One of my more memorable reads of last year. My growing-up years overlap a lot with Cantorna-Wylde's. We're around the same age, grew up in similar circles of American Christianity, and changed away from it. I used to listen to the show her dad was in charge of, eagerly waiting for new episodes.

While I didn't end up in the same place, it was nice to read someone's story who saw a lot of the same issues that I did and came out a whole person. A better person, in my opinion.

I've already recommended this book to various friends and family and will keep on recommending it.

This is a memoir from the daughter of one of the people who created Adventures In Odyssey about her experience in toxic evangelical Christianity focusing mostly on her experiences with purity culture, shame, self-harm, realizing she was gay, coming out and the process thereafter especially with her family as well as her reconstructing Christianity and keeping her faith.

There are many stories to be told from queer people who were raised in the church and this is absolutely an important one. As a family highly influenced and employed by focus on the family the toxic “traditional family values”, Amber was expected to be a lot of things that never fit for her, an experience a lot of people who grew up evangelical in the 80’s, 90’s and 2000’s can relate to. She expresses how hard she tried to force herself into boxes and about how her trauma expressed itself and about the intense amounts of shame she experienced from it. She tried so hard that she was so far in the closet she didn’t even realize she was in it for a long time, an experience I can relate to as a queer exvangelical. Unfortunately her story also follows the pattern of a lot of queer people with evangelical parents who cannot accept their queer child.

While this story will resonate with queer people with similar experiences, it will be most important among those who are struggling with their own sexuality or parents of those who are that remain inside evangelical Christianity.

As a read it was an easy read and was compelling. The subject matter may be triggering and difficult making it harder. While Amber did maintain her belief in Christianity, she reconstructed it. She does talk about this process but not at length and the book was not preachy at all, which I appreciated as someone who has religious trauma and is an agnostic atheist. Overall a good and important read. 4/5 stars


I got this book for free from NetGalley in exchange for my honest review.

*Recieved for free from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review*

Thank you to both the author and NetGalley for letting me read a free digital copy of this book. This has not altered my review in any way.

It feels strange to give a star rating to someone's life story, especially one as tumultuous as Cantorna-Wylde's, but some stories are so important and take so much strength to share, and are told so brilliantly that a five star rating is necessary. In Out of Focus, the author's story is both heartbreaking and powerful at the same time, and it was a privilege to get to read about her life in her own words. From the very first page, Cantorna-Wylde gripped me with her clear, straightforward writing style, and she never shied away from exposing harsh truths about American Evangelical culture.

The first thing I want to discuss is the organization of the novel and the writing style. Rather that strictly opting for a chronological play-by-play of her life, Cantorna-Wylde instead breaks up her memior by topic so she covers the most hard-hitting parts of her story. This gives the emotional (and often hard to read) topics the weight they deserve, and it allows the reader to feel what the author felt as she was experiencing those events. I also loved her analytical voice as she picks apart why these experiences meant so much to her, and how they impacted her mental health long term. This was very much a novel about unpacking trauma, and while that narration style might not be for every reader, I think it worked well for the story Cantorna-Wylde was trying to tell. Her descriptions were also rich and detailed, meaning Cantorna-Wylde showed instead of simply told.

The second thing I want to praise is the fact that Cantorna-Wylde unpacked her own mentality and her belief-system. Early on in the novel, Cantorna-Wylde states that the Evangelical church's main mission is to impart its biases on whoever it can, and she does not shy away from how growing up in that enviroment impacts her thinking today. She had to unlearn so much shame surrounding her sexuality, along with unlearn a lot of misconceptions about the world outside the church. This was not always easy for her to do, and she states over and over again that she is still learning and growing as a person, especially when it comes to understanding her white privilege and why "label-blind" inclusion wasn't the affirming religious experience she originally thought it was. She does not make excuses for the people around her even as she tries to understand their behavior, nor does she make excuses for herself. This makes her story feel much richer, and much more real.

The final thing I would like to address is how much I learned about American evangelicalism while I was reading this novel. As a queer person, I had always known the Evangelical Church was homophobic, but I never knew just how deep those prejudices ran since I am a lifelong atheist who has never sat through an Evangelical service. I also never knew how racist and misogynistic the church was, and how hard it is for people who don't fit the mold to simply exist in the church. I also never knew American Evangelicalism had its roots in the same American eugenics movement that inspired the Nazis. Yup, you read that right. My heart goes out to anyone who was raised in that unaffirming, toxic, terrible enviroment along with anyone who has been impacted negatively by the the Evangelical movement.

Out of Focus, by Amber Cantorna-Wylde is a memoir of one woman's quest for acceptance, unlearning, and positive growth as she escapes from the toxic white Evangelical church. Cantorna-Wylde tells her story in an honest, easy to understand style and holds no punches as she skewers American Evangelical culture and the hate that is baked into its very foundation. Readers will be moved by her strength and her openminded attitude.

Thank you to Netgalley, Westminster John Knox Press, and Amber Cantorna-Wylde for this eARC in exchange for an honest review.

As someone who grew up in remarkably similar circumstances from the other side of the world, the premise of Amber Cantorna-Wylde's book Out of Focus appealed to me. However, while Amber is an exceptional writer who is able to communicate her ideas in a beautiful narrative style, this book missed the mark for me.

Like other reviewers have mentioned, there is a significantly optimistic Christian slant, however, unlike other reviewers, this has impacted my rating of the book. This is not because of an anti-Christian perspective. It is the opposite, actually. I was expecting Amber's criticism of the church to head in a different direction due to this excerpt she wrote in chapter one (pg. 7):

Popenoe's racist, homophobic, patriarchal idea that healthy White people should be the Super Race not only influenced Adolf Hitler and the Third Reich, but it continues to influence millions of evangelicals today due to the global influence that FOTF maintains. The central idea is that in order to avoid "race suicide" and ensure that White Christians stay the dominant race and religion, they should breed as many "culture warriors" as possible.

To point this out in chapter one, and then not deconstruct this any further in the narrative beyond occasionally mentioning "straight white cis male Christians" in passing is why I am left craving more from this book. If she did, please let me know and I will alter my review, because it's possible I missed it while reading the heavier chapters. But I cannot recall it being mentioned again, and I did find it challenging to read because of this, as it fails to take into account the importance of intersectionality outside of the author's own personal battle with Christian rejection of sexual diversity (therefore avoiding looking at Christianity with an intersectional feminist lens).

Amber Cantorna-Wylde can write, and it was an easy book to read with a lot to offer to many readers. I wish her luck in her continued journey.

I'm glad Amber wrote this book. I wish she didn't have to. I wish she, like so many of us, did not have to live through such traumatizing theology and the actions taken out of that. Huge content warning for sexual assault, abuse, self-harm and suicide, and of course horrible homophobia, including "conversion therapy." I might go as far as to say that if you are also queer and have trauma from similar experiences, you might not want to read this book. It was difficult for me to get through at times because of all that resonates with me and all it brings up for me.

The people I want to read this book are the parents, mentors, teachers, and friends of queer people - the ones who are still holding onto theology that is literally killing LGBTQ+ people every day. I need them to read it with an open heart. I need them to understand that their theology, based on bad interpretation of the Bible, is deeply harmful, at best. (Not to mention the mistranslation/insertion of the word "homosexual" that was not even in the Bible! And they didn't even have our same understanding of being gay or queer back then as we do today!) But the good news is, they don't have to hold onto that horrible theology! It is NOT from God! They can let it go!

Oh, another content warning, as another reviewer brought up: Amber's father was a bigshot at Focus on the Family, and founder James Dobson, prior to starting Focus on the Family, was an assistant of Paul Popenoe, the eugenicist who founded the American Institute of Family Relations, advocated for compulsory sterilization and “social hygiene,” trained pastors and psychologists to follow his patriarchal, white supremacist, homophobic vision, and was directly involved in the eugenics program that influenced the Third Reich!!! So horrible! Rotten fruit from rotten theology.

So if you can read this book without being further traumatized, she does offer a raw, courageous account of navigating sexuality, shame, and the deeply harmful impact of Evangelical theology. Through her vulnerability, Amber sheds light on the struggle for acceptance and healing within conservative Christian communities. It’s a powerful memoir that encourages empathy, understanding, and self-acceptance.

This memoir is achingly, heartbreakingly familiar. I was so moved by Amber's honesty and writing, and how she so accurately portrays an upbringing within the very carefully constructed world of evangelical Christianity. Her journey is so well-expressed and I really appreciated getting to follow along with her as she worked through finding herself, reconciling her beliefs with what she grew up with. She was brave to embrace who she is fully and I found myself considering my own upbringing, the harmful messages continually fed to faith communities, and I find it reading her story is helping me process aspects of my own past. Ultimately, this book is well worth reading for anyone who is on a journey of deconstruction or struggling with reconciling the messages they grew up receiving from the Church with who they are inside.

I feel like a typical review of a deeply personal memoir such as this one isn’t necessarily applicable. This is more of a reflection than a review, I suppose.

This memoir follows the author’s life from early childhood to her adult life in the present day, and focuses on her religious upbringing in the cult that is Christian Fundamentalism. Her father was a prominent figure in Focus on the Family, a tool created by n*z*s to further their oppressive agenda against anyone who isn't straight, white, and heteronormative. Notably, her father produced the radio show Adventures in Odyssey, among others. This show was an amazing tool of propaganda played right into the ears of many impressionable kids, myself included. Childhood me loved this show, and when I saw Amber’s memoir showed that she had grown up queer in that oppressive era, steeped in that fundie dream, I was drawn in.

This book is informative, and I'm glad it exists. If you’ve ever wondered why we’re all so f’ed up about this church thing, this could be a great stepping off point. It introduces the culture we were embroiled in so deeply, and Amber succinctly draws the lines between it and the mental health issues, trauma, and internalized homophobia it causes.

I think it would also be a great resource for someone on the beginning of their deconstruction journey, or to share with people still in the church who may have queer family members. Amber approaches her queerness within the faith she still has, and seeing that could be of value to help change some people’s minds.

Ultimately, I found my own journey had taken me too far from the religion to get a lot out of this story. It was difficult to read such a familiar experience despite our wildly different families, and difficult to hear their church culture language again. I no longer feel as though the Christian church has anything valuable enough to trade myself for. It was rough being surrounded by that culture again and hearing even the positive stories didn't sit well with me.

Amber has a lot of love in her heart, and my salty soul admires that, as well as her bravery for sharing this story.

I don’t remember exactly when it was that I learned the truth about Focus on the Family. What I do remember is that it was before I had any idea I was a lesbian, and that very organization is part of the reason it took me so long to come to that conclusion. Still, when I found out exactly what they stood for, I felt betrayed for a reason I couldn’t yet understand.

My parents had received magazines from Focus on the Family for as long as I could remember. When I got old enough, my sister and I received their kids’ magazine, Clubhouse. Inside, among other things, were references to the Adventures in Odyssey radio show, which the author of this book's father worked on. For whatever reason, we never actually listened to it, but the moral of the story is that FotF had a foothold in my life. Saying this now, I am at once making ties between the values the author described and certain interactions with my parents, and now I’m almost certain those ideas must have come directly from FotF.

In my early teens, there were a couple of books about purity that my mom read with my sister and me. One included a journal where we would answer questions related to the reading. They even bought us purity rings. For whatever reason, while I later found my sister’s in her jewelry box, I never got mine, and I’m not sure why. Maybe it was because my sister eventually began dating and I did not. Maybe they knew something I didn’t. I also remember riding home from a music lesson with my father, who usually did not transport me to and from such things. All of a sudden, he started talking about how the highest responsibility a woman could have for Christ was having children because if Christians didn’t have more children, other religions would surpass us in number. It shocked me deeply. And I can’t even bear to type some of the things I was told about gay people.

With time, my parents’ connection to these ideas has lessened. It has been years since a FotF magazine arrived at our house. My father, a lifelong Republican, has turned away from most of the Republican candidates. And when it came time for me to come out, I was only a little afraid I’d lose everything.

But the fear was still there. The damage was still done. I spent 22 years of my life in the closet, most of them in the closet to myself too, because for so long I felt that I wasn’t even allowed to think about homosexuality as a concept, interact with media about it, associate with people who were gay, and most certainly not be gay myself. When my feelings and doubts began to assert themselves, I would beat them down, fearing that if I allowed them to persist, something bad would happen to me, some sort of cosmic retribution. As such, getting to a point where I was really exploring that part of myself and not fearing that an important concert was going to be a failure as a result was huge for me.

Months later, I would come out as an act of love, and at first, it was difficult. While I wasn’t kicked out or yelled at or disowned or necessarily preached at, the response threatened to overshadow a time in my life that should have only been marked by joy. All of that pain began to drain away as soon as I was in my girlfriend’s arms, and experiencing this love has been an integral part of my healing. Still, I resent the ways in which these ideas tried to dull one of the most beautiful things in my life.

So that’s my story, and frankly, as bad as it was at times, it’s nothing compared to the struggle for so many. It can be hard for people raised outside of a religious bubble to understand exactly how soul-crushing it can be, although religious influence certainly poisons those outside of that bubble as members of a society governed by it. For that reason, I’m grateful that the author has chosen to share her own story, as difficult as it is. It is proof of our resilience, proof of the fact that we really can be anyone, anywhere, and a window into the life of those raised under Evangelical influence that many would benefit from peeking into.

Out of Focus is a very relatable book for those of us in the lgbtq+ community who grew up evangelical.

It's a struggle that many of us who have grown up with in strict religious households. The constant fear and pressure to conform to a certain set of beliefs and behaviors can have a lasting impact on our mental health and self-esteem. It can be difficult to break away from those ingrained beliefs and find our own truth and identity. Amber's story is a reminder that it's okay to question and challenge the beliefs we were raised with and to find our own path, even if it means going against what we were taught. Her courage to speak out and share her experiences can give hope to others who may be struggling with similar challenges. It's important to recognize that we are not alone in our struggles and that there is strength in breaking away from toxic beliefs and finding our own inner peace and understanding. Amber's journey is a testament to the power of resilience and the human spirit, and serves as a reminder that we are capable of overcoming even the most difficult of obstacles.

Please read trigger warnings before reading, as this is a heavy book.

"Out of Focus" by Amber Cantorna-Wylde is a poignant and brave memoir that unveils the intersection of sexuality, shame, and toxic evangelicalism. With honesty and vulnerability, Cantorna-Wylde shares her personal journey of coming out within the confines of a conservative religious community. The narrative is not just about self-discovery but also a testament to resilience in the face of societal expectations and judgment.

The author's writing is both engaging and sincere, pulling readers into the rollercoaster of emotions that accompany self-realization in a judgmental environment. Cantorna-Wylde skillfully weaves her story, shedding light on the struggles faced by LGBTQ individuals within religious circles while maintaining a hopeful tone throughout. The book doesn't just focus on the challenges but also on the triumph of self-acceptance and embracing one's identity.

"Out of Focus" is an important addition to the conversation on sexuality, faith, and personal authenticity. It serves as a compassionate guide for those navigating similar journeys and offers a bridge for understanding and empathy. Cantorna-Wylde's courage to share her story contributes to a growing movement of openness, fostering dialogue and understanding in the quest for acceptance.

Focus on the Family was a part of my life for as long as I can remember. I loved Adventures in Odessey as a child and remember listening to many Focus on the Family programs in my mom's mini van. As someone who has struggled with my own deconstruction and reconstruction of faith, I found Cantorna-Wylde's experience both relatable and cathartic. Her struggle to breakdown her entire world view-knowing that doing so would separate her from her family is brave, nuanced, and resonate for me. This is a well-written, deeply personal account of one woman's journey to discover her sexuality, face the myths of her childhood religion, and truly live. It is rare to find such a true and insightful story. Fans of Still Stace by Stacey Chomiak and Disobedient Women by Sarah Stankorb will enjoy this.

*3.25/5
Out of Focus is a memoir that guides the reader through the author’s journey of healing and self-acceptance. Coming from a household headed by a focus on the family employee, Amber Cantorna-Wylde was taught evangelical Christian values that resulted in years of self-harm and suppression of her true self.

This memoir is open and honest. Amber shares her vulnerable story surrounding family, faith, and love.

Stylistically, there’s elements of this that I didn’t enjoy, but that didn’t take away from the story being written.

Cantorna-Wylde's memoir shares her story of being raised in a Christian conservative family and her journey to find her identity and accept her sexuality was emotional. We don't get the ending that we want and we feel her pain the whole way through, but that is what makes it real and relatable. My heart breaks for Cantorna-Wylde and the things she goes through. With that being said, her own growth and personal development is so inspiring. Cantorna-Wylde has to deal with more trauma than many will in her life, but through it all she grows as an individual, discovers her found family, and strengthens her personal faith.

I think that reading this book helped heal part of me. I am so thankful that there are now books written by people who grew up similar enough to the ways that I did, so I can now point friends at the book and say, "Look, this is how I grew up. This is where I come from."

As an Awana kid who grew up on Focus on the Family and Adventures in Odyssey, I recognize the teachings that Cantorna-Wylde writes about. She talks about the conservatism of Colorado Springs, and I can only imagine the pain of growing up queer in that city. Out of Focus is the memoir of the daughter of a Focus on the Family executive, and I think that her journey and her painful leading have contributed to today's more open environment. It's the story of a life - Purity Culture, early crushes and gay experiences, the cracks showing, a break, and a rebuilding. She came out and got through it, and now she is helping other queer Christians (and the people who love them).

For me as a reader, books like this are helpful with labeling my own experiences. As anyone else who grew up evangelical knows, it's terrifying trying to break away and forge your own path. We need writers like Cantorna-Wylde to go before us, name the toxicity, and reassure us that we're not crazy. Confirmation that "yes, Focus on the Family actually does believe this" and "yes, that was wrong of that person to say that" is a sweet for the soul and healing to the bones. I would recommend this book to anyone else who grew up evangelical or who wants to understand more about how their evangelical friends grew up.

CW: There are mentions of self-harm and suicidal thoughts, which the author has thoughtfully asterisked to make it easier for readers to skip unsafe paragraphs. Big thank you to the author and publisher for doing this.

Thank you to Netgalley and Westminster John Knox Press for the e-ARC of this book.

This is a tough memoir to read as a queer person who grew up surrounded by Christian evangelism. Necessary and thoughtful, but tough and personal.

This book is beautiful, thoughtful and authentic. As a millennial who grew up in evangelical Christian culture, I found myself nodding along and screaming YES as I read. Courageous piece of writing, thank you for sharing your story with the world, Amber.

Out of Focus is a heart wrenching, shocking story of resilience, fortitude, and self love. As someone fascinated by evangelical culture (specifically in the south), I had never heard of Focus on the Family. It was very interesting to learn more about.

I grew up listening to Adventures in Odyssey and Focus on the Family was a large part of my life. But Amber Cantorna-Wylde REALLY lived it. Memoirs that portray living family members in a negative light are always tough to read; that being said, the author walked that line of tenderness quite well. I think this book can be helpful to a number of people who have left or are leaving evangelicalism, regardless of whether or not LGBTQIA+ sexuality is part of their story.

Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for an honest review of this book. Unfortunately when I downloaded it, it was in a format I was unable to read/view. I tried downloading an app that said I would be able to view it and that did not work either. I look forward to this books release date as it sounded interesting reading from the perspective of someone who is church adjacent.

Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for an advanced copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.

While I did not grow up in an evangelical Christian household, I do enjoy reading about those who have. I found this memoir to be very raw and often upsetting. It somehow amazes me that parents can be so rigid in their belief systems that they are willing to break off a relationship with their child. I hope Amber finds peace and love outside of her immediate family.

This was a well-written memoir. The only thing that annoyed me (and I feel this way when I see it in any book), is the use of ?! or !? instead of ! or ? . I know this is picky, but it just strikes me as something that is more suited for a casual text between friends than a published memoir. I understand it's for emphasis, but it still annoys me.

My only other slight complaint is that at times, I felt the author was repeating herself.

Overall, I enjoyed this memoir, and definitely learned more (sadly) about Focus on the Family and their very anti-LGBTQ belief systems.