Tia Levings was a good Christian wife. She and her husband joined a fundamentalist movement that promoted patriarchy, wife discipline, and isolation. But over time, the facade of peace and godliness crumbled. Tia longed for more, and she eventually found freedom.
This book was a tough one for me to read. I also grew up in a fundamentalist church and strove be that that kind of wife. In the past decade, I've found freedom. But reading this story brought all those teachings back to my body and mind. I found myself feeling anxious, angry and discouraged. However, I am not looking back. I might feel stuck sometimes, but like this author, I am free!
I appreciate that this book includes some helpful information for other women who want to escape fundamentalism and be all they are created to be. For example, women could create an escape plan and seek therapy.
In places, the flow was choppy, and I wasn't always sure who the author was talking about. But otherwise, this book is a heavy but interesting read.
Favorite quotes:
"The church called Allan’s demons spiritual warfare. Seeing demons pointed to spiritual truth, not illness. Allan didn’t need medicine— I needed correction." I too experienced this false belief.
"(P)uritanical high-control religion. All those God-rules had numbed the entire human experience." Sad but true. Takes many years to reconnect with our humanity.
"Maybe it was my job to fix him. God could heal him through my love—this was a wife’s highest calling."
"Christian wives kept their husband’s secrets and they protected their family’s appearance." But "There was a lot of our truth he wanted to keep from them (my parents). And, I suddenly realized: visibility meant safety. Stay where I can see you, Mom used to say." YES! Keeping women isolated means they can't share truth and break down the fragile patriarchy that relies on women's solitude.
"I could see how women rationalized discipline as a method to keep the peace." Safer for the woman and the children.
"I didn’t just let erratic violence continue happening— I helped by refusing to leave." Complicity is real! And is often a way for abused foix to remain safe.
"I didn’t know how to appreciate what I couldn’t imagine. So, I judged her instead." TRUTH!
Orthodox teaching: "You were saved; you are being saved, you will be saved.”
"I’d spent so many years blaming Allan for our problems that I’d spent very little time exploring my own discontent and complicity. And I’d never considered all the ways I’d forced myself to shift, adapt, and change to meet so many expectations. What would it be like to choose myself? Or hell, just be my Self?" YES!!! Choose myself!

This was a beautifully written book. I remember seeing Tia on Shiny Little Things and was excited to read her book of resilience and strength. She is such an inspiration.

An absolutely incredible book that I will read and recommend to everyone for years to come. As a survivor of high-control evangelical christianity myself, this book really spoke to me and was revealing (and accurate) in the ways it described Christian Patriarchy. I think Tia's story is so important - and all too common in communities across the U.S. - and I feel honored she shared it publicly. There was a good balance of personal narrative and religious context throughout the book and I felt fully engaged. Thank you for the ARC and the opportunity to read and digest this important memoir.

If you're not already concerned about people espousing a return to "traditional values" and the rise of Christian Nationalism, you sure will be. Tia Levings writes with an excellent perspective and vulnerability on her experiences and what she sees happening in the country currently that reflects what happened to her.

I absolutely devour this. It is a nonfiction book that reads like fiction. What this woman went through is unimaginable, but at the same time, I totally get how she got caught up in it. Such a wonderful story.

Quite the chilling memoir of a woman in a fundamentalist Christian group where men are the 'head of the household' and need to sadistically discipline their wives.

I found this book incredibly compelling. I heard the author on a podcast, and knew I needed to read the whole book. The most fascinating and terrifying aspects of the author's life were how normalized and "hiding in plain sight" the behaviors of the religious community were. It made me think a lot about the women I know with high numbers of children who I know are religious, but are private about their faith. Are they ok?!?! This is a really important read for people who may also be involved in a religion that has very prescriptive rules, but I also think it's very important for those of us far outside religious communities to see what it's like inside them. I think that there can be a lot of blame placed on women for upholding these patriarchal structured, and there are definitely women who do, but it's also important to think about those who are trapped. I am also consistently fascinated by the intersection of evangelical religion and politics. This is a great memoir for folks who enjoyed Educated by Tara Westover or The Exvangelicals by Sarah McCammon.

This was such a fantastic memoir about Christian patriarchy, the system as a whole and how scripture is mangled and misused to abuse and suppress women, as well as Tia’s own experience and life story. Her story was heartbreaking, infuriating, and, as she finally found the strength to break free, hopeful and empowering. I can’t imagine what it must have been like for her to put her whole story on the page but it was such a compelling and powerful memoir. If you enjoy memoirs, especially those exploring faith, I definitely recommend picking this one up!

This was one of the only non-fiction books I have read this year. I found it difficult to read as it was the truth about a scary Christian Fundamentalist marriage and I felt terrible for Tia Levings throughout the book. But luckily, the ending was positive and I am so happy she freed herself of her marriage.

Couldn't put this one down. Tia shares her deepest memories and seems to spare nothing when explaining how she gradually fell deeper and deeper in to the control of her abusive husband while having the various church groups (I would label them anywhere from fundamentalist to cults in varying degrees, depending on the group at the time) condone his actions.

Sadly, this is still happening in many controlling church/cult groups as I have witnessed in my own extended family. If you think that your church is "fine", then please read to see what else is out there that you may be missing in churches that you may think are "fine". I know that there are mostly wonderful churches out there that help many people (and Tia encountered a wonderful church group as well, which helped her), but this is. a great book to read to realize what others have experienced.

it also made for such a gripping read even if you don't care about church or Christianity. She writes really well.

Trigger warnings for domestic abuse.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for an ARC.

This is one of the most uncomfortable reading experiences I have had - in a life changing way! It is literally painful to read through Levings' recollection of her teenage and adult years as a wife who is abused, both by her husband and by the churches they attend. We all see the train wreck occurring, but due to extreme indoctrination and a lack of support, Levings is left with very few choices, people, or places to go to for safety. I think this is an important read. It is so frequently hard to understand why someone "just doesn't leave" and Levings' book reminds us yet again that it is never that simple and allows us a window into how one can become so isolated that they are left with very few choices. Despite all these things, Levings finds her way out and somehow survives. May we all learn from her strength and the battle she fought for her own autonomy and safety.

I was captivated by Tia's story of survival. I was horrified at what she went through. It was a very hard book to read! Knowing Tia's survival story is not the only one out there, and there are currently people living similar traumas based in religious teachings, makes this book that much more heart-wrenching! The more light shed on any abuse that may be happening within Christian Fundamentalism, the more hope for change! What a courageous woman for sharing her story..

In A Well-Trained Wife, Tia Levings takes us through her experience living under strict Christian fundamentalism. “Who was I before I heard about God?” Tia’s memoir is an emotional journey. Her story is raw, real, captivating, vulnerable, eye opening and educational. This book took me through so many emotions. Although very tragic and horrifying this was an important perspective. “I spotted the lifeguard throwing me a line. It was just too far for me to swim.” Tia is an inspiration working to deprogram from the church’s teachings to save herself and her children. I think it’s important how she connects her experiences with religion and other social movements. Kudos to her as she continues doing the work fighting towards freedom, happiness and healing. This is not a light read. I would highly recommend checking the content warnings.

This was a really interesting read. As someone who grew up in Christianity - albeit not quite as intense of a version - there were a lot of parts of Tia's story that resonated with me. Books like this are important. As much as it was about her experience with faith, it was more about her resilience and the persistence of her curiosity. While this book does address her experience with domestic abuse, it is not gratuitous. Ultimately this is a powerful memoir that is worth the read!

Oh, how I loved this one! What a brave and devastating story to have to tell. I must admit that I am a bit of an addict when it comes to reading about cults and extreme religious sects, and personal stories like this one never fail to move me. I instantly sent a link to buy it to my book club friends. I will be thinking about this for a very long time.

I loved A Well-Trained Wife even though the book made me angry. The things that go on in the name of “God” or religion are tragic. I hope this book hits number 1 on the best seller list so more people understand how some people are treated, especially women and children. The people that need to hear this story most likely will never have a chance to read this book which is a shame.

I admire Tia Levings for taking control of her life and getting out of a bad situation. I am sorry that this happened at all and wish she had gotten out sooner. Hopefully, her life is on the upswing and her children have success.

I finished this book over the weekend and I have recommended it twice already. Thanks NetGalley for an advanced copy of A Well-Trained Woman.
#NetGalley #AWellTrainedWife #TiaLevings

Here's a story that needs telling. Sad but yet admirable that Tia finally found the courage to leave a life of repression, a life she was raised as the true Christian way of life expected for women in her secular indoctrinated upbringing. So important to know that just because one wears the cloak of Christianity, extreme in this case almost cult-like, there still could be the hidden abuse and repression of women and children that is accepted. Not in every case, but it was in this one. I like that she found that the more she freed herself, the more she found others to help her. This was her story. It was riveting. Many thanks to #netgalley #tialevings #awelltrainedwife for the opportunity to read and review this book.

Many thanks to the publisher and Netgalley for the opportunity to read and review Tia Levings heart-wrenching memoir. I discovered Tia on social media shortly before the airing of the Shiny Happy People documentary and was immediately transfixed by what she had to share, after being raised in a very traditional patriarchal church. So much of Levings story resonated with me, and I saw what could have been in her story, had I not left the church as a young adult. I appreciate Levings candid and openness in sharing her story and bravery. A must-read.

Wow, this book captivated me. I loved it because, it is easy to think that people who get caught up in religious extremist groups are incapable of making their own decisions or are more susceptible to “groupthink”. However, reading Tia’s book makes it clear that this is not the case. Reading about the inner workings of these types of groups was fascinating and I can’t imagine the courage it took to flee that life. I was thankful she had people in her life she trusted and could turn to when she needed help, and that she is using her experience to advocate for others who might be in the same situation.

This was a very sad read, and at times hard to read, but it was also very important.And I really enjoyed reading this.

I found the religious fundamentalism particularly fascinating, and would’ve loved to go a little deeper into some of that— especially in the context of today’s political climate— although I recognize that this memoir likely wasn’t the the appropriate place to do that. Even so, I also would’ve liked the book in general to go a little deeper.

The memoir talks often about the author’s experience basically masking her trauma, and while reading, I got the sense that the author wasn’t yet ready to fully unmask. I was absolutely gripped though when the author did let her emotions bleed onto the page, rather than simply recount her experiences.