All of my great loves, my most rewarding relationships have been my friendships with other women. While romantically, I've had the first love/first heartbreak, the break up in a friendship can be devastating. First Love from Lilly Dancyger is a beautiful essay collection about the friendships in Lilly's life.

Every essay was open and vulnerable. Everything was beautifully written, and used language in a perfect way. This is the kind of book that should be given to young women, all young women, so they can understand the power of friendship.

Thanks to NetGalley and the publishers for the opportunity to read and review this book.

Lilly Dancyger's First Love is a beautiful ode to friendship in all its nuances and iterations. Dancyger writes with intelligence and insight, exploring these early relationships that shape and form us in a unique and lovely way. Thank you to NetGalley and Random House for the opportunity to read this eARC.

I really very badly want to love this book but it really drug on for far too long. It was hard to jump into things with the characters and follow the storylines at times. It was a promising read that was just not for me sadly. I may try again later because I just really want to like this book lol.

Thank you NetGalley for the advanced copy!!

Despite having written an essay published elsewhere titled "In Defense of Navel Gazing," Lilly Dancyger has produced an interesting collection of beautifully-written essays of substance, about her turbulent teen time in NYC, that is filled with fascinating citations, references and tangents. I especially liked Sad Girls, because I learned something new about a subject I've long been passionate about: Team Sylvia Plath vs Team Ted Hughes. Sad Girls is based on two different things: the Sad Girl Movement and the Sad Girl Theory, but also encompasses the sad girl aesthetic, and a childhood friend of the author's who died a sad girl. Each of these essays is based on a different turbulent teen time friendship, but via unique literary vehicles like witchcraft in Spell to Mend a Broken Heart; maternal love and the lack of it in Mutual Mothering; experimental photography in Portraiture; and the loss of a beloved young cousin in On Murder Memoirs.

As a mom of 16-yr old daughters, I was shocked about Dancyger skipping school to hang out at bars starting at the age of 14; I spent my early 30s in the lower eastside, comparatively tamely. But I do remember feeling intimidated by native New Yorker kids on the subway sometimes, and I had grown up sheltered in midwestern suburbs, with stable parents who weren't artists or on drugs.

I would like to thank Random House for early access to this book in exchange for an honest review.

This is the first work I have ready by Lily Dancyger and I find Lily's writing incredible. There are no wasted words and I feel the emotion Lily puts on the page. I applaud the idea of showcasing Love (with a capital L) between friends, especially women friends who are supporting each other through life. We have so much assess to all encompassing romantic Love and parental Love but I find it rare to showcase this between friends.

I will call out that collection of essays are not in my standard rotation of reads and I am well aware that makes me not the target audience. I craved getting to know LIly's friends further and to see where their lives continued on to (the upbringing and experiences are not shared with myself). Despite this, I had a hard time relating, the references used to create reliability I did not have a connection to, and sometimes I had to google what they were. Additionally, I had a hard time keeping where each store fell in the timeline of Lily's life- this aspect of how the essays fit together became jumbled in my mind. The last aspect that left me scratching my head was there was a lot of conversation about not wanting to write about her cousin's murder (the grief is unimaginable)- to me, if you dont want to write about it then don't. I do not need to be told at length the reasons why.

Beautiful writing, enviable description of friendships that stands the test of time. This collection is worth the read and different than other works out there.

A beautiful introspective on friendships, how they form, how we maintain them and grow them. These wide ranging essays show the ways in which we hold each other up, hold space and mother each other. Finishing this book will leave you with a deep sense of gratitude and love for all the women in your life.

This made me very emotional. I thought a lot about my friendships and how they’re changing throughout different stages of our lives. Female friendships really are many of our first loves and I appreciate this book highlighting those relationships.

I read First Love: Essays on Friendship by Lilly Dancyger.

I was smitten by this collection of autobiographical essays. This book encapsulates many of my recurring thoughts and experiences in a way that makes me feel understood. The essays touch upon various topics in a way that puts words onto ideas that are oftentimes difficult to express.

Lilly Dancyger wrote this memoir so beautifully that I’m eager to read her other works. She depicts womanhood so vividly that I found myself thinking, at times, that I was having a chat with my girlfriends. The topics and thought development she writes are some that I’ve often discussed with my friends. It all felt like a tangible conversation that’s never quite resolved because its answers don’t exist.

I highly recommend this book to any woman who has had doubts about whether she’s "doing womanhood correctly". Take note, however, that this collection of essays depicts the white woman’s experience.

It’s a solid 4.5⭐️ for me.

Beautifully written with the heart in hand, this is a collection of essays regarding friendship within women.

I can relate to this so much it had me crying and laughing at times. It really shows the importance of having friends by your side through hardships and joyful moments to share them with.

First Love is a remarkably earnest book of essays centering around female friendships. The essays span throughout Dancyger's life, yet they all feel deeply intertwined. Dancyger captures humanity, heartbreak, and the importance of platonic love and found family with this collection. The writing is phenomenal and deeply sincere, encapsulating big feelings of grief and love. I learned, I squirmed, I laughed, I cried.

Thank you to NetGalley for an Advanced Reader Copy in exchange for my honest review! First Love comes out May 7th, 2024.

in a series of 15 love letters to girl hood and friendships, a montage of memories consolidated with an analysis of media and social trends, Lilly has weaved together a beautiful collection of essays encompassing what it feels like to grow up and into each other, to love, and to cherish, and to grieve all the friendships that pass through our lives, and how drifting apart has a beginning but never an end.

thank you for the arc! i adored it. (4.5 stars)

Having grown up in the 90s and 2000s like Lilly, I related to this outlook on female friendships and how those relationships can shape the rest of your life. Although I haven’t lost someone close to me in a way that Lilly lost Sabina, I could empathize with her just how greatly that loss affected her into adulthood and still now. It’s true that your first true love is usually a friend, usually platonic, and usually is unforgettable. With each friend “season” Lilly brought us through, I could relate and remember my own friendships through those times. I’ve had many close female friendships in my lifetime and it’s absolutely true that you can go from being inseparable to being strangers in a matter of time and without even noticing it until it’s happened. People change and lifestyles change and people go in different directions, friendships fade into memories. With each friendship there’s a lesson to be learned or memories to carry with you into future friendships. And if you’re really lucky, some of those friendships will last forever.

Thank you to #NetGalley for an ARC of this collection of essays by an author I've enjoyed for a number of years.

Lilly Dancyger is an exceptional creative nonfiction writer and this book of essays celebrating female friendships -- spanning years -- is truly a love story -- a tribute to many of the greatest relationships in her life: her girlfriends. Across miles, years, and a variety of life events, the women in Dancyger's life have lifted her up -- they have sustained one another through the most difficult and exhilarating moments. The love inherent within these friendships is lasting and deep. One of my favorite essays centers on the too-brief life of Dancyger's cousin -- so different from her in many ways -- how the girls became women together, who traded interests, aspirations, and maintained their shared history.

The feelings and deep, lasting emotions within this essay are palpable.

Having read her first collection - Negative Space - I had the pleasure of already knowing (and enjoying!!) accounts of Dancyger's childhood and life as she grew up and pieced together the mystery and magic of her artist father, who died unexpectedly, and left his young daughter with unanswered questions and a desire for understand his life.

Lilly Dancyger is just an outstanding writer - her braided essays are exceptional and she transmits the love of these friendships within the included essays with vivid poignancy. A wonderful collection and a tribute to the women she loves.

I really enjoy memoirs about female friendships and have read many. This one was well written and had some memorable essays - about the murder of the author's cousin and a standout chapter about an intense friendship and how it compared to the friendship in the movie "Heavenly Creatures". Thanks to NetGalley for an advance copy.

I'm not sure what to say about this book. It was good, but not really my style; if I weren't reading an ARC to review I probably would have DNF'd it. I am glad in the end that I finished it, as some of the later essays were the ones I liked the most. But it just feels like such a personal preference thing. The ones I related to were my favorite (especially the ones about fears of having children). In general I wouldn't recommend it broadly, but if you're interested in the description then go for it! The writing is good.

Thank you to Netgalley and Random House for the chance to read and review this ARC.

Lilly Dancyger shares her experiences with friendships in such a raw and profound way. In this essay collection, the reader is pulled through the author’s life which is filled with loss from a young age. However, her friendships allow her to lean on the people she loves in her most vulnerable moments. As a child who has forced herself into perceived adulthood, she makes friends in parks and house parties, sharing drinks and cigarettes. The ‘sad girl’ aesthetic is often associated with teenagers as they learn to cope with the their feelings. Yet through her journey, Lilly learns how it’s not drugs or alcohol that can help you with your grief, it is the relationships around you. Facing grief head on with support from your closest friends. These essays are filled with years of introspection and reflection as Lilly comes to terms with her own grief. Life does not wait for you to catch up, it continues even if you are not ready to move on. Adulthood, which every teenager desperately wants as it represents freedom, often comes too fast. Friends drift away and form their own family units. Hanging out is no longer spontaneous but planned according to everyone’s schedule. Nights out are replaced with cozy pyjamas and hot tea. Motherhood, which was once a dream, becomes an expectation. And yet, friends can be found in every part of your life. There are times when you wish to reinvent yourself, and new friends allow you to feel free from your past mistakes. And yet, there are times, when your oldest friends, the ones that have seen you at your lowest, are the ones who can see past the mask you put up. There are some friends that are in your life only briefly but have a tremendous impact and there are others remain constant, despite any mistakes you make. This book allows the readers to reflect on their own friendships and journey with grief.

bold and gorgeous tale of friendship with a wonderful setting style. tyssm for the arc and i would def recommend.

I didn’t know that I needed some self time to reflect upon, grieve, and celebrate the great friendships of my past 35 years until I read this unique collection of essays. Impactful literature has the power to move you to action, and First Love has done just that for me. It literally prompted me to reach out to a couple of great loves to reconnect while also allowing me to feel some peace in those relationships that have passed on physically, emotionally, or spiritually. Lilly Dancyger brings humility, honesty, & some hilarity to her history, inviting readers to do the same when staring in the mirror.

Grateful to NetGalley & Random House for the ARC in exchange for an honest review.

First Love reminded me so much of Jane Fonda's statement she made in 2016 that her female friends were what made her who she was. She said "I exist because I have my women friends," and that she didn't know what she'd do without them. Dancyger dedicates the entire collection to that bone deep, platonic love that forms the foundation of her life, and while romance is featured, it never takes centre stage, which made for a beautiful and refreshing read!
New York City, as it tends to do, feels like its own person throughout the book. I may be biased as I'm a fellow city kid, but Lilly manages to capture the ups and downs, the structure and the freedom, the love and the heartbreak that comes from growing up and living in a dynamic city of millions. Although I don't think all the entries stood entirely on their own as essays per se, I found it entirely fitting that the collection begins and ends with discussing the same person. Her love for her cousin tore through me, even managing to bring me to tears - a rare feat! I'm looking forward to checking out Dancyger's memoir, both to read more of her work and to flesh out parts of her life that were mentioned in First Love!

This book is special. The care that went into it, the way Lilly explores her past, the friendships that she had along the way and ultimately the loss of her first love in Sabina. I was deeply moved by Rose tattoo, how the pain however slight of getting a memorial tattoo is no where near the pain of losing a love one especially suddenly. I will be recommending this book to all of my female friends as it is just so extraordinary and deserves any and all accolades coming it's way.