Thank you so much for the ARC of this book! This book took me a very long time to get through. While non-fiction isn't my favorite genre, every now and then I like to read someone's personal story. Overall, this was a great book. Personally, I never felt emotionally connected with the author. The only reason I finished the book is because I wanted to give a honest and thorough review. I think that if my emotions were invested I would have enjoyed it more. While I don't think the book was for me, I will recommend it to the readers in my life. I think some of them will actually enjoy it more and appreciate the recommendation.

This is so Barbie-coded. It was bold, static, and raw all at once. I just know everyone needs to read this book to understand their loved ones down to their very core. Truly beautiful

First Love by Lilly Dancyger is an intimate collection of heartwarming and heartbreaking essays. These windows into Dancyger’s life are vibrant with life and palpable emotion. They document the beauty of first love in sisterhood and friendship, the heartbreak of both sudden and gradual loss, and the hope that comes in continuing to love despite the grief it can create. Focusing mostly on her formative years as a high school dropout in New York City in the early 2000s, the nostalgic longing winds its way beautifully through each essay.

It’s difficult to rate someone’s memoir because part of the rating will always be a reflection on their lived experiences. But I have no difficulty in saying Lilly Dancyger’s First Love is an exemplar of the memoir genre. I felt I was walking alongside her and her friends in New York City as teenagers of a bygone era. I felt the pain from the losses documented on these pages. I felt the love from her found sisters seeping out of every word. It was a truly phenomenal reading experience.

For anyone looking for a beautifully crafted woman-centered memoir full of detail, emotion, hope, and love, Dancyger’s First Love is a must-read in 2024.

Thank you to NetGalley and Random House for the free e-arc in exchange for my honest review.

thank you to the publisher and netgalley for the e-arc!

it feels very strange to dissect someone's work of memoir pieces, so i won't be saying much, but: although this had a few good lines that i highlighted, i ultimately didn't feel very blown away by the content. and that's okay! the author wrote it for themselves, at the end of the day, and you can tell a lot of pride and love went into it. so who cares what i think!

What a fantastic essay collection centered around female friendships and found/chosen family. I applaud the author for really delving into the intricacies and little details of friendship and how it changes over time. Friendship is often viewed as the little brother to romantic relationships when it comes to writing, so I'm really glad friendship is explored so beautifully through this collection.

Thank you to NetGalley for the eARC!

I cried throughout reading this entire book. It was completely, utterly, beautiful. I am in shock, awe, and just… so happy to have read this. It felt like a hug.

I’ve always seen my female friendships as equally, if not more at times, valuable than my traditional romantic relationships. And this novel beautifully encapsulates those ideals.

I have so many other books to read and yet I want to reread this one already.

A superb collection of essays about the important women in the author’s life. The stories were tender and moving and deftly illustrate the power of women’s friendships and found family. The writing is lovely - sharp yet full of emotion. The cultural critiques are seamlessly woven into the narrative. I had an amazing reading experience and of the 15 essays, I especially loved The Rose Tattoo, Mutual Mothering, and The Fire Escape.

I have not read other works by the author and immediately added Negative Space (and Burn it All Down) to my bookshelf upon finishing First Love.

Thank you very much to Random House and NetGalley for the opportunity to read a copy.

A lovely look at friendship and the power of friends in our lives. i admired the emotional power of these essays and how grounded they are in place. esp the landscape of New York City.

This book is a great analysis on women, young girls, and their friendships. Reading this book I found that multiple times I resonated with something the author said, or a chapter/story she told. We all remember our closest friendships and how they change and touch our lives. Lilly successfully writes on these exact moments and creates a beautifully challenging and introspective look at what it means to be a friend.

Lilly, do you need a hug? I want to give you one.

This was so beautifully written. A lot of the messages truly resonated with me since I’m sure we’ve all experienced different types of love that all vary in duration and depth. I didn’t expect the more poignant and bittersweet themes like grief and sadness, but those are so pivotal to the female friendship. I liked how a lot of my grief was verbalized once again.

I applaud this essay compilation.

Thank you, Netgalley and Penguin Random House, for the ARC!

This is an exquisite exploration of female friendships in essay form. The author talks about everything from "sad girl Tumblr" to the devastating murder of her cousin Sabine, who she was very close to. If you, like me, have grieved lost friendships far harder than broken romantic relationships, this book is for you.

Thank you to the publisher and NetGalley for the ARC.

“First Love” is a lovely, thoughtful, moving book about female friendships throughout the author’s life, informed in particular by the sudden loss of her cousin Sabina. This is one of my favorite types of books - memoir-style vignettes plus touches of cultural criticism - and beautifully done. The essay “Portraiture” in particular is outstanding, following along conversations with Dancyger’s friend Courtney as they collaborate on a photography project that examines friendship, subjectivity, and presence.

Thank you to The Dial Press/Penguin Random House and NetGalley for the opportunity to read this book.

Thank you to the publisher, Random House, The Dial Press, and Netgalley for this eARC!


Although it is often overshadowed by romantic stories, I love the subject of female friendship. This essay collection is a beautiful ode to the special love between friends and all of the different ways it can present itself and evolve over time. Dancyger's prose captures the subtle complexities of her relationships in such a beautiful, delicate way.

I will most definitely be picking up more works by Dancyger.

Thank you to the publisher, Random House, The Dial Press, and Netgalley for providing me with an early copy of this book in exchange for my unbiased review.

Wow. This book was absolutely incredible. I picked it up, and couldn't put it down, it probably took me 4 hours cover to cover. This collection of essays focuses on female friendships and the profound love women have for each other. If you liked Dolly Alderton's "Everything I Know About Love", I guarantee you will love this book.

The essays were all written so beautifully, but also so accessibly. Each one, while I couldn't always relate to the exact experience, I felt the emotions so deeply. I think female friendships are so important and not given enough recognition. I obviously can't speak for all women, but I feel like my friendships are the most important relationships I have ever had and will ever have.

I can't express enough how much I loved this book. Truly a masterpiece.

I really enjoyed this essay collection about female friendship! I did not relate much to the author but I love reading about how other people live and their relationships.

I was impressed it included writing about friendships that ended--run their course or for other reason. I feel like I've read so many books about friendship in my life but that aspect is normally glossed over. This made the book seem so much more realistic.

A great read about female friendship, life stages, grief, love, and compassion. I loved the essays in this novel and how they all connected in some way, shape, or form. The prevalent themes of loss, longing, and gratitude made the book feel whole and so heartwarming. Dancyger did a wonderful job expressing a painful loss at a young age, and the way that grief manifests throughout a lifetime without dampening the light from that individual's personhood. As a reader, I felt like I got to know Sabina and how wonderful a human she was. The full-circle feeling of this book was masterfully done and I think it is a must read for women and young girls alike--and generally anyone who has ever loved anyone enough to know the lengths they'd go to keep them safe.

Lilly Dancyger is a master of her craft. What a beautifully written collection of essays that showed a snapshot into the intricacies of growing up amongst female friends and your chosen family. Although the book did jump between timelines, it still felt incredibly thoughtful and cohesive throughout. Additionally, despite some chapters being stronger than others, they all deeply resonated with me and I know I will remember Lilly, Sabina, and their stories for years to come.

Heartwarming and heartbreaking all once, there’s very few books I’ve read where the writing feels like poetry. First Love is one of them.

“To love someone, I have always understood, is to keep them safe.”

I did not love this book, mainly because I am the wrong audience for it. I just found the disclosure of details uncomfortable.

This book made me cry several times over. I absolutely love the exploration of female friendships, the importance of found family over blood family, and the look at the deep love held between friends. Dancyger mixes personal anecdotes with cultural references (such as in the essay "Sad Girls" and "On Murder Memoirs") in a way that is very powerful and relatable. While at times a hard read due to content, this was an incredibly beautiful, well written collection of essays that has become a favourite non-fiction read of mine.

I am not generally a fan of essay collections because oftentimes the stories are so disconnected. But this book was great because there is a flow to the stories that is present from one to the next even when they tackle completely different topics. I found it all to be really enjoyable to read about a life. The haphazard moments, the tenderness of friendship, the heartbreak of grief and lost moments, to the ways life comes together as one ages and settles. It felt very reflective of the life experience in a way that is specific to the author's life story that it conveys, but also generic to any and everybody.