As always thank you to Tia for sharing such a big part of her life. I’m always humbled to read memoirs. I’m grateful for the authenticity.

This was a really difficult read. The first half of the book was horrific. If I weren’t reading an ARC for review, I would have stopped reading. The things the author endured were atrocious. I’m so sorry that she and many women go through similar experiences. The so-called Christian churches here are so bad. There’s nothing Christian about them. They’re fundamentalist religious extremists. I’m appalled at the things they teach and preach. I’m appalled that when the author was experiencing so much abuse, when she confided in someone to get help, she was told time and time again that it was her fault and she just needed to serve her husband better. Reading all this was infuriating.

The second half of the book, I felt such relief. As the title says, she escaped. I’m so thankful they got out finally. And I appreciated seeing the work it took to begin healing.

This one reminded me a bit of Educated. I felt similarly angry with the abuse and the concluding chapters felt similar. She also mentions the Duggars a few times. They were in the same type of church and environment and we’ve seen what’s happened to them.
A well-trained wife was good but I would have a hard time recommending it.

Trigger warnings/Spoilers ahead:
Abuse-physical, emotional, and psychological.
Infant death.
Animal death/euthanasia/killing.

I’m sure there are more-please check them out before reading.

Thank you St Martin’s Press for providing this book for review consideration via NetGalley. All opinions are my own.

This book is beautiful and deeply intense. The story is traumatic on many levels and merits some trigger warnings. (TW: domestic violence, spousal abuse, suggested child abuse, animal deaths, religious trauma, eating disorders, child death, mentions of suicide and threatened gun violence, and rape.) That’s a considerable list. But I think witnessing and hearing the frank truth of the dark side of evangelicalism and high control religions means tolerating the terrible details of the author’s experience.

I have been familiar with the author through her social media presence that she mentions in the latter chapter of her book. Her content is so plain spoken and audacious in its critiques of modern Christian fundamentalists. This book to me, is the elaboration of her personal journey that a TikTok simply can’t support. The author discusses her journey from conservative evangelical to fully living a life dictated by Christian patriarchy and a husband who uses that scaffolding to control and abuse her.

I think what I really liked most about this book is the poetic and lyrical aspect of the reflection. Even among descriptions of truly appalling moments, Levings creates beautiful prose. Evoking the spiritual and the connection to the world around her. Some of the most elegant lines in the book are the ones that talk about the discovered friendships and support circles that existed outside the umbrella of the church and her husband. It was so easy to understand the yearning connection she had that was dampened by guilt, fear, and a belief that if she followed the rules that she’d be rewarded.

Make no mistake, this is a tough read. The author describes such painful, terrible moments. But I think that this story is vital. The author points out that many people tolerate fundamentalists as weird, folksy, and wholesome. They exist in our awareness as TV families with ankle length denim dresses, playing the violin and shuttling about in huge vans. But there’s a sinister, dark truth of the less savory beliefs that we tend to ignore or pretend aren’t as prevalent as they are. The truth is, this book is a memoir but it’s also an education.

“Today it hit me when he hit me, blood shaking in my brain. Maybe there wasn’t a saviour coming. Maybe it was up to me to save me.” Recruited into the fundamentalist Quiverfull movement as a young wife, Tia Levings learned that being a good Christian meant following a list of additional life principles. Being godly and a submissive wife included strict discipline, isolation and an alternative lifestyle appearing wholesome to outsiders. Women were to be silent, “the keepers of the home”. Tia knew she couldn’t risk exposing their family’s secret lifestyle to police, doctors, teachers or anyone outside of their church, so she hid in plain sight enduring years of pain and abuse. When Tia realized she was the only person who could save her children from becoming the next generation of patriarchal men and submissive women, she began to resist and questioned how they lived. Eventually, Tia faced staying and facing dire consequences or flee with her children.

This memoir was captivating, it was so hard to read as I felt so angry and sad. If you are interested in families such as the Duggars I would highly recommend this. I was in disbelief the entire time I read this, I had to keep reminding myself this wasn’t fiction. (5 ⭐️)

Available August 6, 2024

✨ Thank you to NetGalley for an ARC in exchange for my honest thoughts and o review ✨

A Well-Trained Wife
By Tia Levings
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️


I couldn't stop reading this book. If sleep hadn't gotten in the way, I would have finished in less than 24 hours. I have a fascination with cults and high-control religious groups. I saw Tia first in Amazon Prime’s Shiny Happy People so I knew she had a story to tell. It was not an easy read though, it was quite difficult actually. I had a hard time envisioning that these words were actually someone’s life experience.

Amazing, necessary book. The author's journey was harrowing and extremely emotional. Highly recommended

I am torn on this one, dear reader. Tia Levings' A Well-Trained Wife is deeply moving. It also contains a fair amount deficiencies which keep it from being a must read without any reservation. As with any memoir, I am not reviewing Levings' life experience as whether it is worth a book because that question is immaterial. Everyone's life story deserves respect, especially when someone like Levings courageously opens up the wounds of a horribly abusive marriage. My review is concerned with how effectively she conveys her experiences to the reader. Let's dive in. Let's start with the bad, but please stick around for the good/great.

The beginning of Levings story is her childhood leading up to her marriage. The final portion of the book is Levings post-divorce and she now connects her experiences to religion and other social movements. In these sections, you can feel that Levings does not have the control over the material that she does in the "marriage" portion of the book. Her childhood seems rushed and I felt there was a lot glossed over about her family experience growing up. Later, when she tries to speak to the larger Evangelical movement, her observations start to strain past her own personal experience. This leads Levings to flowery word choices and imperfect metaphors/similes that sound like an author trying too hard to paint a picture. She is trying to tell, not show. To be clear, we are talking about 30% of the book taken up by these weaker sections. Now, let's talk about the other 70%.

When Levings writes about her marriage (and the dating phase right before), she displays her talent by showing, not telling. The story of her abusive husband is visceral, compelling, and horrifying. She will still try a little too hard at times with her word choices, but her personal experiences and her ability to present her emotions to the reader left me unable to put the book down. It takes real courage to return to past trauma and admit how hard you were trying to please a terrible human because that's what you have been told is your sole reason for living.

So, do I recommend it? I think this very much depends on whether you feel the deficiencies I described will be too distracting for you to focus on the story.

I'm glad I read it, warts and all.

(This book was provided as an advance copy by Netgalley and St. Martin's Press.)

I have followed Tia Levings for a few years on Instagram, and when she announced the publication of her memoir, I couldn't wait to order it. Fortunately, I also had the opportunity to read an electronic ARC of her book in exchange for my honest opinion. Many thanks to St. Martin's Press and NetGalley for the ARC.

In the memoir, Levings details her childhood in Michigan, followed by a move to Florida, where her family joined a Baptist church. Believing that she will find acceptance by God and her community by more strictly adhering to the tenets of her church, she shrugs off most "worldly" things and doubles-down on her beliefs. She marries a man she believes was the "perfect" mate chosen for her by God, and spends the next several years raising a family of five and suffering emotional, mental, psychological and physical abuse from her husband. If you are familiar with the Quiverfull movement, or any of the strict fundamentalist Christian churches where the women wear dresses pilfered from Little House on the Prairie and men are in charge of EVERYTHING -- this is the type of life Levings and her family lived. She clearly shows how this insular Christian environment, through family structure, sermons preached from the pulpit and a vast enterprise of fundamentalist books and homeschool curriculum, perpetuated and sanctioned domestic violence against women and children.

I struggled to read some of the chapters, not because of the writing (which was incredibly engaging and moving), but because of the abuse she endured at the hands of her husband. I had to set the book down for a day or two after reading a chapter because I was so simultaneously full of rage and tears.

Fortunately, Levings was able to craft a writing and blogging career online. The freedom she found from earning her own money, along with her online community of friends and listening to her intuition in an effort to protect her children, resulted in her and her children's escape from her husband and their father. Later chapters detail her life after she left, and the steps she took to heal from the abuse and create a healthy life for herself and her kids.

Levings' memoir is truly a story of hope, strength, resilience, and the power of listening to one's inner self. Recently on her IG, she posted that the evangelical fundamentalism she believed in "talked a lot about freedom in Christ. The trouble was, it never felt free." I can attest that I, as a former Christian, also never felt truly free in Christ. Her brave story clearly shows how damaging fundamentalist Christianity is, which is a message that is sorely needed as the United States increasingly marches toward becoming a theocracy instead of a democratic republic.

Thank you to NetGalley and St. Martin's Press for this advanced reader's copy. In exchange, I am providing an honest review.

(I don't give memoirs ratings because it feels awful to me to put a rating on someone's personal life experiences, but NetGalley requires a rating, and this is one I'm happy to break my self-imposed rule for.)

Spoiler alert: Both the title and cover art of this book might make most think this is a chick-lit, rom-com fiction tale. And while it does read like fiction, it isn't. It's non-fiction, and some may want to accuse Tia Levings of exaggerating or stretching the truth, but as someone who came from the fringes of the world Levings exposes, I can confidently say this is the full truth and nothing but the truth.

When Tia and her family moved from rural Michigan to Jacksonville, Florida, they started attending a mega-church to make friends and connect with their community. This became the perfect set-up for Tia's introduction, initiation, and life in the Institute in Basic Life Principles (IBLP), an independent fundamentalist Christian organization. (If you haven't heard of the IBLP think again. Have you heard of The Duggars and The Bates, both of whom had reality shows on TLC? Then you have heard of the IBLP.) It wasn't so much the mega-church Tia and her family went to or the private Christian school she and her sister attended for a time; it was all of it because of the various messages she was receiving from church, school, and other sources. It all culminated in her marrying Allan, a young man who was earnest in his commitment to theology and doing things "God's way." Since Tia was also committed to the same goals and had a bad boy experience when she was younger, Allan seemed like an answer to her prayers. And yet. Yet, their pre-marital counseling pastor didn't give them the green light, and Tia's dad seemed unsure. Tia wasn't totally sure herself, but all the girls her age were getting married; this seemed to be the thing to do. So, she married Allan.

A few of the hallmarks of the IBLP are how women are commanded to dress, how many children married couples are to have, hierarchy in the home, and abstaining from "the world" as it pertains to medical assistance and social circles, among other ways to keep safe from the evils of the world. There's more, but just that short list is enough to make most people wonder, "WTF?"

Tia and her husband didn't immediately dive into the IBLP deep end, but they quickly went from the shallow end to over their heads. Unfortunately for Tia, several things weren't in her favor. She was a woman; she married a man who was trying to hide from his genetic predispositions to mental health problems and substance abuse; she was driven by the guilt messages she had heard in church and school for years, oh and she was a woman (yes, I already mentioned that but it's a big problem to be a woman in the IBLP and well, the world so it's worth mentioning twice). They started having children, relying on Allan's income only, and Allan incorporated corporal punishment for Tia. Yes, IBLP supports and encourages men to spank and physically punish their wives for a multitude of infractions. When Tia and Allan's third child, Clara, died after 3 months of life battling a heart defect, things started to unravel in their carefully crafted life. After two more kids and a move to an isolated town in Tennessee, Tia found herself fleeing with the children late one night, fearing for her life and the lives of her children. Since then, Tia has navigated a divorce from Allan, a remarriage and second divorce, intense therapy for CPTSD, deconstruction of her once-held faith in God, and finding a way to provide for her and her children. She started using her voice as an alarm bell when she noticed that the lines between fundamentalism and the Republican party were blurred, and it became clear to her after years of living within IBLP and being privy to some of the more nefarious aspects of fundamentalism that the goal of many of the newest Republican party leaders/names was to force the entire nation to adopt a fundamentalist life and the country was actually headed in that direction. This terrifies her, and she wants us to know it should terrify us, too. Today, at 50 years old (it just so happens Tia and I were born one month apart in the same year and in the same state - weird similarities), Tia has come out on the other side of her former life and has an important cautionary tale for us all.

I remember watching the Duggars on TLC back in the day as an evangelical and thinking they were bananas. I had NO idea, and it seems like very few of us ever really will know exactly how bananas they are because another hallmark of fundamentalism is protecting the picture of some weird God utopia they believe they are living in and trying to get others to live as well. But Levings has cracked open the door on the fundamentalist closet and given us a look inside, and it's both enraged me and made me grateful that evangelicalism is as far as I ever got in. I am now looking at the women, children, and even men trapped by fundamentalism (yes, it might have been their free will that got them into the sect, but the majority of them remain in it through coercion) and my disgust with them has been slightly softened by Levings personal account. Slightly. Thank you, Tia Levings, for sharing your very personal experience.

This was a slow read for me, mostly because each chapter, each page, was so heartbreaking that my body needed to ingest it slowly. The author writes beautifully about the incredible pain and torture, really, that she endured as a wife in a patriarchal home. Every woman should read this book as a warning and as a hope for those who are in similar situations.

Tia left an abusive marriage and a harsh restrictive version of Christianity with four children, two cats, and very little else. How she got into that predicament and how she built a life after that makes for a gripping story.

I found the descriptions of the different churches that Tia and her family frequented quite interesting. Church shopping can be a difficult task, as people get quite emotional about points of doctrine that seem trivial to outsiders.

This memoir is candid but not judgemental, she describes but does not rant. The overall tone is optimistic, not bitter. This seems like a good book for women to ponder while they find their way to a church home in current times.

A Well-Trained Wife is a raw, difficult but necessary read. Shines a light on the abuse and loss of voice of women in controlling religions.

Thank you to NetGalley for the ARC for an honest review.

This is a really powerful memoir, one that you should absolutely check trigger warnings for, as the content can be very dark and hard to stomach.

I think a lot of people who participate in some of the Christian religions that the author joined/mentions throughout will probably argue that her abusive marriage was not the fault of religious fundamentalists. And while that may be true, it's also ignoring the consistent messaging within those religions to be a good wife, put your husband first, always obey, etc etc. I believe the author's ex-husband is ultimately solely responsible for his actions, but she was absolutely raised and a part of a larger community that turns a blind eye to a lot of troubling and abusive behavior from men.

Anyhow, it's a good read - she is able to be vulnerable and honest about a lot of really intense topics, and I think the more people that talk about these things, the more awareness there will be.

4 stars. Thanks to NetGalley and St. Martins Press for the ARC.

5++ Stars!

Where do I even begin? I'm a mess after reading this. First of all, thank you Net Galley, Tia Levings, and the publisher for this ARC in exchange for my honest review.

This is such an amazing and important book, but please be careful as it has ALL the trigger warnings. Tia Levings grew up in a fundamentalist evangelical church and married a deeply disturbed abusive man who also kept her and her family in an abusive church that sanctioned "domestic discipline"(?!?!) The depth of rage I felt reading this...and the FEAR I had for Tia and her children... I can't even. I will forever be grateful that Tia escaped and that she wrote this beautiful book. How many works of art will we never get to enjoy because of religious cults creating situations that are completely unsafe for women, queer people, and minorities????

Anyway, Tia is an incredibly talented writer. She is able to convey the mindset that you have when you are in an abusive church or an abusive relationship SO well. For anyone who has ever wondered "Why didn't she just leave"... please read this book! It answers that question without being preachy or judgmental. Tia beautifully explains where she was at, how and when things changed for her, and how she got out.

I also appreciated that this book doesn't end with the escape, but Tia goes on to explain her recovery process which I found really interesting. A lot of good things happened once Tia got out of her abusive marriage, and I was SO happy for her because seriously this woman deserves THE WORLD. But also, recovering from a lifetime of trauma is not easy, and Tia doesn't sugarcoat what she went through (and is, I assume, currently going through) to heal from everything. I also loved that Instagram and social media was part of her healing process- just a part of it, she also had lots of therapy- as I feel like social media also helped me with my trauma.

Overall, this book is incredible. I felt very validated as I saw a lot of similarities between the religious trauma Tia endured and what I went through in the religious cult I was in. And also, I just loved being able to sort of live Tia's story with her, cry with her, and then rejoice in her victory.

A Well Trained Wife is harrowing, tragic, and ultimately a testament to the human will to survive at all costs. Growing up on the periphery of the Christian fundamental movement, I can remember viscerally wishing, as Tia did, to be one of them. What I saw from the outside was a family full of loving kindness, and growing up abused in every way but spiritual, I yearned to be included in a family so full of love even if it meant dressing different or following more strict rules for conduct. It’s been many years since the veil has been pulled back for me, and I remember having to go through my own process of reckoning what is and what is not biblical or spiritually sound. This memoir is heavy, unsettling- and for many, it will hit way too close to home.

Tia is an excellent writer, and even though it is hard to stomach, the words flow from the heart of someone who has clearly done the hard work of trauma healing and as a result, this memoir is integrated and whole. To those who are breaking free, this memoir is a beacon of hope. There is full and thriving life on the other side of trauma- but the first step is a step of faith, and only those who have faced that will know how hard it is to choose to leave the cage.

Jesus says “the truth will set you free.” Tia’s story is a testament to the truth of her life that happened right in plain sight. Its telling is not a threat to Christianity; it’s only a threat to those men who would build a kingdom unto themselves. Thank you to Tia for bravely shining a light on darkness.

I’d like to thank St. Martin’s Press and NetGalley for the eARC in exchange for my honest review. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

This is a hard, wonderful, important book.

Tia’s such an amazing writer that I feel rather silly trying to write a review of her book. Just go read it for yourself. Her own words are better than anything I could possibly come up with to describe them.

I’ll just say this: even though the details of my life are quite different from Tia’s (I never married or had children), I can clearly see how we were both affected by the same underlying fundamentalist beliefs. She tells the details of her personal story in a way that leaves you on the edge of your seat, but this woman has done the work needed to understand the bigger picture and how her story connects to countless others. This book is so much more than her story of escape, it’s the author reaching a hand out to anyone who needs it, showing us all a way forward.

I rarely buy books (due to lack of funds and lack of space to store them) and I rarely reread books, but I plan on both purchasing and rereading this one. It’s an absolute treasure trove.

Huge thanks to both Netgalley and the publisher for allowing me to read this ARC in exchange for an honest review.

“Give me back my girlhood, it was mine first.” -Taylor Swift (Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve)

Levings is honest about her past in her book, even when, in retrospect, it can be embarrassing and traumatic. What a well-written, devastatingly emotional book. Tia’s detail is so deep; she paints a poignant image of what happened to her. I was so captivated reading this book. I could see everything in my mind so clearly. (I would 100% watch a TV adaptation of this.) While this is not the experience that everyone has, it is an experience that more people than we’ll ever know have been through, and it is important to raise this awareness.

Is it inappropriate to assign this book a playlist of Taylor Swift songs that I feel relate? Perhaps. But I do it for every other book so:
-Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve
-tolerate it
-Bigger Than The Whole Sky
-Clean

The book I didn't know I needed. A library friend recommended this book to me literal months ago, and I've waited with bated breath for this to either go on NetGalley or publish.

As someone who was raised with people who believed in these things, I now feel the need to check in on them. I knew my homeschooled upbringing brought some... interesting characters with... interesting beliefs into my life. This makes me glad I kept my head about me and took my own path. I knew what my "friends" said about marriage, courtship, and having children didn't sit well with me. This book shows me why.

Yes, yes, not all of the young men I grew up with turned out like her first husband. Still makes me glad I forged my own path, got an education, and have a career.

Thanks, NetGalley!

4.5 🌟

Such an eye opening read.

As someone who follows Tia on instagram/watched her on Shiny Happy People - I couldn't get my hands on her book soon enough. And ooof - it was a doozy. It is so amazing to me what people have/continue to do in the name of religion. I suggest anyone thinking about picking up this book to check out the trigger warnings first.

Thanks, Netgalley for the ARC of this book!

This book was devastating and so hard to read. It is amazing how all abusers, religious or otherwise, employ the same techniques. Along with the fact that this is still happening.... Here's to survivors.

Wow. I wish that would be my entire review because this book was so well-written and so heart breaking all at once. When reading memoirs, I take careful time to process someone’s life story and this one really stuck with me. It’s an absolute gem of a book that was polished from the grittiest parts of the author’s life. I’m thankful the author shared her story with all of us about what she’s been through and gave verbiage to many who may be struggling with similar upbringings, similar idealogical pain, and teaches those who have never lived what these ideologies and thoughts could mean for someone.