When I first started reading "Grief is for People", I needed to pause because there was just too much grief already in my life. When I next picked up the memoir, I was able to zip through it, interested in the literary sections about various writers, and more memories of her dead friend. The memoir is in many ways a tribute to her friend who committed suicide, a suicide she didn't expect, and perhaps that is part of the reason the death has been so incomprehensible. When the author is standing on a cliff in Australia at the end of the book, it's somewhat symbolic of going full circle with acceptance of grief. Unlike many memoirs that focus on the darkness of suicide, the draining effects of endless depression, we see her friend as a vivacious person. Until he's not.

This was an unexpectedly loved book. Crosley's ability to articulate the depth of feeling as it related to her relationship with her friend and the world she lived in was tremendous. I have never highlighted as many quotes as I did in this book.

a brief but full memoir of the grief following the death of one of crosley's dear friends told alongside the story of a break-in in her nyc apartment. exploring all kinds of loss and the ways it manifests in our lives (physically & metaphorically), this is a very poignant & readable memoir i highly recommend. pairs well with amy lin's 'hear after'.

Sloane Crosley is a fantastically talented author. I found this a lot harder to read than Cult Classic, This book- part memoir, part meditation on grief and philosophy and anger- is full of brilliant phrasing and ideas. But it is also just such challenging subject matter. The pairing of loss she describes is visceral, and I felt both compelled by her narrative and extremely upset by it. Sometimes that's a valuable thing in a novel or piece of writing- but I think it was too much for me, right now where I am. That said I do recommend it, just perhaps this one time I would have appreciated a content warning and perhaps skipped it. Am I still glad I read it? Mostly. Four stars.

This might be my favorite Sloane Crosley book to date - it still has her bone-dry, bracing wit, but there's depth too. Her grief is palpable and relatable, and she makes even the strangest effects of loss feel absolutely normal, even comical at times. Loved it.

In the latter half of 2019, Sloane Crosley’s New York apartment was broken into. Luckily she wasn’t home, but the burglar(s) had ransacked her bedroom and made off with several pieces of jewelry, much of it handed down from her maternal grandmother. That neither she nor her mother were particularly fond of said grandmother was neither here nor there, they were still Sloane’s things and now they were gone. Dealing with such an intrusion and the material loss that went along with it would be hard enough, but only one month later her best friend and one-time boss Russell Perreault hanged himself.

This sudden shock sets her adrift as she struggles to come to terms with the reality of it. He had been a constant in her life for so many years and the mere act of accepting that he was gone was challenge enough, let alone learning to live with it. In a way, having the robbery to focus on proves to be a blessing, as investigating it provides at least some brief moments of distraction. When COVID-19 sends the city into lockdown a few months later, she is left with little but time to reflect on the loss and finally try to make peace with it.

Much of this book was written essentially as it was happening to her, though of course edited and rewritten later, which gives it a confessional tone. Crosley’s writing is eloquent and often funny, but still down-to-earth and easily relatable. The affection she has towards Russell is obvious as she takes us through several fond memories, but this isn’t a hagiography, and she delves into some of his faults in an effort to try and understand what could have led him to take his own life. Despite the weighty subject matter this brief book is a joy to read. As someone who has experienced the loss of a best friend and also the suicides of others who were close by, the emotions and thoughts documented within ring true, and reading about someone else going through them is a surprisingly cathartic experience.

Grief is a universal thing everyone goes through, but our experiences with it are all so different even if we can relate to each other in some way.

Sloane Crosley's memoir on grief is so poignant, relatable and unique in her own way. She manages to capture the experience perfectly in ways that'll take your breath away.

I know I'll be purchasing a physical copy of this to return to so I can underline passages that have resonated with me. Very grateful for books on grief because while we all experience it, the experience can be very isolating. Thank you Sloane Crosley for this, and to the publisher for the eARC.

Tangling With Grief

Author Sloane Crosley had her apartment broken into and lost jewelry, most of it relatively inexpensive, some of it tied to strong family sentiment. She took this hard; this was a violation. Her closest friend and former boss, book publicist Russell Perreault, was the shoulder to cry on and the one person she felt comfortable confiding in. His reassurance: “If it’s any consolation,” he said, “you can’t take it with you when you go.”

A few nights later he committed suicide.

Unexpectedly, she forges the two events together. If she can solve the robbery and recover the jewelry– somehow it can turn events back. The first portion of the book has her working around the ineffectiveness of the police and doing her own investigation. This all-consuming mission acts as a protective cloak hiding her denial over the sudden loss of her friend. She even fantasizes about Russell, in death, recovering the jewelry for her.

As the title states, “Grief is for People,” not possessions. As the jewelry issue fades, Sloane deals with the guilt, the post-traumatic stress disorder, and the thousands of questions this loss brings out. We get that she loved Richard dearly as a friend and desperately searches for a way to bring him back, that by her continued living she is leaving him behind. She does paint a loving picture of his quirkiness and we do get a sense of why he is so missed.

We are not smothered in a solemn gloomy mess, though. There is a lot of witty humor in this book, which is a good thing because it helps balance out an underlying anger Sloane expresses. “We have all committed the sin of not being able to bring him back.” This does not profess to be a self-help book– she actually mocks the rigidity of a lot of those and challenges the traditional ‘five stages of grief,’ they are not as neatly divided as put forward. Everyone wears their grief differently.

I was drawn to this book as a way to address some of my own recent grief issues, and, although the suicide focus is not something specifically relevant, a lot of chords were struck that rang true. I have just ordered Joan Didion’s “Year of Magical Thinking,” her moving account of how she attempted to function in her world soaked in grief. That book is referred to a number of times here and when I first read it I was not looking at these issues from the same vantage point.

Please don’t be put off by the darkness you may associate with the subject matter. This is an excellent exploration of a place we are all bound to dwell in at some point. Again, serious questions addressed with an appropriately humorous slant. It is the tragedy comedy tradition.

“I still want to know where everything I loved has gone and why.”

Thank you to Farrar, Straus and Giroux, thank you to NetGalley for providing an advance reader copy in exchange for an honest review.

Thank you NetGalley and FSG for the ARC! I laughed and I cried ten times or so during this read. While Sloane Crosley meditates on the grief following the suicide of her best friend, she also in turn pens this fervent ode to their relationship and memories. She remembers their days in the office together with Russell pulling pranks and Crosley tackling him in the open; she relives their last dinner together, the conversations they had, the chair he sat in. It's a commemoration of their beautiful friendship and their life together, but even more it's an attempt to reconcile the best friend she knew with the person who took his own life.

Crosley begins with a story of how her apartment was burglarized, resulting in the theft of her treasured jewelry pieces. In between illustrations of her panic and police ineptitude, we are introduced to Russell — as a colleague, a friend, a flea market bargainer, a witty, indelicate person. From the briefest anecdotes, Crosley's adoration of Russell is evident and allows the reader to reason and bask in that admiration. Whether that's on Russell's natural lovability, it's certain that Crosley's love translates directly onto the page; for some loves, there are in fact words to depict their depth and permanence, and Crosley has surely found them.

What struck me the hardest was when Crosley mentioned how this book would be the first time writing something that Russell wouldn't have read. There is genuinely no event even remotely comparable to the agony of losing your best friend, let alone continuing your art without their lens by your side.

There are a few excerpts throughout this book taken from Joan Didion's literary works after her husband and daughter passed. Being similar explorations of grief, it complemented Crosley's writing. However, I feel that Didion would intimate that life without one's person / people can leave a feckless life in their wake. Crosley on the other hand seems to beg the question of how purpose can be regained in their absence. How do we move forward after such tremendous loss? Grief is everywhere we look and yet always slipping through our fingers. There's a quote from this book that I couldn't stop thinking of. Crosley wrote: "I was losing him and yet I couldn't get away from him."

thank you netgalley and fsg/mcd for the digital galley!!

sloane crosley is a really talented writer and i will be visiting her backlist asap

grief is for people chronicles sloane crosley's loss of a close friend to suicide. she navigates the mourning process with such sincerity here, not shying away from the confusion and hopelessness that accompanies such an unexpected death.

this book came to me at a weird time in my life. while i haven't experienced loss to the degree that crosley describes, i am in a weird stage of pre-grief that i don't have a reference for. i find myself gravitating toward stories of loss and mourning, and something about this one just really worked for me in this current headspace.

"it's impossible to predict how much you'll miss something when it's gone, to game grief in advance." ok ouch?? come at me??

crosley has a really thoughtful sense of humor, balancing wisdom and wit so carefully in her writing. despite the inarguable heaviness of the subject matter, i found myself more inclined to laugh than cry while reading (although admittedly i am not someone who cries...ever lol). there was one line that just really got me: "we are new york strong. we are new york tough. but who, i wonder, is weak? pittsburgh?" just imagine me, in pittsburgh, reading this and feeling so seen lol

more than anything, this book gives words to what so many of us spend much of our lives dealing with. grief comes in so many different forms, not just loss of a friend or valued objects but moments and opportunities and relationships. what crosley really gets across here is that there is no sufficient approach to any of it, no way to avoid it. the title comes from the line "grief is for people, not things." to me, grief is for people in the sense that if you are a person, you will experienced grief and be grieved, too.

this book has made my bus rides to school so much more meaningful over the last few weeks. also i love my friends <3

Wow - I was completely wowed by this book. I had read Crosley's first essay collection "I Was Told There'd Be Cake" and really enjoyed it. I started hearing about her new book and I could not put it down. It is a mediation in a sense of grief and loss - from the jewelry stolen from her apartment (which belonged to her unlikeable grandmother) to the suicide of her former boss/friend - she brilliantly weaves connections through themes of memory, trauma, loss. Her friend, Russell (if you google her you can see photos of them together which broke my heart even more), died before the Covid pandemic and while office politics and norms had already started to change. She "sees" him in her dreams and semi-waking life which in a way brings her some comfort. Her story really shows how grief is not a linear or defined process, but rather comes in waves - our senses, our memories can continuously bring us back to a moment we shared with the person who died - how we felt, who we were (our thoughts and insecurities). Just a beautiful book and a wonderful tribute to friendship and Russell.

Thank you to Netgalley and Farrar, Straus and Giroux for an ARC and I voluntarily left this review.

Loved the beginnning of this one...I was sucked into Crosley's writing about the burglary of her house. I loved how she represented her relationship with her friend, and I felt such sadness upon his suicide. But as she dove deeper into the grieving process, her writing becamse less engaging and I had a hard time caring...which in a story about grief and suicide, just didn't feel good to me. I wanted more explorations of how her life changed by this loss. Also, after awhile, the connection to her lost jewelry and her best friend felt a little forced.

I love a good memoir, especially when it touches upon sensitive subjects. I am so thankful to FSG Books, Sloane Crosley, and Netgalley for granting me physical and digital access to this book before it hits shelves on February 27, 2024.

If Sloane writes it, imma read it.

I needed this book more than I knew. While our circumstances coming to grief are vastly different - Crosley lost a friend to suicide and I lost my mom to a long illness - I felt a cathartic relief seeing my feelings and thoughts presented back to me.

Grief is often compounded and naturally takes on all forms of expression. We are led through the processing of Crosley’s feelings as she handles a robbery, death of her friend, and then (why the hell not, let’s throw it on) a global pandemic.

“You can ignore grief. You push it around your plate. But you can’t give it away.”

Thank you NetGalley and Farrar, Straus, and Giroux for the arc in exchange for my honest review.

CW/TW: suicide, grief, theft, home invasion

Grief Is for People is a frank and honest depiction of grief following the loss of an overwhelming force of a friend. It teeters between Sloane's journey dealing with the consequences of her apartment being broken into while also navigating her journey of grief in regards to her friend/mentor, Russell. Throughout the memoir she also touches on anecdotes in her friendship, with a unique and special emphasis on their work in the publishing industry during the 2000s. This is not treated as an ode to friendship - but rather showcases the raw authenticity and complexities of grief when you are not a partner, parent, nor child of the one you have lost. It showcases the raw authenticity and complexities of Russell throughout his life as she knew him. This is not a lyrical, poetically charged memoir. Rather, it is direct and real and features some sharply candid lines that will certainly resonate.

Grief is for People is a poignant memoir from best selling author Sloane Crosley. A long-time colleague and best friend is lost to suicide, and Sloane struggles not only understand why, but how to move forward. There is a parallel story of loss in this book, as Sloane is the victim of burglarly shortly before her friend dies. As distressing as the burglary is, Sloane reminds us that indeed, true grief is for people.

This bright, bracing, beautiful book—I treasure it. And I marvel at Sloane Crosley’s courage and candor, her wit, too, of course, I legitimately chortled—chortled out loud?!—but more than any of that I admire her willingness to do all she could to show us this love, this friendship, this cavernous loss and the person who left her with it, the person he was before that, too, the person he was to her. The insurmountable not-knowing that comes with loving anyone, with loss, and that comes at another frequency, as a brick wall, with suicide. To face that and still ask, still reach, still wonder—
“I still want to know where everything I loved has gone and why.”

Sloan Crosley's latest book is a departure from her usual humor-fueled work. In this memoir, she writes about the suicide of a dear friend that occurred around the same time as her apartment was burglarized. As Crosley considers the loss of meaningful items that were stolen and her friend's death, she admits "grief is for people" and proceeds to give readers an intimate look at her own mourning.

The juxtaposition of the burglary and the passing of her friend didn't always make sense to me. I understand what Crosley was trying to say about loss, but the comparison sometimes felt forced. As for what I enjoyed, I loved the inside look at her friendship with the man she lost, and I especially appreciated her stories about their behind-the-scenes jobs in publishing.

Like anyone would, Crosley wonders what signs she missed and if she could have done more to help her friend. This memoir has many poignant moments, but Crosley's trademark wit remains. Grief Is for People could be a balm for those who have lost someone to suicide and are wondering how to pick up the pieces of their life.

Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for an early copy of this book.

I am not a fan of Crosley's fiction. This memoir about her grief after a colleague and close friend dies by suicide is much better than her fiction. I was fully invested in the book for more than half of it. The end slowed down a lot and I lost interest but that is probably more a reflection of the process of grieving than it is about the book or the writing.

Wow. I don't know how to describe this book because I'm still processing it. I was captivated by the two stories and Crosley's seamless blending between the two. It's crazy to say that I also feel like I lost Russell, in a way, because of the picture she painted of him. We all have someone in our lives like that and we also have hyperfixated on the wrong thing following a tragedy.

I'll be honest. I'd tried reading Crosley's work before and just couldn't relax into it for some reason. I'm glad I read this book because I loved her writing here. Hope this is studied in memoir classes for ages.