Dr. Anita Knight Kuhnley's "The Four Relationship Styles" offers a compelling exploration into the intricate dynamics of human relationships. Drawing from a rich tapestry of psychological theories and practical insights, Kuhnley provides readers with a roadmap to understanding and improving their interpersonal connections.

At its core, "The Four Relationship Styles" categorizes human interactions into four distinct styles: Secure, Anxious, Avoidant, and Disorganized. Each style is examined through the lens of attachment theory, which Kuhnley masterfully distills into accessible and relatable concepts. The book is structured to guide readers through identifying their own relationship style, understanding the origins and implications of these styles, and implementing strategies to foster healthier relationships.

Kuhnley's expertise as a psychologist shines through in her nuanced portrayal of the four relationship styles. She combines academic rigor with a conversational tone, making complex psychological concepts approachable for a general audience. The inclusion of real-life case studies and practical exercises enriches the reader's experience, providing concrete tools for personal growth and relational improvement.

One of the book's strengths is its empathetic approach. Kuhnley avoids pathologizing any of the relationship styles, instead framing them as adaptive responses to past experiences. This perspective encourages self-compassion and motivates readers to seek positive change without self-judgment. Furthermore, the book emphasizes the fluidity of relationship styles, suggesting that with awareness and effort, individuals can move towards more secure and fulfilling relationships.

"The Four Relationship Styles" by Dr. Anita Knight Kuhnley is an enlightening and practical guide for anyone seeking to understand and improve their relationships. Through a blend of psychological theory, personal anecdotes, and practical advice, Kuhnley offers readers a valuable resource for fostering healthier and more secure connections. Whether you're navigating romantic relationships, friendships, or family dynamics, this book provides essential insights and tools to enhance your relational well-being.

This book was very informative and written with a psychological approach. It was really informative and I learned a lot. The examples and different stories were great to help explain a lot of the concepts and one came away after reading this book with a lot of insight and encouragement.

As a beginner in counseling education, I appreciated this modality that has a strong Christian focus. Each relationship style had scriptural advice and how Faith can aid in an individual’s relationship journey.

This self-help book is full of useful information about relationship types and how to interact with each one. It also includes a quiz to discover your relationship style so you can understand how to interact with others. I appreciated the religious spin on relationships by starting with Adam and Eve and their relationship with God. I found the book to be enlightening and refreshing! If you are looking for ways to strengthen your relationship with others, this is a good place to start!

Thank you to NetGalley and Baker Publishing Group for the ARC in exchange for my honest review!

Do you know someone who always seems to be looking for love in all the wrong places? Or how about someone who acts like the Fort Knox of feelings and emotions? Maybe you’ve struggled to keep up with your people-pleasing habits and feel exhausted by the stress of making and keeping everyone happy.

Whatever the case, Dr. Anita Knight Kuhnley offers hope for you and the people you love. She believes knowing about attachment theory and understanding the four basic types of relationship styles will help us understand ourselves and the important people in our lives. Once we identify our relationship style, we can know how it affects others and consider ways to strengthen our strengths and shore up our weaknesses. It sounds like a win-win proposition!

Dr. Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages explains how each of us has a hierarchy of how we feel loved (and prefer to love others). Dr. Kuhnley’s four Relationship Styles explain our automatic responses to relationships with other people by explaining attachment theory.

Our earliest experiences with other humans (especially our primary caregivers) shape how we respond to relationships. A neglected child will react to future relationships (both platonic and romantic) differently than a child who grew up in a loving, stable home.

Dr. Kuhnley provides a self-testing activity based on research that helps readers identify their primary relationship style. Once we understand our style, we can work to change it. Knowledge is power.

If you feel like a relationship failure, Dr. Kuhnley offers hope. Maybe you struggle to understand a significant other in your life. Armed with knowledge about relationship styles, you’ll know how to support your loved one best.

What I Loved About This Book

I’ve always loved Chapman’s Five Long Languages because they explained how I could grow and love others in the way THEY felt most loved. But I’ve always wondered why the love languages didn’t work with some people. Despite my best efforts to love them according to their love language, they never fully accepted the love. Now I understand why.

My favorite takeaway from the entire book is QTIP: Quit Take It Personally. All too often, we sabotage our relationships. We take things personally because we don’t understand how people’s relationship styles (especially for those who don’t understand relationship styles) drive their behavior. Their responses and reactions aren’t BECAUSE of us; they are just reactions based on instinct.

The author maintains an accessible, non-academic style most of the time, making this a valuable book for consumers, therapists, and counselors. The Christian author offers practical steps readers can take (journaling, bibliotherapy, therapy, and Bible stories and verses) to understand and change their relationship styles. The book avoids religious cliches, and I highly recommend it to my Christian and non-Christian friends.

As an educator who works with students, most of whom come from insecure families of origin, this book provides valuable insight into how I can support my students.

3 stars

Thanks NetGalley and Baker Books publisher for a great copy of the book!

The book is packed with insightful explanations and examples about attachment style. However, i found it a bit hard to follow the author's due to the writing style

While The Four Relationship Styles certainly addresses a topic that has the potential to be highly academic, author Dr. Anita Knight Kuhnley does it in such a way that the everyday person can grasp it. She helps readers realize that we all have predictable ways of relating to our partners, but we are not stuck. In fact, she really helps readers understand that fact--you are not stuck. We can learn how to relate in healthier ways. The first step, though, is discovering the truth about how you relate, which Dr. Kuhnley helps the reader do. Then she firmly but lovingly helps readers understand the strengths and weaknesses of that style, but then how to move forward into healthier ways of relating. I found Dr. Kuhnley's style to be personal, relatable, and very practical and do-able in terms of how I can begin to incorporate small changes now that will pay big dividends in the long run. If you're looking to improve your relationships, this is a great place to start.

Thanks to NetGalley and Baker Books for this ARC.

"The Four Relationship Styles" by Dr. Anita Knight Kuhnley offers a profound exploration of attachment theory, unveiling the secret to flourishing or faltering in love. Unveil your innate relationship style and grasp the strengths and challenges it brings, both in yourself and your partner. Bid farewell to the anguish of rejection and failed romances as you decode the patterns and behaviors influencing your relationships. Within these pages, you'll unearth invaluable insights to express and receive love in healthier ways. If you've endured the cycle of unsatisfying relationships, this book illuminates the path forward, using attachment theory to demystify human behavior and pave the way to lasting, fulfilling love. I highly recommend it!