This book is filled with compassionate, helpful advice for partners of someone with sexual trauma. The author explains some of the many different forms that sexual trauma can take, describes different ways that victims might react to or cope with it, and helps readers better understand what their partner is going through, how they can provide support, and how they can work through their own complicated feelings about this. The author does a great job validating how isolating, confusing, and painful this experience can be for the partners and spouses of abuse survivors, and her compassion and careful handling of this issue stand out, especially since so few books engage with this dynamic in a relationship.

There’s lots of great advice here, and this book covers a variety of important topics. There’s material about how to understand sexual trauma, better understand triggers, process your own reactions, and create a safe, trusting relationship that can help the abuse survivor heal. There’s also advice about how to communicate better, nurture your attachment, and bond more, and the author includes lots of helpful self-reflection questions and activities, along with things that couples can process and do together, if they’re both willing.

This book has a lot of great elements, and it’s very compassionate and wise. The reason why I’m not rating this higher is because even though the author introduces multiple diverse case studies and returns to them repeatedly throughout the book, none of the relationships includes a straight man as the abuse victim. It is extremely difficult for me to see this as anything other than an act of bias. The abuse survivors in these case studies include straight women, a lesbian, a gay man, and a nonbinary person, but a straight male victim? Clearly that’s a bridge too far. Even though this book’s content can still be very helpful for an abused man’s girlfriend or wife, the choice not to include a case study for this irks me immensely.

As someone who has experienced sexual trauma, this book is a helpful resource for not only the partner of a survivor, but the survivor as well. I really liked that not only did the author explain and define sexual trauma and some of the different ways it can affect the survivors and their partners, but there were scenarios and reflection questions, along with tips and exercises that will help support partners and improve relationships.

Thank you to Netgalley and publishers for giving be a digital copy in exchange for an honest review.

Loving Someone Who Has Sexual Trauma is a very helpful resource for those in a relationship where one partner has experienced sexual trauma. I am always looking for resources to share with clients, as a I work in the mental health field. I felt this book was clear, concise, and provided easily understood information to those who have not experienced trauma themselves, but want to better understand it for their loved ones who have.

Thanks to NetGalley & the publisher for the ARC!

Speaking as someone that has been through sexual trauma, I think this will be a very helpful tool for partners of people like me.

Clear, concise and helpful, this is the book I would recommend for those whose partners are living with sexual trauma. A lot of the books I have read so far are complex workbooks, or very heavy on the science of trauma, whereas this one manages to balance advice with simple tasks with brief quotes and case studies of other couples in similar circumstances. Very accurate to the blurb, 'if your partner is a survivor of sexual trauma, they may experience anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), depression, or feel triggered by intimate situations. And you may feel confused, overwhelmed, or unsure of how to support them. This gentle guide will give you the tools you need to help nurture intimacy and trust, and cultivate a secure relationship.' And it does, focusing on communication skills, de-escalating triggers, soothing conflict, and building an emotionally and physically secure relationship, attuned to the specific needs of the trauma survivor. The book is addressed to partners, and the tasks and discussions involve the survivor, so it is especially helpful for partners, or could be purchased by a survivor for their partner. The book emphasises the importance of everyone in the relationship being on board and consenting to the activities, so perhaps bear this in mind concerning whether the book is appropriate for the stage of trauma recovery your partner is at currently.

I am grateful to the publisher and NetGalley for providing an ARC of Loving Someone Who Has Sexual Trauma in exchange for an honest review.

I am a survivor of sexual trauma, and I experience anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), depression, and can feel triggered by various forms of intimacy. It’s hard to let my husband know how to support me and I wanted to read this guide to see if it is something that I could get him to read to help the both of us.

In Loving Someone Who Has Sexual Trauma, marriage, family, and sex therapist Megan Lara Negendank offers self-compassion and attachment-based communication skills to support your partner. You'll also learn powerful, trauma-informed techniques and strategies to help you understand the full impact of your partner's past experience, increase feelings of safety and connection, and ultimately improve your relationship in the here and now. For my husband and I, how to avoid and de escalate triggers and healthy communication were part of our main focus on learning from this book. It is my hope that we can continue to learn from this book and I think it was very helpful for our relationship.

I had the opportunity to read an advanced reader’s e-proof of Loving Someone Who Has Sexual Trauma by Megan L Negendank courtesy of New Harbinger Publications via NetGalley. All opinions above are my own.