Thank you to NetGalley and Random House Publishing Group - Ballantine for an eARC in exchange for my unbiased opinion.

In "Come Together," Emily Nagoski once again delivers a groundbreaking and invaluable resource for anyone seeking to cultivate a fulfilling and satisfying sex life within long-term relationships. With her signature blend of scientific expertise, compassion, and humor, Nagoski shatters long-held myths and provides a refreshingly honest and insightful exploration of sexuality.

From the very first pages, Nagoski's approach is both empowering and liberating. She boldly challenges societal narratives that suggest desire and passion inevitably diminish over time, offering a more nuanced and hopeful perspective on sustaining intimacy. Her analysis is rooted in extensive research, yet presented in an accessible and engaging manner, making this book a valuable resource for readers of all backgrounds.

One of the book's greatest strengths lies in Nagoski's ability to validate the diverse experiences and challenges faced by individuals in long-term relationships. She addresses complex topics such as mismatched desire, body image concerns, and the impact of stress and life transitions on sexual intimacy with remarkable clarity and empathy. Her advice is practical, actionable, and tailored to the unique dynamics of committed partnerships.

Nagoski's insights extend beyond the bedroom, delving into the intricate interplay between emotions, communication, and sexuality. She provides invaluable tools for understanding one's own and one's partner's "emotional floorplan," enabling readers to navigate the complexities of desire and intimacy with greater self-awareness and compassion.

Throughout "Come Together," Nagoski's writing is both informative and deeply relatable. Her warmth and wisdom shine through, creating a safe and judgment-free space for exploration and self-discovery. This book is a true celebration of the richness and diversity of human sexuality, empowering readers to embrace their authentic desires and cultivate fulfilling sexual connections within the context of long-term relationships.

In a world often inundated with unrealistic and harmful narratives surrounding sex and intimacy, "Come Together" stands as a beacon of hope and a testament to the power of knowledge and self-acceptance. Emily Nagoski has crafted a masterpiece that deserves the highest praise, making this book an essential and truly life-changing read.

Just like everything she produces, this is an incredible set of stories interwoven with facts and practical information and major myth busting. Emily is a champion for women everywhere and this book is an incredible tool in learning self acceptance and how to actually find pleasure in your body

"Come Together" is what I WANTED when reading "Sex Talks" by Vanessa Marin last year — and it’s what I NEEDED when reading Sandra Pertot’s books on 'low libido' nearly a decade ago. Because for all the good that those books did in making me feel like I wasn’t irreparably broken & alone, they still never recognized that maybe sex just isn’t that important for everyone. And that’s okay. (Emphasis on the 'that’s okay' part!)

You might argue that Nagoski still focuses on how to facilitate an increase in sex within a long-term relationship. Sure, okay. That’s an accurate take on the subtitle and it's probably going to be why most folks pick up this book. (For what it's worth, she does give some amazing advice to that end!) But she also embodies a true & explicit sense of 'invitation — NOT obligation' by fighting back against quantity being the measure of a good sex life. Hell, she fights back against *sex* being the measure of a good sex life! Her thesis? It doesn’t matter what you are doing or how often you are doing it; Are you experiencing pleasure?? And that opens a whole conversation to us ace-spectrum babes in a way that most sex books definitely do not.

Nagoski pushes us to consider what we actually want when we want sex. She confronts us with the many imperatives that society pushes on us from birth (the gender imperative, beauty imperative, desire imperative, etc). And what I found most ground-breaking: She asks us to visualize our emotional floorplan and figure out how that can impact our sexual accelerants or our breaks (the concept that her earlier book “Come As You Are” is perhaps best known for). I’m definitely still brainstorming my own personal floorplan, but I look forward to sharing it with my partner so that we can have yet another glimpse into each other’s inner worlds. 14 years into our relationship and we’ve been handed a new way to understand each other’s sexuality. This is the stuff I nerd out about; I love it!

However, there was something much more simple that made "Come Together" feel so different for me: Nagoski is willing to share her own experience. This certainly isn’t something that I expect from all individuals who write about sex; everyone has a right to their privacy. But simply knowing that the writer has personal experience — and that she isn’t ashamed of sharing it — was comforting. As someone who has also made a career out of writing & teaching about sex, losing my personal interest in the topic has NOT been easy to navigate. Now at least I know that I am in good company. (Because, say it with me: It’s normal for our sexuality to fluctuate.)

If you loved “Come As You Are,” I can only assume that you will love “Come Together” equally as much. And if, like me, Nagoski’s first book has been sitting on your shelf for years… I can safely say that you do not NEED to read it before jumping into her newest work. The older science is summarized in a way that makes perfect sense on its own, but still piques your curiosity to go back and learn more. What a fabulously talented author and a brilliant mind!

Thorough, well-researched, and very accessible and important information. Nagoski's contribution to the field of intimacy and pleasure cannot be understated.

Okay, to be honest, this is probably not a book I would have picked up of my own volition, especially since it’s a topic that feels so deeply unrelatable to me. But, after being sent an eARC, I thought I’d give it a shot, and even though I might not be able to apply it directly to my life, it was still a really well-written book, and one that I’ll look at applying some of the more general concepts to my life or my own writing. Simply put, this book is about creating and strengthening sexual connections in long-term relationships. Also simply put, this isn’t necessarily something I’m thinking about ever as someone who’s aroace. But Emily Nagoski has written a book that feels very welcoming despite a topic that might be slightly uncomfortable for some. I personally loved the audiobook (narrated by Nagoski), which feels very low-stakes while being highly informative. Nagoski also does a great job of looking to represent a differing range of relationships, from monogamous to polyamorous, from cishet to trans and queer, abled and disabled. I think that if you’re curious about this topic, just love nonfiction, or are always looking at ways to make the fictional characters you write more complex, this might be worth the read!

3.5 stars rounded up — A helpful book that is a good starting point for those who are continuing to work on understsanding their own sexuality and how it can blend with a partner's, especially when their needs are at odd with each other. This is such a taboo topic that's hard for many to tackle, and Emily Nagoski does a great job of making it feel accessible and simple, even when the challenges couples face can often be complex. I appreciated her "blueprint" concept and how consistently she affirms people (and libidos) of all types. For long-term relationships working to get a spark back, "Come Together" includes plenty of practical advice.

I picked up this book because I read another book by Dr. Nagoski, Come As You Are. I thought that book was informative and well researched, so why not this one? … but this book felt like I had already read it. Maybe it’s over simplified? Maybe I’ve done enough personal reading on the matter? Hard to say.
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Her writing is approachable and I would say this would be a good guide for anyone wanting to learn the basics of understanding intimacy and arousal within a long term relationship. Obviously, there is more at play than this - she does explore things like gender dynamics, communication, and emotional states. But it’s all very practical —I think of it more as a foundations lecture on the matter.

Wow wow wow-this is such an invaluable book that every woman needs. The response versus spontaneous desire knowledge alone is enough to shift the paradigms of so many people, myself included. This book teaches incredible tools about communication, emotion, and mentality and how that ties in with one of the most enjoyable parts of being human-sexuality. Lean into it!

I unfortunately did not finish this book. While I do believe it could be helpful, the method did not speak to me. The science behind the method, and the narrative voice were well done. Thank you for the arc!

Thank you for sharing this book with me.
I appreciate the opportunity to read Come Together and share it with my followers.

REVIEW: Come Together ⭐⭐⭐⭐

“Your task, as a partnership, is to explore ways to co-create a shared context—a shared life, a connection, a state of mind, a way of being together—that makes pleasure easy to access.”
― Emily Nagoski, Come Together

After reading Emily Nagoski’s first book, Come As You Are, I was excited to see she had another book!

Like Come As You Are, Come Together is about sexuality and pleasure, but this time it focuses on long-term relationships. I thought this was a great direction to go in since there are so many people who struggle with maintaining a stable and healthy sex life with their partners.

There were two things that I took from this book. The first part is where Emily talks about how sex with your partner isn’t about how often or what you are doing; it is just about pleasure and if you both are happy to be there. So many times, we may question if we are “normal” or not, but this thought was very reassuring. I also like how Emily talked about your emotional floorplan; sometimes, it can be hard to get the lust room of your brain. She did a great job explaining how you can strive to be in an adjacent room/feeling so there could be an opportunity to get to lust.

Overall, I really enjoyed this book. Only some things in it applied to me, but I could still get some information here and here. This book is a great starting point to talk more to your partner about your sex life and where you want to be. What you want for your sex life shouldn't be such a hush topic; it should be something you can share openly with your partner.

Thank you to Random House Publishing Group and Netgalley for a free advanced copy for my honest review!

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This book gave a lot of interesting insight into what sex looks like in long term relationships and, essentially, how to unpack some social norms in order to have a fulfilling and healthy sex life in a long term relationship. I especially appreciated the anecdotal examples from a wide range of couples as well as the actionable suggestions of how to integrate these teachings into readers’ real lives.

Emily Nagoski’s non-fiction book on women’s sexuality, Come as You Are, blew my mind, so when I saw she had a new book out this year, I hit request before I even knew the topic. Her newest book, Come Together, focuses on sex in long-term relationships and how to elevate pleasure over desire.

This book felt less revolutionary to me because (i) it is grounded more in therapy and relationship advice (and less in brain science like Come As You Are) and (ii) I am currently single and not part of the book’s target audience. Even so, this was an enjoyable and informative read. I continue to be wowed by Nagoski’s skill at explaining complex topics in a simple manner, and impressed at how inclusive her book is. Her use of concrete examples and anecdotes keep each chapter interesting, and I particularly appreciated the outline summary at the end of each chapter.

Nagoski’s chapter on straight relationships and gender stereotypes was most interesting to me (and also most depressing). I actually found myself pulling up some of the passages I had highlighted from this chapter and reading them to a friend over drinks. If you’ve read this book, I’d love to discuss!

Thank you to Ballantine and Netgalley for the gifted copy!

This book is part science, part common sense. It does what a good self-help book does: lay out what you kind of already intuit in an organized way that can help you bring the common sense ideas to the forefront so you can apply them to your life in a practical way.

4.5 stars. Thank you to Net Galley and Ballantine Books for the ARC in exchange for my honest review. In her straighforward way with humor and care, Emily Nagoski looks at how to have a happy and satisfying sex life in long term relationships. The book covers both the science of what's happening and relationship/therapy advice for what to do when things aren't working. We're too focused on how much sex or how often we're having it; but really the question is what kind of sex do you like and what keeps you from having that type of relationship with your partner. She goes through all the many issues that may keeping us from this - stress, body image, gendered beliefs about what we should want, etc. She also provides a tool called the emotional floorplan to better understand how our mind/body works when it comes to sex and why we may have a negative or positive response to certain things. All good information and great tools for improving this aspect of life.

This book was very intriguing and I enjoyed it. I wasn't sure what to expect but it gave me quite a lot to think about. There are a few parts I might go back and read again. I recommend this book.

Nearly a decade ago, award-winning writer, counselor, and sex educator Emily Nagoski wrote Come as You Are, one of my favorite books about human sexuality, especially women’s sexuality. Now she is back with Come Together, which is a guide to sex in a long-term relationship. Both books are fantastic, and I would encourage anyone with any discontent about their sex life to read them both.

Based on Dr. Nagoski’s research and personal and professional experience, Come Together demonstrates how diverse partners are able to cultivate and maintain a satisfying long-term sexual connection while navigating the sorts of real-life challenges we all face. She teaches partners how to focus on maximizing pleasure rather than worrying about desire, which is variable and often mismatched. And she offers very helpful explanations of how to overcome harmful cultural conditioning regarding gender roles, sex, and desire. All of this is written in a friendly, reassuring, and inclusive tone with plenty of easy to understand examples.

I was provided an unproofed ARC through NetGalley that I volunteered to review.

If you love Emily Nagoski as much as I do, you can imagine what a delight it was to get a head start on this one with a @netgalley ARC. I got to dive in a few days before the release date, and proceeded to then buy a hard copy and audio version of the book, all of which I used to complete it.

In Come Together, Nagoski shares wisdom and science around sexual connection with another human. I loved its predecessor 'Come As You Are' so much and have recommended it to many a patient and friend. Nagoski's approach is so digestible for readers. Her writing is full of science but in ways that are fun and light hearted. The concepts in this book of all of the rooms that exist in our brains and bodies, with lust being only one of them, is a really helpful visualization to how we can make pleasure more accessible in a relationship. And pleasure being the focus rather than desire... Let's just say my mind was blown. 🤯

Also, the audio version is a delight as Nagoski narrates.

While I didn't feel *quite* as connected to this one as I did to 'Come As You Are' and 'Burnout,' it's still a ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ in my book.

I have been a fan of Nagoski and her work for some time and I was excited for her to continue her work on sexuality and pleasure. With this one Nagoski shares the much needed education around the connection, pleasure dynamic within a couple. She also reminds us of some common behaviors on connection that we tend to forget but really do help a couple in their satisfaction. A must read for anyone in a relationship!

Thank you to NetGalley and Ballentine Books for the ARC!

Thank you to Emily Nagoski and the publishing team at Ballantine Books, also to NetGalley for this ARC.
I was given this ARC in return for an honest review.

I thoroughly enjoyed this book. It is my second read from Dr. Nagoski. This book is the follow up to their other novel Come As You Are.
I liked that this book touched more on topic of gender identity and relationships that aren't just the heteronormativite. I felt because of this I could relate more to the book and understand the science.
Once again the author did these TL;DR excerpts for each chapter and the conclusion which is great for partners or someone who is easily overwhelmed. I find them to be super helpful, especially when it got to sensitive topics such as sexual trauma.

I always like reading about the stories that are told in the book too, from other people previous friends or clients. It adds that human touch. OH if you didn't know the beautiful artwork was done by Nagoski's husband and when I got to meet her last year she mentioned it being a favorite part in the book. I felt validated with knowing she and her parnter also struggle in the area of sex when life got so busy and super stressed. The floor plan thought process really helps breakdown some barriers.