Fifteen essays span Dancyger’s collection which center on the authors most prominent female friendships, asking if it’s romantic love that is or should be, really most central in our lives. “With romantic love,” Dancyger writes, “there’s usually the expectation that you get one at a time. But sisterly love allows for multiplicity, overlapping and interlocking.” The essays examines the author’s relationship with her late cousin, and other central figures as she makes her way across the bridge from adolescence into adulthood. The prose is crisp, and Dancyger weaves in interesting and prescient theory and pop cultural connections.

I was enjoying this group of stories … then realized she was writing about her life and her friendships …the stories were scattered back and forth from her life, and I didn’t finish it. I read about the author and realized she was trying to talk about her murdered cousin and the effect on her …didn’t really come across that in depth in the first quarter.

lilly dancyger's memoir 'first love: essays on friendship' chronicles the author's life thru the meaningful friendships she had throughout. by tracing her life through her non-romantic relationships, the reader is able to see how these friendships impacted & changed her, and also how she was able to cope with a number of traumatic life events. i found this narrative strategy to be really effective for me, as there was a common thread throughout each chapter, even though they were told out of order. as someone who had a lot of close friends growing up, i did resonate with some of the emotions dancyger had towards her friends, even though our lives looked vastly different. definitely check this one out!

A look into friendship from within and outside the family unit - or rather - from within the born family and the chosen family, and shocking amount of conversations about what it means to be a woman and the friendships we have as an extension of our gender. Well written for cis-gender and trans-gender women alike (in fact pointing out that she does not agree with certain stances on excluding trans women), I look forward to reading more that her voice has to offer.

This was a really heartwarming group of essays on girlhood and friendship. I enjoyed it much more than I was expecting to going in. I can't wait to read more by this author.

Lilly Dancyger shares an intimate collection of essays on female friendship and these bonds that have shaped her throughout her life.

Relating pop culture references like "sad girl Instagram," Sylvia Plath, fairytales, true crime, and Heavenly Creatures with her own experiences in mothering her friends and being mothered, feral girlhood, adolescent obsession and falling out, and the sudden loss of her cousin and best friend--Dancyger melds vulnerability, entertainment, and intimacy in a beautiful and engaging way.

From the first love of girlhood connection to the women who sustain us emotionally and mentally in adulthood, this book is truly a gift to those who think deeply about our non-romantic relationships and how important they are to a full and balanced life.

(3.5 stars rounded up to 4)

It’s well written but I would have preferred that it wasn’t so orderly. This didn’t seem like essays but rather just a story.

I didn't expect to like this book as much as I did, but Dancyger's writing always does something for me. It strikes a chord, even though I could not relate to some of these horrific situations in the essays.

Several years ago, at the Barrelhouse-hosted writing conference Conversations and Connections, I attended a session led by Lilly Dancyger. I admit to forgetting what it was about (I’d have to dig up my notes) but I came away just so impressed and have followed her career ever since. She’s a literary genius, something that’s evident in First Love, her essay collection about friendship. It's brilliant and vulnerable and gorgeous—and so much more. The cover photo is of a younger Lilly on a fire escape with two friends—a scene that readers will come to know throughout the pages of First Love as the tiny New York City apartment retreat when life became too much and where Lilly and her friends sought refuge with bottles of whiskey and cigarettes, especially when Lilly’s beloved twenty-year-old cousin Sabina, was murdered.

Lilly writes with such depth and love, not only about Sabina but the indelible bonds between the friends who got her through that trauma. These are the friends who became Lilly's family during her feral childhood and teen years of spending all night roaming New York City's streets and parks, not attending (and eventually dropping out of) school and working as a bartender. We follow them through the pivotal years of their lives, of failed relationships and growth. Lilly's gasp-out-loud writing made me feel like I knew Raiona and Sydney and Leah and Heather and Carly—and that I, too, wanted to hang out on the fire escape drinking with them, telling them my secrets, grieving their and my losses. (There's a lot of that in First Love.)

"Remember that, of course, there is no map for grief. That her grief is an entirely different country from your own, and the only person who can ever find their way through is her. Feel silly for thinking you could impose order or something like this. That you could offer her anything more than your presence."

First Love is heart wrenching and raw at times yet tender at others. It is, above all, a goddamn masterclass of a love story. 5 stars. Thanks to Netgalley and The Dial Press for the ARC.

Overall this was a gorgeous collection of essays. It was more of a memoir than I had expected, but that made it more powerful. Reading the author's struggle with the grief after her cousin's murder was emotionally devastating and raw. I really enjoyed the commentary on Anais Nin and Sylvia Plath. In some ways it felt like it could have been stronger as two books, one a memoir on grief, and another essays on friendship, but it made for a unique collection.

Thank you to NetGalley for the digital ARC in exchange for an honest review.

I enjoyed this book and the many chapters of Lilly's life. It was very nice to pick up over the span of a few months. Something that I found fun about this book is that I found so many things that I am interested in watching and reading. I feel there is nothing more to say, you simply need to read it for yourself.

When I first started this book, I wasn’t really sure what to expect. I definitely didn’t expect to be sobbing after the first chapter?! This was an incredible and refreshing look at friendships between women that I think everyone should read. I enjoyed that the author even included the harmful relationships.

I read this slowly. A chapter here and a chapter there. I love this idea of our friends as our first loves. Both very poignant and surprisingly funny, I enjoyed every essay.

First Love has been highly anticipated on my list of memoir/essay collections for 2024. The sum of the fifteen essays in this collection made for a very cathartic, thought provoking reading experience. The photo on the book cover has a fittingly nostalgic feel to it - it's the author (centre) and two of her friends sitting on an apartment stoop and just looking at it evokes such a warmth and longing for youth, it's as if you yourself were there. Lilly gives due to the profound nature of female friendships in her life and succeeds in showing us for 'love stories they truly are' (from the book description). Absolutely loved this collection and look forward to picking up a physical copy from which to read when I need a salve. If you listened to Call Your Girlfriend or read Big Friendship and found yourself wanting more, First Love will deliver. These essays are as endearing and complex as our friendships can be. Thanks to Penguin Random House & NetGalley for providing an advance copy to review.

Lilly Dancyger's "First Love" is a deeply touching and heartfelt collection of essays that delve into the intricacies of love in its many forms. Each essay is a testament to the power of vulnerability and the profound connections that shape our lives. Dancyger's writing is raw, honest, and beautifully evocative, making it impossible not to be moved by her words.

Throughout the collection, Dancyger explores love from various angles—romantic, familial, and self-love—each essay offering a unique perspective and emotional depth. Her ability to capture the complexities of love and its impact on our lives is truly remarkable. The essays are not just stories; they are lived experiences that resonate on a deeply personal level.

Several essays brought me to tears. Dancyger's ability to convey deep emotions with such authenticity makes her stories incredibly relatable. Whether she is writing about the joy of newfound love, the pain of loss, or the journey towards self-acceptance, her words strike a chord that lingers long after you have finished reading.

"First Love" is not just a collection of essays; it is a journey through the heart. Dancyger's eloquent prose and unflinching honesty make this book a must-read for anyone who has ever loved and lost, struggled and triumphed. It is a poignant reminder of the power of love and the strength it gives us to keep moving forward.

This woman named Lily What's about her life and her friendships with other women. Her first love was her cousin Sandra. They were inseparable, but her mother and father moved to California when she Was five. Mother Got a divorce Move to new york and then back to californi Her father died when she was twelve. Her mother was really never around She became very wild. She visited her cousin in Philadelphia. Or not under crossing had a very different l Life. She became very involved in the underground in new york city. She got into music did drugs and alcohol. She would go to bars instead of going to School. She would go into a lesbian bar.And lower E a s t. She had friends who were very close with her. Somehow she made it to college. Her friends were very close to her and they helped her out a lot of different crisis and they would sit on the fire escape. When Her cousin died. She became very Hard for her to Function. Her friends were there an alcohol was part of it. These women were Very close to her and helped her out good time in the bad times This was a great book very interesting how she made it through

i really enjoyed the memoir parts of this, but where it became more essay-like it didn't work as well for me.

The relationships of girls and women to each other are often seen as fluff in the margins of the great hetero love main story. Lilly Dancyger’s essays give the rose of first love to the girls and women that shaped her life. That rose comes with thorns. The archetypical first love is as euphoric as it is annihilating, and the same can be true in the love of friends, found family and biological family. Dancyger has captured some of the ineffable in her essays on love and loss and creation. This book would make a beautiful gift for the first loves in your life, no matter who they may be.

I received a digital advance reader copy from NetGalley and The Dial Press, an imprint of Random House, in exchange for an honest review.

I adored First Love. This collection of essays was like a warm hug. I eel like it isn't often enough that we get nonfiction collection focusing around platonic love, at least not as often as romantic love, so this one was refreshing. I highly recommend this collection!

Thank you to NetGalley and The Dial Press for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.

A poignant collection of writings from a woman who experienced so much loss early in her life. Some are short and some examine the theme of friendship more in depth. Overall, I really enjoyed that she shared her perspective in such a positive way on so many facets of girlhood and friendships. Thank you NetGalley for providing the ARC.