Dancyger crafts a poignant and insightful exploration of the intricate tapestry of women's friendships, treating them with the depth and nuance they truly deserve. Each essay in this collection is a testament to the profound bonds that exist between women, portrayed as love stories in their own right.

It felt more like a cohesive narrative than essays, but the story made me think about the many friendships in my life and the impact on who I am. It tackles some really challenging topics, and shows how the relationships and friends around us can carry us thought - it was beautiful and handled with such compassion and honesty that it felt worth pushing through.

An ode to female friendship, ‘First Love’ by Lilly Dancyger is a collection of poignant essays about some of the most defining relationships in your life. Leaning heavily into personal anecdotes, this collection is tender and bittersweet.

"The idea that the very things that have made you feel different and wrong are not only impressive & romantic, but they can connect you with someone else, is intoxicating. Irresistible. It feels like acceptance and absolution, like being fully seen and loved for exactly who you are" First Love- Lilly Dancyger.
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If you find yourself here reading this I need you to stop. Take a deep breath. If this were a video (I have recorded something similar for social media) I would ask you to close your eyes. Take a breath. Do you trust me? I am about to recommend an absolutely beautiful piece of work. Lets talk Friendship- best friends that are like an extension of ones self. The ones who have been there through the highest of highs. The lowest of lows. Maybe you are immediately thinking of one person- maybe many. Thinking of the friend - who you played pretend wedding with when you wer4e 6 or 7, The friend you came into your teens with- endlessly in trouble with parents and teachers. The friend who you found yourself imitating in many ways trying to meld who you were to be more like they were. A friend who never left your side for all of high school. Maybe that one friend who you met at a bar and started to party often with. The one who you ended up sharing each others darkest and deepest secrets with while curled up in her bed suffering your third hangover of the week. That one was on repeat for a while. The friend you stood by as they got married. Whatever you think of in this moment- Lilly Dancygers First Love: Essays on Friendship will have you remembering even the moments that may have seemed inconsequential, The love we share and the intimate moments cultivated between the best of friends. Dancygers most recent release came out early this week & I had the great privilege of receiving an Arc. A collection of essays that transcends the typical reference of friendship. Portraying our Friends as our First Loves. The most quotable book I have read this year by far. I loved the description of friendship as often mothering one another. I have recently found myself in a state where I am lacking those true connections- lacking those folks you can completely unveil it all to. It is sad and isolating. As a new mother (shes almost 3- yet it feels like yesterday) - the idea of mothering our friends was a beautiful way for me to think of these sorts of connections. I felt a sense of grief in reading this work at this time because of that. What was interesting - as that grief set in and I read about these people in Lillys life- I felt a sense of hope. An opening.
"But the self is a tenacious thing, it will allow itself to be submerged for a time, but there in the murky waters of love, or grief, or addiction, or fear, or whatever you try to drown it in- it waits It waits for its moment, for the first crack in the surface, and then it struggles fourth."

An absolutely wonderful read that I will be recommending to anyone who finds themselves in a deep platonic love. I think its fair to say all of us have or wish to experience it.

First Love is a collection of essays on the wonderful intimacy and complexity of female friendships, as told by author and essayist, Lilly Dancyger. Dancyger writes about various friendships she has had through her lifetime, how they impacted her growth and development, and how she has and continues to view herself through the lens of these friendships.

As a woman who has had the pleasure of experiencing multiple versions of female friendship over my lifetime, I was immediately entranced by Lilly Dancyger’s essays. More than that, I was engrossed by her profound and almost lyrical writing. My Kindle is filled to the brim with highlights of passages I couldn’t leave behind, making it extremely difficult to pick only one quote for this review.

Somewhere along the line, I read multiple comparisons between Lilly Dancyger’s “First Love'' and Dolly Alderton’s “Everything I Know About Love.” Alderton’s memoir is very near and dear to me—I even had my brother-in-law do a reading from the book at my wedding in 2023. There are definitely similarities between the two memoirs, namely the examination and celebration of female friendships. However, it’s important to note that the two are vastly different.

If you’re looking for a warm and fuzzy story about gal pals living it up in their twenties, this is probably not the book for you. Lilly Dancyger writes intimately about her very difficult experiences as a child, teenager, and young adult. There should be one big content warning stamped across the front cover of this book. I’ve outlined a few things to take note of at the top of my review, but I’m certain I’ve missed a few.

Dancyger spends much of this book recounting the murder of her cousin and childhood playmate, Sabina. As she describes, the two were more than cousins; they were sisters, each other’s halves, like two puzzle pieces that perfectly fit into each other. The loss of Sabina was integral in shaping Dancyger’s adulthood.

As she reveals near the end of the book, Dancyger felt compelled to write about her cousin’s murder, but was struck by the loss of the victim’s identity to the morbid curiosity many have regarding the perpetrator. Instead, she decided on an homage to female friendship. And the result was utterly beautiful.

Out of this collection of essays, so many were incredibly poignant, literally taking my breath away. Dancyger carved out beautiful depictions of the women in her life, so much so that I felt like I knew the group of friends as if they were my own. There were often times when I would catch myself saying “No” out loud when something bad happened to any of them, then quickly glance at my husband to make sure I hadn’t woken him up.

One essay that I found particularly devastating to read was “How to Support a Friend Through Grief” which is told as though through a step-by-step guide to grief. It is heartbreaking and beautiful and touching and all the things. It’s a difficult read, but a pain that feels necessary, in a way.

Another essay discusses how Dancyger feels about motherhood. This is not a new topic, especially not in today’s conversation where more and more women are opting into a childfree-by-choice lifestyle. But what I found to be refreshing about this particular take was Dancyger’s internal conflict. I rarely (if ever) see depictions of women who feel an inherent desire to have children that is riddled with the fear of losing oneself, particularly career and personhood, to becoming a mother. It’s a debate that never has a clear resolution and I appreciated this perspective as someone who is entering that chapter of her own life.

Every time I put this book down, first of all, I didn’t want to. I actively never wanted to stop reading. I read until my eyes were dry and blurry. One time, I read until I fell asleep past 1AM with the Kindle still in my hand. But second of all, when I put the book down, I felt this profound wistfulness. Like a nostalgia for something I couldn’t quite put my finger on.

First Love by Lilly Dancyger is a breathtaking depiction of female friendships and the desire women feel to comfort, and be comforted by, the other women in their lives.

I basically went in blind when I decided to read this one and really wasn’t sure what to expect. What I found was a beautiful memoir—a courageous declaration of female friendship, based on the deep bonds of love between the author and her close female friends.

This is a rich collection of essays centered around grief, sadness, dreams and desires, and human connection all wrapped up in the cultural and social mores of the day. Lilly lost her father at a young age as well as another family member that meant so much to her. These crushing events were major sources of sadness and loneliness that led Lilly to seek out close friendships. What I loved the most was the intensity of the relationships. These young women were always willing to help each other with whatever the issue was—help with a new baby, a place to stay, keeping one another safe on the streets of New York City, and just being there when support was needed. These are just a few examples of what they did for each other. It was sad to see some of Lilly’s strongest friendships fade over time due to life circumstances, but she was fortunate to always have a group with whom she could closely connect.

To be clear these were not romantic relationships. Simply companionship of the highest order. I’ve always thought a person was so fortunate to have one close friend. Lilly was surrounded by many. And each one played a role in helping Lilly pull her difficult life back in focus and become a successful writer. Profound stuff. I highly recommend First Love to all looking for a deeply moving treatise on the power of human connection.

I would like to thank Net Galley, The Dial Press, and Ms.Lilly Dancyger for an advanced copy. Opinions are mine alone and are not biased in any way.

Nonfiction with heart and teeth. This is a beautiful homage to friendships between women, weaving texts from pop culture and history and Tumblr. I sipped this one. Each essay is a meal.

First Love is a beautiful book of essays about female friendships and some of our strongest bonds. Lilly Dancyger is about a decade younger than me and I definitely saw myself and my past friendships in these gorgeously written essays. She describes female friendship, especially during the teen years, so perfectly. Those relationships burn with such intensity and mean so much even if they can be fleeting. Dancyger is part of New York counterculture and a big reader as a teenager. She also eloquently writes on the devastating grief of losing someone so close to you. This is such a special and affecting collection of essays about friendship and its importance and hold on us.

I listened to the audiobook, which is perfectly narrated by the author. Thank you Penguin Random House Audio for providing this audiobook ARC. All thoughts are my own.

First love. First love. First love.
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When you hear those two words, what comes to mind? Probably not friendship. And yet Lilly clearly and so beautifully makes the case that our first loves really are our friends. She’s not even trying to convince you of it. She’s just very coolly sharing a glimpse into her world of friendship and that window then becomes a mirror of our own lives and friendships. The ones we still have and the cherished ones that we lost track of over time.
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Each essay in this collection has its own look and feel and yet they’re all cohesive. My favorites included:

In Search of Smoky Cafes where she explores the “high moments” of Anais Nin that she herself is seeking (think meaningful moments 😉)

How to Support a Friend Through Grief which very succinctly outlines her own journey of grief

Spell to Mend a Broken Heart that highlights the particular magic of engaging in rituals with our friends

The Rose Tattoo about the photos that don’t exist

Mutual Mothering on how friends end up mothering one another which took me back to my sorority days in college

Portraiture which explores the uniqueness of friendship when the dynamic changes as one is the artist and the other is the subject (I’ve had my own experience with this when a friend painted my portrait—meaningful moment btw)
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I loved this walk through Lilly’s life through her friendships. And I’m sure you will too.

First Love by Lilly Dancyger is a well written coming of age essay collection of women’s friendships and love.
A truly relatable and formative read that I honestly enjoyed.

Thank You NetGalley and Publisher for your generosity and gifting me a copy of this amazing eARC!

In this collection of 15 essays, Lilly Dancyger explores the impact female friendships have had on her life and their cultural context. She describes her teenage years as a high school dropout in NYC and the friends who loved her, mothered her, and outgrew her. She's just a little younger than I am, but belongs to that final generation of teenagers before social media. Despite having very different backgrounds, I was definitely nostalgic for the era she inhabited.

I recommend this to anyone who shares that nostalgia, it was a fellow Sylvia Plath sad girl.

First Love by Lilly Dancyger is a book highlighting the impact of female friendship. I absolutely adored the concept and subject matter. I was excited for this read as I have been trying to focus and invest more in my own personal friendships.

However, I had a hard time connecting to or even remembering the characters introduced. I also was not able to relate to many of the stories throughout. I think overall, I may not have been the target audience for this book. I was just not invested in it or excited to keep picking it up.

Additionally, I don’t know if I would consider it to be a collection of essays but more of a memoir as all the essays blended well into each other.

Nevertheless, the book was well written and flowed nicely.

A coming of age essay collection of the best kind of first love, friendship. This was heart-touching and I wish it a great release.

“Lilly Dancyger always thought of her closest friendships as great loves, complex and profound as any romance.” In this collection of essays, she reflects on and honors each major friendship of her life - some that ended brutally, some that ended quietly and some that continue to this day. It is a beautiful, profoundly moving collection of essays. Dancyger’s stories are deeply personal, yet the outlines of the deep love that exists between girls and women will be recognizable to all. You’ll want to buy a copy for all your friends!

A book containing essays about friendship. Typically with books like these some stories are memorable and some are forgettable. Specifically with this one, all left an imprint on my heart. This was exceptionally written.

These essays are all about the intense, formative friendships you make in adolescence and how oftentimes those relationships are more meaningful than the romantic ones. She covers the loss of friends, found family relationships, and all the messy, complicated things associated with teenage girlhood. I related to this so much and loved reflecting on all the influential memories of my youth.

Here is my review for first love! Thank you so so much for allowing me to read this book of essays in advance in exchange for an honest review!

First Love is a series of personal essays by Dancyger all revolving around her great loves - her female friends. This was beautiful and touching, and I loved it.

I am trying to reconcile my two impressions of First Love by Lilly Dancyger:

1. I'm so glad to see media celebrating female friendships. I saw my own friendships reflected in Dancyger's beautifully written essays, and it's comforting to know that some experiences are somewhat universal. However....

2. It was difficult to connect with some essays. Dancyger drops names in essays as though we already know these people. We might meet them later, but it feels like a new friend talking about their old friends in a familiar way.

First Love is deeply personal and shows a lot of vulnerability, which is both a selling-point and a content warning.

First Love: Essays on Friendship by Lilly Dancyger is a seemingly unfiltered look at — and ode to — the author’s experience with the dynamics of female friendship throughout childhood, adolescence, and early adulthood. Drawing on parallels to both cultural references such as the riot grrrl movement and personally definitive events like the untimely death of her father, Dancyger examines girlhood friendships built on foundations of cocaine use, a love of Sylvia Plath and Janis Joplin, and a sort of depressive folie à deux.
I enjoyed every essay in this piece immensely, finding myself at turns in fits of laughter and overcome with tears. Even when the experiences described were not part of my personal history, the descriptions of friendship and camaraderie, of conflict and growing apart were utterly relatable. Dancyger has a striking and irresistible way of describing unsavory behaviors and situations using the loveliest of language, and her cultural knowledge and allusions are effortlessly fascinating. I wholeheartedly recommend this book to any and every girl or woman. All opinions expressed here are my own. Thanks to The Dial Press at Random House and to NetGalley for the advanced reader copy.