Nicole LePera writes to rip your soul out of your chest, heal it, and then shove it back in.

How to Be the Love You Seek is absolutely a must read for anyone. Learning to heal ourselves, in a healthy and lasting way, its an absolute must. Nicole LePera doesn't write books that tell you to drink tea, lay down, and hope for the best with self care, but teaches you how to actually fight for your life back.

A bit.... disappointing. As someone who is self-purportedly a "holistic" psychologist, I expected LePera to explore more causes of relationship breakdown and unhealthy attachments. Our childhood wounds are absolutely a big part of who we become and how we love as adults, but there are many other factors that influence our inner lives. I wish LePera had spent even a fraction of this book talking about those other factors (past romantic relationships, personality, self-esteem, societal expectations, depression, the myriad of lies we tell ourselves about what people want from us). She also could have given practical applications on how to reframe the essential lies we believe about ourselves. Overall, there was very little practical application to be found and a lot of anecdotal information. I would also caution readers that some of the claims that the author makes here are not well-proven or widely accepted. While I don't think its exactly misinformation or harmful, it certainly isn't documented or backed by studies and may not yield the results that LePera claims (also the lack of in text citations is bothersome to me). After reading LePera's previous works and enjoying them, I was disappointed with this one. If you have read any of LePera's previous books, this one is pretty much a regurgitation of the same information. If you are looking for practical, science-driven information I would recommend seeking out Brene Brown's work.

I was an instagram follower before and this book further cements my desire to follow Dr. LePera. She always gives gives you a lot to think about and this book was no exception. There is plenty of no nonsense advice and exercises to help you work through it. I adore her and her mindset!

Tons to unpack here! I've only recently discovered Dr. Nicole and I find much of what she shares is spot on. She lays the groundwork for getting at the root of why we do what we do and repeat patterns. Fascinating stuff!