Many thanks to NetGalley, Macmillan Audio, and Macmillan Young Listeners for the ARC of the audiobook of I Feed Her to the Beast and the Beast is Me.

I Feed Her to the Beast is a supernatural, political horror that shoves the reader head first into the festering bowels of the Parisian ballet academy experience as we watch the main character, Laure Mesny, struggle to beyond merely treading water. It's sink or swim, and when you're impoverished, Black, and, luckily, living off the manipulative charity of Parisian ballet royalty, you end up with a massive chip on your shoulder and front row seats to opportunities you'd never be given the privilege to being openly denied otherwise.

It doesn't matter how breathtakingly talented you are when you're Black, there's always going to be some racialized feature about your body or personality that just doesn't meet the cut, and there's always going to be a rich white girl who knows the right people to steal your opportunities away from you--even if she's mediocre. Even if she's the closest thing to being a best friend you've ever had.

But this all changes when class solidarity bridges a gap between Laure & another ballerina she never expected to reach out, and Laure finds herself thrown into a different underbelly of society--one so ancient that it's been reduced to myth and folklore--and given the power and opportunity of a lifetime. She just has to risk losing it all--and herself in the process--which seems like a reasonable price to pay when the physiocultural structures and standards of top tier ballet are bound to do that to her by the time she's 30. Until the first dead body shows up that is. Then the second.

Death is circling around Laure as she fights her way to the top, and if she's not careful, it's going to find her before she reaches that peak.

The audiobook was very riveting. The narrator captured each character brilliantly, and she set the tone and mood to match the haunting, chilling atmosphere as the novel slowly shifted from catty ballerina hazing to death knocking at your door.

A great read for teenagers looking for some horror with just a hint of romance to lull you into feeling safe.

Shea shocked me with her gothic and deeply gripping telling of the rigorous and competitive world of ballet. Each scene is wrapped in intrigue and quickly pulls you into the next making this impossible to put down until the very end. I believe there is much heart and passion in these characters, however misguided. They want to be seen, they want their hard work acknowledged and I think that speaks to any reader.

This was just as terrifying as the cover and title promised! Really appreciated Jamison Shea opening with content notes and encourage everyone to take them seriously. Kristolyn Lloyd does an incredible job of capturing the horror and desperation of young women competing in elite dance, and the emotional unraveling and then reclamation of power that Laure goes through as she comes to terms with a system that she's dedicated her life to that nonetheless treats her like garbage. The setting and magic systems were wonderful and creepy.

Laure is ballerina who will stop at nothing to become a member of the prestigious Paris ballet. When one of her fellow ballerinas introduces her to a river of blood in which she can make any deal she chooses, Laure does so in hopes that she won't be overlooked in favor of all the rich, white privileged ballerinas. What follows is a chain of events that is so horrific that Laure questions whether she made the right choice.

This book was difficult to get through. I was captivated in the beginning, which kept me wanting to read more, but maybe about halfway through I completely lost interest in the story. The pacing is excruciatingly slow, and the book gets repetitive, especially where dealings with Acheron are concerned. What's more is this book relies heavily on body horror (something I would never choose to read). At least Shea is kind enough to give you a content warning, which is in the audiobook as well, so I wasn't surprised (just really grossed out). More than the pacing and the body horror, there isn't a single likable character in this book, not even Laure herself. In fact, she's arguably the worst of all the characters since you spend the entire book in her head. Also, I struggled with where to place this. It's labeled YA and Laure is 17, but I wouldn't recommend teenagers read this book.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publishers for this ALC. Kristolyn Lloyd was a fantastic narrator tackling all the French pronunciations with the greatest of ease as well as giving us the creepiest demonic voice ever. All in all though, this book was not for me.

I love any story set in the world of competitive dance like ballet and gymnastics. It's such a cutthroat setting so it plays well into a thriller story structure. As a former ballet dancer, I appreciated the anxiety and stress of making it into the company. Laure is an easy character to root for, although I kept silently screaming at her for some of her decisions, but I understood her relentless drive and ambition. This was dark and twisted and had me guessing until the very end what would become of her. The only minor quibble is the narrator's voice when she read the part of the "demon" was something I really had to turn down.

Okay, so, this one is really tough to rate. I loved the initial portrayal of Laure, the strong and determined ballerina. She’s fighting for her spot in the company, which is essentially the white elitist cesspool of Paris. Laure, being a POC, has had to work 10x harder than anyone else for her spot in this school, and has had to resort to pickpocketing to afford the same level of dance-wear as everyone else. Her best friend has had her life handed to her on a silver platter, doesn’t put in the effort when in testing, because she feels like she is owed her space amongst ballet greatness. She was a terrible character, and yet Laure loved her. Their dynamic with each other was so unbalanced it boarded on uncomfortable.
Pieces I enjoyed: the demonic realm, the push and pull of power between Laure and the demonic possession, the battle for recognition of talent rather than colour of skin or heritage, the unreal levels of catty behaviour amongst the dancers.
Pieces I did not enjoy: Laure believes her only worth is ballet, her relationship with her friend, the pacing of the story, Laure being almost entirely self absorbed.
Laure comes to an understanding with herself in the end, and I really enjoyed her character development throughout the story. She started out as a character you can really sympathize with, became someone that was cold and self absorbed, and grew into a woman that stood her ground for the right reasons. Her character arc was a roller coaster ride that I really enjoyed.
In the end, the good and the bad basically cancelled each other out. I will remember pieces of this story for a very long time.

Thank you to Bookish First and the publisher for a finished copy of this book, as well as Netgalley for an ALC which is what I read!

Laure knows what she deserves: a spot in the Paris ballet, adoration, and respect. But fed up from the discrimination that keeps her from rising to the top, she stumbled into a pact with a god: her blood for power. The power works, but when her friends start dying, she realizes she still won't get what she deserves... unless she takes it.

Ohh what a great read for those who want to watch the world burn. I loved Laure slowly (not so slowly?) Turning into an unapologetic villain as she comes to the conclusion that no one will give her her due. The blood and compulsion is so fun to read and obviously I am rooting for her the whole way.

Please give me more books with determined Black girls burning down the systems and not looking back. I loved it.

I wasn't super into the romance and it was kind of a take it or leave it situation, but it wasn't bad. I wanted more interactions with her best friend and more diving into what their friendship had been like before. There was some but not enough for me to really feel for what ends up happening.

I loved the writing style and the voice! Also the audiobook narrator does a fantastic job!

I think this book is going to have a sequel? Fingers crossed!!!

Cw: blood, injury, ritualistic self harm, murder, death, racism, classism

I Feed Her to the Beast and the Beast Is Me by Jamison Shea is a slow-burn YA horror debut with impeccable vibes. The audiobook is narrated flawlessly by Kristolyn Lloyd. We follow our main character with a first-person point-of-view.

Laure Mesny is a perfectionist, which is perfect for a dancer steeped in the cutthroat world of the Parisian ballet. One of the only Black dancers, she is constantly overlooked even though she is hyper talented and first in her class. In search of equity, she visits the Catacombs and makes a deal with a primordial power to be noticed.

I initially picked this book up because Katee Robert recommended it, and then I inhaled it in two sittings. The publisher's blurb calls this a villain origin story, and it is so good. The cover is phenomenal! Laure is an amazing disaster bisexual.

This was a great character study in the idea that absolute power corrupts absolutely. We see many different types of power here: the supernatural from primordial powers, and systemic power (e.g. racism, classism) that can be found in places such as the uber-competitive "classical" dance world.

Tragedy strikes eventually, and there is a side plot with mystery elements. I did figure out the whodunit here, but I still liked the how and why even though I sorted out the who. There's also a slow-burn monster romance that was done well.

The author has noted in interviews that they were inspired by Oscar Wilde's The Picture of Dorian Gray--one of my favorites--and Edgar Allan Poe. There's also some great Lovecraftian horror here. I'd also recommend this book to fans of Cemetery Boys by Aiden Thomas, or anything written by T. Kingfisher.

The book ends with a note that [SPOILER] will be back, so I'm quite excited that this is turning into a series! The sequel is titled I Am the Dark That Answers When You Call.

CW: lots of blood, ritualistic self-harm, body horror, non-graphic torture, murder, body-shaming, racism, classism, parental neglect referenced, parental abandonment referenced, bullying, toxic relationships

I Feed Her to the Beast and the Beast is Me is about ballet, sacrificing for your craft, and how far someone will go to get what they desire. Laure will do anything to be able to show the world her talent and perfection, including giving in to her primal side and making a deal with dark forces. I enjoyed this dark horror young adult audiobook which was engaging and intriguing. It is fast paced and thought provoking, making me wonder what I would wish for if I had the opportunity and what I would be willing to give up in return.

**3.5-stars rounded up**

I Feed Her to the Beast and the Beast Is Me is a debut YA Horror novel from Jamison Shea.
This story explores the uber-competitive world of professional dance; specifically, ballet. The setting is Paris and our MC, Laure Mesny, is just finishing up her training and is beginning her professional career.

Even though she has consistently been top in her class, Laure is constantly overlooked and she feels like she can never stop proving herself.

As a Black girl in a vastly White girl profession, Laure doesn't fit the mold of what society expects its ballerinas to look like. Because of this, she has to fight extra hard for every achievement. She's used to it, but that doesn't make it less emotionally draining. Unbeknownst to her, Laure is about to find a way to change her position. She's going to gain a power that will help her achieve everything she's ever dreamed of.

Lured by a new friend, Laure ventures deep into the heart of the infamous Paris Catacombs and strikes a deal with a primordial river of blood.

((Cue Danse Macabre))

As she passes her bitter peers is status and fame, Laure keeps in mind the way they treated her before. She hasn't forgotten and trust, she certainly hasn't forgiven. She's not the only one with claws though and these dancers are willing to fight back. How far will Laure go, and what price is she willing to pay, to achieve ultimate power?

I liked this. I think as a debut this shows a lot of promise. The topics explored were compelling and the level of creativity was impressive. I did find some areas of the narrative to be a little confusing, particularly in the second half and there were moments that slowed way down, which I didn't find quite as interesting.

Overall, I do think this is a strong debut though. The descriptions were vivid and I enjoyed going along with Laure on her journey. She did undergo quite a transformation over the course of the story.

There is a romantic subplot that I could have done without as well. I would have preferred if it had remained focused on ambition and the relationship dynamics between the female characters, but that is 100%-personal taste. I would be interested to see, if there is another book, where it goes from here. There's definitely a lot of possibilities following this ending.

Thank you to the publisher, Macmillan Audio, for providing me with a copy to read and review. I'm looking forward to reading more from Jamison Shea!!

Sometimes there is no other choice but to embrace the monster within.
Laure would give anything to stop being overlooked and under appreciated. She’s one of the hardest working young women in her Parisian ballerina troupe. As one of the only black ballerinas she experiences racist micro/macro aggressions along with the cutthroat backstabbing of the dance world.

When Laure is given an opportunity for the power to be at the top she takes it, but at a cost. Her world starts to turn upside down as she allows this power to take over her, but she isn’t the only one with power and someone is working hard to hurt those who do.

If you enjoy dark monster fantasy you will love this. Would absolutely love to read more from this author!

*4.25 Stars*

Laure Mesny has always wanted to be a ballerina but it's a cut-throat world and even if she's the best and works the hardest, all the Parisian Ballet scene sees is a Black girl, who doesn't look the part. So when, star of the Ballet, Josephine, offers to take her around town and shows her her deep dark secret in the deep of the Catacombs, Laure does not hesitate. She has always done everything she needed to be the best, so what if she now has to offer herself to some kind of demon...

This was a book like no other. I really was taken by Laure's drive and ambition and her depiction of the world of the ballet. It was captivating in its horror. I do hope there's not demon-like things under my feet but that's another problem.
I do think me reading this as an audiobook did it a disservice. While the narrator was great, I think I would have been more focused and captivated had I read this with my eyes. I found myself lost in thoughts. I don't think the book was the issue though. And I will probably read this again so I can grasp every single sentence of it.
I was very taken by the whole premise and its execution though and the writing was great. I also really liked the characters. Laure but also the side characters who were all oh so flawed.
So yes, a unique and hard hitting book that I have to recommend. Jamison Shea is an author that we should all watch out for.

It amuses me that the second I started reading this, TikTok dropped me onto BalletTok where it's just a bunch of dancers happily talking about losing toenails, showing off bruises, and utterly demolishing pointe shoes by hand. And if that wasn't an indication of what I was getting into, then I don't know what is.

It's giving Black Swan with blood gods and I'm obsessed! The publisher was kind enough to provide me with an early audio copy and I devoured it in basically two days. Like, going for longer walks than normal and doing extra chores just so I could have time to listen.

This was such a fascinating and bloody story set in the cutthroat world of professional ballet. And telling it through the lens of a young, lower class Black woman added so much more darkness to an industry that already prides itself on an image of white wealth. It didn't matter how perfect a dancer she was, how much more skilled and hungry she was for the opportunity to dance--she couldn't be enough. And applying that rationale to justifying her making a deal with an eldritch god in the catacombs is not only supported but encouraged.

I loved the ending. It was action-packed and thought-provoking and really just won the whole damn day. I am *very* curious as to how this story might continue though. It is a complete standalone to me, but there was a little Avengers-style note at the end saying *spoiler* will return, so I'm very interested to see what that will mean.

Laure Mesny is a young ballerina trying to work her way up the ranks in the Paris Ballet, desperate to prove that a Black dancer deserves the center stage spotlight. But despite her obvious talent, Laure is consistently overlooked; she doesn't have the right looks, history, or connections to excel in this elite, competitive world. Until, that is, she ventures deep into the Paris Catacombs to a river of blood, where she strikes a deal with a primordial god. She asks for power, and she receives it; soon, Laure is unstoppable -- undeniable, adored, influential -- and relentless in her pursuit of success. But it isn't long before Laure realizes there are far worse, far more horrifying things than losing her place in the Paris Ballet.

I'm feeling conflicted about I Feed Her to the Beast and the Beast Is Me. On one hand, Jamison Shea has written a fascinating, creative exploration of racism, classism, and nepotism in the international ballet world. With rich atmosphere and intimate prose, they invite us into the inner workings of the Paris Ballet, exposing the cutthroat rivalries that exist beneath the tutus and pointe shoes, where stepping on others to achieve success isn't only expected -- it's encouraged. Despite having no real interest in ballet myself, for some reason I'm always drawn to stories about the seedy underbelly of the sport, and Shea exposes it here in all its darkly ambitious glory. Laure is a complex protagonist whose motivations I understood, a character that I rooted for despite (and because of) her drive for success, her need for validation, and her naiveté.

All that said, though, there was something missing for me in the execution. Based on the title, cover, and description, I definitely expected this book to be horror, but I'm not sure Shea went quite far enough with the concept. Ultimately, this read to me more like fantasy with a few gory scenes. The pacing, which was often excruciatingly slow, didn't help either; it could've used a tighter edit as parts began to feel repetitive. The "social" aspect of this social horror novel was incredibly well-done, but it left me wanting a higher creep factor. Thank you to Macmillan Audio and NetGalley for the early listening opportunity -- Kristolyn Lloyd's narration was fantastic.

Paris isn’t my favorite setting and ballerinas aren’t my favorite characters, but I was really interested to see how those things fared in a horror book. And Jamison Shea didn’t disappoint! The horror is both supernatural and all too normal. It puts everyone’s faults on display, so I wasn’t sure how it was all going to work out. I would never have guessed the ending! I just keep thinking about it. So good.
I did not love the scenes in the ballet academy, but that is a personal preference.
And one last praise. The audiobook is so freaking good! It helped me visualize the book and create scenes in my head.

This book was everything I ever wanted in a book. I've been in the mood for an actual dark thirsty book and this story did not disappoint. The narrator did a fantastic job portraying the characters and showing us the book's intricate world. This has to be my favorite book of this year overall. I will definitely be recommending this book for purchase at my library and to everyone I can.

I have been waiting on this book to come out since I heard about it. I mean since like last year. Since then I’ve been waiting on pins and needles waiting on it to come out. And then I got the e-ARC & e-Audio. I beat around the bush trying to decide when I wanted to read it. I gotta admit, I was a little worried it wasn’t going to live up to the bad ass cover it had. I’m glad to say it actually did.

Laure is in the world of ballet. She’s been overlooked for many of the staring roles, and she was tired of it. She just knew it had nothing to do with what she danced like, and all because of what the color of her skin was. So she does the only thing she can do…. Summon a non-human THING and let’s it take over her. What she doesn’t know is there’s multiple people who have ALSO done this. And then of course…. Things happen and shenanigans ensue.

When I first read the synopsis, I was like WTF! This non-human thing that came out was creepy. It’s never really told what it is or what it looks like, so of course my imagination filled in the blanks. And Lordt, I think my imagination was worse than what the author thought about lol This thing scared me and I now I fully blame it on myself. But really, the spooky vibes this gave off was crazy. And it’s like this the entire book because it really is a slow burn like the synopsis says. I was wishing there were more scenes that were crazy and I do wish it was a little more scary, but I did enjoy this. And because it was so crazy, it made the ending even crazier. Like I knew it was heading that way, but I did not know it was going to end like that.

Which brings me to the weirdest part of this. The characters. Laure was morally gray. She was definitely right to want more. It was like the dedication in the book, “To those who find freedom in becoming a monster when denied the space to be human.” I looked at that in so many ways. Like the way she tried doing things the “right way” because she was still a good dancer, but she was never picked for things because they didn’t believe she belonged there. So she did what she had to do. It really made me think of how people don’t listen to Black women until we get mad. And then we’re all over the place and being called names. It really gave me something to relate to. And so I got mad like she did. Now for the thing itself, I did wonder why it was never really explained or what Laure needed him for what he was really doing for her, but after listening to Shea in a webinar, I found out that she intentionally did it that way. She wanted us to be in the dark on whether or not he was good for her or if he was feeding off her. So basically she was making me crazy lol

I also liked the narrator. I couldn’t find anything different that she had done, but I think she did a really great job. Hopefully she will do more in the future. Now there were some really weird parts, like the non-human thing. I didn’t like the voice she gave him. It sounded like a leprechaun lol But for the most part, I did love this!

I was a little scared that this wouldn’t live up to the hype I had given it, but I really did enjoy it. The way this set me up tho at the end. I need the next book. This thing was unhinged and I need to know if it gets worse when we get there. And I need to know what’s next for them.

Actual Rating 3.5

This book reads very much like a villain origin story. It was haunting and very immersive and the narrator was very very talented. This book is basically YA Black Swan where our main character fights against race, and traditions, and privilege for a center stage role in a competitive Parisian ballet world.

I loved all the descriptions of dance and the rivalry between the ballerinas. There were so many amazing themes in this book but the overall ruthlessness of these characters never seemed to waver. Laure was such a beautifully complex character and I really did enjoy the insight we had into her mind. It really was well done. Also the setting and the vibes were spot on. It had the right amount of thrill and the right amount of creepy. I was rooting for all her questionable choices.

It did lose me at the last third of the book because while I feel like the first two thirds was meticulously done, I did noticw that the author completely let go of the reigns and just let it all lose at the end and I kind of lost interest at that point. I do wish the same care was taken in unfolding the horror of everything at the end of the book.

Nonetheless, I think that anyone looking for a spooky read for Halloween involving a slow descent into darkness that feels very much like YA Black Swan, will enjoy this book a lot.

Thank you to Netgalley, Macmillan Audio, and Macmillan Young Listeners for the ALC in exchange for an honest review.

Laure Mesny is a student of the Paris ballet. She longs for success like fellow ballerina Joséphine Moreau. Despite pouring all of herself into dance, Laure doesn't find the success she wants until Josephine invites her to strike a dark bargain to help. When things take a tragic end, Laure must decide if the bargain is worth everything she stands to lose.

The premise of this sounded really intriguing but the execution felt a little bit lacking. There were chunks of the book where it felt as thought the plot actually stalled. It started out incredibly boring and I considered DNF-ing about an hour into it. I stuck it through though. Overall, a 3.5 rounded down. It just didn't feel very believable.

TW: Racism, language, bullying, favoritism, classism, eating disorder, peer pressure, drinking, smoking, child abandonment, toxic relationships, toxic parent relationships

*****SPOILERS*****
About the book:Laure Mesny is a perfectionist with an axe to grind. Despite being constantly overlooked in the elite and cutthroat world of the Parisian ballet, she will do anything to prove that a Black girl can take center stage. To level the playing field, Laure ventures deep into the depths of the Catacombs and strikes a deal with a pulsating river of blood.The primordial power Laure gains promises influence and adoration, everything she’s dreamed of and worked toward. With retribution on her mind, she surpasses her bitter and privileged peers, leaving broken bodies behind her on her climb to stardom.But even as undeniable as she is, Laure is not the only monster around. And her vicious desires make her a perfect target for slaughter. As she descends into madness and the mystifying underworld beneath her, she is faced with the ultimate choice: continue to break herself for scraps of validation or succumb to the darkness that wants her exactly as she is—monstrous heart and all. That is, if the god-killer doesn’t catch her first.
Release Date: August 29th, 2023
Genre: YA Horror
Pages: 339
Rating: ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ (3.5)

What I Liked:
1. Laure felt like a complicated character
2. Some graphic gory scenes
3. Ohhhh that cover 😍
4. Kristolyn Lloyd's voice was perfect for the audiobook

What I Didn't Like:
1. The obsession with Josephine was over the top
2. Slow moving book
3. Laure's constant insecurity becomes annoying
4. Characters got on my nerves

Overall Thoughts:
When I was 8 - 10 I took ballet. I hated it and clearly not a ballerina. So today I question why I continue to get books that deal with ballet. My interest in hearing about it is like non-existent. But I've heard how creepy this book is so it peaked my interest a lot. This book is definitely heavy heavy on the ballet where I thought it would be more horror.

Laure's obsession with Josephine got on my nerves. Page upon page about how wonderful she is and how everyone is in awe of her.

Then you get EVERY page of Laure's constant insecurity. That she isn't good enough - why is she even there... Seriously it's way too much. I get never feeling good enough but it just felt like so much - too much.

Book felt more fantasy than horror. Yeah, there were some moments where horror happens but it's not a main focus of this book. I felt a little hoodwinked. Horror dragged me in but lack of horror took me out.

Everyone has a French name but an American accent so I'm confused...

I would have loved to know why she didn't like her dad and why her mom left. How did she find herself at this place?

I was confused how Acheron (the river in Hades) was in this book in France when it's a Greek river.

Final Thoughts:
I struggled to finish this book but I'll be honest it was just okay. I don't know if I'll really even remember that much in a month. The writing style was really good - a feat that can be difficult in Ya.

Ultimately I ended up dnfing this book around page 150. I really tried to get into the concept but the ballet is way too much. Also it read too young. I get Laure's perspective being young but then when you get the older people they even read younger. As a person who's not competitive and never joined a sport (hated my ballet years) - I found it very tedious listening to these people be very competitive toward one another and very petty.

I did enjoy how unique this story is. I know I'm not an own voices but I loved that the author gave us a story of a ballerina who is Black in a world where the dancers are all usually Caucasians. The struggle to be taken seriously and be seen as the great dancer she is and not her skin color.

Recommend For:
• People that love Black Swan
• Own voices for Black people
• The human struggle
• Ballet or French lovers

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[Thanks to Netgalley and Macmillan Audio for this advanced copy of the book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.]