It’s clear that Cohen is a progressive who respects queer and polyamorous relationships, but she also respectfully highlights the “other significant others” in conservative celibate connections. She doesn’t present their connection as second-tier or sub-meaningful to other platonic intimacies in the book. Or, second-tier to the dominant romantic couple. The power of this book is that she provokes you to think about and desire intimacy outside of cultural-social clone possibilities. She provides stories for you to process and consider significant others beyond significant others in compulsory coupledom, romantic coupledom, and polyamorous relationships. She not only gives us platonic partnership stories but she gives us stories that don’t fit into a one-size-fits-all, cookie cutter pattern for readers to mimic.

Thank you Netgalley for this eARC!

Overall I enjoyed this book. I agree that we need to make space for friendships and other relationships that aren’t based on romantic love but are just as fulfilling. I was interested to learn that the centering of marriage above all relationships is a relatively new phenomenon in the US, and one that I hope we move away from as a model, especially as the rate of divorce and choosing not to marry climbs. I especially liked that the author discussed what happens when a friendship ends, and how it can be as painful as a breakup but not honored in the same way.

The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life with Friendship at the Center by Rhaina Cohen discussed in depth something I've been thinking about for a while and I was thrilled to find her book exploring this idea.

Humanity has been forming families in many different ways throughout time - according to the needs of their era, location, number and requirements of resource management within the values of their cultures. In my own life there have been many more models (successful!) than two birth parents and resulting children. Depending on lives and deaths, there have been aunts and/or uncles raising whatever extended family children were orphaned, abandoned or kicked-out. There have been grandparents, second cousins and long losts of all sorts needing and accepting parental roles throughout history. Brothers and sisters have been life-long partners, and best friends have also forged life-long partnerships. This isn't new. But it is time that our western culture carve out a legal space for individuals outside the man-woman-bio kid model assumed (and so required in order to be covered) by most of our legal systems.

Kudos to the author for beginning the conversation, getting it out there for people to think about in a different way - whatever raises humans up in love, safety, respecting the rights, liberties and equal standings of ALL others is what is needed. It's a start we've needed for a long time.

*A sincere thank you to Rhaina Cohen, Macmillan Audio, and NetGalley for an ARC to read and independently review.*

A wide ranging look at the many meaningful shapes that deep friendships can take, as well as the historical background for the devaluing of friendship in the west and the ways that the institution of marriage has taken up more and more space socially and politically.
Well researched, easy to read, and inspiring.
I sent many screenshots and quotes from this book to my best friend and look forward to her reading it so we can really dig into it together ❤️

In The Other Significant Others, NPR's Rhaina Cohen explores the transformative potential of choosing friendship over romance as a central life partnership. Through compelling narratives and insightful social science research, Cohen challenges conventional views on relationships, arguing that placing too much pressure on romantic bonds and undervaluing friendships makes our connections more fragile. This thought-provoking book invites readers to reconsider their expectations and embrace the diverse possibilities of fulfilling, platonic commitments.

My thoughts: I absolutely adored this book. It made me feel seen and understood, especially as someone still searching for love. It reassured me that my life is rich and fulfilling even without having found "the one." The book is well-written, and I thoroughly enjoyed the diverse stories it presents. I highly recommend it.

Thank you to NetGalley and St Martin’s Press for the ARC of The Other Significant Others by Rhaina Cohen.

Unfortunately, I did not finish this book as it just did not hold my interest. The concept of the book was appealing and the cover caught my eye. Ultimately as I was ready this I didn’t feel like this was anything new or different that would keep me interested. For a nonfiction book to hold my attention I need it to be pretty riveting with some level of good info to draw me in. I felt like this book was sharing info I know about relationships, friendships and all forms in between.

As I have to give a star to write this review, the star rating is not an accurate representation as I really consider this a DNF on my list. I did not rate it on Goodreads.

Yes, yes, yes to everything about this book. The Other Significant Others grabbed me from the introduction - something few books have managed to do. This book offers a much-needed paradigm shift while also being incredibly heartwarming. I enjoyed the combination of research and testimonials from those in these long-term platonic relationships. I think we are going to see a lot more long-term platonic relationships forming in the next decade, and this is a great example of different ways that can look. I loved the exploration of various kinds of relationships. Most people in their 20s (myself included) need to read this book! I also enjoyed the focus on meaningful friendships /alongside/ meaningful romantic relationships and the ways in which we can diversify our support system - not only making romantic relationships healthier but friendships more meaningful. I can't wrap my words around how important this book is in refocusing community and friendships in our lives.

Thank you to the author Raina Cohen, publishers St. Martin's Press, and NetGalley for an advance digital copy of THE OTHER SIGNIFICANT OTHERS. All views are mine.

Opening Quote: Language like my other half suggests that you only graduate to being a full human once you have a romantic partner. Loc. 618.

Three (or more) things I loved:

1. I love that this book looks at the invisible downfalls of the popularity of the romantic relationship. Who could find fault with someone marrying their best friend? Well...[The] spouse - is - my - best - friend phenomenon feels like hoarding ; spouses, who are already in a place of honor, get to claim the top title in another relationship category. This privileging of romantic relationships can make them feel compulsory. Loc.611.

Three (or less) things I didn't love:

This section isn't only for criticisms. It's merely for items that I felt something for other than "love" or some interpretation thereof.

1. I can tell Cohen's sources and resources are excellent. Unfortunately, she didn't arrange or present the information in an intriguing way or even in a way that communicates the urgency of her main point. Significant overlap between her points (chapters) creates repetition and makes the read feel dry.

2. I'm so surprised to say this, given my interest in the book's subject, but I am not the right audience for this book. The author advocates over and over for the main idea-- that nonromantic relationships can be fulfilling primary partnerships in people's lives. Being already firmly in the author's camp, I kept waiting for the book to broaden its approach to the subject. Unfortunately, I was left unsatisfied.

Rating: DNF @ 33%
Recommend? Yes, for readers who want to learn more about the author's argument!
Finished: Feb 8 '24
Format: Digital arc, Kindle, NetGalley
Read this book if you like:
🏘 social theories
👤 psychological theories
👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 family stories, family dynamics
👭🏽 friendship
😚 nonromantic intimacy

Thank you for the ARC! First of all it surprises me that there aren’t more books on this topic as female friendship is one of the pillars IMO of mental health. We love our friends, we get hurt my our friends, and we feel deeply in a way that doesn’t translate to romantic relationships. I loved learning more about the importance of these friendships. Would recommend.

4.75ish stars

This was an interesting, thoughtful, and well-written book. I thought the premise was intriguing when I initially requested it, and I wasn’t disappointed with the book itself. The writer does a great job of exploring the depths and nuances of different types of friendships and other meaningful relationships that aren’t romantic in nature, and she does so by considering a diverse range of people, situations, and circumstances. Some of the information discussed wasn’t necessarily new, but it was all presented and woven together into a cohesive narrative that I thoroughly enjoyed, and it did give me a lot to consider. I think other people could also similarly enjoy this book and will be recommending it to a few people in my life.

An interesting look at different types of relationships that don't have to be romantic. How platonic relationships can be just as fulfilling and necessary to people as romantic ones.

As someone who has long been fascinated by both marriage and friendship, the premise of this sounded like something I would absolutely love. And while Cohen shared plenty of interesting individual stories, I didn't find much of it to be new or profound. Ann Friedman and Aminatou Sow's book, Big Friendship, was one of the first books of this kind (and I enjoyed it much more). If this is your first time reading something about centering friendship, rather than only romantic relationships, this might be new and fresh for you. (But I also found the interviews with Cohen to be more than efficient at gleaming her main thesis, and a lot less of a time commitment.)

In a society in which romantic relationships are the ultimate goal, this book brings to light the importance and prevalence of committed friendships. In each chapter, a certain characteristic is explored, such as the role of sex, co-parenting, and caregiving later in life. The author uses real life stories to illustrate how these arrangements can work and the benefits that everyone involved receives. She also delves into recent and distant history, unearthing the myriad ways friendships have played a pivotal role in society, and the shift towards "traditional, nuclear families" as the gold standard.

At times, some of the stories seemed a little TOO detailed, going into the intricacies of how these friendships operated as well as the numerous people in their social circles. But I can see in hindsight the purpose of providing an abundance of context to demonstrate how these close relationships functioned on a daily basis.

This book really brought to light how misunderstood and undervalued these relationships tend to be in our current society. The law does not recognize friendship as an official relationship and privileges such as bereavement policies, medical power of attorney, and celebration ceremonies are not given in these circumstances. The author also extends the conversation to same-sex and other untraditional relationship and family dynamics and the role marriage plays in the eyes of the law. There is tremendous areas for improvement to guarantee equality and basic rights to all people, without constraints or relationship parameters.

This is the book on community and relationships that fall beautifully outside the lines of the traditional that I didn't know I needed. Rhaina's public radio creds shine through in her attention to detail and ability to distill reams of interviews, research, and personal commentary into a clear and compelling narrative. Queer people, single people, people who left or never chose mediocre marriages, trauma survivors, you. name it -- we form families in one way or another, and this is an important look at what that can look like when we throw out the usual guardrails.

This is not your typical, run-of-the-mill, find-your-tribe friendship book! Those are a dime a dozen when it comes to friendship books. I don’t know how many books on friendship I have read that surrendered intimate platonic possibilities to cultural intimate norms. Books that abdicated meaning, value, and irreplaceable connection to romantic expectations and sexual norms. Trust me, this is not your typical friendship book that relinquishes deep connection to romantic and sexual encounters.
Rhaina Cohen has done her homework. Yes, she interviews friends who are platonic partners. But she has also done her homework in researching and interacting with important thinkers and voices.
I am so thrilled that I could recommend this book to my progressive friends and to my conservative friends who value celibacy. It’s clear that Cohen is a progressive who respects queer and polyamorous relationships. But she also respectfully highlights the “other significant others” in conservative celibate connections. She doesn’t present their connection as second-tier or sub-meaningful to other platonic intimacies in the book. Or, second-tier to the dominant romantic couple. It’s no wonder why Marisa Franco, the therapist-author of *Platonic* describes this as “a platonic revelation and revolution.”
The power of this book is that she provokes you to think about and desire intimacy outside of cultural-social clone possibilities. She provides stories for you to process and consider significant others beyond significant others in compulsory coupledom, romantic coupledom, and polyamorous relationships. She not only gives us platonic partnership stories but she gives us stories that don’t fit into a one-size-fits-all, cookie cutter pattern for readers to mimic.
One of the striking things about her book is that she shows the readers the beauty and power of friendship-stretching in platonic closeness. “Stretching” is a metaphor that was unpacked with powerful meaning by Aminatou Sow and Ann Friedman in their book, *Big Friendship: How We Keep Each Other Close.* She can only do this if she presses into the dominant and popular sexuality dynamics. "In platonic and romantic partnerships alike, “best friend” is a label partners often use to describe each other." She doesn't ever end up watering down what "best friend" means in platonic connection. This book immediately skyrockets into one of my top five books on friendship. I did receive an advanced copy from NetGalley.
https://www.amazon.com/Other-Significant-Others-Reimagining-Friendship/product-reviews/1250280915/ref=cm_cr_arp_d_paging_btm_next_2?ie=UTF8&reviewerType=all_reviews&pageNumber=2

I thought that this book would get me out of my comfort zone, but it was honestly just a struggle for me. I feel as though it is unfair of me to rate this book because I knew going into it that I may not like it. and I was right. It was well written and I am sure a great book, but it just was not for me personally,

A delightful provocation of a book: what if we oriented our lives not around marriage but around a best friendship - a "platonic life partner," so to speak? Is it really necessary to choose just one person for love AND sex AND child-raising AND AND romance AND intimacy - and what might happen if we expanded those possibilities?

I enjoyed the case studies, though I wish there had been more consideration given to folks who are in traditional marriages AND who intentionally resist the expectation that their spouse must be their "best friend." I agree it was important to hear directly from folks living beyond the boundaries of what's considered "normal" today by choosing a friend to be their life partner - and I think Cohen did an exceptional job honoring their complex stories! - but based on the title, I was expecting the book to have a bit more relatability and guidance for folks who are married but don't want their spouse to be the only essential person in their life.

Thanks to St. Martin's Press and NetGalley for an ARC in exchange for my honest review.

THE OTHER SIGNIFICANT OTHERS by Rhaina Cohen is a life-changing read. Releasing some of the tremendous burden on romantic relationships and commitments to carry our entire emotional and social needs, this book offers a powerful and convincing case for cherishing our friendships new and old, with stories about ones who have done just that, inspiring me to reach out to my own friends new and old, giving it the same respect and intelligence that Cohen advocates for convincingly and memorably. A wonderful book! I received a copy of this book and these thoughts are my own, unbiased opinions.

A book about friendship. Sign me up!

As I’ve gotten older, I’m realizing that friendships are just as important as my marriage. For the longest time, I felt like I was in the wrong for wanting to put a lot of time into friendships as much as my own marriage. I’m learning that friends are just as important as your spouse. And this book, “The Other Significant Others” has confirmed the feelings that I’ve had for a while.

The book dives into the importance of friendship and how society has deemed the romantic relationship as the only norm. Having extremely close platonic friendships is seen as different and is treated as such. This book breaks down why platonic friendships are so important and how to make your own norm out of a subject that is seen as otherwise.

I had a lot of fun reading this book. I found myself nodding and agreeing with a lot of the points being made in it as well.

If you cherish friendships a little more than your romantic relationships then you’re not alone and this book will make you feel more seen.

Rhaina Cohen’s book THE OTHER SIGNIFICANT OTHERS is an interesting review of significant non-romantic relationships. It explores all kinds of relationships and comments on how “best friendships” are not as socially accepted as they are personally valued and why that is.

I loved the stories, pop culture references and social science of the book.

Thank you NetGalley and the publisher for an eARC.