I appreciated how this book really spelled out certain things that may be preventing long-term partners from having the sex that they want, specifically how our bodies change with time and circumstances and how to help rectify that. My only gripe is it did feel a bit surface level at times, but overall, I think could be a great resource for couples.

Thank you to the publisher and NetGalley for an advance copy in exchange for an honest review.

One of the only non fiction books I’ve read this year and it was so interesting. It definitely made me think about my own self. The only downer was the repetition towards the end. Understandable, to say the least.

Anything further and I am giving away too much. Just read it. It’s so interesting and makes you think. A win win.

Will fully recommend this book to couple's clients as they come to therapy looking for a more fulfilling sex life. So appreciative of Dr. Nagoski's work and approach.

This book is obviously well-researched, as Emily Nagoski is a go-to expert on sexual health. I liked the focus on sex in a long-term romantic relationship and the importance of "co-creating a context that makes it easier to access pleasure" (chaps. 1 and 2). The chapters on emotional floorplans were helpful concepts to understand what gets you in the mood, although I feel like the author over-complicated it at times (chaps. 3 and 4). As a sex therapist, I have quoted her several times: "pleasure is the measure", "what do you want when you want sex?", and brakes and accelerators. I also agree with challenging sex imperatives (chap. 9) and gender stereotypes (chap. 10). There are a few issues with the book that make me hesitant to recommend it to my clients. She writes about and for neurodivergent and genderqueer (which the author identifies as) or poly/non-monogamous people more often than she writes about and for neurotypical married heterosexual folks. I kept waiting for her to address how having children changes your sex life (a very common problem!) and she spent only one sub-heading on it. However, there are SEVERAL stories on poly couples or queer couples (including one about how to make time to get away with your third partner), topics that aren't relatable to my clients. It's fine to address readers that are in the minority and normally aren't represented, but just market the book as such. I hesitate to recommend the book as a whole to my married, mostly Christian therapy clients, and instead will refer to certain chapters or concepts.

I really enjoyed this book. I found it really interesting. I liked the perspective of making sure that everyone is having a good time. My favorite parts were the tl;dr sections at the end of each chapter. It made it easy to digest in small chunks.

Emily Nagoski’s Come Together is a thought provoking book. It can open in depth discussions of sexual connections. In my opinion, I believe it would be a great addition to any psychology collection. I would recommend this to other mental health professionals as well.

Thank you NetGalley.

I loved Come Together! Such a handy book for bonding with your partner (or partners) in the bedroom. I like that this focused on sexual health, not just "how to get your rocks off" but how to have a deeper understand of your body and your partner's.

An important view of sexual and relational health. Good companion to Come as You Are, though not all too different from the Come as You Are Workbook.

This book was an auto-request for me because I love Nagoski's approach to sexual health. This book provides practical and inclusive guidance to people trying to connect and to nurture lasting attraction. A lot of this I already knew, but the way Nagoski puts it all together inspires reflection on the little things that make a relationship work. I expected more science and data in the book, and was a bit disappointed with some of the touchy-feely stuff especially toward the end. Overall though, I got something out of reading this book, and will continue to read Nagoski's work.

As a huge fan of Emily Nagoski's first book, Come As You Are, I was elated when I was chosen to read an ARC of Come Together. As someone who has been with their current partner for seven years in a monogamous relationship, where our sex life has changed across the years, I was fascinated and uncomfortable and found solace in the incredibly well researched data and evidence.

I would 100% recommend this to everyone I know, especially others in long term relationships who are looking to connect more (and better) with themselves and their partner.

At times this book was a validating, comforting hug and at other times it was a challenge to sit in my discomfort and get curious about that discomfort. I both liked this book and disliked it when it called me out...which I know is the point. Dr. Nagoski pulled from her own work and the work of others to provide advice. Some of that advice was very practical (like if you want sex towels, make a handy spot for sex towels) and some of that advice was a little more philosophical (like map the floorplan of your mind to figure out what's adjacent to sex).

Thank you to Ballantine Books and NetGalley for an ARC in exchange for an honest review!

I absolutely love all of Emily Nagoski’s work and this book is no exception! It is packed for with research based and helpful information that will help any couple! The book focuses quite heavily on emotional and mental states that impede pleasure. Highly recommend along with the other books the author has written!

I love Emily Nagoskis work and this book is no exception. I love that she is inclusive of asexual and aromantic sexualities and how evidence based this book is while still be inclusive, kind, and comforting. I will use the strategies she recommends in this book.

I'm a HUGE fan of Nagoski's work, and this is a wonderful addition to her oeuvre. It's enormously practical-- at some points, a bit simplistic-- but sometimes you just need someone to tell you something you already know in order to actually DO IT.

This book hammers home a lot of the same messaging as her previous book, Come As You Are. I enjoyed Come As You Are immensely, and while the repetition of the same simple concepts in this book got a little tiresome, I still enjoyed the messaging and the reminders that we are all "normal."

Thank you to NetGalley and Random House Publishing Group - Ballantine for an eARC in exchange for my unbiased opinion.

In "Come Together," Emily Nagoski once again delivers a groundbreaking and invaluable resource for anyone seeking to cultivate a fulfilling and satisfying sex life within long-term relationships. With her signature blend of scientific expertise, compassion, and humor, Nagoski shatters long-held myths and provides a refreshingly honest and insightful exploration of sexuality.

From the very first pages, Nagoski's approach is both empowering and liberating. She boldly challenges societal narratives that suggest desire and passion inevitably diminish over time, offering a more nuanced and hopeful perspective on sustaining intimacy. Her analysis is rooted in extensive research, yet presented in an accessible and engaging manner, making this book a valuable resource for readers of all backgrounds.

One of the book's greatest strengths lies in Nagoski's ability to validate the diverse experiences and challenges faced by individuals in long-term relationships. She addresses complex topics such as mismatched desire, body image concerns, and the impact of stress and life transitions on sexual intimacy with remarkable clarity and empathy. Her advice is practical, actionable, and tailored to the unique dynamics of committed partnerships.

Nagoski's insights extend beyond the bedroom, delving into the intricate interplay between emotions, communication, and sexuality. She provides invaluable tools for understanding one's own and one's partner's "emotional floorplan," enabling readers to navigate the complexities of desire and intimacy with greater self-awareness and compassion.

Throughout "Come Together," Nagoski's writing is both informative and deeply relatable. Her warmth and wisdom shine through, creating a safe and judgment-free space for exploration and self-discovery. This book is a true celebration of the richness and diversity of human sexuality, empowering readers to embrace their authentic desires and cultivate fulfilling sexual connections within the context of long-term relationships.

In a world often inundated with unrealistic and harmful narratives surrounding sex and intimacy, "Come Together" stands as a beacon of hope and a testament to the power of knowledge and self-acceptance. Emily Nagoski has crafted a masterpiece that deserves the highest praise, making this book an essential and truly life-changing read.

Just like everything she produces, this is an incredible set of stories interwoven with facts and practical information and major myth busting. Emily is a champion for women everywhere and this book is an incredible tool in learning self acceptance and how to actually find pleasure in your body

"Come Together" is what I WANTED when reading "Sex Talks" by Vanessa Marin last year — and it’s what I NEEDED when reading Sandra Pertot’s books on 'low libido' nearly a decade ago. Because for all the good that those books did in making me feel like I wasn’t irreparably broken & alone, they still never recognized that maybe sex just isn’t that important for everyone. And that’s okay. (Emphasis on the 'that’s okay' part!)

You might argue that Nagoski still focuses on how to facilitate an increase in sex within a long-term relationship. Sure, okay. That’s an accurate take on the subtitle and it's probably going to be why most folks pick up this book. (For what it's worth, she does give some amazing advice to that end!) But she also embodies a true & explicit sense of 'invitation — NOT obligation' by fighting back against quantity being the measure of a good sex life. Hell, she fights back against *sex* being the measure of a good sex life! Her thesis? It doesn’t matter what you are doing or how often you are doing it; Are you experiencing pleasure?? And that opens a whole conversation to us ace-spectrum babes in a way that most sex books definitely do not.

Nagoski pushes us to consider what we actually want when we want sex. She confronts us with the many imperatives that society pushes on us from birth (the gender imperative, beauty imperative, desire imperative, etc). And what I found most ground-breaking: She asks us to visualize our emotional floorplan and figure out how that can impact our sexual accelerants or our breaks (the concept that her earlier book “Come As You Are” is perhaps best known for). I’m definitely still brainstorming my own personal floorplan, but I look forward to sharing it with my partner so that we can have yet another glimpse into each other’s inner worlds. 14 years into our relationship and we’ve been handed a new way to understand each other’s sexuality. This is the stuff I nerd out about; I love it!

However, there was something much more simple that made "Come Together" feel so different for me: Nagoski is willing to share her own experience. This certainly isn’t something that I expect from all individuals who write about sex; everyone has a right to their privacy. But simply knowing that the writer has personal experience — and that she isn’t ashamed of sharing it — was comforting. As someone who has also made a career out of writing & teaching about sex, losing my personal interest in the topic has NOT been easy to navigate. Now at least I know that I am in good company. (Because, say it with me: It’s normal for our sexuality to fluctuate.)

If you loved “Come As You Are,” I can only assume that you will love “Come Together” equally as much. And if, like me, Nagoski’s first book has been sitting on your shelf for years… I can safely say that you do not NEED to read it before jumping into her newest work. The older science is summarized in a way that makes perfect sense on its own, but still piques your curiosity to go back and learn more. What a fabulously talented author and a brilliant mind!

Thorough, well-researched, and very accessible and important information. Nagoski's contribution to the field of intimacy and pleasure cannot be understated.

Okay, to be honest, this is probably not a book I would have picked up of my own volition, especially since it’s a topic that feels so deeply unrelatable to me. But, after being sent an eARC, I thought I’d give it a shot, and even though I might not be able to apply it directly to my life, it was still a really well-written book, and one that I’ll look at applying some of the more general concepts to my life or my own writing. Simply put, this book is about creating and strengthening sexual connections in long-term relationships. Also simply put, this isn’t necessarily something I’m thinking about ever as someone who’s aroace. But Emily Nagoski has written a book that feels very welcoming despite a topic that might be slightly uncomfortable for some. I personally loved the audiobook (narrated by Nagoski), which feels very low-stakes while being highly informative. Nagoski also does a great job of looking to represent a differing range of relationships, from monogamous to polyamorous, from cishet to trans and queer, abled and disabled. I think that if you’re curious about this topic, just love nonfiction, or are always looking at ways to make the fictional characters you write more complex, this might be worth the read!