Honestly, it's been a few weeks since finishing this book and I'm still struggling to sum up my feelings about it.

Firstly, going into this story I felt as though I was unprepared for everything. Nowhere in the publicity did it say anything about it being in 2nd person the entire time - which is something so difficult to get perfect and something you really need to be in the right place to read - and because of that, I ended up not enjoying that (very central :/) aspect at all..

I understand the intention but it just caused a gap between Will and the audience taking in their story that just made my experience of reading it overall, worse. As well as that, the plot in this one just didn't make sense to me, events were happening in entirely unrealistic ways and in places of convenience when necessary. This is by no means a bad story, which is why it still scored 3 stars but the bones of this story needed more flesh than they were given.

However, the thing that drew me to this authors previous work was the fantastic autism and non-binary rep, and general queer rep within the cast of characters which I'm so glad were here and beautifully orchestrated again. Will is one of the few agender characters I've read, and having an agender character also be autistic and a-spec meant so much to me and my experience. It's so rare to see so many parts of myself on page without pushback. This author makes you feel seen and loved so easily with everything they do. All of the characters were so dimensional and so developed which was easily and probably will always be my favorite part.

So, overall: great characters, great rep but poor plot and a difficulty in reading the unexpected second person. I'm sure others will adore this story more and enjoy getting to see themselves represented on page just as much as I did!

Thank you to NetGalley, the publisher, and the author for this review!

First of all, I have to say that Maya MacGregor's writing is radiant. Their words and descriptions flow like poetry, using the most unexpected metaphors and analogies to describe things in the most perfect, spot-on way. The plot weaves along at a beautiful pace, like a emotional river shifting from rapids to calm. The dialogue is rich and deep, each interaction taking us further into the characters' heads and hearts. And I particularly enjoyed the intriguing narrative point of view - neither first nor third person, but a gorgeous, striking use of "you" throughout the book.

Will's story was tragic, heartbreaking, painful, and full of loss. But Will themself was a strong, determined, courageous person with a fiery desire to live rather than just survive. They thought they were a monster, but they were their own monster. They didn't let the world swallow them up.

Julian's character was incredible. They were a much-needed calm in the storm of Will's life. Having two non-binary leads is still so amazing to see, especially ones as well-written as Will and Julian.

All in all, not an easy book to read, but an important and magnificent one. We are not the monsters the world wants us to be. We are deserving of love and life, and this book is a reminder to never stop fighting for that.

This was an incredible read, and I’m sure it will change a lot of lives and help a lot of kids. I love the very subtle, not quite fantasy, vaguely supernatural, touches in maya macgregors books.

I carefully read and fully agreed with the author's note at the end of the book concerning the importance of trauma narratives. However, I personally felt that the trauma became overwhelming without a strong enough balance of hope to prevent the triggering aspects of the storyline overtaking the purpose of the novel. Perhaps it had to do with the second person narrative, but I felt being addressed as 'you' for everything Will suffers immensely triggering. Obviously people can choose to read the book or not, depending on their own histories of abuse, but I do think the choice to 'assault' the reader with the events of the novel directly was perhaps misguided, considering that the book was largely written for those who already understand and empathise Will's experiences all too well, and so risks provoking secondary trauma. I do think this is a responsibility trauma narratives need to bear in mind. With that said, I was rooting for Will throughout, and the book engenders powerful emotions, and I really liked the depiction of agender rep.

cw: child abuse; domestic violence; child endangerment; child abandonment; parental neglect; trauma; financial abuse of a minor; drug abuse.
rep: agender MC; secondary character with Tourette Syndrome.

I am grateful to have received an ARC of this book from Astra Publishing House via NetGalley in return for an honest review.

This book just feels so bleak, and could be extremely triggering to readers. I understand its purpose, but the trauma often felt overwhelming.