I am about 40% through this book and unfortunately decided to not finish this one.

It is a bit difficult for me to understand the book's contents; it is not horrible, it is simply that I do not think this book is for me. yet I believe this book will be more fascinating to readers who favor historical fiction than I am.
Who knows, maybe the next time I try to read it, I will be more drawn in.

Huge thanks to NetGalley and Atria Books for the opportunity to read this book..

An extremely moving story that left me feeling raw. Families torn apart and brought together. Love and intimacy found in unexpected places and the life-altering impact others can have on you. I could feel the plight and pain each of the characters experienced; the pressure and expectations of how one "should" live in America as an immigrant/refugee. I fell in love with this book and I imagine I will be thinking of this one often. It's made it into my favorite books of 2023, easily, but I think it might be one of my favorite books ever.

Thank you to NetGalley. Also, I received this for free as a panel member of the 2023 Golden Poppy Awards. All thoughts are my own of course 💁🏻‍♀️

Genre: Mystery/Family Saga/Suspense/LGBT
Publisher: Atria Books
Pub. Date: Oct. 10, 2023

The story follows a Korean-American family living in California. While this is marketed as a mystery, it is a family drama about secrets kept between children and parents, expectations not met, and, most of all, the meaning of the American Dream. The parents are refugees who lived through the Korean War, which traumatized them. It is challenging for the father to differentiate between good and bad parenting. The kids are American-born and are clueless about how post-traumatic stress affects their dad. This story's dual timeline of 1977 and 1999 works well and comes together at the end, leaving the reader wanting more, even if the climax might be hard to swallow. If I say more, it would be a spoiler. Jooyoun Kim takes her time demonstrating how nothing is as it seems for this family.

The mystery element is a doozy. Sunny, the Kim family's wife, and mother, disappears, and a year later, a dead man turns up in their yard with a note with Sunny's name on it. This throws the rest of the family, which consists of John, the father, and kids Ana and Ronald, for a loop. Jooyoun Kim gives us a family that functions well while being dysfunctional. John wants to be an American through and through. He only wants to eat fast food. While Sunny cooks Korean food and doesn’t want to assimilate. Anna wants to be the perfect Korean-American who works hard for excellent grades. Ronald is the rebel. He is a thorn in his father’s side and his mother’s pride and joy. The scenes between the family members are heartbreakingly raw.

Sunny's life is revealed through flashbacks from 1977 until 1999. The mystery of how a dead guy ended up in their yard is bit by bit, revealed. This honest and profoundly moving tale covers marriage, sexuality, motherhood, and the influence strangers can have on your life. The author superbly shows us the pressures and expectations of immigrants and refugees, making each character's predicament and suffering feel very real. Jooyoun Kim adds suspense as the reader rediscovers the Y2K paranoia that fits the Kim family only too well. If you do not mind a slow-moving novel, I highly recommend “What We Kept to Ourselves.”

“And what would be left of him without pain? Maybe love. Simply, by itself.” This book follows an absolutely riveting story of, what I can only define as what happens when you look closely into a seemingly average family. We get to know the Kims, as they try and navigate life and grief after the puzzling disappearance of their mother and wife, all while also dealing with the intricacies of being immigrants in the U.S. in the late 20th century.

It paints such an honest picture of life in LA from the 70s up to the start of the new millennium from the perspective of an immigrant/refugee. I loved the multiple timelines, and how well-rounded, intertwined, and complex each character and storyline was. Each member of this family showed so much depth and humanity: our flaws, mistakes, and all the other lovely bits that keep us from being perfect, but isn't that the whole point of living? This author has an excellent grasp on keeping you on the edge of your seat, and while you may think you’re smart enough to catch every single twist and turn in advance, I truly gasped at almost all of them and how each storyline developed and became richer. The suspense was built just right, even some of the plots I did manage to catch beforehand were paced and brought to light in such a magnificent sharp way.

This was my third 5/5🌟 rated book of the year. Exceeded every single one of my expectations.

Be prepared when starting this book. It is very slow and you need to have a lot of patience for it.

I probably wouldn't have finished if it weren't for me agreeing to review.

I want to thank NetGally for the opportunity to read this book.

The Things We Kept To Ourselves is written in third person with dual timelines and flashbacks from 1977 to 1999. It follows the Kim family who are Korean and live in California. While reading this, I was completely submerged in Nancy Jooyoun Kim's character development. We get to really know Sunny (the mother is the story who goes missing) it is honestly kind of suspenseful, but also so emotionally riveting. It comes together at the end and leaves you feeling complete. I really enjoyed it.

This was a little bit of a slow book for me. It took me a lot longer to finish this and I didn’t feel like I was gravitating to finish it. I felt like none of the characters were really likable. It was clear none of them had communication with each other or were fully afraid of talking to each other. The part with RJ and the cops felt like it wasn’t really needed and some of the other parts felt very predictable.

I received an ARC of this novel from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.

A somewhat functional dysfunctional family is thrown into turmoil when the mother disappears. Add to that, a mysterious death occurs on the family property that brings to light secrets before untold.

This book is a definite page-turner that touches on so many issues-immigration, families, murder, loss-are just some of the themes taken up in the book. Told in different time periods, a Korean couple moves to America and gives birth to two children. Unhappy in her marriage and her life, Sunny Kim, the mother runs away. John Kim, the father, must carry on and buries himself in his work while slowly losing a relationship with his son and daughter.

A moving and fascinating read that portrays how difficult life can be for immigrant families who relocate to the US. Also, how secrets can tear families apart.

What We Kept to Ourselves masterfully explores the consequences of secrets between parents and children, hus­bands and wives, the search for home when all seems lost, and what it means to dream in America.

John Kim feels isolated from everyone including his children. Mostly because of the turmoil in the fa,ily that started with the move to America but also due to his wife’s disappearance. John finds a mans body in the backyard and he had with him a letter to Sunny, his wife. The children are now uncovering secrets about their mother that they never expected. Someone has been watching them and worse they have been lied to and now their lives are at risk.

This is a hard to read book that is very slow to get to a point. It delves into family crisis and then shares more about what happens when you find out something that could uproot your whole life. I thought this was going to be a little more of a family thriller but it really wasn’t. Overall the characters were very well developed and they mashedwell with each other. I found parts that I had to skim through because they were hard to read/understand.

4 out of 5 stars

Thank you to NetGalley as well as the author/publisher for giving me the opportunity to read this book in exchange for my unbiased and honest review.

A really good book! It's amazing how families can become intertwined and how mysteries of the people you think you know come about after they're gone. I think Kim has crafted a great story. Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC. Five stars.