Feed Her to the Beast and the Beast is Me is one of those books that I absolutely devoured. It held my attention throughout the story (no small feat when you have ADHD), save for a short part in the middle that felt like it was dragging. But other than that small criticism I can’t think of anything negative to say about this book. It’s a unique setting for a horror story, and a fresh spin on a Faustian bargain narrative.

A beautifully-written fever dream that reveals more of ballet than anything I've ever read before. A book about power–what is it, who has it, and how does it shape the world. A book about monstrosity in all its forms. I absolutely loved it.

This is a book that starts off so interesting and I liked the descriptions of Paris and could tell the author well researched the world of ballet. However I'm not sure why this is being promoted as horror when it's more of a speculative story. It's also very slow moving and felt like nothing was happening but everything was at the exact same time. Still there were some interesting dark things that held my attention and kept me reading.

I did enjoy this story and exploring of racism within the ballet industry. I, also enjoyed the need and help of the MC being that she came from very little and wanted to succeed. The plot was very interesting and currently a belief to a lot of people in real life. Overall I do wish the story moved a little faster, I found myself feeling stall at times.

I saw a a random video that I forgot to like or save on TikTok talk about how this book was really good so I requested it when I saw the audiobook pop up on NetGalley. That’s it. That’s all I knew going into it and I had a great fucking time listening to this book.

This is the author’s debut novel, it’s YA Horror. It’s not scary in my opinion. More like a gothic vibe? I’m a chicken and I was fine. The book is about a black girl named Laure and the Paris ballet. She’s excellent but constantly overlooked (you know why) and is desperate to prove herself and be the star of the stage! You know when people say “I support women’s rights but also women’s wrongs”? That’s this book. Laure makes a deal with a demon for power and influence. Said demon deal involves the very creepy catacombs of Paris and a creepy blood river/lake.

It looks like this is a duology, I see a second book on Goodreads called I Am The Dark That Answers When You Call! I didn’t think the ending was like a huge cliffhanger or anything at all. Love that. I actually didn’t realize it was a duology until the day after I read the book.

If a book about cutthroat ballerinas being absolutely unhinged, monstrous, and messy sounds good to you, totally check this out. It’s very fast paced and super dark. It comes out next week!

Laure Mesny dreams of earning a coveted spot as an apprentice at the Paris Ballet Company. Night and day, she practices, until, one night, she accidently rolls her ankle and fears she might be out at least a season to recover. However, a new hope comes along. A prima ballerina lures her into the Paris Catacombs with the promise that she can have anything her heart desires … if only she exchanges her blood with the primordial entity below.

Laure strikes a deal with them, but, as she finds herself achieving her wildest dreams, she begins to question the true cost of her fame.

I Feed Her to the Beast and the Beast Is Me by Jamison Shea transports readers into the cutthroat world of ballet in a glittering dark tale of ambition and Faustian bargains.

The story spotlights the literal blood, sweat, and tears that goes into ballet training as well as the additional obstacles and racism that black ballerinas face in the industry. In the best possible way, it also delivers bucketloads of blood and fellow Fannibals might recognize a certain Swiggity Swag the Nightmare Stag’s influence of the book’s grotesque imagery.

However, my largest issue is its pacing and lack of flow. The scene hopping between chapters feels choppy at times and there are time jumps that completely skip over pivotal opportunities for character development. For instance, early on, the story goes from Laure landing the role of Giselle straight to her final performance in that lead role, and I wish we had gotten at least one rehearsal scene beforehand to help build up the moment and to create more emotional weight.

I’m hoping though that since this is a debut novel and the first in a duology that Shea will continue to grow as an author.

Overall, I Feed Her to the Beast and the Beast Is Me paints a cutting dance thriller that’s sure to satisfy fans of Suspiria or Black Swan and I’m excited to see what this author comes out with next.

Run! Don't Walk to Pick This Book Up!

This book had me from the beginning. I had the pleasure of reading this book thru NetGalley! I must say, I was pleasantly surprised. I had no idea what I was getting into but I love every bit of it.

Laure an underprivileged child, fights for her position to get on a very competitive Parsian Ballet Squad. Day after day, she is challenged and her worth is questioned. No money, no support, nowhere to turn. She must do anything she has to do to make it. She finds out about a ritual that will help her advance her skills and get her exactly where she wants to be. She decides to go with it and makes the deal. Little does she know, the deal might be way more than she bargained for.

I'm rounding this up to a 4, but I would rate this more of a 3.5-3.75!

Overall, there were scenes I really enjoyed and I liked the creepy vibes of this book. One thing I would've liked is to have some further background into the blood river and the demons. I was confused on where it came from and why it existed. I had so many questions and I didn't have enough answers to them.

I also thought pretty much every character was deplorable. None of them were likable and I didn't feel bad when any of them were hurt or died. I think this was the intent of the author, so in that respect Shea did an amazing job!

I was devouring this cut throat whatever it takes to make it to the top of the Parisian Ballet scene. Then once the mysteries were solved the storyline dragged and became murky. Especially when the MC determined her only frenemy was just as corruptible as she is.

Pulled in right from the start but became anticlimactic along the way. The in depth description of the catacombs seemed insignificant and the "darkness" that her childhood friend possessed didn't really make sense. Even after several rereads.

This book has a PERFECT mood. It is haunting and beautiful and I loved it. This is a great example of an imperfect main character. The world she's in is cut-throat and she is the same as a result. This book definitely gives you gothic horror Black Swan vibes.

There is some gore/body horror as they are physically demanding on their bodies as well as trying to harm others. If you need to LOVE your characters, this is not that type of book. Everyone is trying to get ahead and gain power and they act accordingly.

I think this is a great read.

Ballet and blood contracts? Hell yes.

Enter the cutthroat competitive world of the Parisian ballet, where complete commitment is the minimum requirement to succeed. Dancer Laure has the obsession and the skill to dominate - if it weren't for the old fashioned elitist judges who disqualify her for the color of her skin. In her hunger to command attention, Laure enters the Catacombs to make a dark deal with power.

With creepy atmosphere and beautiful horror, this book is a treat! There's a bit of mystery mixed with horror, the supernatural bleeding into a real world setting. The variety of imagery from underworld grit to opulent luxury is amazing. I would watch this movie in an instant. *hint hint*

On the negative side, the pacing is a little off and the story becomes more muddled toward the end. Relationships between characters aren't quite developed, which weakens character motivations and actions. However, I am willing to ignore more failings than those for the incredible vibes alone.

Extra impressive to me is Jamison Shea's skill in writing about ballet. I have only the most general knowledge about that style of dance, and know nothing at all about the world of ballet in Paris. And yet they pulled me into the story without overloading on explanation, and I never felt overwhelmed by everything I didn't know.

YOU NEED THIS BOOK 🩸

I Feed Her to the Beast and the Beast Is Me was a book I absolutely devoured. Dark and gritty with haunting atmospheric vibes set in the cutthroat world of professional ballet. It asks how far you would go to get what you deserve when the world won’t give it to you after all your hard work.

Complete with a murder mystery, a god living in a river of blood, and ballerinas unafraid to sabotage each other, this YA horror is a fantastic read for the beginning of fall. It tackles racism and classism and you won’t be able to put it down.

The book comes out on August 28 (so close)! A huge thanks to the author @wickedjamison & the publisher @henryholtbooks for the arc copy to review ❤️

I was really with this book until the last quarter of it. I thought the author did a phenomenal job showing the darker side of professional ballet and competition and the inherent racism built into these "old world" systems that still hold so much prestige in modern society. Laure is a really compelling character and beautifully complex. I liked the horror aspect and the embracing of the evil god Akron (sp? I listened to the audio book).

HOWEVER, it got pretty culty at the end. While I liked that Akron allowed Laure to embrace the rougher elements of herself she'd had to hide from the world, I would have liked this to be a lesson she learned and not a reason to go back and made another deal with the devil. The finding of community with the two others who'd made deal was nice, but the whole thing with Ander and being worshiped as a god at the end just had all bad vibes for me. I can see this book appealing to teens and I would love to see more good horror for the list, but...I don't know...bad vibes.

“I wanted to do more than assimilate. I wanted to cause a mess and leave a mark.”

I Feed Her To The Beast And The Beast Is Me by Jamison Shea is the story of Laure, a ballerina in Paris. She’s extremely talented and dedicated, but she’s also Black, which, unfortunately, makes all of her attributes a moot point in the eyes of the Parisian world of ballet. Laure sees herself as working just as hard—hell, even harder than— as her peers, all for the measly scraps that they deign to give her. There is one ballerina in the company that Laure respects, and her name is Josephine. Despite Josephine’s background, which is seen as unsavory by the upper echelons, Josephine has managed to rise above every other ballerina in the company. While she is not fully respected, her talent is undeniable, and Laure is in awe. After a night of grueling practice, Laure learns the secret behind Josephine’s rise, and she decides to do whatever it takes to make it work for herself. Deep within the Paris catacombs there is a blood-red lake, and in that lake an ancient being. A being who asks, “What do you crave?”. Laure does not hesitate. She answers, “Power, so they can’t deny me.”

“I was done being weak, playing at good and perfect, fearful, mortal. I was ready to feed and be fed.”

I long for depictions of monstrous and messy Black girls, women, and femmes, and when I’m not writing my own book filled with them, I search high and low for them in already published fiction. While they are definitely present in the indie and self-published spaces, they can be hard to find in traditionally published books. It seemed that traditional publishers hadn’t been quite ready to give this type of Black character their time in the sun. But that seems to be slowly changing recently, and I couldn’t be happier! I’ve followed Jamison Shea on Twitter for a while, and I also follow their newsletter, The Hel Dispatch, so I knew that I Feed Her To The Beast And The Beast Is Me would be right up my alley. For the most part, I was right. Laure is monstrous and ambitious, and she is unapologetic about it. She gives her all for power, and she actually uses that power. I relished the scenes where she bulldozed her way into the spaces she wanted to be in—the spaces she deserved to be in. Laure’s ambition and audacity were refreshing, subversive, and so satisfying!

Even though I loved the majority of the book, there was one aspect that I didn’t, and that was Laure’s friendship with Coralie. In the book it’s repeatedly said that they were best friends and had been for years, but there wasn’t anything on-page that showed that. We come to their friendship when it’s already deteriorating, without even a flashback to their good times, so it’s hard to feel any sympathy for Coralie or for Laure when she realizes how Coralie sees her. Based on what we’re told about their friendship, we’re expected to understand why Laure gives Coralie the benefit of the doubt so many times and why Laure accepts her snarky remarks and condescension about her talent. There is nothing that we see between the two of them that makes Laure’s actions understandable. Saying they’re the best of friends and have always had each other’s back doesn’t mean anything if you don’t show it. A flashback or two could have fixed this, but I also believe that there was definitely room to show it in the present day as well.

Overall, I did enjoy my reading experience with I Feed Her To The Beast And The Beast Is Me, and I can’t wait for the sequel!

Laura is a Black ballet dancer who has been overlooked in competitive world of ballet. To overcome the barriers she faces as a black girl in world of ballet, which has not been traditionally welcoming. She makes a deal to get the life she so worked so hard for but at what cost? Laura is a complex character and must battle monsters internally and externally. It's a story of betrayal, anger and revenge that is beautifully written.

I'm a little conflicted about this book. On one hand, I loved reading about ballet and delving into its institutional racism. Mix in some fun deals with the underworld for primordial powers and uh yeah, I'm here for it. It's a slow descent into corruption and craving power.

The problem for me was with how the characters acted - mainly in that it seemed like everyone acted like Laure didn't deserve these opportunities when she was clearly more skilled even BEFORE making a otherworldly deal. Freaking white people, ugh. I wanted more details about Acheron and Lethe, and what all is entailed in these deals, especially since there's another book coming in this universe! It just didn't quite make sense to me.

*Thank you to Henry Holt and Co Books for Young Readers and NetGalley for an ARC in exchange for my honest review*

I am sorry and very disappointed to say that I wasn’t able to finish this book. I’ve been anticipating reading it for months. I love the cover, and I wholeheartedly love the premise. But, it was just moving so incredibly slow.

I can’t really say how I feel about the characters or the story because I could never really get into the book. I mean I think I like Laure, but I’m not really sure. Her motivations and her circumstances mirror most of my experiences as a Black female in America, and I wanted to root for her. However, I couldn’t connect with her because the pacing of the book kept throwing me off. I couldn’t focus on the story like I wanted to.

I would also like to point out that this story feels more gothic than horror. Yes, it has graphic, gory scenes, but they are done in a romantic way. The prose is lyrical and creates a Black Swan gothic vibe instead of a haunted eerie horror vibe.

DNF at 45%

I Feed Her to the Beast and the Beast Is Me is such an intense and thrilling debut. A thriller set in the world of ballet is always going to grab my attention and this book was no exception. I absolutely could not put it down. I can't wait to see what's next for Jamison Shea!

-Synopsis-

Laure is the best ballet dancer and top of her class at a prestigious ballet academy in Paris. The only thing in her way is racism. But then she finds herself making a deal with a personified river for power, and she utilizes that to make herself noticed. 

But Laure isn’t the only one who made a deal, and there are others like her who are being targeted. She has to decide if she’ll continue trying to prove herself, or give in to the river’s pull. 

This is Laure’s villain origin story.


-Review-

When they called this a slow burn, they meant it. I really wanted to give this a lower score because of how long it took for me to get into it, but given that the summary explicitly stated that this book has a slow pace, I can only blame myself for overlooking that detail. I don’t like slow paced novels, but because of my oversight, I will be excluding that particular critique from further comments.


-Characters-

The characters were vicious, and I’m not talking about the “monsters”. Overall, the ballet and all the characters in its periphery (save a few) are terrible people. I think it’s a very good portrait of how cutthroat that world is - I mean, glass and thumbtacks in your competitor’s ballet slippers? These characters were mostly one-dimensional. 

As the main character, Laure has the most depth, but still not enough for me to say there’s a character arc as I anticipated in this story. At first I wondered why Laure and Coralie were best friends but then it’s expressed that their relationship is a variation of the standard of friendship for people in the ballet. Laure could be cheeky at times, and I found that to be one of the redeeming parts of her character. 

The secondary characters are just a touch above one-dimensional. They include Joséphine, Ciro, Coralie, Andor, and Ketune. 


-Writing -THIS SECTION CONTAINS SPOILERS!! -

This story is told in first person from Laure’s POV. I think my favorite part of the writing is that it started in medias res, and I think that was done well here.

Some up sides to the writing are more in the use of literary devices. I found a parallel between Laure giving herself to the river and giving herself to the ballet. There was also a lot of foreshadow throughout the novel. For example, when the students are auditioning for a role that may make or break their opportunity for going from the Ballet Academy of Paris to the Paris Ballet Company, it is mentioned that “once we crossed that threshold, none of us would come out whole”; and there are a few characters who in fact do not come out whole by the end of the book.

Unfortunately, I have a few points of criticism for this novel. One of them is that there is no plot twist. I saw the end coming, and I believe that’s because I read another book that has made me have trust issues when there are interracial “best friend” relationships. I understand this is supposed to be a slow burn (I’m sorry, I really tried not to mention it), but I found a lot of the writing to be repetitive. I think a story can be told slowly, but not be redundant. The main character would find herself coming to the same conclusions over and over, ruminating about the same problems and not really changing anything. In the end, Laure’s big decision came very abruptly, and was not built up. My big problem with this is that she noticed how insignificant someone is to the ballet about 52% of the way in, so why did it take another 30% before there was even a mere mention that she was making a decision one way or the other? One could argue that seeing how little impact each main dancer’s disappearance meant to the academy opened her eyes to the fact that she will never be enough for them, but the other part of that argument is that she has known all along how deeply ingrained the racism is and how that would affect her, despite how much better she was at dancing than everyone else.

There were multiple times where I would lose my concentration, read simply just to go with the motions, and not bother to go back and read for comprehension.

Themes in the this novel include: power, prestige, acceptance, racism.

My biggest question coming out of this novel is who is the real beast? Is it the ballet, Paris, or Laure? 



-Plot-

Granted, I clicked on the book details for the cover, and the plot seemed intriguing, but ultimately, I did not like it. Take away the redundancy of the writing, and the terrible-spirited characters, it did not feel like a complete plot. It felt good to see Laure put people in their place, but even that didn’t happen as often as I think it should have. The tiny mystery aspect kept me just motivated enough to keep reading, but I really believe I could have DNF’d this book around 25%. 



-Do I recommend?-

I only recommend if you like slow burns, and know what kind of toxic behavior to expect from ballet dancers/companies. But generally speaking, this won’t be a title that I would readily recommend.



-Reminds Me of…-

Imagine the intro to the Powerpuff Girls (no, this book isn’t connected), but the Professor, introducing ingredients into his "concoction”. The ingredients to this book would be: “Ace of Spades” (by Faridah Abide-Iyimide), Center Stage (film: 2000), Pretty Little Liars (series: 2010-2017), and The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (series: 2018).



Thank you to NetGalley and Henry Holt and Co. for providing me a digital ARC of this title in exchange for my honest review.