When Religion Hurts You notes
In Dr. Laura Anderson’s When Church Hurts You, I immediately found myself drawn to the book’s title. I too am a survivor of what is colloquially called “church hurt.” I have mixed feelings toward the book. It’s a good overview of the hows and whys of getting to convoluted feelings toward church and God with a big G which brings on trauma with a big T. You find yourself trying to exorcise demons you didn’t even know were demons in the name of the Lord.

I certainly appreciate Dr. Anderson’s efforts which are greatly needed in a time when caught preachers is a weekly podcast or Youtube post on someone’s social media which can range from the hilarious with a prostitute recording the preacher/john who has decided not to pay this time as he tries to escape the hotel room to the tragic where someone is murdered or harassed to keep the church from finding out their secrets (usually sexual). The book is sorely needed, but I think it is something written more toward the counselor than the lay person. I hope it gets through to those open enough to cater to the needs of the holy and wholly wounded amongst us.

Countering the various theoretical frameworks Dr. Anderson offers her own personal experience and even harkens back to an original story of a male leader who chastised her for having the gumption to have her own mind. Years late, she realized the abuse under the banner of “spiritual authority.” Sometimes called “overseer” or “spiritual father” in the Black church. All of which I have no respect for nor will ever surrender my spirit to no matter who wants to consign me to a hell none of us has ever seen except on earth.
In the earlier part of the book, Dr. Anderson tries to distinguish religious trauma from beliefs to make the experiences talked about herein general or human. I don’t see how you can distinguish one from the other. She also says it’s not the event but the response. It’s both! I think of girls passed around by preachers and deacons. I think of gospel singers on the circuit like Lou Rawls who was raped by a woman as a boy and it gave him issues for life toward black women. It’s the context of church, God and the person that are all framed by religion. To recognize that is an attempt to give Christianity a pass. The entire framework is Christian and the religion must be looked at as a culprit as well.

I know there are those who wish to give Christianity as pass as it has offered them some comfort in a menacing world. I get it. Coming from the Black church, I’ve felt something far removed from the auspices of Christianity I call “divine.” I don’t let it off the hook either. I don’t know any prophets who didn’t sit up with God and the religion of the day.

When Church Hurts You has its salient moments on the page and for that, I’m grateful. It skates over the surface of church hurt which has committed high crimes against whole peoples and these can never be forgiven. I wonder how a black same gender loving man who is aware of the genocide of the church can really reconcile with its tenets. It’s like trying to make an abusive lover not be abusive. I don’t know if it’s possible but I do thank Dr. Anderson for her effort to name the problem. There is a whole lot of work to be done and if Christians own it, I’m not sure the religion will be recognizable in a century or two. Maybe, it will look Christ-like.

Complex PTSD is not as widely known or widely researched as PTSD, and when you pair that topic with high control religions there is even fewer resources available. Dr. Laura Anderson's book is truly needed and very enlightening. Those who grew up in a HCR will find that her story resonates. The personal details intersperse the academic information in this book, which makes it more readable. This book is a valuable research for those of us who have survived a high control religion and came away with scars.

This book was everything I hoped for, and more. Well done, Dr Laura!

The author outlines what High Control Religions are, what C-PTSD is, how it relates to religious trauma. She looks at many facets of religious trauma, such as patriarchy, purity culture, corporal punishment, adverse children experiences. She gives ideas and tips on how to start healing these areas. I appreciate this quote she repeated different times, in different words: “the goal of healing from trauma is not that you will never be triggered. Rather, a marker of living in a healing body after religious trauma is that when you are triggered, you can access different resources internally so that a different ending can occur.”

The author switches back and forth from her own personal experiences, academics, and as a professional therapist. At times it felt more personal than others. I was highlighting so, so much.

Thank you for taking the time to write this much-needed book. It will be a big help to many leaving HCRs.

When I was younger, I thought of the word "trauma" as a purely physical term. It's what can happen after a bad car accident, or a reason someone might go to the ER. Then I started seeing it used a lot more in an emotional/psychological sense. And lately, it's come with other modifiers attached, such as, in this case, "religious trauma." It seemed like a very dramatic term, and I wasn't sure how exactly it was applied and how someone determined whether they were suffering from it.

In that sense, this book was helpful. Anderson is a therapist and a survivor of what she refers to as a "High-Control Religion" or HCR, and while she references specific flavors of Christianity in her own story and others', she primarily speaks of HCRs in a general sense -- it seems fairly subjective as to whether a particular church or group could be considered an HCR, because personal experience is the key. And she explains this is also the case for trauma -- two people can experience similar things and one can be traumatized by it and the other won't be. So trauma is really about what the experience is for the person who's dealing with it.

With that in mind, she provides a general discussion of how the nervous system works and why our bodies can "remember" trauma even if we've tried to eradicate it from our thoughts and environments. She also discusses examples of religious trauma and its effects, such as purity culture, hierarchical relationships, anxieties about hell/punishment, etc., and gives some advice for taking baby steps to heal. I like how she emphasizes a big-picture view of healing -- that it's not about arriving at some pre-determined point, but about making progress and using the tools you've developed to help manage things like triggers and flare-ups.

She doesn't offer a one-size-fits-all prescription for how to get to a point of being healed (which is good, and in line with how she also warns that it can be easy to jump from one form of fundamentalism to another), and also is not out to try and demonize religion, recognizing that faith is important for many people and can still be a part of the healing process (though this is not written from a Christian perspective). But there are some helpful tips and observations here that are worth thinking about. Emotions, relationships, sexuality, and embodiment are areas that may be affected by life in an HCR, and while some people of faith may not agree with everything here, the topics can bring up good questions to ask ourselves. I especially appreciate the emphasis on curiosity, particularly when trying to get out of fundamentalist, black-and-white thinking.

I received an ARC copy of this book through NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

Personally, I am grateful that this book exists. The subject is close to my heart, as a former evangelical who did end up in therapy as a result of some things I was taught. I love that the title is when "religion" hurts you, not when "the church" hurts you, because one of the things we always hear from Christians is "you shouldn't leave just because the people in the church were imperfect; it's about following God, not the church." Well, it wasn't the people in the church who hurt me--it was the book, and the beliefs, and the lack of action taken by God.

I appreciated getting to hear Dr. Anderson's story. Religious abuse doesn't have to be sexual to be harmful, and the stories of sexual abuse just play into the "flawed people" excuse. Dr. Anderson's story gets more to the point of the belief system itself being harmful, because it creates this hierarchy of people in authority and there is only ever one "right" answer to things.

Some of the advice was helpful to me. It was good for me to hear that it's normal to panic when attempting meditation/mindfulness exercises; I'm the only person I know who gets MORE anxious when attempting to ground myself. (It probably feels too similar to altar calls, for me). I loved the chapter on grieving what you lost when you left the church; the loss of community and music was big for me, and I definitely grieve my adolescence (I would've been so much happier without purity culture).

The attachment theory stuff gets to me as well. I've always considered my parents to be pretty good parents, but I did have this fear of disappointing them, and there was the expectation that I remain Christian and marry a Christian above all else. They've been mostly cool about my deconversion, but the "only one right answer" thing did have an effect on me growing up.

Overall, not a bad book, and definitely has some helpful insights. I think I would've preferred a more stream-lined step-by-step outline OR a memoir, not this in-between thing, but that's a personal choice. My main complaint, however, was that I noticed some pseudo-science and "woo" creeping in. I hate when people refer to their bodies as a person; it just makes me cringe. I also hate the enneagram and don't like it being equated with real science/psychology. I looked up the author and found that she lists her star sign on her website (which annoys me almost as much as covid-denial).

Considering this is a book for people who are trying to escape magical thinking and live in reality, the trendy pop-psych angle really bothered me, and I think other atheist readers will be bothered by it, as well. Those who just left Christianity but remain spiritual in some sense will probably love it, but it's not for me.

Dr. Laura E. Anderson explores a set of experiences that are not always addressed -- when a community which should be trusted actually results in hurt. I appreciate the way the author normalizes this experience and offers steps toward healing.

Dr. Laura Anderson understands. She understands what it means to grow up in high-control religion, or what she often refers to as HCR. She understands what it means to have experiences within organized religion that can only be described as abusive. Dr. Anderson understands the impact of these experiences and the religious trauma can ripple in waves in both short-term and long-term waves.

It's Dr. Anderson's understanding that makes "When Religion Hurts You" a compelling read, however, it's Dr. Anderson's devotion to doing something with this understanding that ultimately makes "When Religion Hurts You" an excellent book. While I'm not particularly a fan of slogans, the idea of moving from "victim to victor" came to mind often as I read through the pages of "When Religion Hurts You," one of a growing catalogue of resources on the issue of religious trauma but one of the very few that I've read to beautifully weave together a tapestry of relatable storytelling and clinical expertise.

In fact, if you're expecting the usual sentimental, drippingly spiritual literary experience that one typically gets from books dealing with religious trauma, you might want to alter your expectations. While Dr. Anderson is undeniably encouraging and surprisingly open, "When Religion Hurts You" is far more devoted to a clinical exploration of religious trauma developed by someone who both experienced it and has dedicated a better part of her adult life helping others who've experienced it.

Once considered to be fairly rare, though those of us who've experienced it knew otherwise, religious trauma happens far more often than people realize.

Dr. Anderson takes an honest, reasoned look at religious trauma by exploring both her own life and her world now of therapy practice. In many ways, "When Religion Hurts You" offers an introduction into religious trauma as Dr. Anderson what religious trauma is and isn't and how high-control churches can be harmful and abusive to the point of inflicting religious trauma.

Dr. Anderson looks particularly at elements of fundamentalist church life - fear of hell, purity culture, corporal punishment, and authoritarian leaders - and how these experiences can cause psychological, relational, physical, and spiritual damage.

As a Christian with a disability myself who grew up Jehovah's Witness and then spent most of my adult years wading through a pool of similarly cult-like experiences, I was touched (and honestly a bit surprised) that Dr. Anderson includes the issue of disability in "When Religion Hurts You." Bravo.

For those further into the healing journey, aspects of "When Religion Hurts You" will feel familiar. I'd argue that the book still manages to serve as a nurturing companion for a deconstruction journey that can often feel lonely. However, "When Religion Hurts You" is really ideally suited for those embarking on the journey of living as healing individuals and trying to figure our "What's next?" Dr. Anderson expresses that vital truth that healing is lifelong and not linear. She helps develop markers of healing for the journey.

Mostly, "When Religion Hurts You" offers hope for healing from religious trauma and hope for those who either hope to find healthier communities of organized religion and those for whom such a relationship is irretrievable.

Incredibly well researched and yet warm and relatable, "When Religion Hurts You" is a vital resource for those seeking to unpack traumatic religious experiences, those healing from religious trauma, and those simply seeking to better understand the impact of high-control religion.

Let me tell you, Dr. Anderson's "When Religion Hurts" is bound to become one of the most influential resources for individuals dealing with religious trauma. In fact, I guarantee that for most people who have experienced religious trauma, it will easily rank among their top three books on the subject, if not claim the number one spot. Additionally, clinicians, spiritual directors, and coaches specializing in religious trauma work will undoubtedly find this book invaluable.

Laura's work showcases impeccable scholarship, presenting her findings with clarity and conciseness. Her willingness to share her own stories adds a sense of normalcy and encouragement for readers. Her ability to delve into the depths of religious trauma experiences with remarkable precision is truly extraordinary. Not only that, but her wise and compassionate practices provide invaluable guidance for healing. Highlighters will prove pointless as folks will find themselves wanting to highlight nearly every other sentence 😁. I have no doubt that this book will become a seminal text in seminaries and secular institutions, serving as an essential resource for trauma courses.

(Dr. Mark Karris, author of 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘋𝘪𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘭 𝘛𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘵𝘺: 𝘏𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘙𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘨𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘛𝘳𝘢𝘶𝘮𝘢 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘢 𝘞𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘎𝘰𝘥, 𝘛𝘰𝘳𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘏𝘦𝘭𝘭, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢 𝘚𝘪𝘯𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘚𝘦𝘭𝘧)

When Religion Hurts You: Healing from Religious Trauma and the Impact of High-Control Religion is an absolutely fantastic book and the first of its kind that I've had the pleasure of reading. Laura Anderson is so knowledgeable and experienced on the topic of religious trauma, and her writing is both accessible and deeply informative. She uses her own experience as a roadmap of sorts, and highlights all the ways adverse religious experiences have impacted her and what she's learned along the way.

Something I truly appreciate about this book is Anderson's unbiased tone throughout her writing; she approaches the subject of religious trauma with compassion and leads the reader toward a deeper understanding of their pain without trashing the idea of religion or using religion as the answer to our problems. Her clinical experience and her in-depth knowledge of complex trauma and high-control religion makes her uniquely qualified to share these insights with us. Something else I appreciate is Anderson's decision to not make this a step-by-step instruction guide for healing. Everyone's journey is different and is informed by their own personal experiences.

This book is truly a gem and I can't wait to recommend it to everyone!