Sloane Crosley is such a gem—her writing is so witty, so breezy, and so funny that her insights and pearls of wisdom sneak up on you and then just punch you in the gut. This book is so sad and heartbreakingly realistic as she works through her grief for her friend and her concurrent efforts to recover her stolen jewelry.

I described this to a friend as a Gen X version of The Year of Magical Thinking. Like Didion, Crosley is trying to work through how to live with the absence of a person whose presence had become vital. The person in question is a friend and mentor who had become a sort of father-figure to Crosley. He died by suicide. Having lost a loved one to suicide, I know how hard it is to talk about and also how many people have experienced it. Crosley does, in my view, a good job of describing the loss.

This book is sad and sweet, raw and rambling, and sometimes absurd, as loss is.

Thanks to Netgalley for the advance copy.

As someone who has lost someone very close to me unexpectedly. I very much related to a lot of parts of this book. But I didn’t relate because it was of cancer and not suicide.

No two experiences of grief are alike, and Crosley’s memoir is a fittingly personal glimpse into the unpredictable ups and downs of profound loss. Frank, philosophical, and even funny at times, each page feels like someone reaching for the words and just barely finding them in time to convey their latest feeling.

Thank you to NetGalley for an advance copy of this title coming out in February. This is a story of loss, grief, coping, moving on and making sense of the unthinkable. Sloane tells her story by beginning with a tragic, terrifying home burglary where some of her sentimental jewelry of her unlikable grandmothers is stolen. This experience rattles her, its traumatic but she's soon to realize that there are worse things that can happen. When her best friend in the world Russell commits suicide, with seemingly no warning or clues, Sloane is left to pick up the pieces of what she missed, what their friendship meant and how its connected to the burglary. I am not one to underline/highlight passages from books, but this book had so many moments where I was just in awe of how I connected to it with my own experiences with grief. One favorite was after dreaming of her dead friend, she wrote..." I savor the dreams as much as I dread them. they are the only way I get to hear him say new things." That gutted me, the truth of it. This is a brave, truthful and sad memoir. I loved it.

The book is divided in to five sections; each of the five sections of the book are aptly titled and framed around the five stages of grief which I thought was a clever way of formatting. This is as much a book about grief as it is a book about friendship and the imprint that one person can leave on another.
I admire the way that Crosley writes about grief, specifically, grief after losing someone to suicide. Grief is such an incredibly universal emotion yet something that we all experience so differently and it’s something that truly fascinates me.
I can appreciate this memoir for what it is and I think many people will fall in love with it but, at 65%, I am having a difficult time connecting with Crosley’s writing and the timeline of the book and so, at this moment, I will be setting it aside to possibly finish at a later time.

I was a bit skeptical about whether the author would be able to tie these two events – the theft of her grandmother's jewelry and her best friend's suicided – together in a way that would be respectful to the obviously more tragic incident, but wow, did she ever make it make sense. This is a fast and completely page-turning read, and it feels like the author is a friend telling this story to you but in the most clever, entertaining way (which helps to lessen the blow of the tragedy. You can tell she's spent a lot of time ruminating herself on how exactly to do this). Sometimes a bit too clever – I've had this issue with her essays in the past, they're just a bit too "whipsmart", I believe is the word used to describe them. Elsewhere I was really impressed with some of her turns of phrase, but overall it's just the impact of the story and how she's woven it all together. I would say it's better even not to read that much about it before reading the book, it's just better how she unspools it in the moment.

When Crosley first started comparing death to theft, I was confused. But then I quickly understood in my soul what she is doing and saying here. The title comes from a saying that Grief is for People, not things, but/and Crosley adds a whole lot to this conversation. As someone grieving a loss right now, this was a balm to my soul. I laughed and I cried and I am buying a hard copy to give to my sister. Its that kind of book.

Major thanks to NetGalley and MCD for providing me an ARC of this book in exchange for my honest thoughts:

If Nora Ephron wrote Didion's The Year of Magical Thinking.

When we talk about grief, we talk about Didion's more personal works. Crosley references a book club on reading Didion:

"..𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘴 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘶𝘴𝘣𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘥𝘢𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘦𝘳.. 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘧𝘢𝘳 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘺𝘴, 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘋𝘪𝘥𝘪𝘰𝘯’𝘴 𝘵𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘥𝘦𝘵𝘢𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘥. 𝘗𝘦𝘳𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘰 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘢𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘦, 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘢𝘺, 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺, 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴, 𝘪𝘧 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘺𝘭𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘰𝘯𝘦, 𝘪𝘵’𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘶𝘣𝘫𝘦𝘤𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵’𝘴 𝘢 𝘮𝘦𝘴𝘴. 𝘖𝘯𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘮𝘢𝘯 𝘴𝘶𝘨𝘨𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘪𝘳𝘴 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘰 𝘋𝘪𝘥𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘶𝘴𝘣𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘳 '𝘢𝘣𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨' 𝘩𝘦𝘳."

Didion means a great deal to Crosley with the press work at Vintage and because of the talk they shared for the New York Public Library.

When we lose someone, I think we all run to Didion. Because she was always so articulate about how she dealt with grief. And I honestly feel bad for those who don't see it.

If you get it, you get it. If you don’t, you don’t. If you know, you know. And if you don’t know like I honestly feel bad for you. I cannot explain it. I don’t have the vocabulary to sit here and explain it. You get the vibe or you don’t get the vibe.

We all deal with grief differently, and here Crosley creates emotional balance in sadness and humor to levy out the emotional drainage that is the grieving process. With so much heart, so much yearning, I can already imagine the endless pages that went on and on about how much she loved her friend, how much of a character he was, how much he meant to her, the world, and the way the world moves. How do we conceive a world without the people we love the most?

In jewel heist and hot insider tea in the publishing-sphere, Crosley creates an honest account of all the way the heart aches when we lose a great love like this.

She just gets it. The pain. How much it hurts. The blue that comes after. The days. Long ass days. But also the bursts of humor that need to happen. Humor happens to edit down on the big blue. Because what does Didion say about blue nights? Something about the dying of the brightness? Crosley, ten-fold forward, is after the opposite, the dying of the brightness.

The living of the brightness.

I'll end with this Didion reference from the book:

"𝘐𝘯 The Year of Magical Thinking, 𝘋𝘪𝘥𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘴: '𝘈 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘭𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘪𝘴 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥 𝘪𝘴 𝘦𝘮𝘱𝘵𝘺.' 𝘈𝘭𝘴𝘰 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘦: 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥 𝘪𝘴 𝘦𝘮𝘱𝘵𝘺, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘭𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘪𝘴 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶."

Loved reading this. Crosley's language and storytelling is fresh, and this is a compelling dive into grief. Will recommend to friends.

I'd like to re-read this annually. What a stunning, moving, brilliant, witty book. A book on loss, grief, defining yourself, defining oneself against a best friend--- everything we lose when we lose someone we love, including the way they saw us

I didn't actually read the blurb before getting into Crosley's newest book - I've read all of her past fiction & non-fiction, so at this point I'm a bit set to autopilot to pick up whatever she puts out.
When the essays begin with a theft of jewelry - I thought oh no, we're revisting The Clasp, but then she mentions the similarities and wondered if the readership of The Clasp was even big enough for someone to specifically target her.
We then enter a meditation on grief - Crosley's best friend & former colleague commits suicide a month after the theft of her jewelry (entirely unrelated on his end, but a second and much more devastating blow to Crosley).
An excellent, highly personal reflection on loss, how much can we know others, and what to do after part of your world ends.
Thank you to the publisher, via NetGalley, for providing me with an arc for review

I loved her previous book, "I Was Told There Would Be Cake," and was excited to read this one. But this was too slow-moving and just...too much.
Granted, it came at a bad time for me--lost my mom to suicide some years ago and this came to me right around the anniversary of that.
Still, even the quality of the writing was vastly different from previous.
I received an ARC from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.

This was a fascinating meditation on loss and friendship, on the surprising things that sustain us. The writing is crisp, engaging, and descriptive. The pacing of the story is effective and clear.

Essayist and novelist Sloane Crosley's Grief Is for People is a bereavement memoir like no other. Heart-wrenching yet witty, it bears a distinctive structure and offers fascinating glimpses into the New York City publishing world.

Crosley's Manhattan apartment was burgled on June 27, 2019--exactly a month before the suicide of her best friend and former boss, Russell, at 52. Throughout the book, the whereabouts of her family jewelry is as much of a mystery as the reason for Russell's death, and investigating the stolen goods in parallel serves as a displacement activity for her. "Grief is for people, not things," she reminds herself, but her grandmother's amber necklace becomes a complex symbol of her synchronous losses.

The relationship with Russell had been almost father-daughter in nature: he was 12 years older and gay; a prankster, Old Hollywood obsessive, and hoarder who hit every flea market looking for antiques. The Connecticut home he kept with his partner was a retreat destination for Vintage Books employees in the early 2000s. "He is my favorite person, the one who somehow sees me both as I want to be seen and as I actually am," Crosley (Cult Classic) writes. While she was making the uneasy move from a publicist job to full-time writing, Russell was her biggest fan.

Ever the literary stylist, Crosley probes the ironies of her situation, and documents her own choices about framing this story. Four years earlier, she had published a novel about pilfered jewelry. In a meta moment, she chides herself for composing in the present tense, as if the future might still be changed. She draws on Elisabeth Kübler-Ross's five stages of grief for section headings, and one is broken down further into three "acts." The author's metaphors are always fresh and often funny: "the trauma humps my leg like a dog"; "We each have our lily pads of discontent."

As earnestly as Crosley searches for clues to Russell's mental state preceding his untimely death, she finds no definitive answers. Her only guess was that he feared "The illness of aging as a gay man. The threat of irrelevance, the loss of power, the expansion of indignities." She also ponders whether Russell's career in publicity started to go downhill with the James Frey fiasco. Ultimately, though, she paints suicide as unfathomable.

This sui generis memoir--sting operation meets stage tragedy--is a bittersweet treasure.

Wow, I loved this book! Despite the heavy subject matter, it felt like a conversational, compelling read. Crosley's voice is so powerful and feels like having a deep yet darkly funny conversation with an old friend.

I've been a fan of Crosley's for a while, and though this one is different from her usual work, I loved it all the same. This one deserves a spot right next to Didion's Year of Magical Thinking when it comes to revered grief writing. She writes about some of the feelings of grief that can often make a person feel lonely and isolated in a way that reminds us we are not alone, and that's invaluable.

in 2019, sloane crosley was the target of a robbery. a month later, her dear mentor and friend died by suicide. this is a moving, powerful, and respectful remembrance. it grapples with thorny questions and doesn’t shy away from the ugly sides of grief. gorgeous meditation on grief, loss, love, and searching for answers.

I love Sloane's writing and this memoir was so beautifully done. I read it quickly as it was so immersive, gripping, and raw while still showcasing her trademark humor. A deeply felt read.

I have loved every single one of Sloane Crosley's books so I had admittedly high expectations of this one, and it exceeded all of them.

Two events happen in 2019 that greatly impact Sloane Crosley's life and are the focus of this book. Her apartment is broken in to one day while she is not home and all of her jewelry is stolen. While dealing with the fall out of this, her best friend and former boss dies by suicide.

This book is so heartbreaking while being so life affirming and overall so well written. The writing is beautiful, there were so many passages I wanted to save so I could re-read them again and again.

This is certainly not an easy read since it deals with grief and mourning, but I was so engrossed that I found myself thinking about it all the time and just wanting to get back to it.

I highly recommend this book, as well as Sloane Crosley's previous books, to everyone -- just be ready for a heavy yet lovely read.

Thank you to NetGalley for the advanced copy of this book!