Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for granting me free access to the advanced digital copy of this book.

Thank you to NetGalley and Hachette Books for an advanced digital copy in exchange for my honest review. Unfortunately, I did not get to reading He/She/They until after the publication date.

I’ve been following @pinkmantaray AKA Schuyler Bailar on Instagram for at least a few years. He posts some of the best thought-provoking content that comes up on my feed.

As a cis person, I can confirm He/She/They is an excellent guide for allies. This book was very informative and well written. I especially liked that Schuyler intertwines his own story with the information he’s presenting which is my favourite way for this type of info to be delivered. I enjoyed learning about Schuyler’s experience, even the painful parts. I commend him for being able to share so much of himself with us readers.

I would recommend this book to everyone. I can’t wait to check out Obie is Man Enough.

It is perfect. It is educative and inspiring, it’s done with the goal to educate and not to blame, I simply love it. The human behind it is also really great. Wow

A must-read for the LGBTQ+ community. And for any and all family and friends who’ve ever had trouble understanding gender issues you’ve explained thousands of times. So eloquent, honest, and simply, just beautifully written.

This books a friendly and accessible primer for people new to the subject matter around gender and trans issues and is also a great resource for those of us who have already done a lot of educating ourselves around these issues. The author is very gracious and patient with readers. He also very generously shares a lot of personal reflections that make the content even more engaging. I listened to the audiobook and it is narrated by the author. I actually kind of loved that while he starts off exceedingly gentle, he gets a little more animated (and almost heated) when talking about the trickier (and maybe more personal?) topics of trans folks in sports and the experience of dating while trans. Those feel like trans right 201 topics and I think his passion around these subjects really shines through and pushed me to think differently about them.

I've done a lot of reading about gender but this book got me thinking in completely new ways. It was almost hilarious to think about how made up everything is when he points it out that way! Schuyler uses curiosity to push people to think differently and it's very effective. I think I will try to use some of his approach to handle difficult conversations in my life, about any subject. Also, chapter nine includes one of the best explanations about microaggressions I've heard and also an excellent template for how to apologize.

I highly recommend this book (and the audio version) for all different ages and types of readers. It is certainly uncomfortable at times but I'll be holding a lot of these ideas and learnings with me for a long time.

I am a member of the ALA Carnegie Medal Committee. This title made the 2024 Longlist but it did not make the Shortlist. See the complete Shortlist <a href="https://www.ala.org/rusa/awards/carnegie-medals/2024-winners"> here.

Great read. Definitely something to keep around if you're into gender equality and trans rights. I can't wait to recommend this book to people in my life!

I have followed Schuyler on social media for a while, and appreciate his efforts to educate the masses. This book is part educational, part memoir. Schuyler explains a variety of topics in an easy-to-read style, and intersperses this with his story. This is a very readable introduction to gender identity.

I’ve followed Schuyler on social media for awhile and have always loved learning from him. This book truly takes his story and teachings to the next level and was so informative and engaging to read.

The author breaks down many important topics while candidly sharing his own experience, as well as many other great perspectives from community leaders and experts, along with excellent research. From thoughtful explanations of terminology and pronouns, gender affirming care, context and history of trans athletes and sports, and a thoughtful framework for intentional allyship - He/She/They covers many topics relating to gender and why it matters in a conversational and accessible way.

As we continue to see anti-trans legislation and rhetoric coming up in our society, it is more important than ever that we support the trans community, and show up with deep empathy, understanding, allyship and action. This book is an amazing resource to show up with better language, information, and tools to do just that. It gave me a lot to think about and reflect on, and I’m so grateful to have the opportunity to learn from Schuyler.

Thanks to NetGalley and Hachette Books for the opportunity to read this ARC in exchange for my honest review.

Wow. What can I say about this book? Informative, heartbreaking, hope-full. You can read the description below from the publisher. Schuyler Bailar may not have set out to be an educator on gender identity, but I'm glad he saw the need and did his very best to fill that need. Maybe he was more thrust into the role. I don't know. As an Ally I seek to be educated as much as possible. The work, research, and interviews that Schuyler put into this book are invaluable for someone who doesn't have the resources he does. Some questions I may not feel comfortable asking, or may not know who to ask were answered in this book. Number one takeaway is to respect the language the person in front of you prefers, no matter what you have learned or think.
I learned so much. This is a book that all counselors, educators, healthcare workers, Allies, activists, and anyone who has questions should read. Is this book the end all be all book on gender identity? Of course not, this is just the beginning I hope for more books like this to come. Books that guide the layman if you will. I would 100% recommend and gift this book.

I received this book from NetGalley for this review. I was under no obligation to give a positive review. All opinions are on my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”


Description
Go‑to expert on gender identity, Schuyler Bailar, offers an essential, urgent guide that changes the conversation.

Anti-transgender legislation is being introduced in state governments around the United States in record-breaking numbers. Trans people are under attack in sports, healthcare, school curriculum, bathrooms, bars, and nearly every walk of life. He/She/They clearly and compassionately addresses fundamental topics, from why being transgender is not a choice and why pronouns are important, to more complex issues including how gender-affirming healthcare can be lifesaving and why allowing trans youth to play sports is good for all kids. With a relatable narrative rooted in facts, science, and history, Schuyler helps restore common sense and humanity to a discussion that continues to be divisively coopted and deceptively politicized.

Schuyler Bailar didn’t set out to be an activist, but his very public transition to the Harvard men’s swim team put him in the spotlight. His choice to be open about his transition and share his experience has touched people around the world. His plain-spoken education has evolved into tireless advocacy for inclusion and collective liberation. In He/She/They, Schuyler uses storytelling and the art of conversation to give us the essential language and context of gender, meeting everyone where they are and paving the way for understanding, acceptance, and, most importantly: connection. He/She/They is more than a book on allyship; it also speaks to trans folks directly, answering the question, “does it get better?” with a resounding yes, celebrating radical trans joy. Myth-busting, affirming, compassionate, and fierce, He/She/They is a crucial, urgent--and lifesaving--book that forever changes the conversation about gender.

He/She/They is an excellent introduction to gender, transness, and how we can all support the trans community. Because trans issues touch on such a broad front of subjects, there was quite a lot of ground for this book to cover — psychology, history, medicine, politics — and I think it managed that handily. The tone is personal, almost conversational, and is very effective for the delivery of the material. There are plenty of questions that trans people are asked, often inappropriately, which I think can be answered in this book instead.

I believe this is a book with a wide potential audience. Trans and queer people can read this, parents and educators of trans people can read this, people existing in our society which includes trans people in it can read this, and I believe all can finish it having gained something meaningful from the experience. I definitely recommend this book.

My thanks to Hachette Go and NetGalley for providing an advanced reader copy.

Excellent, Excellent, Excellent

I loved this review of gender, experiences, politics, news, issues... this book addresses it all in clear, concise language referencing the point of view of the author and hundreds of others who have influenced the author in a multitude of ways.

I appreciated reading this book so much and will certainly be purchasing myself a copy for reference after reading this review copy from NetGalley.

I received a digital ARC of this book from Netgalley.

Schuyler Bailar's new memoir is a fantastic achievement. Bailar, the first openly transgender NCAA division I swimmer, is incredibly well placed to talk about a bunch of current culture war issues, including healthcare for trans kids, trans athletes, and the myriad joys and struggles that trans people regularly face.

It's legit amazing how open about his experiences Bailar is. He walks the reader through his personal struggles to accept and understand his gender identity in an incredibly open, accepting, and warm way. He talks specifics about his body and life in a way that would be radical for anyone, and is at least doubly so for a trans person, who often deal with really personal, uncomfortable, and just rude questions about their bodies.

This is a great, accessible primer on trans identity, with a lot of in depth discussion correcting myths and lies that tend to take center stage in most discussions about trans people. Do you have questions about what it means to be trans? Does uncle Frank make an ass of himself misgendering Lia Thomas and you need an intelligent rebuttal? Do you want to read a heartfelt memoir about self discovery? Then pick this one up.

So incredibly grateful to Schuyler for sharing his wisdom with the world. I learned so much from him and feel well equipped to talk through things with others as I work to be a better ally. Thanks to netgalley for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review and an even bigger thanks to Schuyler for showing us how joyful it can be when we live our truth.

In these times anti-trans legislation and increasing discrimination, He/She/They is a much needed book. Schuyler Bailer comfortably addresses gender identity issues. I never thought of myself as transphobic, but while reading this book I discovered I was in a few instances. I recommend everybody take the time to read this book and digest these thought provoking insights. I especially enjoyed when Schuyler Bailer talked about his gender affirming transition and all he went through in many areas of his life. For me, a powerful section was when he talked about parents, friends, family, etc. and realizing “love is so much more important than understanding”. We don’t need to understand, but to love, respect and accept.