Pidgeon Pagonis is intersex and is an advocate for intersex people and marginalised people. Pagonis was a key person in supporting for the advocacy for a major Chicagoan hospital to stop major life changing surgeries on new born intersex children as happened to Pagonis. Pagonis shares intimate details of their life from growing up, learning about being intersex and some of the work they have done as an advocate. This is a poignant and incredible memoir. It’s freshly out and it is a must read!

We have an innate human desire for choice and autonomy. Maybe that's one reason that this memoir strikes a chord with me. In it, Pidgeon tells how their life's trajectory was changed when doctors made body-altering choices for them when they were young.

When Pidgeon was born, they had genitalia that was neither clearly all-male nor all-female. So the doctors chose female as the assigned gender. Over time, they performed a series of cosmetic surgeries on Pidgeon, unbeknownst to them.

As Pidgeon aged, they were given female hormones yet told they would never have a period or be able to bear children because of a previous childhood cancer. But it wasn't true; Pidgeon had not had childhood cancer. Pidgeon had been born intersex.

Pidgeon's book is the story of how the story unraveled, bit by bit, truth by truth, as they began to understand the implications of the choices that had been made for them, without their consent.

One lesson I learned from Pidgeon's story is this:

When possible and appropriate, allow people to make their own choices.

Let them have autonomy in their lives, just as I want autonomy in my life.

Recognize what choices are yours to make, and what choices are others to make.

My thanks to NetGalley for the review copy of this book.

I enjoyed this book a lot and would recommend it to anyone interested in gender and becoming more knowledgeable about the intersex community. This was a fantastic I’m memoir that I could not put down and recommended to anyone that would listen.

Even though this is a short book, I took my sweet time reading it because right from the start I felt like I wouldn't be able to consume it all in one sitting. Pidgeon Pagonis is an intersex activist, and I am very happy that thanks to their book, I now know who they are and everything they have done, are doing and will continue to do when it comes to the rights of intersex people.

I think this is the first book I've read that centers around an intersex person, and I know that it is the first written by one that I read. Reading this memoir was like reading three books about three different people, from them struggling to follow the rules society has established for girls and women, to realizing and coming to terms with the fact that they'd been lied to about their body and their identity, to advocating for the rights of intersex people and against unnecessary procedures that are ultimately harmful.

The way that the author narrates on their experiences and reflects on what they meant and how they impacted their life is something I don't think I'd read before. I especially admire the way they talk about their parents, especially their mom. Pagonis always talks about their mother from a place of love, and I assume, forgiveness because she, too, was in a way lied to by the doctors. I cried a few times reading this book, especially towards the end when Pagonis described some encounters with their mom. I don't usually read the acknowledgements in books, but I read them in this one and I also cried. This book has now made it to my mental list of "musts," and I will for sure recommend it.

I received an ARC of this book from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.

This is an interesting memoir by an intersex person who was deemed female by doctors in spite of the XY chromosome. It is a fascinating story of decisions made without the full understanding of the child's parents, not to mention the patient not understanding what had happened until going to college and hearing a lecture.

The outcome is positive and uplifting.

I've consumed some media about intersexuality but still had no idea about half of the stuff discussed in this memoir, let's talk about it!

The first half of this book feels like a very intimate chat with Pagonis as we learn about their childhood and coming of age, as well as their relationship with their body and what it's informed by. Through a collection of personal musings, memories and carefully picked out situation, we slowly make our way towards the second half of the book - which welcomes us with a really huge tidal-wave-size tonal change.

We switch from the personal to the activism, but it's very clear from the page that these two parts of Pagonis' life exist at an intersection. In terms of narrative, it felt jarring to me and considering the length of the book, I feel like it could have been developed a little more. I understand the readers who seem to be asking either for more personal or more informative (depending on the reader, of course). It dances the line between for a large part of the text and I honestly can't make up my mind on whether that's good or not.

From the enjoyment perspective, I wasn't thrilled with the tonal change, but from the learning perspective, I really appreciate everything that Pagonis taught me about intersexuality and the ongoing fight that intersex people have to fight (oftentimes alone).

Regardless of any reservations I may have with some of the choices, I still think this book is important, well-written and widely accessible. Everybody would benefit from picking it up, to be honest.

I was shocked at how quickly I flew through Nobody Needs to Know by Pidgeon Pagonis. The description and cover had me expecting a dense read, but I ended up reading it in full across just two sittings.

The book details Pagonis’ discovery of their intersex identity in college, subsequent uncovering of the medical violence they unknowingly suffered during childhood, and the path of healing, self-love, and advocacy that followed. Pagonis’ personality shines through in their writing and kept me enthralled even when the experiences they shared were heart-wrenching. An engaging, informative, & fast-paced read with plenty of depth, 5*.

Thank you for Topple/Little A and NetGalley for providing the e-arc.

Pidgeon Pagonis shares the intimate details of their early life struggles, the discovery that they were intersex, and how they boldly defined their identity through community, education, and a strong sense of justice. Highly readable, this is a must-read for anyone looking to better understand their fellow human beings and is ready to truly consider the fact that the binary never existed to begin with. My only (minor) critique is that the timeline seemed a bit confusing at times where a later chapter would seemingly introduce something that had already been mentioned previously. I hope that this was addressed in the final published version. But in the scheme of things, this was minor and the content of the memoir still makes this an important read.

I have to say that so many people don’t realize how common being intersex is …. out of every 70 or so babies that are born are born with some degree of this birth defect… i think at this time where we literally here daily that there are only two sexes while in actuality that isn’t the case …. so i find the timing of a book that mentions this subject is long over do …….. while this is not quite a 5 star it’s extremly close … and honestly as i ponder the book and let it “ settle “ in my mind etc I may change it from a 4.75 to a 5 it’s def one of my top 3 books of this month!

From intersex activist Pidgeon Pagonis comes a candid and life-affirming true story of identity, lies, family secrets, and the healing power of truth.

This book is so powerful because intersex is a condition that I, and many people, have not heard much about.

Pagonis’s memoir, while organized chronologically, can be emotionally divided roughly in half. The first half of the memoir, focusing on their life growing up, is reflective. Their depiction of their medical experiences and desires to fit in, and the consequences of both, are heart-breaking and too familiar to anyone who doesn’t “fit” whatever category to which they may wish to belong. The narrative shift to the second half is Pagonis learning that they are intersex. From this point on, the memoir brims with passion regarding activism and ending the trauma they and other intersex individuals experience.

The writing is very fast paced, but not confusing to follow. Not knowing much about intersex individuals and their unique challenges, I found this book informative and engaging. My only real criticism is that I wish there was more at the end about ongoing activism outside of just the one hospital – but I recognize how much of a fight it was with Lurie, both personally and professionally, and it does make a nice bookend of the narrative.

I also appreciated the list of resources and supporting organizations included with the book for those who need them.

I don’t usually read books based in reality, especially memoirs. But since it was pride month, I decided to
branch out a bit and try something new in the queer bookspace. This book is the memoir of Pidgeon,
who doesn’t realize until they are in college that they were born intersex. As someone who typically
reads fantasy or romance novels, I’m used to a quick pace, but the time frame is usually relatively short,
spanning days, weeks, months, and occasionally years. But this book had 300 pages to tell a life’s story,
so years of information was often distilled to a sentence or two. I like more information, and this felt
very bare-bones in places. But that’s just the nature of a memoir. It’s an incredible story that I hope
reaches and touches the right people who can help affect and support change. This is easily a 4 star
read.

Nobody Needs to Know by Pidgeon Pagonis is such an important book and addition to the literature on the experience of folx who are intersex. When Pidgeon was four years old, the specialists at the Children's hospital told their parents they needed surgery due to having cancer in the ovaries. As a result of this lie, Pidgeon underwent invasive surgery and spent many years struggling with body image and acceptance. When Pidgeon reached puberty and their breasts were not developing they continued to have traumatic interactions with the medical system. It wasn't until Pidgeon got connected with allies in the intersex community that they secured their medical records and learned the truth of their story: they were intersex and born with testes NOT cancer.

It was a heartbreaking story to read the response of Pidgeon's mother when they shared the medical records and truth of what they'd learned. As a reader, I was deeply moved at the self-advocacy and community advocacy shown by Pidgeon and the intersex community they are a part of. Pidgeon goes back to the same Children's hospital where they were harmed and attempts to hold the surgeons accountable. When that doesn't work out as planned they take their advocacy to the streets.

This book is a lesson in humanity, fighting against oppression, claiming and taking up space, and owning who you are with pride. I am so grateful for the found family Pidgeon developed over the course of their healing journey and I know other readers will be, too!

Thank you to the author and publisher for the e-arc copy!

This memoir follows Pidgeon, an intersex individual, through their journey of discovering their identity and becoming an activist for intersex rights. When they were born, Pidgeon had XY chromosomes and internal testes instead of a uterus/ovaries but their outward sex organs appeared 'female.' Throughout their childhood doctors performed a variety of surgeries on them in an effort to force their body into a female presentation. Pidgeon's parents were told that these surgeries were necessary for Pidgeon to live a normal life. But throughout the book, Pidgeon learns that this is not true and that these unnecessary surgeries are performed on children all over the country without informed consent. It was very satisfying to see Pidgeon work through their own medical history and develop their own identity as intersex and then transition that into larger scale advocacy work for intersex individuals. I felt like I was there with Pidgeon at the protests they staged. I've never read any nonfiction work specifically about intersex people so I'm really glad I read this. I did find the writing to be a bit blunt or disjointed at times and from a purely aesthetic standpoint, I think it would've been a more enjoyable read had it been written in a slightly more literary or poetic prose style.

Thank you #Netgalley for the advanced copy!

Wow, Wow, Wow! This book is so raw, Pidgeon sharing their story. Not knowing much about the topic, the first part of the read I was unsure what was coming. Pidgeon shared their healthcare experience journey, how puberty affected them from relationships to physically. I can't imagine being in a college course and coming to the realization of what really has happened and being lied to. Healthcare workers are supposed to help save and protect all people, especially children. But to read this and to learn this was being done up until very recently made my stomach turn. I am in awe of the dedication of Pidgeon and their peers in moving this forward and creating awareness! Finished this in one sitting!

I received a copy of this memoir from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
I really liked this memoir - Pidgeon has a clear voice that shows their personality through all aspects of the story. I loved learning about Pidgeon's triumphs and obstacles throughout this journey. I would definitely recommend this book to others.

‘Nobody Needs to Know’ by Pidgeon Pagonis is an an incredibly powerful memoir about identity, self discovery, and acceptance. Pidgeon is was born intersex but raised as a girl. For years their Doctors and family kept it a secret, which only caused Pidgeon pain and to be in a constant state of confusion because they couldn’t figure out why they weren’t “normal” like the other girls. The title seems to stem from what doctors would tell Pidgeon each time a new procedure would take place to promote that “normalcy”. Once Pidgeon learned the truth a battle ensued to make a difference and spark conversation for the rights and justice of intersex people.
This memoir is very informational, and necessary. Though it does detail Pidgeon’s life individually it also does an amazing job of capturing the experience and journey of other intersex people. It has taught me so much about the things that they have to endure (like typically unnecessary and painful surgeries) and how often they are deceived and grow up believing something is wrong with them, in an effort to give them some “normalcy”. I feel like this is an essential read, period but also especially for those who consider themselves an ally for the LGBTQIA+ community.

The only difficulties I had with this book was the constant metaphors that I felt weren’t necessary in every chapter, I feel like there were other ways to describe feelings. Also there were some time jumps that I wish would’ve been filled out, like there is a point where they end things with a partner or aren’t talking to someone for a while and we learn about it way after the fact.

Overall, I really enjoyed this and do plan to learn more about Pidgeon’s activism and hope to read more of their work. Thank you to the publisher and NetGalley for the ARC in exchange for my honest review.

"My chromosomes chose intersex. My doctors chose girl. And I was left to endure the consequences." (loc. 1337)

Pagonis was told a lot of things about their body as a child—some of which turned out to be true. Others turned out to be warped truths, and still others turned out to be blatant lies. And then there were the things that Pagonis *wasn't* told.

In "Nobody Needs to Know," Pagonis chronicles a journey of surgeries and imposed otherness punctuated by revelations: as a kid just starting school, as a preteen, as a first-year in college. It was that last revelation, which led Pagonis to seek out their medical records, that set them on a route to activism—in particular, a drive to change the system that made Pagonis's body not their own for so long.

"I'd learned early on, in the days after the surgery while lying in that hospital bed and during all the checkups that followed, that my body wasn't my own. It didn't belong to me. It belonged to everyone else. It belonged to the people who could "fix" it, to the people who wanted to study it, to the people who would use it." (loc. 945)

I've read enough about what it means to be intersex to understand one very simple thing: the best cosmetic intervention is no cosmetic intervention. There are too many stories of infants having parts cut off or sewn up so that they look more "standard," irrespective of what that might mean for identity or quality of life, and ignoring the fact that these infants will eventually grow up to be children and then adults with opinions and feelings about their own bodies. This is just one of those stories, and as far as I know such surgeries are still the norm rather than the exception. But Pagonis highlights some other devastating experiences as well—such as being a kid in hospital expected to strip down and bare all for any set of doctors who wanted to come by and take a look, *without being told the truth about why they were in hospital and without an understanding that they could say no*.

Two things that I would have really liked to see here: first, though there are some ties to trans activism, I'd love to know where the people fighting against intersex rights (read: the right to not have nonconsensual cosmetic surgery) stand on questions of trans rights. Pagonis touches on this a little, in terms of hospital policy, but I suspect that there's a different kind of enormous disconnect in how conservative politicians view the matter.

And second, *research*. I do not need the hard numbers to be convinced, but that doesn't mean I don't want to see the hard numbers anyway. Late in the book, when Pagonis is talking to doctors who perform these surgeries, the doctors' argument (as Pagonis tells it) boils down to "It makes the parents happy if their kids' genitals look normal!" I desperately wanted a retort of "Here's what the peer-reviewed research says about what those kids say about their own damn genitals when they grow up"—but I don't know what sorts of studies have and haven't been done, so barring that, I'd have liked some discussion about surgeries continuing despite the long-term impacts *not* having been studied in sufficient detail.

If you don't pick up the book, it's still worth checking out Pagonis's Wikipedia page and reading more about their experience and advocacy work.

Thanks to the author and publisher for providing a review copy through NetGalley.

*Quotes are from an ARC and may not be final.