Consisting of both professional advice and personal experiences, "I Didn't Sign Up for This" by Tracy Dalgleish is a masterclass in understanding the common pitfalls and miscommunications between couples in their marriage. As someone who is currently struggling in my marriage and attending therapy, this book helped me realize exactly what my partner may be going through. Delivered in a non-partisan, professional matter Dalgleish is able to provide valuable information without blaming either partner. She does a fabulous job in explaining the reasonings and purpose behind seemingly toxic and/or frustrating behaviors in relationships.

Each chapter finishes with prompts to create an interactive, self-help experience. I especially appreciated the section on setting boundaries in relationships and the differences between rigid, healthy, and porous boundaries. As a "recovering people pleaser", boundaries have been hard for me to establish and the work suggested at the end of this section is helping tremendously.

Paired with examples and experiences from her own marriage, the author also explains that even couples therapists can have marital difficulty. I resonated with her acknowledgment for her need of control and order and how that also affected her personal life. Speaking to "imposter syndrome" and how struggling with something personally when your literal job is to help people with the same issues is cathartic and reassuring, especially in the career I am in.

Overall, I recommend this book to any married couple, regardless of the current status of their marriage. I feel that if I were able to better understand what my partner is feeling as well as being able to communicate my own feelings, we would have been in a much better place from the beginning. Easy to read and digest, "I Didn't Sign Up for This" validates the stumbles and imperfect beauty of committing to another adult and I will revisit this work regularly.

*Thank you to the author and PESI Publishing, Inc. for an advance reader's copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. All thoughts and sentiments are my own.*

This was an interesting read! It felt like getting inside of the head of a therapist, or having the curtain drawn back a little and seeing behind the scenes. The questions at the end of the chapters caused me to reflect a lot on my own relationships.

We all can use a little help with our relationships. Even therapists? Yes.

This book shows that even therapists need to take their own advice in their relationships. Dr. Tracy brilliantly guides us back and forth between the stories of four couples in her therapy practice and how they interconnect with problems in her own partnership.

She writes,

“I’ve been a human a lot longer than I’ve been a therapist. . . . Even for therapists, knowing better and doing better are two vastly different things.”

If you’d like a true behind-the-scenes look at therapy—plus get advice for your own partnerships—I highly recommend this book. It's full of helpful insights that you can put into practice immediately.

Some favorite passages:

"When we accept that the only thing certain in life is that things will change, we open ourselves up to experience greater meaning and joy."

"I consistently come back to a few key ingredients that we need in our relationship to help us build healthy interdependence. I call them the four C’s: compassion, curiosity, connection, and collaboration."

"Avoid saying 'You need to' (e.g., be compassionate, listen better). Instead, start with 'I need' (e.g., compassion, to be heard)."

"Here are some ideas to practice getting really curious with your partner. • Each day, try asking, 'Tell me more about that.' • If your partner expresses a desire, ask them questions about what makes them long for that desire or what is exciting about the idea for them. • When your partner makes a decision, ask them how they felt it went (rather than telling them how it went)."

I highly recommend this book. My thanks to NetGalley and PESI Publishing for the review copy.

Wow. Dr. Tracy Dalgleish really nailed this book. As a fellow therapist, I highly value books that are educational and applicable to the everyday person. I would consider this book as an invaluable client resource. I see clients individually and am frequently asked about book recommendations when it comes to couples counseling. This is now at the top of my list. Dr. Tracy not only provides real and relatable case studies, but also examines her own experiences in marriage and as a woman in the postpartum period. Her vulnerability is so wonderful. Also - therapists are regular people with problems too!

I appreciate Dr. Tracy's differentiation between clinical terms and some popular terms that have now become used in everyday vernacular (i.e. narcissist or gaslighting). She explains some of the concepts therapists use in easy to understand ways, while also giving readers a chance to explore their own experiences and selves at the end of each chapter. This book is enjoyable in so many ways. It is easy to understand, yet so rich in information. I would highly recommend this book to anyone in a relationship. Every reader will gain something from 'I Didn't Sign Up for This.'

Thank you to PESI Publishing and NetGalley for an ARC of this book! This book took me a bit longer to finish than usual, but it was because I made so many highlights of useful gems.

This self help book on relationships does give some examples of issues that couples face but it doesn't really offer any insight on how couples and work through issues towards a resolution.

I Didn't Sign Up for This by Tracy Dalgleish, is a captivating book about couple's therapy. This is a book, I intend to purchase and re-read. Dr. Tracy does an excellent job of providing insightful examples and stories that are more than relatable. I found myself reading each chapter and learning something new.

This book blends self-help with a personal memoir. The fact that Dr. Tracy also includes her own examples and experiences, makes the book stand out among other similar books. I felt as though I was having a conversation with Dr. Tracy and perhaps even sitting on a couch during the therapy sessions of the various different couples. Being relatable and showing that even she doesn't have perfect relationships is very well played in this book. I would recommend this book to almost anyone as it has a number of learning opportunities throughout the book. Relationships are complicated and she boils it down to manageable bite-size points to take away after reading a chapter.

I found myself reading a chapter at a time and wanting to reflect on each chapter and what it taught me - about myself and about others.  


Thank you #NetGalley for the advanced copy of this book to read and provide an opinion on.

Excellent and relatable. I would recommend this for any married couple, whether you have kids or not. I think every relationship will find something useful in this book.

I really liked "I Didn't Sign Up for This" by Tracy Dalgleish. It had interesting examples and helpful information to help in any marriage or other relationships. I recommend taking notes as you read and reviewing them.

I Didn’t Sign Up for This is an approachable how-to guide to building stronger relationships. Told from the therapist’s perspective, the book follows several couples in therapy, including new parents, a blended family, and even Dr. Tracy’s experiences within her marriage, all of whom struggle with similar issues.

She encourages her patients to speak more openly, to be more vulnerable with their partners, and to accept their partner’s vulnerability. She focuses on addressing core emotions and recognizing past traumas like unmet needs in childhood that can inform our perception of our partner’s words and actions.

It is a perfect book for even happy couples to help open up discussions about needs and wants and to encourage the expression of gratitude for things our partners do well. Recommended for anyone looking to improve their communications at home.

Thank you to NetGalley, the author, and the publisher for an Advance Reader Copy.

It is not often that I have the “I cannot put this book down” feeling with a non-fiction read, but Dr. Tracy Dalgleish’s “I Didn’t Sign Up For This” had me unable to walk away from this book.

As a mother of two young kids navigating raising two babies with my best friend, who I love and also can get so mad at, I saw myself in many of her clients and her own stories. I loved that she told her own story and wove some of her challenges in relationships with those of her clients. I love that it achieved what she spoke about in the beginning: by telling these stories, she normalized that all relationships are hard. We each bring our past experiences and traumas to our future relationships. I felt less alone. I felt heard. I felt seen.

Because of the reflections and questions she posed at the end of each chapter, I was able to work though a few of my own childhood experiences that I didn’t even realize were still impacting my relationships today.

Thank you Dr. Dalgleish for the amazing read, for sharing your expertise and writing this book. I will be sure to read any future books you write.

Thank you NetGalley and the publisher for the advanced review copy. I plan to reread this one- it was that good!

The tales of the couples didn't always pay off. This is nonfiction, so things don't have to either and the author states that a relationship is an ongoing journey.
Some of the work is concrete and will be easy for people to emulate but other concepts are left too vague and I don't know that the average person would grasp them enough to make it helpful.
I liked that she talked about her relationship, which showed that the therapist knows what she's talking about and how hard relationships are.

This is a look at several couples in therapy -- why they're there, how they progress through it, and where they end up in the process -- from the therapist's perspective. The therapist herself weaves her own marriage and parenting struggles throughout the story, illustrating how this affects her approach to her couples.

This is particularly interesting to anyone who wants to learn more about Internal Family Systems Therapy, and trauma and inner child work in general. Dalgleish also brings much compassion to her depictions of her couples, separately and together.

A significant critique for me is the hetero- and gender-normativity of the book. Since these are supposedly composite characters, it would be easy to explore identity in the couples. I'm also not sure why the only significant cultural description of one of the composite clients is South Asian. It's hard to take a book seriously in 2023 that doesn't meet the serious need for representation of queer and trans people -- especially when it comes to mental health and family topics -- and cultural diversity as well.

I went into this book extremely excited. My husband and I don’t have children yet, but we’ll be trying within the next year or two. So when I saw this book on NetGalley, I said I want to read this!

I Didn’t Sign Up for This offers readers an approach on how to stay connected with their spouse (and yourself) through the early years of parenting. The clinical verbiage used and described made my learning/education major heart sooo happy. I love when an author explains and defines for readers to truly understand.

I recommend this book if you enjoy self help, relationship advice from a professional, or if you just want something educational to read.

I will absolutely be buying this book and reread it to highlight and annotate! & really dive into the after chapter journal prompts 🫶🏻

DNF at 20%. I'm not finding the content very interesting. It doesn't tie in with the title as I was hoping.

This book is written by a clinical psychologist who uses real-life case studies from her counseling practice to describe the roots of common marriage problems and how to address these problems. What's unique about this book is that between anecdotes about her patients, Dr. Tracy relates the topics to her own marriage. I appreciated her transparency, vulnerability, and willingness to expose that marriage counselors have problems following their own advice sometimes!

Dr. Tracy digs into the ways that each partner's upbringing impacts their marriage, and ways to address these differences. She gives real-life examples of how couples on the brink of divorce have opened up lines of trust and communication through therapy, resulting in long-lasting marriages demonstrating healthy interdependence. Whereas some marriage-related books can sound dated with very traditional gender roles, this book feels fresh and current with the marriage issues that Dr. Tracy explores. Highly recommend!

This was really interesting. I recommend this book to everyone, i think anyone (either single or in a relationship) could benefit from reading this book, it's a good way to understand more clearly how you act in relationships and why you act that certain way. When you're single it's good to pick up this book and analyse past relationships. I liked reading the example stories of others in this book, and the end of every chapter was really useful.

I learned a lot from reading this! Using examples of several couples, including her own marriage, Dr. Tracy explains how unmet childhood needs and experiences contribute to how we interact with our partners in adulthood. I found I could relate with many situations that arose with couples and found parallels in communication in my own marriage. Instead of giving generic advice (plan a date night, be more intimate, etc.), Dr. Tracy describes how to truly be vulnerable in communicating with your partner. I appreciated that the book was informative without being too clinical so it was easy to read. I would recommend to anyone who feels they have unmet needs or are struggling to communicate with their partner.

I love peeking inside other people's thoughts and lives.

This book is a valuable resource for learning how to recognize the emotional state and needs of your partner. Dr. Tracy focuses on how our attachment styles and childhood experiences influence our romantic relationships. The book is structured as a series of case studies, which helps to illustrate the concepts that she discusses. While the dialogue in the case studies may feel somewhat contrived at times, I believe that it helps to model the behaviors that couples should strive for.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for providing this book in exchange for an honest review.

In "I Didn't Sign Up for This," Dr. Tracy Dalgleish takes readers on a captivating journey through the intricacies of relationships, blending her personal experiences and professional expertise to create an insightful and relatable read. With her unique blend of memoir and self-help, Dalgleish offers a rare glimpse into real therapy sessions and her own marriage, providing invaluable wisdom and guidance along the way.

As an acclaimed couples therapist, Dalgleish has spent years guiding couples through the complexities of their relationships. However, after becoming a mother and experiencing the shifts and challenges that come with parenthood, she finds herself echoing the very words she has heard from countless clients: "I didn't sign up for this." This realization propels her to delve deeper into the intricacies of human connection, unraveling the root causes of daily relationship conflicts and shedding light on the universal struggle for authenticity and fulfillment.

What sets this book apart is Dalgleish's unflinching honesty and heartfelt empathy. She fearlessly shares her own experiences, allowing readers to connect with her on a deeply personal level. By weaving her story alongside those of four diverse couples, Dalgleish offers a profound understanding of the complexities that can arise in relationships. It is through this combination of personal anecdotes and therapeutic insights that she provides practical tools and strategies for navigating challenges and fostering healthier connections.

I've always found the most impactful healers are the ones that are brave enough to show us a glimpse of their own vulnerability, their own humanity. I Didn't Sign Up For This may be part self-help and part memoir, but it is full of practicality, vulnerability, and validation. I highly recommend this to couples navigating the complexities of life beyond the honeymoon phase. Thank you to Dr. Tracy and to the publisher for an e-ARC of this book. I hope it reaches the hands of readers everywhere!