So heartbreaking but a silver lining. Michelle Horton is the sister of Nicole Addimando who killed her fiance in self-defense. Her sister is an angel for taking care of her niece and nephew and dealing with her own life falling apart from a divorce and being a single mom, never knowing what the outcome would be. Nikki had endured years of horrible abuse at the hands of her fiance and wasn't believed for a long while. Definitely worth the read and may be triggering to someone that has endured abuse.

This book was so drawn out. I wish I had enjoyed the writing. It is such an important and terrible story.

Special thanks to NetGalley for the advanced reader copy of this book. WOW....this book is going to stick with me FOREVER! It has been a very long time since I have had a book make me feel so many emotions and completely consume me. This story will undoubtedly make you cry, make you smile and make you angry. I don't want to write too much without giving anything away, but I can guarantee you this will be a book that I think about often and is up there in my top reads. I'm off to see if there is a documentary to watch.

Trigger warning: sexual abuse, domestic violence.

Dear Sister is a sad but the story of the spousal abuse, torture, and sexual exploitation of Nikki Addimando, and the resulting effects that it had on her psyche.

While I did enjoy the narrative and shock value, I think that story would have had more of an impact had it been told from Nikki’s point of view. Not that author Horton didn’t convey the emotional and turbulent times that the families had to endure, but I felt that the storyline focused more on the author rather than the victim, Nikki. I actually would have wanted more on what prompted the shooting that fateful day. Was it desperation? Or was it a culmination of everything?

A little off-putting for me were the diablogues of the children — Nikki’s and Michelle’s. The language seemed to mature for their age groups and it made the story a little too over the top. I couldn’t imagine a three year old speaking like an adult. But who am I to judge.

In any event, Dear Sister was an interesting read. Three stars.

I received a DRC from Grand Central Publishing. This review is completely my own and reflects my honest thoughts and opinions.

I was honored to read Michelle Horton's memoir. Her courageous approach to sharing her and her sister's journey gives a strong voice for thousands and thousands who could not tell theirs. Dear Sister is the story of Nikki Addimando's killing of her longtime abuser and Michelle's sudden fall into the details of her sister's trauma and the ugly side of the criminal justice system, which leaves the family to hold the incarcerated's place while the court's decisions are made.
I encourage readers to take their time with this book. There are some emotionally charged and graphic scenes, which can be difficult to stomach. The rawness of the details of domestic violence is here on display for the reader. But before you stop reading, I urge you to consider that you know someone (or several someones) in a violent partnership (statistically, it's more than likely). Turning away gives power to the abuser/s. But giving a voice to the victim serves us all best as it uncovers the truth and makes it possible to change the fate of the victim and his/her children.
Despite the emotions that poured at certain points in the book, I could not get enough of the Horton sisters' story, especially in reading about the circle of women who supported her. I found my way to Instagram page @westandwithnikki, which chronicles more of Nikki's story.
I will remember this one for a long time. I hope you'll take the time to read it too.


Thank you to Netgalley, Grand Central Publishing, and Michelle Horton for my egalley!

A deeply moving and difficult read about abuse, family and secrets.

Michelle is finally out of an abusive relationship and moving forward with her son. Then her sister admits to police that she killed her boyfriend, the father of her children. Michelle is now not only trying to take care of Nikki's children, but also learn how to navigate the police, judicial and prison systems, but also find out how she missed all the clues.

A devastating look at the cycle of abuse, secrets in a family and how the judicial systems works. A hard read but well worth it.

This book was so incredible - highly, highly recommend to any and everyone. Hard to read as the abuse is detailed, but necessary to understand Battered Women Syndrome and how courts deal with these abuses, even when there is so much evidence of the abuse.

My review “‘Dear Sister’ Explores Twin Darknesses of Private Violence and Carceral Violence” is published online at Southern Review of Books: https://southernreviewofbooks.com/2024/02/05/dear-sister-michelle-horton-review/

Thank you NetGaley for providing a free Advanced Reader Copy in exchange for an honest review. Any included direct quotes are taken from the final published version.
I have to apologize to the author for taking so long to review this book. This is a very difficult read, but an important one. If you decide to pick this up, give yourself plenty of time and plenty of love, because you're not gonna be happy when you learn how the American judicial system abuses, further victimizes, and takes revenge on victims who survive prolonged sexual assault.
A brief summary of the case: Nikki Addimando was a 29-year-old woman who in 2017 shot her long term boyfriend and the father of her two children. The police was aware that her boyfriend had been brutally sexually assaulting her, filming the assault, and uploading it on pornhub for years; they even intended investigating him after Nikki was too scared to help them. Initially the local prosecution was very understanding and led the family to believe they planned to either not press charges or to offer Nikki plenty of opportunities to defend herself in front of a grand jury. Everything went south however when the local prosecution decided it would be a conflict of interest to remain on the case. Chana Krauss, a prosecutor from a different county, with a (false) reputation for being reasonable and fair took over. Chana Kraus’ Team then proceeded to keep Nikki in prison way past the maximum allowed time without an indictment; remove her public defender when the lawyers requested that Nikki be indicted or released; demanded that Nikki (who was now free, awaiting a grand jury indictment) voluntarily surrender to the police and remain in jail while the grand jury convened, in exchange for a promise to be released on bail if an indictment was secured; declared Nikki a flight risk even though she had voluntarily surrendered and did everything in their prosecutorial power to deny bail; insisted at the trial that Nikki could not have been a real victim because she had been abused in the past and “lightning doesn't strike twice” (ignoring abundant literature that victims of early childhood sexual abuse are much more likely to be re abused later in life); altered the pre-sentencing report to remove any text confirming years of documented abuse that Nikki had endured at her boyfriend's hands; insisted that Nikki had “reluctantly consented” to the rapes; insisted that Nikki did not qualify as a domestic abuse survivor because she had ample opportunity to escape; sentenced her to 19 years to life in prison after a jury refused to believe Nikki, assuming that a victim would have already escaped her abuser; and finally, the appellate court decided that enough was enough, and re sentenced Nikki to 7.5 years after confirming that she was indeed the victim of domestic abuse. Nikki Addimando was released in January 2024, weeks before this book was published.
The book is a harrowing and horrifying story of how shame is amplified by our judicial system. A system that rather than accepting their failures, will invest all the energy into excusing themselves, silencing witnesses and victims, taking revenge whenever they do not win what they want. Nikki’s story is unique because she had so many people who had seen bruises, burns, threatening emails received in real time from her boyfriend, as well as unimpeachable evidence of genital trauma (I'm talking vulva and rectum heavily bleeding and swollen shut from trauma, repeatedly recorded by professional nurses). A friend had even arrived at Nikki’s place just minutes or hours after she had been heavily beaten by her boyfriend, her ribs severely bruised; Nikki was immediately transported to a health facility, where it was confirmed that she had been beaten, and she was actively miscarrying. Weeks prior people have seen rope burns around her neck, and her eyes were red indicating that she had been strangled (mind you, she was pregnant still at the time). Nikki did not report any of these incidents to the police. There was never any evidence that she was in a relationship with another man, nor did anyone believed so. She had asked her friends to keep quiet about the incidents. And still the prosecution insisted that Nikki had made all of it up, because she was looking for attention, that she was a drama queen, that she was the abuser, that she had faked her injuries (including a bite mark on her shoulder that she couldn’t have done to herself) and that she had “reluctantly consented” to the rape performed and recorded on screen and in medical records. You can’t make this up.
Michelle Horton who is the author of this book, and Nikki’s sister, took over custody of Nikki’s two children and launched an intensive campaign to ensure her sister received justice. The author did an excellent job in describing all the horrific events that she uncovered, while remaining polite and trying not to get more attention from a vindictive prosecution. The writing style is succinct and understated. In the first third of the book I thought this might be a negative, but as the details of the abuse endured by Nikki at the hands of her partner and at the hands of the prosecutor unfolded on page, the writing style became the only optimal one. I don't believe I would have survived this book had it been any more emotional. The shocking part about this memoir is that Michelle, while noticing signs of physical injury, was not aware that her sister was being abused. This denial had persisted and been perpetuated in her family for years, ever since Nikki had been sexually assaulted at the tender age of five. Fortunately, the author immediately accepted that she had been blind to the years of abuse suffered by her sister at the hands of many men. Unfortunately, she hasn't completely unpacked the guilt. While I appreciated the discussion on why the family chose to stay quiet and blend in, there were parts that needed more deconstruction. I was for example extremely upset when the author was furious at Nikki’s friends for not having informed her about the abuse; at the 70% mark the author confirmed what I already knew from my own experience—which was that Nikki had told her family, specifically her mother, about the abuse as early as age five only to be ignored and told that she shouldn't cry wolf. I understand why the family thought this was the safest path forward. But I also know what it means to be an “Elizabeth” to a young woman who has been sexually abused as a child while her family insists that she is a drama queen. In reality the victims are shy and avoid attention. Michelle did not have the right to question Nikki’s friends for their decision to stay quiet. They knew, like I knew, that the family had failed Nikki. I am happy that the family did band around Nikki. I wish however that there was more accountability on their part. As this book very clearly illustrates, the judicial system will take many more decades until it will learn that further victimize a sexual assault victim is wrong. What can change and will change sooner is public perception. Further deconstruction, more accountability from the family, less excuses (like the one that other people saw the abuse because they were social workers) were much needed to educate the public. I do believe however that this book is an excellent discussion starting point, and I am extremely happy to see how many people take Nikki’s story, and Michele’s efforts to raise this extended family, seriously. It was heartwarming to see how much support had poured in. I don't believe the author needed to put so much effort in describing Nikki’s boyfriend as being a good man. I understand the reasoning: on the one side, she does not want the two young children to be further traumatized by what their father had done; at the same time I accept the reasoning that cultural toxic masculinity hurts men and instills aggressive behavior. But a man who penetrates his girlfriend with a gun is anything but a good person. Telling the young women he had coached that he is an abuser will not “destroy their lives,” but it might save them by teaching them to recognize early signs of abuse. Yes, abusers are charming. I know that, I grew up with one.
Although the book made me physically sick, I do believe it should be mandatory reading especially for future lawyers and law enforcement. Judicial rape needs to become anathema—and hopefully a career suicide. I hope people will remember the name Chana Kraus if she ever runs for an office; I hope they will pay back her unkindness by refusing her votes. I hope the people will remember the name Nicole Addimando when they discuss intimate partner violence, and the complicated process that is leaving an abusive relationship. And at the same time, I hope that people forget the name of her boyfriend. This is the reason why I never named him in this review. The only silver lining is the knowledge that Nikki’s children never asked for their father in the first weeks after their mother had been arrested. Keep this in mind: the first thing Nikki’s children did when they were able to visit her in prison was lift her shirt and see if she had any bruises. If you still doubt what has happened to her, I don't know what to say. But I sincerely hope you come to understand the complexities of abuse. I hope we all understand that it is much better to say “we made a mistake, we didn't protect you when you needed protection” rather than force women to remain quiet in abusive relationships. If we want future children to be safe, if you want children to grow up as healthy adults who avoid an unhealthy relationship and stay out of legal trouble, we need to act now. We need to listen to victims. We need to accept we may have been wrong. We need to help them heal!

Have your kleenex's ready for this one.

This book is such an eye opening and disheartening look at the American justice system and how it continues to fail women. And domestic violence survivors specifically. As a Canadian reader I wasn't familiar with Nikki's case going in, but knew none the less it was going to be an important read. My intuition wasn't wrong. Occurring at the start of the #metoo movement and huge legislative changes for domestic violence survivors, the story becomes front and center news, set to be a precedent setting case.

This may have been about Nikki's journey and struggle, but it was told through Michelle's lens. And the impact Nikki's incarceration had on not just Michelle's life but those of both their children, their parents, close friends and the community as a whole.

The strength shown by both sisters in the face of adversity and the absolute atrocities suffered by Nikki was admirable. It made for a heart breaking, emotional read that stoked so much anger at a system that is still so broken in this day and age,

My heart goes out to Nikki, Michelle, the children and their family. And the devastation they suffered. And prayers for changes to a broken system to better serve future victims. This a tough read, but one that must be read. Awareness is the only thing that will bring about change.

TW: abuse, sexual assault, sexual mutilation, mental abuse, incarceration, secondary trauma, separation from children, murder, death of a parent, violence, graphic descriptions of injuries

Wow.

Dear Sister is a beautiful, heartbreaking, devastating memoir and I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. Michelle Horton was able to weave together her sister Nikki's story—a woman who murdered her horrifically abusive man, with memories of their childhood, the journey she/Nikki/and their support systems took throughout the entire legal process, and an greater commentary on our broken legal system.

There's incredible research done to substantiate the story that Horton doesn't shy away from, the culmination is gut-wrenching and hard to read. But Horton makes sure that every word is heard. It's raw and difficult and your breaks every chapter, but wow.

This is such an important memoir and while it's incredibly heavy and at times highly graphic, I think it's such a needed story. The advocacy work throughout described within this book will continue on and I hope this will bring more change as well.

Dear Sister, by Michelle Horton, is a harrowing look at the criminal justice system and its treatment of domestic violence victims.

In 2017, the author's sister, Nikki, killed her partner, the father of her children. That is the first of many shocks for the author. She didn't know that her sister's relationship was abusive, or that a group of professionals had been documenting her sister's abuse and trying to help her.

Despite that documentation of abuse, a prosecutor – after much legal wrangling – pursues charges against Nikki. She goes to trial, is convicted, and sentenced to prison. A judge refuses to apply a New York state law designed to reduce the sentences of abuse victims who commit crimes.

Horton is, of course, 100 percent on her sister's side, and it's tempting to think she may be slanting the facts to enhance her sister's case. But the author is bracingly honest about her own failures and problems in their family of origin, which boosts her credibility.

I can't say I enjoyed this book. It's enraging. But it's definitely eye-opening and worth your time.


I received an early review copy from NetGalley.

Oh, my heart! This beautifully written, emotional memoir nearly broke me. In 2017, Nikki Addimando shot and killed her abusive domestic partner. Her sister Michelle Horton, now caretaker of Nikki´s children and legal advocate, shares the heartbreaking history of hidden violence, emotional abuse, and the fallout of an imperfect criminal justice system. Through Michelle´s lens, we hear a raw account of trauma, secrets, and an unbreakable family bond. It is gripping yet frustrating to read about victims of abuse and how the justice system fails them. Nikki was given a life sentence in prison, which was later amended to 7.5 years.
In Nikki´ś words ¨This is why women don't leave. They so often end up dead or where I'm standing — alive, but still not free." The strength between these sisters shows us just how brave, resilient, and strong family ties can be during horrific times.
Nikki is scheduled to be released this year. More about her case, backstory, press surrounding Nikki, and ways to help can be found here:
https://westandwithnikki.com/.

This was enlightening and heartwrenching and all I can say is that you must read this one.
Publishing today. Thank you to @GrandCentralPub for sharing this incredible memoir with me.

Michelle Horton's powerful debut, DEAR SISTER: A Memoir of Secrets, Survival, and Unbreakable Bonds, is a heartbreaking story of her sister's years of domestic abuse, murder, and an unfair justice system leading to her prison away from her children.

Horton's story is a must-read, an essential call to action for judicial reform, accountability, and protection of those who suffer abuse from domestic violence. In America, domestic violence accounts for 15% of all violent crimes that cannot be overlooked.

Michelle Horton pulls back the curtain in this well-written personal memoir, revealing the human side behind what you read in the news or see on TV. Told with love, passion, and sensitivity, DEAR SISTER is sometimes challenging to read; however, it is critical. Victims of domestic violence need to get help because the system does not always protect the victim.

In 2017, Michelle's younger sister, Nikki Addimando, was arrested in Poughkeepsie, New York, for shooting her boyfriend, Chris Grover, with his gun after threatening to kill her. The case created a media sensation and was widely publicized.

In addition, she had suffered years of him brutally abusing (physically and sexually) her and forcing her to participate in pornography that involved rape and battery—beating and torturing her even when she was pregnant. The videos were found, and even her therapist contacted the authorities about the abuse.

Nikki was a loving mother of two small children, Ben and Faye, and was not believed, turning it around on her—from victim to perpetrator. While everyone knows when you are in an abusive relationship, it is not easy to leave due to safety and control.

From statistics to real life. Despite all the evidence, she sadly was convicted of second-degree murder in 2019 and sentenced to nineteen years in prison (which has been reduced to 7.5 years in 2021 due to the new Domestic Violence Survivors Justice Act).

Addimando’s case was one of the first to test a new law in New York called the Domestic Violence Survivors Justice Act. It allows a court more discretion in sentencing crimes involving domestic violence survivors if the abuse was determined to be a significant contributing factor to the defendant's criminal behavior.

However, to date, she is still in prison. Her incarceration has been hardest on her two children, whom she sees weekly during prison visits that her sister facilitates.

The author discusses her attempts to help her sister along with the events leading up to the murder and the traumas and those affected by the events. It is raw, visceral, honest, emotional, and powerful.

Addimando maintained her self-defense claims, and her attorneys presented evidence of abuse, which included Addimando’s testimony, photos and reports by forensic nurses documenting her abuse, her therapist, as well as nonconsensual pornographic images that Addimando claimed had been uploaded to a pornography site without her permission.

Michelle is also a single mom raising her son Noah and the toll it has taken on their relationship while assuming full responsibility for her sister's two children, with her ongoing support, visits, and calls to prison and advocate for her release.

Nikki did not receive clemency, so she will be released in 2024 when her children are nine and 11. They were just two and four when she was wrongly imprisoned.

DEAR SISTER is heartbreaking but a strong wake-up call to our society and judicial system that something is broken, and it must be corrected to safeguard those of domestic violence—not to humiliate them further with shame as they try to keep it hidden, taking them away from their children and family when they were only trying to protect themselves and their family.

An intimate exploration of two sisters, the complexities of familial bonds, the impacts of abuse, the horrific challenges of seeking justice in a flawed legal system, and the emotional impact on those it fails to protect.

It is a captivating and powerful testament to the resilience and strength of sisterly bonds. Hopefully, this story can bring attention to other victims and survivors. The two sisters have shown much courage, bravery, and strength—while suffering some of the worst trauma and offering inspiration to others.

Thank you for writing this story while reliving all the painful events during a pandemic raising three children! A true heroine.

BOOK & AUDIOBOOK: I read the book and also listened to the audiobook narrated by the author, Michelle Horton, for an emotionally powerful performance. The book and the audio are thought-provoking and will stay with you long after the book ends. I highly recommend the book and the audio. The audiobook also includes personal snippets of audio, recordings, interviews, and videos to enhance the listening experience further.

AUTHOR: Michelle Horton is a writer and advocates living in the Hudson Valley of NY with her son and raising her nephew and niece while her sister is incarcerated. Through the Nicole Addimando Community Defense Committee, she continues to speak out for the countless other domestic violence victims criminalized for their acts of survival.

RESOURCES: Included in the book are excellent resources and author's notes for further reading samples of supplemental reading to understand better the cultural context for many of the themes in this book —including domestic violence and how it intersects with the criminal legal system, trauma, patriarchy and misogyny, pornography addiction, abolition feminism, mass incarceration, and the long history of fights for each other's freedom.

Broken down in Parts
part 1: Truth
part 2: Reality
part 3: Hope
part 4: Courage
part 5: Unbroken
After
Epilogue
Author's Notes
and Resources

Websites:
~ SurvivedAndPunished.org
~ WeStandWithNiki.com for more about Nikki's case and Believe Her podcast

An Epidemic of Violence: PW Talks with Michelle Horton Q&A

CRIMINALIZED SURVIVAL
Being punished for Surviving

Special thanks to Grand Central Publishing, Hachette Audio, and NetGalley for a gifted ARC and ALC for an honest opinion.

Blog review posted @
JudithDCollins.com
@JudithDCollins | #JDCMustReadBooks
My Rating: 5 Stars +
Pub Date: Jan 30, 2024
Jan 2024 Must-Read Books
January Newsletter

Nikki Addimando shot and killed Christopher Grover. He was her domestic partner and abuser. Throughout their relationship, Christopher abused Nikki. Her bruises were explained as accidents and believed. Those closest to Nikki missed the signs. When it all became too much for her to continue enduring, Nikki did the only thing she could. She killed him. The death of Christopher Grover was a shock to the local gymnastics community. How could someone, much less his wife, kill such a kind and well-respected man? There are two sides to every story, As the sister of Nikki Addimando and the author of this account, Michelle Horton recounts the shock and horror of learning about the abuse. Local authorities had documented some of the incidents. Medical personnel treated Nikki for various "accidental injuries". Despite all these signs, domestic abuse was never suggested.

Both the Addimando and Grover families want justice. It is difficult for the Addimando family to find a lawyer who has successfully defended a victim of domestic violence. The District Attorney is fiercely focused on proving Nikki's guilt. Which side will get what they want? Michelle Horton details the efforts to retain an attorney and continue to trial. The starts and stops along the way are frustrating and it is difficult to imagine keeping faith in the legal system. Nikki's story is equal turns compelling and heart-breaking. No one should have to experience what Nikki has gone through.

Michelle Horton relates the story with minimal emotion, letting the events speak for themselves. It is impossible to read this account without forming an opinion and hoping for the best possible outcome. This is an excellent account of a family dealing with untenable circumstances, a must read and must discuss!

I’ appreciated this title because you do wonder what happens to the family members who are left behind. This is more an elegy to the author’s sister and a fascinating look into the NY legal system. I would have liked more insight into her life and that of her children and other family members.

Boy, was this a tough read. Before reading this book, I knew about Nikki Addimando’s story, but I didn’t know the details of what she endured at the hands of her abuser. It was worse than I could’ve imagined.

I wanted to put this book down when it got too heavy, but I’m glad I didn’t. I think it’s important to bear witness to the stories of survivors of physical and sexual assault because like Nikki, so many women aren’t believed. Child Protective Services, law enforcement, prosecutors, and even defense attorneys failed to mitigate the harm Nikki and her children suffered, but thankfully, the love, support, and thousands of hours of advocacy by Michelle and a legion of fierce women prevailed, and Nikki is home with her children (this isn’t a spoiler - her release has been in the news).

I recommend this book with content warnings I think are self-explanatory. I read a gifted digital ARC from @netgalley and @grandcentralpress. The hardcover contains pictures that were carefully selected by Michelle to enhance the reader’s experience of Nikki’s journey of survival.

WOW just WOW.
How on earth this can be someone’s memoir is always beyond me but Michelle, so well done. I know this was so painful to write and to relive but it was so so human. I looked up the story after the first 50 pages, and I was so happy to see her released from prison. We have such a long way to go in our broken system and this story is SO deeply important to getting us there. The road for them is not over, but this memoir is so filled with love and hope even through really tough times. I read this so quickly, and will definitely be recommending to my friends to read too!

This book left a profound impact on me. The author's deeply personal and sincere account of her sister's harrowing experience with domestic violence and the subsequent legal aftermath was both heartbreaking and eye-opening. The narrative vividly unfolds the tragic circumstances leading to her sister's act of self-defense and the painful consequences that followed, particularly the separation from her own children.

The author skillfully immerses readers in the raw emotions of shock, fear, worry, exhaustion, and anger that she felt while caring for her niece and nephew. It was a visceral experience, making me cry, yell, and feel an urgent need to share this powerful story with my family. The book sheds light on the infuriating reality that, even today, women can face repercussions for protecting themselves from abusers.

Horton's storytelling not only captivates with its mesmerizing quality but also serves as a poignant reminder of the ongoing struggles to safeguard women from domestic violence. The prose is not only beautiful but also crucial in fostering awareness and sparking conversations about the systemic issues women encounter in such situations. I highly recommend this impactful and compelling read, as it brings attention to an important societal issue that demands our collective consideration.

this memoir was probably one of the hardest books i’ve ever read. Nikki Addimando’s story was one I followed closely along with a majority of the Hudson Valley, NY.. but the deeply personal details and the devastating truths are completely unimaginable. The writing in this story are so well done and very raw.